The Ridonculous Underdogs (Story 2 of 4 of my Underdog Series)
by The Legendary Dragon Reaper
Summary: Hosting the Aftermath of Total Drama World Tour gave Devin and Carrie a good idea of what to expect from reality TV so they decided to give one a try of their own for a change, but with the competition throwing one obstacle after another their way, will their friendship be able to survive? Second story in this series.
1. Prologue

A warm summer day over the skies of Toronto.

Adam knelt down and placed some flowers in front of a grave "Hey Carlos, I can't believe how long it's been already. It's been what, a year and a half already? Man time sure does fly, well for me at least. I'm not sure if you see this from where you are now but a lot has happened since you've been gone. McLean said that the cast had outlived their usefulness so now they've moved on with their lives. Me, Cody, Bridgette, Mike and Zoey are all on Spring Break from our first year at Ocean Falls University so that's good. Me and Cody share our apartment near the campus, good thing too because dorms suck. I feel bad for Mike. Trent and Courtney both applied to Julliard in New York and Duncan went with her so they could be closer even if he would never admit it. DJ and Owen went to culinary school so they could start a catering business together, since DJ and his mother's restaurant idea went up in smoke after season 2. Gwen finished up her first year of some art school in Vancouver too, and now she's back here so she can be with Cody over the summer. Plus a new season of Total Drama came out a few months ago with a new cast, including my best friend Mike and my ex girlfriend Zoey, who ended up getting together. Plus on the bright side McLean is in jail for the next year or so for dumping toxic waste and creating an environmental disaster on an island in Muskoka. How much of that did you get the memo for Mike?" note how he said this without bothering to look behind him.

Sure enough, Mike was standing behind him with a bouquet of flowers in hand "You always could tell when I was there, it was always kind of scary. You're thinking about Bridgette's birthday again?"

"I know I shouldn't be brooding over it, I mean it was like 2 months ago but I can't help but shake this one thought. Why do I get the feeling Bridgette's dad doesn't like me?"

"Probably because he's a no nonsense RCAF colonel and you blew up a plane on international TV."

"Yeah, a plane belonging to Chris McLean. Besides it was an accident, sort of."

"Hey don't worry about it dude, it was still awesome as hell."

"And add that to the list of reasons why I think some of your other personalities influence your own, why do you think I never told Devin and Carrie about it until you were on Total Drama? I mean aside from the years of abuse that you got because of it.

"Hey that reminds me there's something that's been bugging me for awhile. Devin and Carrie, is there something going on between those two or something?"

Adam just slapped his face and slowly let it slide down "Don't even get me started on that because once I start, it will take me HOURS to stop. Look here's the drill, Carrie's been in love with Devin since they were like 4."

"Good."

"But Devin has been oblivious to it the entire time."

"Bad."

"Carrie told me during our freshmen year of high school and I've been trying to set the two up ever since."

"Good."

"But the problem is that he hooked up with some high maintenance chick named Shelley and they've been going on again off again every 3 months ever since. Right now they're in their together season as they put it."

"Bad."

"Carrie keeps telling me that she's gonna tell him how she feels."

"Good."

"But the problem is that she keeps chickening out, in case you haven't noticed she's not the gutsiest team out there."

"Bad."

"Will you stop that?"

"Sorry."

"So I gave her an ultimatum, either she tells him before they're through with this new show they're gonna be on or I will tell Devin myself when they get back."

"Kind of harsh isn't it?"

"You try watching that crap for 5 years man, there's gotta be a point where you have to draw the line and this is it for them."

"You know you seem kind of on edge."

"You would too if you were feeling what I am." his bangs began covering his eyes and the temperature around the two of them dropped slightly, his voice low "I've been having those dreams about Mal again."

"...So what then, you think he's gonna return soon?"

"I wouldn't doubt it."

"You think you're ready?"

"I wasn't last time."

"But you're you, I know you can-"

"Mike you know better than anyone that I couldn't even scratch Mal last time, if Carlos hadn't been there in that fight to save me then I would never have made it out alive. Hell even while he was there I still almost lost my eyes. We can't lose even a single second with Mal, we need to be sure of exactly when he'll return."

"So what will we do then? I mean it's not like you can look into my mind and see if he's in there or anything."

"I know that, god it's times like this I hate being human. But you know I've actually been thinking about that, and I might have an idea."

"What do you mean?"

"Well it's true that I can't see into your mind and I doubt Mal would let you know about his presence just yet, but there might be another one who can."

"What do you…" Mike paused, until realization dawned upon him "Wait a second, Adam are you talking about who I think you're talking about?"

"You saw what she could do in season 4, I have no doubt in my mind that she knew about your multiple personalities before even McLean or the producers did. We need to be 100% sure of exactly when Mal will return and if my hunch is true she may be the only person who can help us with that."

"...So when will we do it, tomorrow?"

"No that's way too soon and we'd never be able to come up with an excuse, we'll do it next week."

"Why next week?"

"Because I already looked up her address and it's gonna take at least a few days to drive there and back, which means… road trip!" they high fived "And besides everyone is gonna be busy then. Bridgette is gonna be in some surfing tournament in Australia, Duncan and Courtney are gonna be back in New York, Carrie and Devin and a bunch of others are gonna be competing in some new reality show, and Cody is gonna be on tour with the rest of the Drama Brothers across Muskoka."

"I thought they broke up after World Tour."

"That was because they only had one song that wasn't very good so they worked out a deal with the producers to create and perform extended versions of the sons from World Tour."

"Oh. Cool."

"Yeah I know." his expression turned downcast again "You know one of the most important things that Carlos taught me is that underestimating your enemy can be a deadly weakness, but having faith in your friends and allies can be your greatest strength. We're gonna stop Mal once and for all, and we're gonna do it together."

"Together." they clasped their hands together.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 **(And now just for fun, the theme song for this fic which is taken from the third intro to Fairy Tail)**

Adam stands in a valley of rocks on top of a plateau surrounded by various others, wearing a set of electric gauntlets, the silver colored legs of a knight's armor, a silver colored hood and cape with a battle axe similar to the Stormbreaker wielded by Thor, which he then drops in favor of a magnificent looking sword. He holds up his left arm as it begins crackling with electricity, which then spreads throughout the air above him, spelling out **The Ridonculous Underdogs,** before a blinding white light covers the sky " **Wo-oa-ah! Wo-oa-ah! Wo-oa-ah! Wo-oa-ah!"**

Bridgette and Cody are on the ground covered in wounds, debris and rubble all around the two of them " **Daijobu…"**

Alejandro stands on top of a massive squid like creature, a pair of crimson colored razor sharp claws covering his hands as he roars in triumph " **Ore ga nanman kai mo sakende yaru…"**

Adam, fully armored up with his sword in hand, looks out over the wreckage left behind by the battle, then looks back " **Kimi no ashita ga subete…"**

Alejandro gives him a calm smirk, Bridgette gives him a calm thumbs up, and Cody jumps for joy from behind them, and Adam gives them a small smile " **Kagayaite iru to shinjiteru…"**

Adam looks down over Carlos' grave with his hair covering his eyes as the rain pours down all around him " **Yume o kanaete subete no hito…"**

Sir George, with Ascalon in hand, charges at the seal containing the Diagon " **Ni kasariau kyoutsu ten…"**

Adam stands on the beach looking out at the ocean, with Devin, Carrie, Bridgette, Cody, Alejandro, Gwen, Kevin, Tom, Jen, Geoff, DJ, Owen, Noah, Mike and Zoey standing right behind him. But then he notices the forms of Terrae, Urere and Metallum appearing from beyond the horizon, so he armors up and charges out to meet them head on " **Akirame naka tatte koto soredake sa maken nayo…"**

Silhouettes of Devin and Carrie, along with Gwen and Kevin next to them, are standing back to back, with Tom and Jen standing in the background " **Mukai kaze ni…"**

Silhouettes of Emma and Noah are standing back to back, with Owen and Kitty standing in the background " **Nagasare kujikesou na toki wa…"**

Adam is floating alone in an endless sea of darkness until a ray of light begins to shine down upon him, and he begins to float towards it " **Kono te nigire Try to Make a Chance mou, kimi wa hitori nanka janaize…"**

Adam, Cody, Bridgette, Alejandro, Sir George, Daniel, Dawn and Aurora are all lined up and charge at several shadowy silhouettes, revealed to be Kraang Subprime, Lord Dregg and the Newtralizer, the cloaked Esoterica (Sierra) and Vilgax (infused with Diagon's power), and Terrae, Urere and Metallum at the back, all three of them radiating black auras " **Motto motto mae e mae e kimi no ika shita yume akiramenaide…"**

They all charge, with Adam fully armored up and wielding Ascalon, Bridgette unleashing her water powers, Cody wielding his Yin Yang staff, and Alejandro bracing his Crimson Jaguar claws " **Sou itenai de susume MY WAY ima, Kimi o terashiten da hikari…"**

Metallum, Urere and Terrae all unleash blasts of dark energy that push Alejandro and the others back, but Adam powers through and cuts Terrae and Urere down using Ascalon and begins clashing with Metallum in mid air " **Akirame nanka zenbu sutete tsuyosa to hikikae ni mata kizutsuite…"**

Adam powers up to his maximum form, his Cosmic Knight form with his hair electric blue with a white tint, his eyes gaining electric blue colored irises with silver pupils, and he and Metallum clash in mid air, resulting in a massive explosion " **Demo kimi no massugu na hitomi ni wa, ima mieru daro hikari…"**

Silhouettes appear of Cody, Alejandro and Bridgette watching the fight " **Wo-oa-ah!"**

The same for Daniel, Dawn and Aurora " **Wo-oa-ah!"**

Adam picks himself up off of the ground " **Wo-oa-ah!"**

Adam raises Ascalon and charges as Metallum closes in, resulting in a blinding white light and a massive explosion covering the area.

 **A/N:**

 **This is just a prologue before we get into the really important stuff, it's just a way to recap everything that's happened to the cast and competitors between the end of World Tour and the beginning of the Ridonculous Race, and to show what the actual main character of this entire story, Adam, is going to be up to during this fic. Originally I made this mostly using stuff from a oneshot by Animation Adventures, however as he pointed out,I used far too much of his ideas in this chapter so I decided to just take out almost all of the details surrounding Bridgette's birthday and instead just replace it with an idea that I thought was hilarious, badass and rather appropriate for what I have planned later on: Recreating the third intro of Fairy Tail but with Adam and the others as the main characters in place of the members of Team Natsu. Seriously though, while they will not be appearing in this fic expect a lot of references to Fairy Tail later on.**

 **I decided to make this fic take place a few months after Revenge of the Island for the sake of this story's progression, which will explain the participation of one certain team from the second generation.**

 **My idea for Bridgette's dad being in the RCAF was inspired by a few scenes from iCarly, you know with Carly and Spencer's dad being in the Air Force and all of that.**

 **Just so you know, the majority of this fic will have the same elimination order as in canon, at least for the most part, up until Transylvania. For those who watched the Ridonculous Race, you will understand what I mean by that. Also, I'm adding in a few characters from Total Drama and cutting out a few teams that, to be blunt, really got on my nerves. These will include the Daters, the Police Cadets, and one of the Surfers (I don't have anything against the Surfers but I feel like that was a missed opportunity, so I'm cutting out Brody).**


	2. None Down, 18 to go: Part 1

_(Thoughts, Don's narrations)_

Don, the host of the show, appeared to sign onto the show "We start things off in Toronto, the capital of North America, the birthplace of funk where the albino panther roams free. Beneath my manly size 13 brogues is where 18 teams are arriving at this historic train station ready to embark on a race around the world. I'm your host Don and this is… the Ridonculous Race!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

After the intro, Don made his way down to the front of the train station in order to kick off the start of the race "Welcome to the Ridonculous Race, right now 18 teams from across the country are preparing themselves to embark on a race around the world to the death-" he received some chatter in his earpiece "Wait, so not to the death? Okay my bad, now then let's meet the teams that aren't (note the suspicious wink) racing to the death."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _First up we have Carrie and Devin, lifelong best friends."_

"Devin and I met in the sandbox and we haven't spent a day apart since." explained Carrie "We even got to host the aftermath during Total Drama World Tour awhile back."

Devin nodded "Yeah and it was a hell of a lot of fun too, so I figured that since we had so much fun hosting why not give competing a shot. Especially since the host for Total Drama is in prison."

"After all if anyone can win this race then it has to be us." she started staring at him with a dreamy look on her face.

"And I know Carrie so well, it's like we're meant for each other." they started staring at each other, until he let out an awkward cough "I'm pretty sure they have to introduce the other teams, they've got a time slot to keep after all."

"Wha-? Oh yeah right." and cue the awkward silence.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Next up we have Kelly and Taylor, our mother daughter team."_

Taylor let out a scoff "So A) I'm like really hot and stuff as if that wasn't obvious, and B) I'm pretty much the best there is at what I do (Ha, Wolverine reference), which is everything. That means that unless my mom somehow screws it up for us we're totally gonna win this thing."

"And Taylor and her friends love when I hang with them." Kelly told them "I'm known as the cool mom, we're so tight that people even mistake us for sisters."

"...Hold on, what now?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Our third team is Emma and Kitty, actual sisters."_

Emma's almost permanent frown deepened "I'm studying international law so that's gonna give us a real edge in this competition which is good because we're here to win this thing."

Kitty nodded "And so we can see the world, meet hot guys and have a lot of fun along the way too."

"If there's time for that which there won't be so let's just focus on winning okay?" she received a groan "Okay good."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _The fourth team consists of Crimson and Ennui, two exceptionally pale goth teens in this race for reasons unknown."_

An ominous lightning flashed overhead of the two of them, and they said nothing, which made it even more unnerving.

" _Okay that's just unnerving."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Team 5 consists of Owen and Noah, veterans of Total Drama and seasoned reality TV participants and self proclaimed professionals."_

"Yeah this is awesome!" Owen held up a hand to Noah "Give me a five!"

"No." was all Noah said.

"Okay. Anyway Noah and I met on Total Drama back in season one and we've both been on tons of other reality shows since then like Meltdown Kitchen and Scare Tractor, oh yeah and like that other show Fashionista Flip Flop."

"I still have no idea how he got on that one."

"Well I for one am super psyched to be with my little buddy again! Come here!" he suddenly pulled Noah into a literally bone crushing hug.

Noah was quickly struggling and gasping for air.

"Noah? Is your face supposed to turn blue."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Team 6 consists of Mickey and Jay, identical twins who are used to overcoming adversity. For the record, Mickey is the one with the helmet. I feel like that's important to point out."_

"We've both been through a lot but we're not cursed." Mickey denied somewhat firmly "We're whatever comes right before cursed. That would be the two of us."

Jay nodded "Like when I was 6 I feel into a burrowing owl's nest and one of the baby owls flew into my ear, to this day everything I hear on this side sounds like hoo hoo hoo."

"We're constantly fighting adversity and we're overcoming it."

"Oh sorry you're gonna have to switch sides, it's just the hoo hoo hoo over and over again."

"Oh yeah right."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Team 7 is another set of Total Drama veterans, Cameron and Lightning, the self proclaimed, at least by Lightning, Ultimate Duo consisting of brains and brawn. Go ahead and guess which one is which."_

Lightning scowled "I made it all the way to the finale in the last season of Total Drama but the last match was rigged and I wound up losing to smart guy here." he pointed at Cameron in a rage.

Cameron cringed "He's been getting quite bitter, so I suggested that we combine his physical strength with my intelligence and together we can dominate the competition."

"And here's the game plan, you sweet talk the other teams into an alliance and I'll work the physical challenges. It's a win win, of course we split it 80-40 for my side."

"That's not mathemati- You know what okay."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Team 8 consists of Josee and Jacques, professional Ice Dancers."_

"We know how to win." explained Jacque "After all, we've won gold everywhere."

"Except for the Olympics." Josee pointed out "We almost had it but he dropped me and we ended up only getting silver-"

"I don't want to talk about it!" and he ran away crying.

"Jacques wait! Silver is his least favorite color."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Team 9 consists of Geoff and DJ, two more Total Drama veterans and self proclaimed Bromigos."_

"Aw yeah!" Geoff pumped a fist "Going around the world on someone else's dime, this is way too sweet! Yeah see me and my bud DJ here did Total Drama, and we've both been chilling like bros since then."

DJ nodded "Yeah I mean in World Tour I ranked 6th but I still got enough money to get my momma a new tour bus and a new apartment, but this time around I wanna see if I can go all the way so I figured the two of us would show them what we've got."

"True that my man, true that." they fist bumped.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Also competing is Team 10 consisting of Dwayne and Dwayne Junior, our very own Father and Son team."_

"I spend a good lot of time at the old office." explained Dwayne "So I figured that doing this race might be a perfect chance for Junior and me to squeeze in a little bit of father son bonding time. Right buddo?"

Junior cringed "Uh yeah, sure dad. Hey by the way, are there any other kids my age in this thing?"

"Uh… I have no idea."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Team 11 consists of Gwen, another Total Drama veteran, and Kevin, two aspiring art students, one of whom is supposed to be a goth so we were gonna call them the reject goths but we thought that was too far."_

"I was on Total Drama too, but I could have a better track record." Gwen muttered somewhat sheepishly "I mean with the drama with Trent in the first and second seasons, all of the drama with Cody-"

"Your boyfriend." Kevin pointed out "I just like to point it out, score one for the underdog and all that."

"...Yeah, anyway all of that combined with that evil little snake Alejandro making me look like a boyfriend stealer and that was about all I could stand of Total Drama."

"It turned her off from reality TV too so I entered the two of us in this race to give her a taste of what normal reality TV is like when it's not trying to kill you."

"That and Cody is on tour with the other Drama Brothers and everyone else I asked is either busy or said hell no because Chris ruined reality TV for them forever, so you're my only other option for this."

"...I'm okay with that."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Team 12 consists of Lorenzo and Chet, two new stepbrothers who hate each other with a burning passion."_

"My dad married his mom last year, but we still hate each other." Lorenzo let out an outright snarl "So they're making us do this stupid race, those bunch of jerks."

"Hey!" Chet shoved him "Don't call my mom a jerk ya jerk!"

"Why don't you do the world a favor and shut your wordhole ya jerk!" and they started beating the crap out of each other."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Team 13 consists of Tom and Jen, two highly attractive fashion bloggers with taste so impeccable it shouldn't be physically possible. See this is why we shouldn't have let the teams write their own cards."_

"Hey hey!" Jen waved at the camera "How are you all of our blog followers out there? Be sure to follow the race and wish the two of us luck!"

Tom nodded "I bet Jen that we could win the race if we wanted to but I didn't think she would actually take me up on it."

"I put my mind to something and it happens just like that." she snapped her fingers at the camera for emphasis."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Team 14 consists of Rock and Spud, the self proclaimed Rockers from some band they call Devil Frog, whatever the heck that means."_

"Spud wasn't sure about doing this race because he's not super fit or really good at much of anything except for rocking out like it's hot." explained Rock "So I told the guy that he could just rock it out and I'd carry him all the way."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Team 15 consists of Laurie and Miles, two of the most granola loving hippy dippy friends you'll ever meet."_

"We want to win so we can donate to our favorite charities." explained Laurie "Those would include saving the hunchback walrus, the goat milking eco warriors, People for the Ethical Treatment of ants, there are so many great causes to choose from."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Team 16 consists of Ellody and Mary, two scientific geniuses who say that they will use their winnings to support the science community."_

"Astrophysics is underfunded." explained Ellody "Reality television shows offer monetary prizes, and therefore our conundrum is solved."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Team 17 consists of Leonard and Tammy, two very dedicated LARPERs, or Live Action Role Players. Whatever the heck that means."_

"We have been training for this day." explained Leonard "Therefore with Tammy and her new spells, huzzah! We will claim the dragon's eye! That's dwarvish for 1 million."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Our eighteenth and final team consists of Gerry and Pete, two retired pro tennis players and friendly rivals in their 60's. I bet these guys won't last very long."_

"We're both very competitive, but for half a million each…" Gerry shrugged "Well I say game on to that."

Pete nodded "Maybe we'll get some new sponsorships, anyone need a pitchman for those senior laxatives commercials?"

"Call his agent!" and they started snickering like a bunch of idiots.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don was quick to greet all 18 teams at the starting line "Welcome contestants, this is the starting line for your 26 part race around the world. Each part of the race ends at one of 26 Chill Zones, and believe me when I tell you that you want to get there fast because the last team to stand on the Carpet of Completion may end up being cut from the race entirely. However, the first team that reaches our final Chill Zones will win the grand prize of one million dollars! Now if you'll take a look over here." he demonstrated a small box that looked like him "This is our very own ridonculous tip box also known as the Don Box. Press the red button on top to get the travel tips that will lead you through the Ridonculous Race. Ready teams?"

"Take it easy." Devin put a hand on Carrie's shoulder and got in a running position "Just take it steady."

"On your marks… get set… RACE!"

"Let's go!" so Devin grabbed Carrie by the hand and took the lead in front of the rest of the pack, with everyone else following close behind, and they were one of the first teams to grab a tip along with the Artists, Father and Son and the Ice Dancers "Race on foot to the CN tower and find the Don Box! Let's move it!" he grabbed Carrie by the hand "I can see the tower from here already!" and they took off down the street, with Lightning keeping neck and neck with them while carrying Cameron on his back.

"And here comes the competition." Jacques and Josee quickly caught up to them.

"Sha-where-" Lightning accidentally tripped over a trash can in his path, trapping the Ice Dancers in it as a result "That never happened."

"Woah man!" Geoff and DJ stopped to check on the Ice Dancers "That was a nasty one, are you guys okay?"

"But of course, we are champions." they threw the trash can off of themselves and continued on their way, leading it to get stuck on Geoff.

DJ sighed "This is gonna be a long race."

"Can't hear you, running with a trash can on my head!" Geoff took off running, with DJ right behind him and the rest of the teams following.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"There's the Don Box!" Dwayne and Junior were the first team to reach the Don Box, with the Ice Dancers and Best Friends right behind them, as well as the Bromigos with Geoff slamming into a pole.

Junior read the tip aloud "It's an Either Or. What's an Either Or?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _An either or gives our teams gives teams the choice to do one of two challenges, in this case they can either climb 144 flights of stairs to reach the tallest observation deck in the world, which is just under 1 billion stairs in total, or they can do the scares in which they ride up in the elevator and then get the scare of a lifetime by doing a sky walk all the way around the outside of the tower. Not to worry though, they'll be wearing helmets and as an extra precaution we had a safety rail installed. Teams must complete one of these two challenges and find the local guide to receive their next tip."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"144 flights of stairs?" Gwen let out a scoff "Yeah I think we'll do scares."

"Scares." Jen grabbed the tip and bolted inside, with Tom letting out a sigh and following right behind her.

"Scares." Chet let go of the tip while tugging on it, sending Lorenzo to the ground "I totally called it!"

Lightning let out a scoff "Stairs mean nothing to Lightning!" and he took off with Cameron on his back.

Mickey shrugged "Stairs."

Jay turned to the camera "Mickey gets nosebleeds when he goes up too high too fast, it makes it pretty tough to take flights or go up really tall towers." he pulled the tip from Mickey's hands.

"Ow, papercut!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Dwayne leapt into the elevator, with Junior right behind him "First in! Alright Junior way to go, give me a five!" and yet he accidentally pushed all of the buttons "Oops. You know for such a skinny tower there sure are a lot of floors."

"...So we're switching to stairs?" asked Junior.

"Yep, and if anyone asks then we stuck with stairs from the beginning." and they bolted out of the elevator just as the Artists, Bromigos, Ice Dancers, Stepbrothers and Fashion Bloggers rushed in.

Geoff was the first one to notice it "Hey who pushed all the buttons?"

"Forget that, let's take the stairs." DJ grabbed Geoff by the hand and pulled him out of the elevator, with almost all of the others following.

Jen had different thoughts "I say there's a pretty good chance it'll still be faster." so with that in mind, she and Tom stayed in the elevator.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _As Father and Son, the Ultimate Duo and the Adversity Twins commit to climbing the unconscionable number of stairs, more of the teams choose the scares, but they're in for quite the long wait."_

Jen turned to the camera "Hey hey to our fashion blog followers, we would like to talk about the fashion faux pas for today which is…" she failed to notice the door behind her and a janitor listening to her "Overalls, I mean those things are just nasty. Like get with today will you? No, just no."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It wasn't long before the elevator reached the top level and the observation deck.

Jen lifted a bucket off of her head and spat out some water "Okay, that one is me. Tom do you see any other teams?"

"I don't think they're here yet." Tom told her "That must mean…"

"We're in first place! Come on, let's hit the skywalk and strut our way all the way to the winner's circle. We are so the team to beat!" and they started making their way out, until they noticed just how high up they were "You mean we have to walk out here?!"

" _Oh yes you do, the Ridonculous Race will return right after this."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Those who abandoned the elevator, mainly the Bromigos, the Ultimate Duo, the Ice Dancers, the Stepbrothers and others are in for a painful climb and to be honest that's gonna be a lot more fun to watch."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Taylor let out a groan as she and Kelly reached the elevator "Oh well that's just great, thanks for being so slow mom and now we're in a race for last place. When we get home you need to hire yourself a personal trainer."

Kelly cringed "Great idea sweetie."

"I know, why do you think I thought of it?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Sweet form little dudes, be sure to keep it up!" Geoff and DJ blitzed passed the Adversity Twins up the stairs.

"They seem nice." Mickey noted.

"No alliances remember?" Jay reminded him "Forming alliances is a bad idea, the two of us are like soft meet. Really soft meet."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Another team wa having troubles of their own. Well, one of them was.

Gwen found herself stuck on flight # god only know of stairs "Oh god… legs burning… can't even move… Gonna hurl…"

"Chill out pasty, I've got you." Kevin hoisted Gwen over his shoulder "You always asked me why I even bothered taking those soul spin classes. This right here, this is why." and he took off up the stairs, only sweating slightly as a result.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _As most of the teams continued to either climb or wait a ridiculously long time for the elevator to come back down, the Fashion Bloggers are the first team to reach the observation deck but the scare might be too much for them."_

And by that he means that Jen was clutching onto Tom for dear life "You can't seriously expect us to go out there on that death walk! I am fashionably celt, the wind will just blow me away and ruin my hair!"

"Jen listen to me, we can do this." Tom told her "We just have to take this one step at a time. You yourself said that you can do anything you put your mind to, so it's time for you to put your mind to this."

"Tom… okay, let's do this." and so they made their way out and began taking one slow step after another, the wind slowing their speed almost down to zero, but they kept forging onwards regardless.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Now that the elevator has finally returned the competition is heating up."_

While waiting for the elevator to return for the second time, Owen made his way over towards the LARPers, or Leonard to be more specific "Wow, nice robe."

"It has powers of cloaking." Leonard told him "Observe: Disappearicus convincicas! You can't see me anymore can you?"

"...You know what I think I'm gonna go over there now."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Hey you're doing great bro, keep it up!" Geoff and DJ blitzed past Dwayne and Junior on their way up the stairs "Our calves are gonna be so toned after this!"

DJ let out a sigh "I feel you man, we're gonna look like the greek gods from the knees now. My momma was the one who gave me these knees."

"...Seriously?"

"Don't even go there."

"Sorry."

Josee and Jacques stopped and waved at the cameras "Hello to all our fans! We love you!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Gwen wasn't particularly keen on being carried up the stairs "Okay Kevin you've made your point, now put me down! I can do this!"

"I beg to differ pasty legs." Kevin just kept on climbing "This is your punishment for not listening to me and taking those soul spin classes."

"Oh ha f*cking ha."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _After a full hour of stair climbing, some of our contestants are really beginning to lose it. Or whatever they had in there."_

Chet was literally gasping for air "If we come in last… it'll so be your fault… dumbass…"

"No way…" Lorenzo wheezed "Hurry up… and climb faster… slow poke…"

"Stop breathing… on my back… sweat ball…"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point, the elevator had arrived at the observation deck, carrying the Best Friends, the Goths, the Sisters, the Geniuses, the Vegans and the Tennis Rivals.

"There's the skywalk!" Devin led Carrie out of the elevator, grabbed two helmets for the two of them, and immediately ground to a halt "Oh crap!"

"Okay don't panic, you've always wanted to conquer your fear of heights right?" Carrie pointed out.

"I'm not scared of heights I'm scared of falling, I don't think it's too unreasonable to say that there's a big difference."

"Don't worry." Carrie leaned into his chest "It's a reality TV competition, there's no way it can't be safe."

"That's what Adam told us when he got onto Total Drama and look what happened, he got dragged through an alien portal, fought some kind of monkey god, nearly died saving his future girlfriend from falling off of a cliff and blew up a plane." this was followed by a bird landing on the safety rail, the term being used very loosely "And as if to further illustrate the point I'm trying to make…" he wrapped his arms around Carrie protectively, causing her to blush.

"Woah…"

"Yeah that's right, now we're in the lead! You snooze you lose chuckleheads!" the Tennis Rivals bolted past them, causing Carrie to snap out of it.

"You can do it, I believe in you!"

"Well someone has to!" so with their hands still intertwined, Devin slowly followed Carrie along the skywalk.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Owen was following Noah to the elevator "Hey guys make way for two more up in here would ya?"

"Sorry, not really, no room." Taylor tried to push the button.

Owen was quick to pull himself in right before it closed, only for a creaking sound to be heard throughout the elevator "Uh oh."

"God this elevator sounds awful."

"That's not the elevator…" and so he let out a loud fart that shook the elevator, grossing out everyone except for Noah.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point, a good number of teams were at least halfway around the skywalk around the outside of the tower.

Jen had her arms wrapped around Tom, the two of them enjoying a healthy lead and almost all the way done "Promise me you'll never let go!"

"Not as long as I live." Tom continued leading her one foot at a time "Can you believe people pay to do this?"

"Believe me, I get that." Devin came up behind them.

Carrie was still holding his hand and guiding him forward "That's it homie, one foot in front of the other! I'm so proud of you Devin!"

"I could never do this without you homie, you're an inspiration to me!"

Carrie blushed, but kept leading him onwards.

"I'm going to die, I'm going to f*cking die…" and they continued forging onwards right behind the Fashion Bloggers.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Emma stopped and looked back, and she scowled "Kitty what the heck are you doing?"

As it turns out, Kitty was on the ledge taking a selfie "No way, this is so cool!"

"Come on Kitty you need to focus, this is life or death!"

"Just take a breather and look at what we're doing, this is totally incredible! I don't think I've ever felt so alive!"

"Oh yeah, just go ahead and make sure they put that quote on your gravestone." and they kept on going.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Laurie and Miles were taking things step by step as they made their way, preaching about their vegan lifestyles "We're doing this for you Mother Earth so we beg of you, please don't kill us!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Coming through!" Lightning burst up the stairs, Cameron slung over his shoulder "It's time for the Lightning to steal the sha-win!"

"Not for long!" Josee and Jacques were right behind them, nearing the top of the stairs after the long climb.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _The last elevator has at last arrived, but while the last 4 teams still have to take the dreaded skywalk around the outside of the tower the teams who took the stairs and those far along the skywalk are literally leaping into the lead."_

Sure enough, Josee and Jacques leapt out into the observation deck "First place, now tip us nerd boy!"

The guide rolled his eyes and held out two tips, one for the Ice Dancers and one for the Fashion Bloggers as they finally finished the skywalk.

"Catch a flight with your zip, ride the line to your tip. Hold on, what now?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Teams must take a flimsy zipline over Lake Ontario to the island airport at the end and snag their next tip along the way. The line was tested this morning by our intern Andrew, and once again I offer condolences to his family."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Come, to victory!" Josee grabbed the tip while they zipped their way down the line and across Lake Ontario.

"Go team Canada!" Jacques cheered.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Oh man thank god, it's over." Devin followed Carrie back inside, with Gerry and Pete right behind them.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"I've gotta say, agreeing to do this show was a great idea." Pete commented.

Gerry nodded "Yeah no kidding, we've been through way tougher battles than any of these kids."

"Well duh, I mean so what if they've got more zing, more ambition, more blind optimism and more… This show was a terrible idea."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Sha-bam!" Lightning burst through the door and dropped Cameron on the ground, with Kevin doing the same with Gwen right behind him "Alright no wasting time, just get the tip so we can get a move on. Lightning ain't dealing with anything but first place!"

Carrie grabbed her tip "Zip line? I've always wanted to do that!"

Gerry had different thoughts "Zip line? I never wanted to do that!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Josee and Jacque landed at the island airport and started waving "Thank you, we love you! Merci!"

"...Who are you waving to? There's nobody here." Don pointed out, heavily baffled.

"Our fans, who else? Our fans give us the love and energy we need in order to perform under extreme pressure, without them my partner Jacques would never be able to overcome his MANY faults."

"Why are you saying many like that?" asked Jacques.

"You know why."

"...Just let me see the tip." Jacques looked at the tip "It says here to book two seats on the next flight to Morocco."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _There are three flights headed for Morocco each one departing 30 minutes apart from each other, teams who make it onto the first flight have the distinct advantage of arriving first. Teams who make it onto the last flight should probably question why they even bothered to enter this race to begin with because, wow really?"_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Noah let out a groan "Every reality show I've been on I've lost, I mean granted I made it to the final three in Total Drama World Tour but that's only because Owen took the fall for me or I wouldn't have even made it into the top 10. This time around though, there's no excuses and no distractions. That's right, I've got my eye on the cheddar."

Owen nodded "And to taste the foods."

Noah shot him an annoyed glare.

"...Winning, woo hoo!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Carrie grabbed her tip on the way down the zipline "Alright, I've got it!"

"Yeah we did it!" Devin cheered "You are so awesome!"

"Oh…" she blushed.

"I had to do this race with you, you're the perfect choice! I mean you're smart, you're fast, you're determined, there's nobody in the world I trust more than you. I mean Adam's a close friend and he's super tough, but he's on a road trip."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Need a hand?" Gerry pushed Pete off of the zipline "That was for Wimbledon back in 1977!"

"You dick!" Pete fell into the water below with a mighty splash.

he grabbed the tip with both hands "I gotcha- Oh god dammit!" he fell into the water below with a mighty splash.

"Payback's a bitch isn't it?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Owen and Noah were doing the skywalk with the others "You know Noah you really oughta put on a few pounds- Hang on!" he grabbed onto Noah by the ankles "I've got you buddy!"

As it turns out, Noah wasn't heavy enough and ended up nearly getting swept away by the strong winds "DO NOT LET GO! DOING THIS SHOW WAS A TERRIBLE IDEA!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Hey Spud, check this out!" Rock fired off some spit at the wind, only for it to hit Spud in the face as a result of the backlash "Sorry dude, but that is so awesome!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Kevin strapped himself onto the zipline and held out a hand to Gwen "How about a little wager, if I grab the tip first then you stop dodging the subject and just tell me already. What would you say to that?"

Gwen let out a groan "You're never gonna let up on that are you?"

"Not until you tell the guy already, I mean it's been a year and a half." and they started their way down the zip line.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Yeah we did it-" Geoff bolted out the door at the top of the stairs alongside DJ, only to collapse to the ground in pain "Oh god the calves, they're burning!"

"Sha-bam, Team Lightning coming in hot!" Lightning burst out the door with Cameron on his shoulders

Dwayne followed Junior out the door, gasping for air "Good… Good job pal."

"Coming through!" Owen and Noah were blown into the observation deck.

Ellody and Mary followed not long after, covered in bugs and other stuff "Well that was quite illuminating. Based on the splatter I would predict that the velocity of the wind was approximately 45 knots, 20 more and we would be splattered.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point, the Best Friends and the Artists had collected their tips and were rushing to book their flights to Morocco.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _As more and more teams reach the tarmac and manage to book seats on the first and second flights, the race to not come in last intensifies."_

At the same time, the Rockers, the LARPers and the Goths had completed the scare challenge just as the Stepbrothers and the Adversity Twins finally reached the top of the stairs.

Jay was literally dragging Mickey out the door "We're almost there Mickey, hang in there for just a little bit longer."

"Come on dude, we've gotta get moving!" DJ slung Geoff over his shoulder and ran their way to the zip line.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Hey get off, I'm the one who snagged it so I get to read it!" Chet and Lorenzo were fighting over the tip and hit the tarmac with a loud thud.

DJ and Geoff hit the ground with a thud and landed on top of them "Sorry about that one you guy, thanks for breaking our fall if it helps." he read the tip "Morocco? Alright!" and they took off.

Then the Twins landed on the Stepbrothers "I can't believe we did it- Oh sorry guys." they read the tip "Take the next flight to Morocco. Come on!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _The teams have arrived, and the flights have been booked. The first flight is going to be carrying Father & Son, the Best Friends, the Fashion Bloggers, the Artists, the Ice Dancers and the Reality TV Pros. The second flight will be carrying the Sisters, the Vegans, the Ultimate Duo, Mother & Daughter, the Rockers and the Geniuses. The third and final flight is going to be carrying the LARPers, the Goths, the Bromigos, the Adversity Twins, the Stepbrothers and the Tennis Rivals. Who will win the first jaunt in our race around the world? Tune in next time to find out, the Ridonculous Race is to be continued!"_

 **A/N:**

 **The first few chapters or so will be the same as the canon version, albeit with a few minor changes, mainly in dialogue and in a few of the team line ups. I also took out the Daters and the Police Cadets because, to be blunt, they really got on my nerves after a while, so I opted to swap out the Daters with the Ultimate Duo and the Police Cadets with Gwen and Kevin for a few reasons:**

 **Ultimate Duo: Because I don't plan to have Cameron or Lightning in Total Drama All Stars to make room for three other all stars. Well, two all stars and one that's basically in there as fodder.**

 **Artists: Gwen pairing up with a random OC named Kevin is a little tribute to Ben 10, you know Gwen and Kevin and the like.**

 **I have a little bit of the soft spot for the Fashion Bloggers, I know Jen came off as a little bit unbearable during this chapter but it's part of her character arc I'm doing and it will tie into another one later on.**

 **Just so you know, and you're probably gonna hate me for this, but this also means that Gwen, Owen and DJ will not be in Total Drama All Stars. I've already decided on the 7 original cast members that will participate in the season, as well as the 7 characters from Revenge of the Island.**


	3. None Down, 18 to go: Part 2

" _Last time on the Ridonculous Race, 18 teams started off the 26 part race around the world, and after a lot of running, waiting, even more running, confronting fears and pushing themselves even further than I thought possible, everyone managed to reach the airport and booked themselves on 3 different flights headed to Morocco. Flight number one carrying Father & Son, the Best Friends, the Artists, the Fashion Bloggers, the Ice Dancers and the Reality TV Pros, has already departed and is en route to Morocco. The second flight carrying the Sisters, the Vegans, the Ultimate Duo, Mom & Daughter, the Rockers and the Geniuses, is waiting to take off. At the same time, the third flight carrying the Goths, LARPers, Adversity Twins, Bromigos, Stepbrothers and Tennis Rivals will not be departing for another hour. Will one of these teams suffer the ultimate humiliation reality TV has to offer and be the first to get kicked off? Time to find out right here and right now on… the Ridonculous Race!"_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _12 out of our 18 teams are already on their way to Morocco, while the last 6 are still at the airport waiting anxiously."_

"Sanitizer?" Mickey held out some sanitizer to Jay.

"No need." Jay held up some oven mitts "I made a point of not touching anything. You want some juice?"

"Greeting gentlemen!" the LARPERS suddenly popped up in front of them "What say you to an amalgamation of adversaries, a weaving of wizards and doppelgangers to rule them all?" and one of them through some confetti on them.

"I'm allergic to confetti!" and Jay ran off.

"Jay wait, what about your calamine lotion!" Mickey ran after him.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Chet was making a call on the payphone "Your plan won't work mom, we're not gonna become friends! Because Lorenzo is a poo head, that's why! Can't you just divorce his dad or something?"

"Hey!" Lorenzo stormed up to Chet "Is that my dad?"

"No it's my mom!"

"Dad it's me, you've gotta divorce Chet's mom!"

"Hey get off that!" they started fighting over the phone.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point, Leonard and Tammy were trying to coerce another team into forming an alliance, this time the Goths "Salutations, we wish to propose an unstoppable adjoining of alchemy and alabaster to vanquish those who dare to cross us."

"Huzzah!" Tammy threw some confetti into the air.

"Surely you shall not say nay."

"Nay." was literally the only word the Goths uttered before walking away.

"Oh. Darn."

"Huzzah!" Tammy threw more confetti.

"Come on Tammy go easy on that, keep in mind I only brought the one bag."

"Huzzah!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Tammy and I first met in 9th grade." explained Leonard "And we were immediately very close."

"We were stuffed into the same locker." Tammy pointed out.

"And a friendship was formed as we calmly ate our lunches and waited for the janitor to locate the bolt cutters."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Flight number one will land in Morocco in a matter of hours, and most of the teams are taking this chance to either strategize or unwing a little bit before the war ahead of them."_

Jen was browsing through a fashion magazine "OMG I'd look so good in that." she cringed as she listened to Tom snoring so she put the oxygen mask over his face "Okay that's better."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

As for another section of the plane…

"GWEN!" Owen almost immediately caught Gwen in a bear hug "Alright, we finally get to hang out again! This is so awesome!"

Gwen tried to push herself out of his grip "Great to see you too big guy but seriously, you mind putting me down?"

"Oh yeah sorry." he put her down "I'm just so psyched, it's been way too long!"

"Owen we were at Bridgette's party last week. Speaking of which, hey Noah." she received a grunt and a two fingered mock salute.

"So give me the deets, what's up with you and Cody?"

"...Oh crap you had to go there?"

"You bet he did." Kevin suddenly popped up in front of her "And don't think I'm gonna drop this subject either."

"You suck sometimes." she sat down, albeit reluctantly "Okay it started back a few months ago on my birthday. He gave me a locket with a certain message in it. It said…"

"It said I Love You and it had the picture of the two of them."

"For god's sake you keep pestering me to tell the story so don't take over for me." that promptly shut him up "Thank you. Anyway I couldn't say it to Cody."

"Why not?" suddenly Devin and Carrie popped up out of nowhere, clearly interested in the conversation.

Gwen took no notice of their random appearance "Looks not like I don't like Cody because I still do, a lot. But I don't think I would say that I truly and honest to god love him because…" she paused in an attempt to come up with a valid reason, but nothing came to mind.

"Because…?" Noah randomly urged her on, earning some looks "What? If a nerd can land an artsy chick then I say anything can happen."

"...Yeah, anyway we've only been together for like a year and a half. The way I see it that's just way too fast."

"That doesn't seem like much of a reason to me." Carrie told her "The way I see it there are times when it only takes a day to realize you love someone." note how she was looking at Devin when she said this, but nobody noticed "As long as you and Cody are happy together."

"You think so?"

"We both do." Devin told her "But keep one thing in mind, consider what Adam might do to you if you try to break up with Cody."

"...Yeah I'll keep that in mind."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Morocco, originally named Italy until it was discovered that there already was an Italy. Anyway it's home to scorchingly hot foods as well as scorchingly hot deserts. The first flight has just touched down and now the teams need to find the Don Box and collect their next travel tip."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Gwen was the first one to collect a tip for her and Kevin "The Spice is Right, looks like this challenge is an all in."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _An all in requires that both members of each team take part in a challenge, in this case teams must make their way to a local spice kiosk and choose 5 different spices from the bountiful array to select. But be warned, some are sweet and some are mild but others are so blisteringly hot that they will turn your stomach into a volcano of pain and your colin into a deathtrap. And I know from watching Total Drama that for one of these guys, that'll be bad. REALLY bad."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"So what do we have to do?" asked Carrie.

"Hold that thought homie." Devin read his tip out loud "It says here we have to pick 5 spices from the kiosk, the best choices being cumin, cinnamon, paprika, saffron and ginger in order to receive our next travel tip. Let's go!" and the two of them, along with the others, took off for the taxis running over Owen and Noah in the process.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Dwayne let out a chuckle "You see that? We're already in a taxi and now we're headed for spice central!" he wrapped an arm around Junior "We're doing great pal, hey what do you say we give a little shout out to the cameras? I'm Dwayne, this is Dwayne Junior right here."

"They already know that dad." Junior pointed out dryly.

"We're the Father and Son team."

"They know that too dad."

"Well we're gonna win this thing, I bet you they didn't know that. News Flash, this just in the Father and Son team win the million!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"I know a lot about spices." Cameron admitted "My mom tried to increase my variety by putting different kind in my sandwiches while I was still in my bubble."

Lightning let out a scoff "Yeah cause that's super manly Cammy Bear, just tell Lightning what to pick and let the real champ do his thing. Sha bam!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"You know even after everything that happened on Total Drama World Tour I'm still kind of scared of flying, so I got this guy." Owen held up a stuffed bear "I named him beary, you get it?"

"It's because he's a bear, yeah that's super hard to get." Noah grumbled dryly.

"Yeah! Well anyway he keeps me calm when I fly."

"Until you end up eating him like the 19 before him, this week alone."

"Noah doesn't like him but he likes Noah."

"Push him in my face again and he goes out the window just like the 7 that came before the 19 that you ate."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _As the 6 teams from the first flight make their way towards the spice kiosk, the 6 teams on the second flight prepare for cold hearted battle once they hit the ground in Morocco."_

Rock shuddered "Spud and I have never actually been on a plane before we signed up for this race. I'm not scared or anything though, I've seen a ton of planes on TV."

Spud blinked, then grinned "Oh yeah, I love that cartoon!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point, the Best Friends, Ice Dancers, Artists and Ultimate Duo have already reached the spice kiosk.

Carrie was quick to sniff out the cinnamon "It's this one! This is cinnamon, this is cinnamon, this is cinnamon!"

"Cinnamon, cinnamon, cinnamon, cinnamon, enough with the cinnamon high homie." Devin let out a chuckle, causing her to blush and giggle.

"Oh come on, you would've totally missed it homie."

"Oh please, as if I would've missed something like that."

"I'm the one who lives for cinnamon latees."

"You mean the ones you constantly spill on me, no wonder my kiwis can withstand temperatures up to 150 degrees."

"Okay fair enough, I promise I'll never doubt your ability to detect cinnamon again."

Jen observed the spices in front of her "Okay that one is cumin."

Tom observed another one "That's paprika."

"I found saffron."

"Cinnamon."

"Ginger, that makes 5!"

Gwen cringed "So we've gotta ride to a restaurant on a camel? Great, just what I need. Getting covered in camel spit."

"Easy fix, pick the one that isn't drooling." Kevin told her.

"They're all drooling."

"So we pick the one that doesn't look like it's gonna puke or pass out."

"...Do you ever have a bad thought in your head?"

"You mean aside from the constant thoughts about punching Lightning in the face so he sha-shuts the f*ck up?"

"Fair enough."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Soon enough, the 3 teams were all riding their camels through the desert.

Carrie covered her nose "Oh man do these camels stink!"

Kevin sniffed his armpits "Oh man. Uh… yeah you heard the blonde chick, it's totally the camels!"

Gwen shot him a look "Dude?"

"Not a word Gwen, not a f*cking word."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

As the first 4 teams raced through the desert, the second flight finally touched down in Morocco and the Sisters, Vegans, Mother & Daughter, Rockers, Ultimate Duo and Geniuses raced to find cabs.

"Taxi!" Taylor rushed out to get a taxi "Come on mom, hurry up already!"

"Coming honey!" Kelly rushed after her, not very fast though.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Meanwhile our third flight is finally in the air as teams discuss some strategy. Well, some of them do at least."_

Yeah as it turns out, Geoff was just messing around with the Tennis Rivals while they were asleep, much to DJ's dismay.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Owen studied the spices long and hard "Uh… I… Let's see here… Okay don't panic, they're just spices… Why do you all look the same?!" and he ran away screaming.

Dwayne was less than concerned "It's not a man's job to collect spices, in ancient times it was the women that were the spice collectors and the men were the hunters. Man those were the days, the men had the power and-"

"You do realize that mom is gonna see this back home on TV right?" Junior pointed out.

"...And the times have changed, it's way better now."

"Yeah- Oh man the other teams are coming, we're gonna lose our lead!"

"Okay let's just pick out any 5, I doubt it could be that bad."

"Works for me." Noah looked up at the owner "Listen buddy, just go ahead and give us the 5 closest to you." he received an odd look "Come on man, snap to it would ya? My partner here will eat just about anything, I once saw him chow down on half a shower curtain!"

"There were pictures of cupcakes on it!" Owen protested.

"I rest my case." he looked over and noticed the Vegans and the Geniuses arrive just as he received the bag "Go go go!" and they charged in.

Cameron sniffed one of them "Okay that one is cumin, this one please. Okay now for the next one-"

"You're moving too slow for Lightning's standards!" Lightning shoved Cameron out of the way and stared long and hard at the spices "Just give me the other four in the front." so they picked up their spices just as the other teams finished picking out theirs and they all got their next travel tips from the owner.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

As more and more teams continue to reach the spice kiosk, the third and final flight had finally landed in Morocco, so they would have to hurry if they planned to catch any of the teams already in search of the culinary.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Sha yah yah yah!" Lightning repeatedly kicked the camel on the side "Faster ya stupid camel, move it!"

Cameron was actually showing some concern "Lightning I think the camel is going to pass out from dehydration."

"Sha please, as if the camel chosen by the Lightning would be so weak!" then the camel passed out "Clearly Lightning chose a broken one."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Emma was having trouble choosing spices "Okay now for the last spice. Cumin, cumin…"

"I think it might be this one." Kitty offered "Oh and here come the twins."

"No time for guessing games Kit… I don't know, this one?" she picked one out and received the bag.

"So you can guess but I can't?"

"Mine is an educated guess not some random pick, can you please not resort to throwing a temper tantrum right now?"

"...OMG." and they left just as the Twins showed up and started having a sneezing fit thanks to the cinnamon.

Then Leonard and Tammy showed up "Greetings, do you accept dragon coin?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point, the Geniuses and the Vegans were wandering their way through the desert with their camels, with the Vegans making plans for a save the camels protest or whatever, and the LARPers were complaining about their delusional magical ways.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The overall race was starting to heat up as the first few teams were drawing closer and closer to the Culinary, the Artists being the first team to arrive.

"I can see the Don Box, let's go!" Gwen hopped off of the camel.

Kevin, however, collapsed on the ground in a puddle of sweat "Oh god… the heat is so intense… from this lamp… that I… can't… move… Okay now you say tell me about it."

"Will you stop trying to quote that Spongebob movie from like a decade ago?"

"It was a good movie!"

"Just get up!"

"...Fine." so he did "What does the tip say?"

"It's a botch or watch called Just Stew It, that's one of the ones that only one of us is allowed to do."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don stood at the first Chill Zone of the race "Like they said, a botch or watch requires only one contestant from each team to take part. In this botch or watch, teams must hand the spices the acquired to the chef at the Culinary so that he can add them to a bowl of Moroccan stew which one of them must eat. This is why picking the right spices is so important, if not then this could get really ugly really fast. When they finish their stew it's up to them to race as fast as they can across the desert until they reach the Chill Zone, and they'll want to think fast and eat even faster because the last team to meet me here on the Carpet of Completion will be cut from the race."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Kevin let out a groan "I can't do it, if my outsides are this on fire then just imagine what it would do to my insides!"

"...Okay gross." Gwen handed the spices to the chef just as the Best Friends and Ice Dancers arrived.

Josee kissed her lucky rabbit's foot "Come on Bun Bun, don't let us down." she received odd looks from everyone except Jacques, even the chef "I'm not superstitious or anything, I just believe that this rabbit's foot is responsible for anything and everything good in my life."

"Cool, can I rub it?" asked Devin, only for her to snap her jaw at him as if she would bit off his hand "Okay okay, eesh."

"Don't read too much into that." Jacques waved him off "She doesn't let me touch it either, it's just who she is. The name is Jacques by the way."

"Devin, this is Carrie."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

While the LARPers, Vegans and Ultimate Duo were battling it out in order to escape from last place, the rest of the teams dove into the restaurant challenge, which was really beginning to heat up.

Carrie swooned slightly as she watched Devin slurp down the stew "Oh Devin…" she whipped around and faced the camera "Uh that was- I was just- Okay I love him, I've loved him since we were 4 years old and he peed in my turtle pool. I mean that's not why I love him, it's just when it started. But after all this time how am I supposed to tell him and what do I do if he doesn't feel the same way? I mean he does already have a girlfriend, Shelley… who will see this on TV. Oh my gosh, what am I doing?"

"Done and done!" Devin held up the bowl and slammed it into the ground "Come on homie let's go, we're in first place!" and they took off just as the Ultimate Duo prepared to start their stew and the rest of the teams arrived.

Kevin was encouraging Gwen in his own, let's just call it special, way "Chug chug chug chug chug!"

"Alright alright, let it go already!" Gwen held up the empty bowl "Let's just hurry up and get going before the Ice Heather and her faithful sidekick finish!"

"Hustle hustle hustle!" and they took off across the desert.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Carrie was racing after Devin across the desert only to trip and fall to the ground "Ow…"

"Hey." Devin held out a hand to her "You okay homie? Hold on I've got you." he took her up into one arm and started carrying her across the desert.

"Woah take it easy Romeo."

"You know it might be awkward for most of these teams to be as close to each other as we are but you and I are such good friend it doesn't matter."

"Yeah, it doesn't matter."

"So while we're running I should tell you, Adam and I came up with a game plan awhile go and I figured we should wait until at least 5 teams are gone before we try and form our first alliance with anybody. What do you think?"

"Uh… I guess that works."

"Great now watch out, Best Friends coming in hot!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point, all of the teams who reached the Culinary had started on eating their stew so that they could reach the Chill Zone.

DJ was telling Ellody about his friendship with Geoff while he watched Geoff chug down the stew with great earnest "Geoff and I have been bros for a few years now ever since the first season of Total Drama, but the guy's still kind of bummed about his breakup with Bridgette seeing how he was in love with her and all but I figured it was about time for him to move on."

"Quite the admirable accommodation." Ellody noted "I myself met Mary at an engineering student's potluck dinner, we both bought pie chart pie. We're both quite whimsical."

Owen on the other hand was struggling to force his stew down with how hot it was "Oh god… so hot...I think you picked the wrong spices!"

Noah rolled his eyes "Oh come on I've seen you eat, you make a raccoon look picky now stop whining and do it already!"

"Alright but…" he started chugging it down.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Gwen collapsed to one knee in pain "Oh god… stomach on fire… about to explode…"

"No man gets left behind, let's move it Lone She Wolf!" with a might howl Kevin slung Gwen over his shoulder and started running.

"Okay this hurts almost as bad!"

"Hey don't blame me because you haven't got shit for meat on your bones!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Emma nearly spat out her stew in disgust "Oh god…"

"Come on Emma, you can do it!" Kitty urged her on.

"I think we chose some of the wrong spices."

"You know you chose all of the spices." she received a glare "Which is awesome because I totally would've guessed.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jen tried to make sure Tom would pace himself "Woah take it easy Tom, you don't wanna get anything on that shirt!"

Tom took a deep breath "It's okay, I brought extras." he went back to slurping, eventually managing to get it all down "Okay I'm done, let's move!" and they took off.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Devin continued carrying Carrie as they raced across the desert "Hey homie let me know when you see the Chill Zone."

"I see it!" Carrie pointed to some palm trees up ahead "The palm trees, that must be a sign for the Chill Zone!"

"Alright!" then ran and ground to a halt on the carpet.

Don was waiting for them "Best Friends welcome to the first Chill Zone of the race. You're the first team to arrive, congratulations. That sets some high expectations for you, I and many viewers expect you to live up to them."

"Yes!" Devin set Carrie down and spun her around in a hug "We did it, we really did it!" he took a moment to calm down "You know coming in first is kind of surprising, I mean I knew we'd be a great team but…"

"First place?" Carrie finished for him "Wow, just wow."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The other teams were beginning to hit… roadblocks.

Owen had finally finished his stew, his face burning red "Need… WATER!" he rushed off and cooled himself off in the grossest way possible: drinking camel saliva, which caused everyone present to almost puke, which for many was actually better than the stew.

Here's what Leonard took from watching this "We have to eat our own barf?"

This was followed by a camel puking on Miles, much to the joy of Laurie "Real organic camel munch!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Gwen looked behind them "Ice Dancers coming in at 12:00!"

"You mean 6:00." Kevin pointed out "Keep in mind that this is from my perspective."

"Who cares what perspective it is, the point is they're right behind us!"

"Au revoir!" Jacque and Josee passed by them gracefully, only to crash face first into a tree a few seconds later.

"Ouch."

"Plus tard skaters!" Kevin passed by them "See what I did there? You know cause they're skaters."

"Yeah I know. I didn't know you speak french though."

"I took a year of French 101- Hey look there's the Chill Zone!" sure enough the Chill Zone was in sight and they leapt right onto the Carpet of Completion.

Don was quick to greet them and confirm their ranking "Alright, Gwen and Kevin you two are in second place. 7/10 on the entrance by the way."

"I'll take it!" he ended up accidentally dropping Gwen "Oops."

Then Don turned to the Ice Dancers as they reached the carpet "So being a team of canadian Ice Dancers you probably hear this a lot, 3rd place!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jacques cringed as he listened to Josee throwing a tantrum "This is going to be quite the long race."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

One by one the teams began to reach the Chill Zone, with Don counting them all off as they did so:

"4th place!" Fashion Bloggers.

"5th place!" Bromigos.

"6th place!" Father & Son

"7th place!" Geniuses

"8th place!" Reality TV Pros

"9th place!" Rockers

"10th place!" Tennis Rivals

"11th place!" Sisters.

"11th?!" unsatisfied with the ranking, Emma rounded on Kitty "You have to start doing more!"

"I would love to do more." Kitty told her "So please, just let me!"

"I'll tell you when you can do more okay? I will tell you!" and she stormed off.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"YEAH! SHABAM!" Lightning forced down all of the stew in one fierce session.

Cameron blinked "Well that's quite illuminating, also kind of unnerving." he looked over and watched as the Vegans finished and took off "We're down to the bottom two, are you almost done?"

"Sha bam!" Lightning smashed the bowl into the ground, only to pause afterwards "Uh oh. The Sha-Lightning can't see! Lightning's been blinded! But no matter, he can rely on his ears to get him to where he needs to be!" he put Cameron on his back and took off running after the Vegans.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don continued to meet the teams at the Chill Zone "Adversity Twins are in 12th, Mom & Daughter are 13th, Goths are 14th, and Stepbrothers are 15th. That leaves the Vegans, the LARPers and the Ultimate Duo. One of these teams will be heading home, I'm personally hoping it's the LARPers."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Tammy turned to Leonard "The Vegans are catching up to us, I don't think we have any other choice!"

"You mean… we have to use magic." Leonard guessed "Let's do it!"

" **Song of Slumber!"** she started playing her ocarina.

" **Chaos Barrier!"** Leonard pulled out a wooden staff, only for nothing to happen as the other teams passed by without giving a damn "What the- There's something wrong with my stick."

"Don't talk, run!" they took off running.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don was quick to meet the final three teams at the Chill Zone "Ultimate Duo you're in 16th place-" he was silenced by a hand from Cameron as he dropped off of Lightning's back.

"Nuh uh host guy, Lightning ain't going home first!" Lightning kept on running.

"Don't worry Lightning, we're almost there." Cameron told him.

"How long are you gonna let him run for?" asked Don.

"I just needed some time to hear myself think."

"Oh that reminds me." he turned to Laurie and Miles "Vegans you've arrived in 17th place."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Laurie breathed a grateful sigh "We stuck to our principle and we're still in the race, I guess that means nice guys finish almost last."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don was quick to scold the LARPers once they finally arrived "The Ridonculous Race is about skill, it's about determination. It's not about magic, you're done."

"Time reversal spell!" Tammy threw some confetti into the air.

"Security!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Tammy let out a sigh "I think we could've done better."

"I got to do a lot of things I never wanted to try." Leonard pointed out "So that's something I guess."

"I for one am glad we did this together, we can share these memories together forever."

"I still don't get why we have to walk home though."

 **A/N:**

 **I shuffled the elimination order slightly, nothing major, just to give the viewers a grip on the stronger and the weaker teams in comparison to each other so you guys know who to root for and who is most likely to go home.**

 **That little conversation with Gwen about her relationship with Cody will be part of their little character arc throughout the race, along with a rivalry with the Ice Dancers in place of the Cadets.**

 **I honestly think Jacques is a pretty cool character so I decided to add in a little good cop bad cop routine between him and Josee.**

 **Now then, I will be incorporating some ideas that I saw in a Ridonculous Race Rewrite on Deviantart. Nothing very big, just stuff I think could've been done better, which is to say not very much actually. Actually it's inspired 2 major changes that I feel are necessary, one of which being the whole thing and the interactions between Emma and Noah. It will still happen, it'll just take a slight turn.**

 **Just for fun, I'm gonna do a rankings table along with an elimination table like I did in The Rise of an Underdog.**

 **Rankings:**

 **Best Friends: 1st**

 **Artists: 2nd**

 **Ice Dancers: 3rd**

 **Fashion Bloggers: 4th**

 **Bromigos: 5th**

 **Father & Son: 6th**

 **Geniuses: 7th**

 **Reality TV Pros: 8th**

 **Rockers: 9th**

 **Tennis Rivals: 10th**

 **Sisters: 11th**

 **Twins: 12th**

 **Mother & Daughter: 13th**

 **Goths: 14th**

 **Stepbrothers: 15th**

 **Ultimate Duo: 16th**

 **Vegans: 17th**

 **Elimination:**

 **LARPers: 18th**


	4. French is an Eiffel Language

" _Last time on the Ridonculous Race, after make a shopping trip for spices and camelling through the deserts or Morocco our 18 teams built up quite the hearty appetite and I lost mine once I saw Owen drink the drool of a camel. Seriously, I knew these people might be disgusting but that's just wrong. Devin and Carrie of the Best Friends were the winners of the first of 26 legs of the race, in my book all of the others were losers but we could only eliminate one team and last week it was Leonard and Tammy of the LARPers. I'm not even sad about it, those wannabe wizards freaked me out. But that was then and this is now right here on… the Ridonculous Race!"_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don appeared at the Chill Zone in Morocco from the day before to start the episode "Welcome back to the Ridonculous Race. Yesterday's Chill Zone is the starting line for today's leg of the race, teams collect their tips and depart in the order in which they arrive starting with yesterday's winners Carrie and Devin, the intriguingly platonic Best Friends."

Sure enough, Devin collected the tip "Alright this is awesome, looks like you and I are heading to Paris homie."

Carrie let out a gasp and cheered "No way!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Paris France, home to the famous Mona Lisa, tiny coffees and a bunch of other things that annoy me like you wouldn't believe. Teams must travel by moped to the airport and book a flight to Paris, and once they arrive they'll have to make their way to the Eiffel Tower and locate the Don Box with their next tips."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Carrie let out a sigh "I'm so excited, Paris is literally the most romantic place in the entire world."

Devin nodded and looked at the camera "I know what you mean, homie plus my friend Adam got to go there during Total Drama World Tour. I wish we could've been there with him but getting to host the aftermath with you was fun too."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Gwen picked up hers and Kevin's tip from the Don Box "There's nothing Eiffel about this Parisian landmark. Eiffel Tower, Paris, let's move!" and they grabbed one of the mopeds and took off.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Devin kept driving the moped towards the airport, with Carrie holding onto him like her life depended on it "We're almost there, you mind loosening your grip a little bit homie?" he was ignored.

"Coming in hot sucka!" Kevin and Gwen, Kevin being the more vocal of the two, sped past them on a moped of their own.

"We're still in second place!"

"Not for long!" the Ice Dancers came up next to them, posing and smiling in a very creepy fashion.

"What's with the poses?"

"It's part of being sports heroes to our fans." explained Jacques "See there's no way of telling when the cameras are going to be on us so we have to smile all the time, and when I say all the time I mean all the time. Even in our sleep too."

"Is that painful?"

"Oh like you wouldn't believe."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point, the other teams were all collecting their tips and racing towards the airport, but some like the Adversity Twins and the Goths were getting hung up on minor details.

Jen and Tom were carrying a large carpet on their moped "You know if I knew that the fashion capital of the entire universe was our next stop then I might not have spent as much as I did on a hand woven Moroccan carpet. Paris!" she let out a squeal and grabbed Tom in a ridiculously strong hug, nearly breaking his spine in the process.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Josee and Jacques were the first ones to reach the ticket guy at the airport "2 for Paree, tell me do you offer free upgrades for Olympians?"

The ticket guy was quick to check that out "Ah yes, free upgrades for all gold medal peoples yes?"

"...Economy is fine." note the angry eye twitch.

"And we just lost our lead." Jacques pointed to where the Tennis Rivals, Best Friends, Father & Son and Artists reaching the line to the ticket.

"OH YEAH!" an excited Geoff and a horrified DJ burst straight into the building and crashed into the luggage conveyor belt.

Gwen rolled her eyes "Why am I not surprised by that? Hey DJ, hey Geoff." she received two simultaneous groans.

"You know I'm pretty fond of mopeds myself." Kevin commented "You know how I tried to jump one over my pool a few years back-"

"And ended up ruining your neighbor's wedding when you crashed into his gazebo."

"Hey apologized and besides, I got free cake out of it!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point, the Stepbrothers, Fashion Bloggers and Ultimate Duo were the last stragglers that were the furthest from reaching the airport.

Jen was quick to come up with a solution to make them go faster "The carpet is slowing us down, you have to ditch it!"

"What?! But-" Tom's protests were cut short.

"Tom we're going to Paris and I will NOT lose this race, ditch the carpet already!"

"...Forgive me noble piece of decoration, you're free now fly!" he threw it away behind them, leaving it to blind Cameron and Lightning and cause them to crash as the Vegans peddled their way past.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It wasn't long before all 17 of the teams had arrived at the airport and booked flights to Paris.

Jen and Tom found a severely beat up looking Cameron and Lightning making their way into the airport "Oh no what happened to you guys?"

Cameron let out a sigh "It was the most miraculous thing. We were hit a carpet, if not for my short stature and Lightning's durability then we may not have survived it."

Tom and Jen shared an awkward look and laughed nervously.

"...Lightning-"

"Yeah Lightning knows, just back away smart guy." Lightning grabbed Cameron and forced him to back away slowly "Just back away."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Now that all the teams have booked their flights to Paris, 9 of them are waiting anxiously to board the second flight which isn't scheduled to take off for another hour and a half. It's for this reason we covered it with sad face stickers all over, which is hilarious. But the Best Friends, Ultimate Duo, Artists, Reality TV Pros, Tennis Rivals, Bromigos, Geniuses and Ice Dancers are already bound for Paris on the first flight, and thanks to the power of editing they've just landed and now the race for first place has begun."_

Sure enough, all 8 teams from the first flight bolted from the airport and began picking up taxis to take them to their destination "Eiffel Tower please! Go go go!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Gold medal! Finally-" Josee's cheers were cut off when she and Jacques were apparently the first ones to reach the Eiffel Tower, only to find Gwen and Kevin both already standing by the Don Box "Oh come on!" and yet they bolted out of the taxi.

Gwen picked up her tip from the Don Box "Looks like this one is another botch or watch."

Sure enough, Don was standing nearby with a number of sketchbooks and some local French art guy "In this botch or watch whoever didn't eat the stew in Morocco must draw a caricature of their partner, when this local french artist standing approves of their drawing they'll receive their next tip."

"Alright I'm up, let's do it." Kevin snatched one of the note pads and turned to Gwen as he began his sketch.

"Alright we're here, let's get to it." Devin and Carrie arrived on the scene and he picked up one of the tips "Botch or watch, you've gotta sketch me. Not too much detail though, we don't wanna fall behind."

"Right." Carrie grabbed a sketch pad just as the Ultimate Duo, Reality TV Pros, Geniuses and Bromigos arrived on the scene, and Cameron, Noah, Ellody and DJ started to get to work on their own caricatures.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _This just in, our second flight has landed and the last 9 teams are making their way for the Eiffel Tower while the 7 teams already present are literally straining to finish the first challenge, most notably being Geoff of the Bromigos.'_

"Done and done." DJ handed his drawing to the artist and in turn received a quick thumbs up.

Geoff observed his drawing and grinned "Man you drew me awesome!"

"I draw it like I see it now come on, let's move!" and both DJ and Geoff took off.

Owen observed this and turned back to Noah "You know I think the way the two of them support each other is beautiful, you know I think we should hug too."

"No." was all Noah said without looking up from his sketchbook.

"Come on please? What about just a high five-"

"Less talking, more facing forward!"

DJ took the tip from the artist and read it out loud "Go down down down and find the cheese so round where your next tip will be found. What does that mean?"

"Hold that thought bro." Geoff pointed to where a rat was climbing down into the sewer "I say we follow that rat!" and he took off, with DJ right behind him.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _The tip was referring to the Catacombs where the ancient Persians had buried their victims of the plague, each team has to use their noses to navigate the maze of tunnels and find the correct exit and their next travel tip hidden amongst a good number of wheels of roquefort cheese."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point, Tom and Jen had run into a problem "So we get a flat tire just as we're entering luxury boutique heaven during a midnight madness event? You can't be serious, it must be fate as if the universe itself wants us to go shopping!"

"Forget it." Jen cut him off sharply "We're already in last place, it's night like we have the time to stop, drop and shop. Keep in mind that if we come in last then we're gonna be going home and I will NOT let that happen. Besides, the longer we stay on the show the more we'll be able to promote our blog Now Trending with Tom and Jen."

"Are you saying that to me or to the camera?"

"Both."

"...Of course it is going to take at least a few minutes to change that tire."

"You're right. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"I think so."

"We'll have to go on foot." she got out of the cab and took off running.

"...That's not what I was thinking!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Kitty kept working on her caricature "So Emma are you seeing anybody new at university?"

"Actually yeah I am." Emma didn't bother looking up from her book "His name is international and comparative antitrust law curriculum."

"...I'm thinking of getting a pixie cut." she looked up at the camera "Emma has always been the serious one but ever since her boyfriend Jake broke up with her a few years ago she's been super-"

"Fine, I've been super fine. And besides I don't even need a boyfriend, what I need is a law degree and I need my kid sister to focus on the game."

"And a boyfriend."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point severa more teams were arriving and starting their sketches whereas teams who had already been working on theirs, such as the Best Friends and Artists, were finishing with theirs and receiving their tips.

Noah showed his sketch to the artist and they both started snickering "I know right?"

"Hey what's so funny?" asked Owen "Come on, I wanna see the picture too!"

"Nothing just come on, let's go."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

One team, however, was running very very far behind the others.

Gerry and Pete finally woke up with a start "What happened, are we there yet?"

"You old men never told me where to go." the taxi driver pointed out.

"Hey we might be older, but that doesn't mean we're old." Pete protested.

Gerry nodded "Yeah that's right, we've got the same energy as all of the other teams, from about 5 am to 4 pm."

"After that the two of us start to get a little bit groggy."

"Groggy? I haven't seen the moon since 2003.

"Oh really? Well I've got a moon for you, it's right beneath my pants!" they both started laughing.

"Hey take us to the Eiffel Tower! Andele, andele!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Emma was still trying to lecture Kitty on how to do the caricature "It's going to need at least 4 exaggerations in order for it to qualify as a caricature."

Kity let out a scoff "Oh please, I have way more than that."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point, the Adversity Twins and Father & Son were finishing up their sketches and receiving their tips just as the Fashion Bloggers, Rockers, Vegans and Tennis Rivals arrived to start the first challenge.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Kevin stopped Gwen down in the catacombs and started sniffing "Okay I think I've almost got it."

"Okay just what the hell are you doing?" asked Gwen.

"I've trained my nose to be able to recognize and withstand any scent, why do you think I wasn't affected by Owen's ass blasts up until now?"

"...Oh. Impressive."

"Thank you. Anyway it's this way." he led her down one of the paths.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _As the Parisian catacombs extend a semi warm welcome to some of the teams, a good portion of them are still drawing the first challenge to a conclusion. See what I did there? You know, drawing? I'll shut up now."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Owen and Noah were now searching the catacombs for the wheels of cheese "Here cheese, here cheesy cheese!"

"You know if we ever had any kind of a lead then we've no doubt lost it by now." Noah was quick to notice something "Oh crap I've seen that skull before, don't tell me we've been going in circles!"

"So is my stomach, hold that thought!" and he rushed off "Let me know if you see any signs for a restroom?"

"...Oh joy." Noah looked up at the camera "Owen hasn't… you know, gone since before he ate that crazy stew in Morocco. He and I both knew this moment would come, we just didn't know when it would come."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point, Geoff and DJ had run into a problem "Oh crap man, that's the third dead end we hit."

"Don't let it get you worked up or anything man." DJ told him "We've just gotta keep looking until we get the right one."

"Yeah I guess."

"Good, now let's go!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point the Vegans and Tennis Rivals had finished the first challenge, with the Tennis Rivals planning to follow the Vegans to the cheese, then pass them and win the whole thing.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jay and Mickey were startled by two unsettling shadows, revealed to be Crimson and Ennui instead of vampires or something "You scared us! I mean, it's a little bit scary down here with all the skulls and the dark and all."

"Really?" asked Ennui "I've never felt so happy in my life. This place could be an amusement park or a camp for kids."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Kevin sniffed the air "I smell roquefort, cave aged to what I would say is 3 or so years, I can hear running water, that way!" he led Gwen outside to where a number of rolls of cheese "Yeah now that's what I'm talking about!"

"Oh yeah, first place here we come!" Gwen caught him in a high five, only to look back and see the Ice Dancers emerge "Sorry guys but it looks like you'll have to settle for silver."

Josee responded to this by kicking several wheels of cheese into the river "I hate silver!"

"And I just hate being called a sidekick." Jacques read the standing tip nearby "Take your cheese and sail away to where the Mona Lisa is on display."

"That means the Louvre, let's go!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _That's right, they're talking about the Louvre, home to many paintings I was asked to stop touching. It's also the location of the Chill Zone for this part of the race but be warned, the last team to meet me here on the Carpet of Completion may be cut from the race entirely. But before that comes into play the race for first place is about to kick into high gear."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jacques set the cheese afloat and got into a position "Come Josee, to the Chill Zone!"

"You mean to the gold!" Josee leapt onto his hands and got into a pose "So long suckers, you smell worse than this cheese float!"

Kevin found Gwen shooting him a skeptical glare "Hey I put deodorant on today, I swear it's the cheese! And besides, at least unlike them we have our oars!"

"...What?"

Jacques let out a groan "Oh god dammit!"

"Jacques it was your job to get the oars!"

"Au revoir!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Pete covered his nose as he and Gerry followed the Vegans through the Catacombs "Oh god that reeks."

Gerry nodded "Yeah I know, if this is what french cheese smells like then I'm officially lactose intolerant."

"Yeah well I'm officially you intolerant." they both burst out laughing until an even worse odor filled the air.

"I think it's coming through there." Laurie and Miles opened the door to reveal a horrifying sight.

It was Owen on the toilet, causing them all to run away screaming in terror "Man can that Moroccan stew really rip through a guy." he flushed the toilet, causing a mime on the surface above to pass out.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Noah let out a frustrated sigh "And that was just a 6.2 on the stink scale of the Owen bomb."

Owen was taken aback by this "You mean there's a scale for that stuff?"

"Oh yeah sure. Sushi farts are a 1, onion soup is a 5, spicy burrito farts go all the way to 12 and those things can peel the varnish off of a locker."

"It's true."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Devin was now floating on a cheese raft and caught Carrie in his arms as she jumped down onto the raft "Milady."

"Oh…" she got down on her feet and giggled.

"Come on homie, top 3 twice in a row!" they both started paddling with the oars, only for him to notice something "You can't be serious, you just cannot be serious."

As it turns out, it was Jacques and Josee kicking their cheese float down the river "Just because we forgot the oars doesn't mean that we've lost our drive! We've competed in situations far more dire than this, one time I got from a squirrel that Josee sicked on me but that didn't stop us. I just wore a mask of a saint bernard so that all of the foam coming out of my mouth made sense. You see in competitions like this it's all about adapting to your weaknesses and making them your strengths!"

"Less yapping, more coming in first!" Josee pushed them ahead of the Best Friends, leaving them neck and neck with the Artists.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Now most of the teams have reached the water and the race for first place is about to come to an end, but for the teams still in the catacombs the race for not last is about to begin."_

By this point Noah and Owen had reached the piles of cheese wheels "There's the tip and still plenty of cheese wheels, we're still in this thing. Alright let's see here, I'll go ahead and grab the oars while you take the wheel and- Oh come on!"

As it turns out, Owen was eating one of the cheese wheels already "What? Cheese is supposed to be good for you."

"Yeah but coming in last because your partner is a human trash compactor isn't, stop eating and start rowing!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"There's the Louvre, I can see it from here!" Josee and Jacques leapt off of the raft and started posing and waving "Thank you, we love you! Merci!"

"Au revoir suckers! Come on Gwen, feel the burn!" Kevin and Gwen grabbed their cheese wheel and took off running, with the Ice Dancers hot on their heels.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Soon enough, the Louvre was in sight for both teams.

Don was quick to address them once they arrived "Gwen and Kevin nicely done, you're in first place. That means the Ice Dancers have to settle for silver."

"Alright, go team Gwen! And you too Kevin, nice job." Gwen caught Kevin in a high five.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jacques cringed as he listened to Josee throw a tantrum "The top three twice in a row, not enough for her standards but we have to come in first at some point. Besides not even she has the energy to throw tantrums every time we don't win."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"You know coming in first is kind of surprising." Gwen admitted "I mean I figured Kevin had a few skills under his belt but I honestly underestimated him.

Kevin shot her a fake hurt look "You would dare to doubt the great Kevin Bacon?"

"That's not your last name."

"Yeah well at least I'm not putting off telling the one I'm in love with how I feel."

"Will you give that a rest already? It's seriously getting on my last nerves, I'll tell Cody after I win and we get home okay? Will that shut you up?"

"No and neither will this, I never mentioned anything about Cody." that shut her up "Well I'm gonna go eat our cheese wheel, later lover goth." and he walked off.

"...Son of a-"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

More and more teams were closing in on the Chill Zone, but Noah was having problems with one certain Owen eating their cheese wheel "Dude will you give it a rest, we're supposed to be riding this thing down the river."

"Sorry I'll stop." he ate another "Last one. Okay last one for sure."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Time to put this cheese into overdrive, Sha-Lightning style!" Lightning ended up dropping his oar, causing it to float away past Noah and Owen, the latter now being used as the raft in place of the cheese.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don started to count off the teams as they arrived at the Chill Zone "Best Friends you've in third place."

The Bromigos.

"Fourth place!"

Father & Son.

"Fifth place."

The stepbrothers.

"Sixth place."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point the Tennis Rivals and the Vegans were finally starting to race their wheels of cheese down the river.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don continued counting off the teams "And here come some more of the teams. The Fashion Bloggers take 7th, the Ultimate Duo are in 8th, the Geniuses are in 9th followed by the Sisters and 10th and if it isn't Noah and his arc." he held out a hand to stop them "I'm afraid I'll have to give the two of you a 20 minute penalty."

"What?! Why?" asked Owen.

"Because for the challenge you guys were supposed to sail your cheese down the river."

"But it's inside me, I am cheese!"

"That you are big guy, now step aside and hope you guys aren't the last to place."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _With one of the teams waiting for their penalty to end, the last 4 teams are battling it out towards the Carpet of Completion."_

"The thought of coming in last made us realize that we had to step up our game, it even got us super charged up." explained Laurie.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Gerry and Pete were pretty much jaw dropped when they saw the Vegans rocket pass them "How the hell is that possible? We're the athletes here, those two don't eat anything but bird seed and dust."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don continued to count off the teams as they arrived "Mother & Daughter take 11th place, the Adversity Twins take 12th, the Goths are in 13th." he looked over at Owen "Looks like somebody's got the cheese sweats- Oh here they come. The Vegans take 14th place and the Rockers are in 15th."

Owen let out a sad sigh "I'm gonna feel so bad if my love of cheese ends up causing us to get sent home, and what's worse is that I could really go for some cheese right now!" he broke down crying "I have no self control, I'm like a cheese loving dog! Or that tiger that Chris picked up while you guys were in China."

As if to add insult to injury, Noah swatted him on the nose with a newspaper "Bad partner! Bad! Bad!"

Owen started whimpering like a scared dog, until he noticed something "Oh crap, here come the Tennis Rivals!"

Sure enough, Gerry and Pete were struggling their way towards the Louvre while carrying their cheese wheel "Come on, come on…" they kept on struggling, until a buzzer sounded throughout the area.

Don made the call "Reality TV Pros, your penalty has expired!" this prompted both teams to make a mad dash for the Carpet of Completion, landing on it at the exact same time on top of each other.

Gerry looked around and reached a conclusion "It's a tie, we all get to stay!"

"Not quite, I'm afraid you've been cut from the race."

"What? Why?" asked Pete.

"Because Gerry's foot wasn't completely on the carpet, it was just out."

"What?!" Gerry rounded on him "Do you need glasses fool? That foot was in the line!"

"I do not need glasses and your foot was out."

"It was in!"

"It was out."

"It was in!"

"It was out."

"It was IN!"

"That's match, you're out."

"...Fine."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Pete let out a sigh as he and Gerry sailed away on their cheese wheel "That was a complete disaster."

"At least we didn't go home first." Gerry pointed out.

"Yeah that's true, now we've got a shot at nabbing some new sponsors."

"If anyone out there needs a pitchman for arthritis cream or those bathtubs with the doors so you don't have to step over to get in then you can call my agent."

"Who's your agent?"

"It's been god knows how long, I can't remember!" they both laughed as they sailed out of sight.

 **A/N:**

 **As I mentioned before, Gwen and Kevin will have the rivalry with the Ice Dancers in place of the Police Cadets. I figured that since Gwen had a rivalry with Heather back in Total Drama Island she would be the best candidate.**

 **I'm gonna try and have Gwen and/ or Kevin mention Cody at least once every chapter or so. At least every chapter about the race that is.**

 **Rankings:**

 **Artists: 1st**

 **Ice Dancers: 2nd**

 **Best Friends: 3rd**

 **Bromigos: 4th**

 **Father & Son: 5th**

 **Stepbrothers: 6th**

 **Fashion Bloggers: 7th**

 **Ultimate Duo: 8th**

 **Geniuses: 9th**

 **Sisters: 10th**

 **Mother & Daughter: 11th**

 **Adversity Twins: 12th**

 **Goths: 13th**

 **Vegans: 14th**

 **Rockers: 15th**

 **Reality TV Pros: 16th**

 **Elimination:**

 **Tennis Rivals: 17th**

 **LARPers: 18th**


	5. Mediterranean Homesick Blues

" _Last time on the Ridonculous Race, our 17 remaining teams where their wills were tested, their artistic visions were pushed to the limit and their bravery was challenged, and Owen ended up eating more cheese than scientifically possible. In the end it was Gwen and Kevin of the Artists who were able to get a grip on first place, but for Gerry and Pete of the Tennis Rivals it was game, set, somebody light a match because man did they stink it up. Who will stink it up even more today? Well all of them have potential, but you'll still have to stay tuned because the time has come for the Ridonculous Race!"_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The sun was still rising over Paris as Don stood outside the Louvre "The Louvre was the location of the Chill Zone for yesterday's leg of the race which makes it the starting point for today, each team will start in the order they finished the day before so the Artists will be- Hey what are you doing?" he stopped the Ice Dancers from going first "I told you before that yesterday's winners will be going first, you'll just have to wait your turn."

"You heard him, wait your turn Ice Capades." Gwen made her way over towards the Don Box, with Kevin right behind her "I've got a bad feeling about those Ice Dancers, and not just because the shorter one reminds me of Heather."

Kevin nodded "I know what you mean, give guys like them an inch and they'll end up taking the whole race. So what's the tip say?"

"Hold that thought." Gwen pushed the button on the Don Box and grabbed the tip "It says we've gotta take the train to Calanque de Maubois and search the next train station for the Don Box with your next travel tip. Let's get moving."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Like Gwen said, teams must take the train south to Calanque de Maubois, which acts as the skirt along the south of France with sand so fine you actually want it to get in your shorts. The Red Cliffs are only one of the sites that make this a tourist spot as popular as it is. Did I mention that the beaches are awesome too? Because they are."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It wasn't long before the Artists, the Ice Dancers and the Bromigos had taken their tips and were heading to the train station.

However, Devin suddenly found a mime stealing his and Carrie's tip "Hey get back here, give me that!" and he chased after it.

Junior, however, had his eyes locked on Carrie and tried to sound cool by making his voice a couple notches deeper "Hey, I'm Dwayne."

"Hi, I'm Carrie." she held out her hand.

Junior reached out to shake it.

That is, until Dwayne hijacked it and ruined the moment "Nice to meet you. Dwayne Sr, I see you've already met Junior. This kid, he really is such a great little guy."

"Dad…"

"I mean granted he does act up sometimes but that does tend to happen when they get close to puberty."

"And stay down!" Devin's voice could be heard in the distance "I've got the tip, let's get going homie!"

"Alright then, good luck to the both of you." and so Carrie rushed off after Devin.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Junior let out a groan that clearay showed his frustration "Somehow my dad always managed to find a way to embarrass me."

Dwayne let out a chuckle "Oh come on son you know that's not true, you're just being self conscious. Oh and before I forget, I washed your lucky undies."

"Dad!"

"What?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Gwen shot a look at Kevin "I don't suppose you know how to get a taxi like some New Yorker reject?"

"No problem Lover Goth, I've got this." he pulled something out of his pocket.

"Is that a grappling hook?"

"Yep, I picked it up while you were in the shower this morning." he pressed a button on one of his boots, revealing hidden roller skating wheels on them "You gonna grab on or what?"

"There's no way this can be legal!" and yet she climbed on Kevin's back regardless, earning a raised eyebrow "What? I never said I was against the idea, after there's no way half the stuff I had to do on Total Drama was legal."

"Fair enough."

"So where did you get the retractable roller skates from?"

"Oh they were a gift from Cody, you know your boyfriend, and he seriously tricked them out for me."

"Are you gonna keep mentioning Cody until I tell him you know what?"

"Oh Gwen my dear albino goth friend, I'm gonna keep bringing him up even way after you tell him that." he latched onto the back of one of the cabs and ended up being pulled down the street with Gwen on his shoulders.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jacques was quick to notice a stairway leading to a subway "There's the subway, it's the fastest way to the train station!" and he and Josee took off.

Geoff observed this and turned to DJ "Hey DJ dude, let's just follow them."

"Where are they headed?" asked DJ.

"My guess is to the train station. See my strategy is simple, I say we just follow a team with members smarter than me which is pretty easy since they're all smarter than me."

"...You know Geoff, in your own very very messed up and twisted way that actually kind of makes sense. Let's do it!"

"Yeah man!" and with a triumphant fist bump, the two of them made their way down to the subway in an attempt to follow the Ice Dancers to the train station.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point, Kitty and Emma were about to get their tip "Alright teammate of mine, let's have some fun!"

"No." Emma took the tip "Let's not have fun, let's come in first for a change. Train station, let's move."

"Woo hoo! Fun!"

"Stop it, seriously." and they took off.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Dwayne was sweating buckets as he and Junior hitchhiked through the streets of Paris "Alright way to go son… Wasn't sure you'd… you'd be able to keep up with yours… yours truly…"

"No time for that dad, let's go!" Junior went on ahead.

Dwayne stopped for a moment to catch his breath "Okay… just hold up… Let me… catch my breath… real quick…"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Gwen pointed to the large building ahead of them "Kevin check it out, I can see the train station up ahead! What's your plan for stopping the cab so we can get off?"

"Oh we're not gonna stop the cab." Kevin told her with a very VERY unsettling smirk, at least in the eyes of Gwen.

"What are you doing?"

"I saw this in a move once, Gwen you'd better hang on like your life depends on it because at this point it does!" he retracted the grappling hook's hold on the cab, causing them to go flying down towards the sidewalk in front of the train station, and he retracted the skates on his shoes and skidded to a stop "That… was… AWESOME! Hey Gwen how are you holding up?" he received no reply "Gwen? Hello? Earth to love struck goth?"

Gwen stumbled her way off of Kevin's back and over towards a trash can, and could be heard puking her guts out in a very violent fashion for like a mile around.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _While Owen and Noah are the last team to take off from the starting line in front of the Louvre, the Ice Dancers, the Artists, the Best Friends, the Bromigos and Father & Son are about to board the first train to Calanque de Maubois. With this set in stone, the last 12 teams race to catch the next train south."_

"The south of France is where the most glamorous people in the world hang out, it's like Paris but with glossier lipstick." Jen pointed out.

Tom suddenly let out a horrified gasp "Oh no no no, please please tell me I have it!" he pulled out a can of spray on tan "Oh that's a relief, spray tan?"

"Do you even have to ask?" and cue the spray.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The Geniuses had taken a taxi to the train station with a thoroughly planned out means of arriving there. Exhibit A:

"Take Lefran to Canal-"

"Canal to Germain-"

"Germain to Belmont-"

"Turn left on the branch-"

"Reverse onto Bureau-"

"And U turn back to the Grand south to Dunkard."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Kitty pulled out her cell phone and held it out to the driver "Hey do you think you could take a picture of me and my sister?"

Emma's ever present scowled turned even more hostile "We're in the middle of a race for a million dollars Kitty, this isn't a race."

"Oh come on, just one of me and my big sister in France! Paris!" and so she took a quick and forced selfie.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point, the Stepbrothers, the Ultimate Duo, the Goths, the Geniuses and the Fashion Bloggers, who were now sporting a spray tan, had all made it to the train station and were waiting for the next train.

The Geniuses were trying to mock the Fashion Bloggers for their spray tans "Your skin pigmentation looks like it's received too much dihydroxyacetone." keep in mind I did say they were trying.

The Fashion Bloggers shared an awkward look.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _As the second group waits at the station for the next train, the first 5 teams have just arrived at the beach in Calanque de Maubois."_

"Over there, there's the Don Box!" Dwayne picked up the tip from the Don Box "Looks like it's another botch or watch, whose turn is it this time?"

"It's your turn, what's the challenge?" asked Junior.

"It says here who wants wo swim with… sharks. Oh boy."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _In this botch or watch challenge, the teammate who didn't draw the caricature in Paris must swim out to a section of the Mediterranean and retrieve their team's travel tip from the dorsal fin of one of many great white sharks. Too bad they haven't tried to go after me or they'd get a taste of the widowmaker."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"And it says here that if one of us gets eaten then our team will be disqualified." Gwen read out loud, her tone increasingly dry "Well at least they thought all of this through."

Kevin let out a groan "Oh man swimming with sharks would be awesome, at least for me but I pity the poor saps that have to go out there."

"You do realize that I'm still literally right next to you."

"Yeah I know, but I'm tough as f*ck and you've got Cody as your guiding light so use that as your motivation to not die."

"...F*ck you." and then she made her way into the water.

"Yeah that's gonna put a fire in her gut."

"Watch this bro, I'm gonna crush it like it's nothing!" Geoff dealt DJ a fist bump and made his way into the water.

"I'll be right back homie, at least I hope so." with a brave gulp, Devin slowly made his way into the water.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It wasn't long before Josee, Devin, Gwen, Dwayne and Geoff had reached the shark area.

Dwayna was just doggy paddling his way after the other teams "Okay so as it turns out swimming in water infested with sharks is a lot harder on the old body than sitting at a desk all day, who knew?"

"Observe and be in awe!" Jose gracefully leapt over the shark and took her tip before making her way back towards the beach.

"Oh wow, nice move." Devin made a beeline for a shark of his own and prepared to grab the tip, when…

"GOTCHA!" Geoff burst towards the shark and grabbed it by the back "Hey sorry dude, you've gotta grab these thing by the horns! Congrats on your win back in Morocco by the way, I never got to say that before!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _As our first five teams continue the battle with the tough of the aquatic food chain, the second train carrying the next 5 teams finally arrives in Calanque de Maubois."_

Mary was quick to notice something off "Weren't there 5 teams on board? I only count 4 right now."

"Nevermind that, there's the Don Box over there!" Ellody rushed over to get a tip.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Devin ripped off a tip from one of the sharks, which prompted it to chase him while he swam away screaming, leaving the tip up for grabs by Dwayne.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"I've gotta admit, I'm actually kind of proud of my dad." Junior sounded like he was in disbelief over what had happened "It really does take guts to swim towards a shark."

Dwayne let out a chuckle "Oh Junior this isn't your dad's first shark rodeo pal, if anything those sharks should've been scared of the Dwayne man!" he started throwing a bunch of punches and kicks, only to accidentally hit the camera guy, breaking the camera in the process "Oh man sorry about that, you okay?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Chet let out a groan of frustration as he made his way into the water "You draw a caricature while I have to swallow my own barf and swim with sharks?! This is so not fair!"

Lorenzo let out a chuckle "Only if you're you."

"Step back smart guy, let the Lightning show you how it's done. It's time for the Lightning to strike!" Lightning dove head first into the water.

Cameron let out a sigh "It's remarkable how it's scientifically possible for someone to be so arrogant-" his musings were cut off by a loud horn "What on earth? Is that the Fashion Bloggers?"

Sure enough, Tom and Jen were standing on a yacht at the edge of the beach "Hi everybody, hope you didn't miss us!"

"I thought you guys were on the second train with the rest of us."

"Oh we were, well at first anyway."

"See we stepped off of the train in Kan." explained Jen "Just to breathe it in I mean, and right there on the platform was the prince of Monaco. He asked where we were heading, one thing lead to another and before we knew it we had hitched a ride on a yacht with a prince! Oh that reminds me, thanks for the ride your highness!" she pulled a tip out of the Don Box "A botch or watch, Tom you're swimming with sharks?" she received no reply "Tom? You still in there? Hello?"

As it turns out, Tom was frozen in place with a horrified look on his face.

"Wow he's literally frozen with terror, I thought that only happened in cartoons." she received an odd look from Cameron "What?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jacques let out a wistful sigh as he watched Josee make her way back to the shore "She hold such beauty, grace and strength. Every move makes her look like a swan that makes other swans look ugly." he was promptly bitten on the ass by an offended swan as a result "Alright you're beautiful in your own way, are you happy now?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Dwayne was swimming back to shore and drowning somewhat "Junior go get a bucket… we have to… build a castle…" he went under for a brief second every few words or so.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Dwayne might be semi drowning but he is right, for this all in challenge each team has to build a sand replica of the Palace of Versailles and when local sand castle prodigy, which is probably a fake name, decides that their castle is good enough for his tastes, he'll hand over the next travel tip."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Gwen collapsed back onto the beach and spat out some water "Note to self, rinse my mouth of salt water when we get to the Chill Zone."

Kevin let out a scoff "Took you long enough, my sister's chihuahua knows how to doggy paddle faster than you."

"Thanks for the moral support." note the sarcasm in her tone.

"Moral support isn't what I do, that's Cody's thing."

"...I hate you so much."

"Nah you love me, but not like you love Cody."

Gwen responded to that by flipping him off.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Devin burst up from beneath the water holding a tip "Yeah that's right man, the Devin man is bringing it back alive!"

Lightning burst up right next to him "Lightning taking the Sha-win!" his victory was short lived when he realized he was on top of a very angry shark "Sha-mommy."

Devin just slowly sank back down as Lightning swam away screaming with the shark and looked over to see Mary scare a few sharks away with just a magnet "Huh, so sharks are actually afraid of her. Who knew?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Mary was quick to clarify the misunderstanding "Sharks are not afraid of me but they are afraid of magnets. Well technically it's not fear, I was simply being facetious. Charged metals within salt water create a weak electrical field which is able to disrupt the electroreception senses of a shark. Oh I should explain, salt water is an ionic solution and it contains particles with unpaired electrons. I wish I had a dry erase board."

" _Speaking of dry could we cut to something that won't put our viewers to sleep? Seriously even I find this mind numbingly boring."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"SHABAM!" Lightning charged at the shark and started punching it underwater, which went downhill very fast for him.

" _There that's much better, thank you."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _The third and final train has arrived carrying Mom & Daughter, the Sisters, the Rockers, the Vegans, the Adversity Twins and the Reality TV Pros, and as more and more teams from the first and second trains it looks like Geoff and DJ are still trying to finish the first one."_

DJ looked out from the beach, clearly concerned "No sign of Geoff anywhere, I hope the poor guy's okay."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Geoff was having about as much luck with the shark as Devin did before him "Hey come on shark dude, could you at least chase me to shore?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Rock let out a sigh "I guess I'll do pretty much anything to win, I really do need the money for my parents. They're not getting any younger and they really want me to move out of their basement, but if I win the million then I can finally afford my own place!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

A shark noticed something bubbling beneath the water and prepared to pounce.

That is, until Crimson rose from beneath the water, scaring the shark into giving her the tip and swimming away with its tail between its legs "Wimp."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Soon enough, almost all of the teams from the first two trains were working on the sandcastle building challenge.

"You know dad, I've gotta admit I was worried about you before." Junior admitted "But now it looks like you're really going for it."

Dwayne chuckled "Well son building is what men were born to do."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Gwen showed some concerns about hers and Kevin's sandcastle "Are you sure it has to be this big?"

Kevin let out a loud snort "What are you kidding, do you really wanna take a chance on losing here? Like the wise man once said, in life you've gotta go big or you go home and there's no way in hell I'm gonna go home! Besides take a look at the geniuses, they get it."

Gwen looked back and noticed the Geniuses drawing out their data "They're just drawing out their data on the sand."

"They're scientists, they know how important the planning stage is. To people like them it's as important as life itself. Kind of like how Cody thinks of you."

"Okay enough with that! I'll tell Cody that I love him if that will make you shut the bloody hell up!"

"It won't unless you actually want to say it. Face it Gwen, it won't mean anything if you don't mean it when you say it and you'll just be hurting him. Just a little something for you to think about, but if you're that annoyed then I'll try and keep the Cody mentions down to once a day or so alright?"

"...Fine." they shook on it.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Dwayne was less than satisfied with the judgement he received "Not good enough? What are you out of your mind? It's the best castle ever, hey I'll have you know that I was building sandcastles while you were still making them in your pants pal!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"YES!" Owen held up a tip in triumph, only to find himself being circled and surrounded by three sharks "Any chance you guys are dolphins? Okay think about this Owen, you heard once that sharks can smell fear. Or was it dogs that can smell fear?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Despite that… incident, by this point almost all of the other teams were now working on their sandcastles, well except for a select few of them. Exhibit A:

Miles gently patted one of the sharks, rendering it docile "If we win the money then I'm going to start a charity dedicated to the preservation of these long misunderstood ocean creatures." she grabbed her tip, only to end up swimming away screaming as it chased her "I'm totally scratching sharks off of my preservation list!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _By this point all of the remaining teams have reunited and begun work on their sand chateaus, that is to say except for Geoff and DJ."_

Dwayne put the finishing touches on his and Junior's very tiny redone sandcastle "Alright where is he? Little judge, tiny opinionated man?" he looked down "Oh there we go, so is this one to your liking?"

Sandy expected the tiny sandcastle and handed him the tip.

"Yeah now that's what I'm talking about!" he read the tip "Grab one of the speedboats parked at the dock and follow the GPS to the Chill Zone on a dock located on the southern tip of… Iceland?!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _That's right, Iceland. The southernmost dock on this is the location of the Chill Zone for this segment of the race, The last team to meet me on the Carpet of Completion could be cut from the race. You know, the usual."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Come on hurry, let's get moving!" with their tip in hand, Dwayne and Junior took off towards the dock.

Kitty was the first one to notice the tiny castle "Hey that's so cool, check out the cute little castle."

Kevin's jaw literally dropped down to the ground "Hold the mother f*cker, it doesn't have to be big? New plan Gwen, it doesn't have to be big."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Dwayne was trying to start up one of the boats, but he was having trouble with that "Come on, come on…"

"I think we should just grab another boat." Junior told him.

"Hey don't worry about it sporto, you've just gotta adjust the… you know, the choke thingy mechanism."

"No way, I'm not having a repeat of what you did to my bike."

"Oh come on, you're blowing that way out of proportion."

"Am I? Dad you tried to attach a bell to my bike once and when you were done the wheels were gone. Just, gone."

"Hey that was a swedish bell, very tricky instructions and I had to take the whole bike apart to figure it out. Hey by the way, was that the summer you walked everywhere?"

"Yes, yes it was. You know what hold on, you've gotta turn the key and then press the start button." he did just that.

"Huh, must be one of those Swedish boats. Here look I'll drive-"

"No more of that dad, I'll drive while you hang back and keep a lookout for any of the other teams." and they took off.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Geoff finally emerged from the water, having been halfway swallowed by his shark, only to be spat out onto the beach with his tip in hand "That was crazy wild."

"You okay dude?" asked DJ "You look a little bit out of it."

"I'm good, let's just get going." and they got to work just as the Best Friends, Artists, Ice Dancers and Fashion Bloggers received their next tips.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It wasn't long before a a few more of the teams had reached the speedboats in an attempt to chase after Father & Son.

Devin had some trouble starting up the boat, but even though it took a few minutes he managed to get it going "Yes!" he and Carrie started to punch it, but it wasn't long before they ran into another problem "Oh man."

"What's the matter?" asked Carrie.

"This thing is almost busted, any faster and the motor is gonna die. Carrie take the wheel, I'm gonna try and fix the problem as best as I can." so he had Carrie take the wheel while he tried to work on the motor.

"Later suckers!" Kevin and Gwen passed them and high fived as they rocketed after the Ice Dancers and the Fashion Bloggers.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don was quick to address Dwayne and Junior and confirm their placement once they arrived at the Chill Zone in Iceland "Dwayne and Junior congratulations, you're the first team to arrive at this Chill Zone and that puts you in first place."

"Yes!" Dwayne patted Junior on the shoulders "Yeah that's right, we are the best and there's nothing they can do about it!"

"...Glad to see you're not letting it go to your head. But regardless, congratulations."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _More and more teams are finishing up their sandcastles and heading to the boats, but one of them is getting hung up on details."_

Ellody observedher data drawn out on the sand "Perfect, 373,996 cubic yards. Done, now all we have to do is build a perfect model with our data." said data was then washed away by the sea, much to her horror "Our data!"

"We'll just have to wing it." Mary told her.

"I never wing! I don't know how to wing!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don was quick to address the Ice Dancers at the Chill Zone in Iceland as they started waving and blowing kisses "Jacques and Josee, you've arrived in second place." this earned hidden anger but didn't wipe away their smiles "Huh, I expected more insanity. Glad to see you're keeping it professional."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"I! HATE! SILVER!" Josee started throwing a tantrum on the beach and throwing things out into the ocean, one of which hit a very familiar (to Total Drama fans) and angry shark on two legs (go ahead and guess who it is), which started chasing her while she screamed at the top of her lungs.

"...Nope." Jacques on the other hand just quietly snuck away.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don addressed the Fashion Bloggers when they arrived at the Chill Zone "Jennifer and Thomas, you've arrived at the Chill Zone in third place." this was met with delighted squeals "However you failed to arrive in Calanque de Maubois by train as the tip instructed, you travelled by yacht from Kan. I'm afraid I'll have to give you a 20 minute penalty."

Tom shrugged "Well I say it was worth it, we rode a yacht and we partied with a prince."

"Like the optimism." Don received a glare from Jen "What?"

"Hey!" that was when Owen and Noah showed up.

"Owen and Noah well done on the comeback, you two are in third place."

"YES!" Owen nearly squeezed Noah to death in a bearhug just as Gwen and Kevin arrived at the Chill Zone.

"Artists come in fourth."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Geoff and DJ finally finished their sandcastle and received their tip "Oh man we're dead last, come on bro we've gotta move!" and they took off at full speed towards the boats.

Ellody poked her head up from behind her sandcastle "Did you hear something?"

"No now stop getting distracted, you need to focus." Mary told her.

"Of course."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don counted off the Fashion Bloggers once the 20 minute penalty was finally over with "Fifth place."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Geoff and DJ managed to grab a speed boat and finally took off towards Iceland "Never! Say! DIE!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

One by one the teams reached the Chill Zone in Iceland and were counted off by Don, starting with the Ultimate Duo.

"6th place!"

The Best Friends.

"7th place!"

The Stepbrothers.

"8th place!"

The Goths.

"9th place!"

The Sisters.

"10th place!"

Two random fat tourists.

"Who are you and who are you? Are you on this show?"

They left just as Mother & Daughter arrived.

"11th place."

The Vegans.

"12th place."

The Adversity Twins.

"13th place."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"NEVER! SAY! DIE!" DJ and Geoff kept on racing towards Iceland, only to find the motor about to die "Oh great now what?"

"Oh man." Geoff let out a sad groan "I never should've let myself get stuck in that shark's mouth, now we're gonna get kicked out of the race because of me! That was the one thing I was afraid of!"

"Geoff listen to me dude." DJ put a firm hand on his shoulder "We win as a team and we lose as a team, and I know that win or lose you and I are bros and that's never gonna change. I'm fine if we end up losing."

"Well I'm not!" he grabbed onto the wires on the engine, leading to a very loud spark "Hey DJ?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm just gonna go ahead and say my bad now cause this is gonna be bad." and then they got rocketed into the sky by the explosion that followed, their screams echoing throughout all of France and beyond the horizon.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"The Chill Zone could really use a sofa is all I'm saying- Oh look here they are." Don looked back just as the Rockers finally reached the Chill Zone "Rock and Spud, you've come in 14th place." this was met with cheers "Now that only leaves the Bromigos and the Geniuses, so where are they?"

Screams resounded through the air as DJ and a smoking and bloodshot looking Geoff crash landed in the water just short of the dock, along with various scattered parts of their boat. Or what was left of it.

"What in the-?!"

A soaking wet DJ dragged a very out of it Geoff out of the water and onto the shore "Hey Don, how's it going?"

"Um… where's your boat? You were supposed to take one of the speedboats here from Calanque de Maubois you know."

"Yeah I know, we did take it. It's just there… and there… and there… and there… and-"

"Okay stop I get it."

"We already know though, just blast us with the bad news."

"Well I would add in some suspense but after what you guys just went through I'll just cut to the chase, you guys are in second last AKA 15th place which means you guys are still in the race."

"Yay." he collapsed to the ground in exhaustion and caught Geoff in a high five, only to be electrocuted as a result "Ow…"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sunset came, and the Geniuses still hadn't finished their sandcastle.

" _Ahoy Geniuses!"_ Don called from above on a helicopter " _I'm afraid all of the other teams have reached the Chill Zone! You are out of the race! I'm in a helicopter, this is so cool!"_ and he took off back towards Iceland.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"How ironic." Ellody noted "Our strength in urban planning was also our downfall."

"That just proves how flawed this show is." Mary pointed out "But we played our part."

"I supposed geniuses aren't always as intelligent as they believe." the two of them burst out laughing.

"You told a joke."

"I did."

"Wonderful."

"Affirmative."

 **A/N:**

 **I took out Father & Son's penalty because I thought it was just a cheap way of giving the win to the Ice Dancers, and I figured Father & Son deserved the win more than the Ice Dancers did.**

 **Tom freezing in terror was a minor reference to episode 11 of Total Drama Pahkitew Island, which will NOT be featured in this story arc. It will end with Total Drama All Stars and an epilogue that takes place a few years later.**

 **I'm adding a little bit more romantic tension between Devin and Carrie than in canon to show that they're actually gonna end up together at the end of this fanfiction.**

 **I'm giving Brody's role to Geoff in this story because I can't see DJ doing any of that stuff.**

 **Rankings:**

 **Father & Son: 1st**

 **Ice Dancers: 2nd**

 **Reality TV Pros: 3rd**

 **Artists: 4th**

 **Fashion Bloggers: 5th**

 **Ultimate Duo: 6th**

 **Best Friends: 7th**

 **Stepbrothers: 8th**

 **Goths: 9th**

 **Sisters: 10th**

 **Mother & Daughter: 11th**

 **Vegans: 12th**

 **Adversity Twins: 13th**

 **Rockers: 14th**

 **Elimination:**

 **Geniuses: 16th**

 **Tennis Rivals: 17th**

 **LARPers: 18th**


	6. Bjorken Telephone

" _Last time on the Ridonculous Race, our teams got chummy with sharks and some a lot more than others. Once they finished making castles in the sand on the beach of Calanque de Maubois it was a boat race from the Mediterranean to the coast of Iceland. Father & Son made a surprising grabb for the gold, and though it looked like the Bromigos Geoff and DJ, I mean their boat literally exploded right under their feet, but as it turns out it was really the Geniuses Ellody and Mary who choked on their own massive brains and ended up getting cut from the race. Who is gonna choke on their brains this week? There's zero chance of it being me- Wait a second is that line in the script? Okay new plan, as soon as this episode is over whoever is in charge of writing the scripts is going to have their pants filled with rabid lobsters when I'm done with them! Anyway are you guys ready to kick it? You'd better be because it's time for… the Ridonculous Race!"_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don appeared on the dock in Iceland next to the Chill Zone from the day before "Welcome back to Iceland where the Chill Zone from yesterday will be the starting line from today. And chill it is, my walnuts are frozen solid." he held up a bag of walnuts "I was serious about the rabid lobsters by the way, anyway the first team to depart will be Father & Son. Now hustle hustle hustle!"

Sure enough, as if on cue, Junior grabbed the tip from the Don Box "It says we've gotta take a bus to the geyser field of Geysisgil and locate the Don Box."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _The geyser field of Geysisgil is part of an active volcano field tucked under a skimpy 20 centimeter layer of siliceous sinter, whatever the heck that is. I'm not sure what it is but it sounds dangerous."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Alright!" Dwayne pumped a fist in triumph as they headed towards the bus stop "First place and it only took three legs, we're gonna own this race.

Junior nodded "I know what you mean, I was wondering when it would happen but I never thought it was gonna be this soon. Everybody back home is gonna flip out when they see last episode."

"Oh I'm sure we will, let's just make sure we keep that lead today."

"Right." it was then that the two of them reached the bus stop.

"Come on where the dang bus? We're gonna lose our lead!"

"Little late for that dad." Junior jerked a thumb back.

As it turns out, the Artists, Ice Dancers, Fashion Bloggers and Reality TV Pros had caught up with them already "Hi."

"Move it!" Josee tried to force her way towards the front of the line, only for Jacques to hold her back "Don't even think about getting on the bus before us!"

"Like I'm gonna listen to some tantruming unitard wearing drama queen." Gwen spat out in her face.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah!"

"Oh yeah?"

"...Hey guys? The bus." Kevin pointed out dryly, which prompted everyone to hustle and get on board, but as they did he shot Gwen a raised eyebrow "I never figured trash talking was your style."

Gwen shrugged "What can I say? You hang out with people Leshawna or like you and they tend to leave an impression."

"You're kind of feisty sometimes, I can imagine Cody liking that."

"You realize that was your one for the day."

"You realize that I was never gonna follow that agreement. Tone it down a notch or two, yes. A single Cody mention a day, not on your life."

"...So we've got an agreement."

"Yep."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don was still waiting for the teams to take off from the dock and gestures to the Stepbrothers fighting over a tip "Our first 5 teams have headed off to Geysisgil while another team gets psyched up for the challenge ahead, but for some of the teams the fear and panic is clearly visible on their faces." he was referring to the Goths when he said this.

The Goths gave no reaction.

"I said the fear and panic, FEAR and PANIC!"

Still no reaction.

"Fear and panic!" still nothing until…

"SPIDER!"

"Okay that's better."

As it turns out, it was the Adversity Twins, Mickey in particular, freaking out over a spider on the ground in front of them as the Sisters, Mother & Daughter and the Vegans rushed to get their tips.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"I'm super optimistic about our chances right now." Laurie commented.

Miles nodded "I know, we've already survived in the race this far and on top of that we've been able to prove that we can race without having to hurt anyone or anything.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It wasn't long before the bus carrying the first five teams arrived at the location of the Don Box, where Gwen was the first one to collect the tip "Looks like it's another All In called Broken Icelandic Telephone."

"What the hell does that mean?" asked Kevin.

"I'm guessing some kind of translation challenge."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Gwen is right, at least for the most part. For this All In teams must hold down the button on the speaker box to hear me say "Please give me my next travel tip" in Icelandic with perfect pronunciation. After they hear the sentence they must run through the geothermal field of hot springs and repeat the sentence to an Icelandic circle, and sweet sister of ducks her dress is distracting."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Alright Kevin, just stand back and let me do this one." Gwen ran up to the speaker box and pressed the button just as Father & Son arrived.

" _Vinsamlegast gefa mer mina travel abending."_

"Alright I've got it, let's get moving!" and so she took off for the geyser field, with Kevin hot on her heels.

"Alright I'll press it again." Junior made a dash for the Don Box.

However, Dwayne was quick to stop him "No need kiddo now let's hustle."

"Are you sure about that?"

"Of course I am. My mind is a steel trap, once I know something it's-"

"Oh really? So go ahead and tell me then, when's my birthday?"

"...Summertime?"

"October."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _By now the next 6 teams, mainly the Best Friends, the Vegans, the Stepbrothers, the Goths, the Sisters and Mother & Daughter, are heading for the geyser field, leaving only the last three teams, mainly the Bromigos, the Rockers and the Adversity Twins, that have yet to begin this leg of the race."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Hustle hustle hustle!" Gwen and Kevin charged through the geyser field at full speed.

"Come on, let's hurry!" Dwayne and Junior charged through the field, only to get launched into the air as a result.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Vinsamlegast gefa mer mina travel abending."_

Owen had different plans for the speaker "Wantons, rice, some garlic shrimp, some house noodles and an order of egg rolls please."

"No time for that, let's get moving!" Noah grabbed Owen by the arm and took off just as the second bus arrived "You know we've really gotta fix that habit of yours, don't you remember what happened with my aunt and that phonograph? You charged her head on like an angry bull."

"I thought she had her own drive thru in her home!"

"...And you wonder why my family never lets you come over anymore."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _The second bus carrying the next 6 teams has arrived at the sight of the geyser field as the last three teams had finally departed from the starting line."_

DJ let out a sigh as he placed a hand on Geoff's shoulder, with Geoff looking very bloodshot and disoriented "Starting out in last place is kind of a bummer because Geoff is so messed up, I mean granted we both were after what happened yesterday with the speed boat blowing up and all but he definitely took the worst of it."

Geoff spazzed a little from the shock as a result.

"But I can do the heavy lifting until he's back at 100%, it's way too early to give up and go home now. After all friends don't quit on each other and I'm not gonna quit on him. You feeling me man?"

Geoff spazzed a little bit more from the electricity.

"Yeah we've got this."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jacques and Josee were the first ones to reach the end of the geyser field "Vinsamlegast gefa mer mina travel abending." he received the tip "It says we have to take the helicopter to the national park of Skaftafell and locate the next Don Box." and they took off at full speed for the helicopter.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _The Ice Dancers have completed the first challenge and now they're in the lead but now they're going to have to wait, the helicopter is only going to depart one 6 teams are on board."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Devin was shivering on the bus "Oh man it's freezing, you know this kind of reminds me of last winter when Shelley locked me out of the car for buying me the wrong kind of tea. She really is quite a character isn't she?"

"A character?" Carrie shot him a look "You got frostbite and nearly lost three of your toes over a tea!"

"Yeah I know, once Adam found out he started ranting about Shelley and labelled her as a high maintenance rapid goat and said I deserve better than her. You know it really isn't easy to make someone like Adam angry but when you do he is a beast."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point the other 5 teams from the first bus were still making their way through the geyser field.

However, Owen found himself stuck in one of the geysers "Oh god I'm stuck! Tell my parents I lived a good life, and to leave as much cheese from that cellar as they can at my funeral!" and he got rocketed into the air.

Noah was quick to realize where he was going to land "Owen look out for the-" he was cut off by Owen landing in another nearby geyser head first "-geyser. Son of a bitch, the one time I manage to get your head out of the clouds and it gets stuck in the dirt. We're screwed."

"HELP!"

"Alright alright I've got you, just hold your breath while I pull you out of there."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Like everyone else had expected, Dwayne got the sentence wrong "Well you've gotta admit your language is pretty darn ridiculous." he received a glare from the local "Or you could say it's pretty ridonculous. Get it? Like the Ridonculous Race?"

"Dad for the love of god, please just stop." Junior was begging by this point.

"...Alright let's get going." they started their way back through the geyser field "You know it's not fair to expect me to memorize something I had only heard once."

"WHAT?! Oh come on, you cannot be serious!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Gwen and Kevin arrived at the exact same time that the Vegans did and they both got it at the same time "Vinsamlegast gefa mer mina travel abending." they both received their tips at the exact same time.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Right on Pasty." Kevin patted Gwen on the back "Since when do you know Icelandic?"

Gwen shrugged "I'm a goth, I listened to punk bands. Where the hell do you think they come from?"

"Oh really, well then how do you explain that Bryan Adams CD I found hidden under your bed in your dorm?" this was met with a blank yet clearly horrified look from Gwen.

"That's not- I didn't- Shut up."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"I had to get the sentence right." explained Laurie "After all the last thing I wanted was to be insensitive to their cultures."

Miles nodded "Yeah I know, and that's how wars start."

"And war is bad."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Come on dude, we're almost there!" DJ was doing the heavy lifting and carrying Geoff through the geyser field, with the terrified Fashion Bloggers followed right behind them and trying to avoid being hit by the geysers.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Geysers are nothing but super hot water." Jen pointed out "This top is cold wash only, I was never told there would be real dangers."

"There there." Tom put a gentle hand on her shoulder "Considering I had to swim with sharks we should've seen something like this coming eventually."

"I suppose."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point all of the teams had either made or were making their way through the geyser field.

The Goths reached the other side and found a pissed off Taylor already there "Are you finished yet?"

Taylor let out a rude scoff "No, my stupid mom trashed the Icelandic talking or whatever the hell it is so I made her go back by herself."

"Vinsamlegast gefa mer mina travel abending." they received the tip from the local and a jaw dropped look from Taylor so they explained "Most of our favorite bands are from Iceland so yeah, we speak the language."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Oh god… Oh god…" Dwayne finally reached the speaker box, with Junior right behind him, and he pressed the button "This time I swear… I'll remember it…"

Junior let out a sigh "Sure you will."

"What? That lady's goosy dress distracted me!"

"Yeah, Don said that she would."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point, Jen and Tom had reached the end of the geyser field and Jen did her thing on the local "Oh wow is that an original Petroki? OMG that is fierce, and it seriously doesn't hurt that you have the bod to pull it off." this prompted the local to blush "Oh yeah that reminds me. Tom, do your thing."

"I'm on it sister." Tom stepped forward "Vinsamlegast gefa mer mina travel abending." he received the tip from the local.

"Now let's go!" and they took off but she shot a sideways glance at Tom "Since when do you speak Icelandic?"

"I don't but I do have a photographic memory, how else can I coordinate clothing as well as I do?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _5 teams have completed the first challenge but the helicopter still needs one more team before it can take off."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It wasn't long before the Ultimate Duo reached the other side of the geyser field, with Cameron doing the sentence "Vinsamlegast gefa mer mina travel abending." he received the tip from the local.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"I decided that it was in our best interest for me to memorize the sentence." explained Cameron.

"Yeah cause the Lightning don't waste time on stupid stuff like that." Lightning let out a loud scoff "Lightning's gotta go for the gold and that's what this race is about, no mistakes and no wasting time with stupid mem-memo-"

"Memorization."

"Yeah that."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Emma was struggling to get the sentence right on her own "Vinsamlegast gefa, uh…"

"Mer mina travel abending." Kitty finished the sentence for her and received a tip from the local, as well as a scowl from Emma "What?"

"What? I'll tell you what, you interrupted me and almost cost us our chances!"

"What's the big deal? I got it right didn't I?"

"Yeah sure this time you did, lucky us. Word of advice Kitty, next time you try to help don't help."

"Yeah cause you're doing so f*cking dandy on your own." a third voice grumbled.

Emma whipped around and found Noah leaning against the large wooden Icelandic flag "And just what is that supposed to mean?"

"Exactly what it sounds like, the fact of the matter is that the reason why you guys have placed as low as you have in every leg up until now is because you've been acting like a control freak and refusing to let your sister help. It's like you think she's nothing but dead weight, at least I treat my partner with respect."

"Hold on a second, who the hell do you think you are talking to me like that? What do you think gives you the right you son of a bitch?"

"The fact that I'm a son of a bitch who actually treats his partner well, but you can't say the same." and he walked off, leaving a pissed off Emma behind him.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _The first 6 teams are now in the air and headed towards Skaftafell National Park whereas the 9 teams that have yet to complete the challenge are trying to do the next best thing, and that is stay alive and for some teams it's a lot harder than it sounds."_

Sure enough, Devin was having some problems of his own "Oh crap, my foot is caught in the geyser!"

"Hold on Homie, I've got you! Pull harder!" Carrie grabbed onto him by the chest and started pulling to get him out of the geyser.

" _Will they survive? My money is on the geyser. Find out when we come back right here on the Ridonculous Race!"_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _As most of the teams struggle to finish the geyser challenge with their butts and their lives intact, the 6 teams in the first helicopter have at last reached the ice caves in Skaftafell National Park where the second challenge of the day awaits them."_

Jacques was the first one to grab a tip from the Don Box "It looks like it's another Either Or challenge, this one is called Feast or Fossil."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _An Either Or challenge means that teams have to complete one of two tasks, in this case the teams can either dine on a traditional Icelandic feast or they can find and retrieve one of the intact fossils embedded in the icy walls of the ice cave. Once they've managed to complete the task of their choice teams must bring either their intact fossil or empty platter to today's Chill Zone. The last team to arrive may be cut from the race entirely."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The Ice Dancers, Artists, Vegans and Fashion Bloggers all chose to hunt for the fossil, where as the Ultimate Duo and the Goths had chosen to do the feast, the Goths only giving a single word of explanation for their choice "Whatever."

Don popped up in between the teams "An Icelandic Thanksgiving feast consists of putrified shark, pickled herring, cured ram, broiled puffin and singed sheep head. Well I know that's gonna give me nightmares, what are they giving thanks for?" he received blank bored stares from the Goths, much to his annoyance "Okay then, thanks for the input. Anyway just get to eating guys, this lead over the other 9 teams is only gonna last for so long."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The Rockers, mostly Rock with Spud just listening to music, were struggling to get the sentence right "Uh… van, no… Vin… Oh come on Spud you heard it too didn't you? Help a brother out will ya?"

Spud shrugged "That was forever ago man, who could remember?"

"Oh son of a- Vinsamlegast gefa mer mina travel abending?" he received a tip "YES!" and they started doing air guitar before they took off.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _The last three teams have completed or are now completing the first challenge, for them it may end up being the race for not last."_

Junior and Dwayne made their way back to the other side of the geyser field "Vinsamlegast gefa mer-"

"-mina travel asdenting." Dwayne was promptly slapped across the face by the local.

"Eesh, what the heck did you say to her?"

"I have no idea, not a clue!" and they made their way back just as the Stepbrothers made their way through.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point, 4 of the first 6 teams were making their way through the ice caves, the Ice Dancers much more gracefully than others and trying to make sure they looked good while they did it.

Tom and Jen were already hard at work chipping away at their fossil, but it turned out to be pretty slow going "Okay let's do this, first place here we come!"

"Alright we've got one." Gwen on the other hand had found one of her own "Alright now we've just gotta-"

"Booyah to the Kasha mother f*ckers!" Kevin swung his pickaxe at the fossil like a madman, knocking it out of the ice and causing it to shatter in the process "Wimp. Alright Pasty, onto attempt #2!" he received an annoyed look from Gwen "What?"

"I had that covered until you came in and started swinging your damn pickaxe like a psychopath!"

"Oh please, you think I'm the psychopath? Check out the Vegans doing whatever the hell Vegans are doing."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"We decided to free the fossil using reiki energy." explained Laurie "All we have to worry about is being sure that we don't use too much of it, after all we don't want to bring it back to life."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Kelly finally made it back across the geyser field just after Noah and Owen received their travel tips "Oh thank god… finally…"

Taylor scowled at her and started checking out her own nails "If we get sent home today then I'm never talking to you again, unless I need money or something."

"Vinsamlegast gefa mer mina travel abending." Kelly received the tip.

"Wow, way to not ruin everything for a change." this only prompted Kelly to scowl and run ahead of her "Oh my god mom don't sulk, that was a compliment for crying out loud!" and she ran after her.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _The next 7 teams are now headed for the ice caves, whereas the last two teams will have to wait for the helicopter to return and one of them is still struggling to complete the first challenge in a very hilarious way."_

This time Junior was able to stop Dwayne before he could screw up the sentence "Vinsamlegast gefa mer mina travel abending." he received the tip from the local "Finally!" he received a look from Dwayne as they went on their way "What? We're already as far behind as we are so it's not like I can risk you- I mean us- messing it up again."

"Uh huh." Dwayne's gaze hardened "You were gonna say you meaning me weren't you? Oh boy I am insulted, I totally knew my part of the sentence."

"Okay then, go ahead and say it."

"I don't feel like it."

"That's what I thought."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Kelly cringed as she observed the feast platter "Oh god…"

Taylor was just as mortified "Yeah there is no way that's happening, we're going fossil hunting or I'm going to barf."

"Don't say barf!" they both barfed.

"So, fossil hunting."

"Right behind you honey."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Yoink!" Dwayne quickly picked up a pickaxe and made a beeline for the ice cave "Alright let's get to it!"

"Slow down dad, it's super ice in that cave." Junior pointed out.

"Hey I'll have you know that I used to be a champion of my curling team kiddo so I know a good thing or two about ice-" he was cut off when he slipped on the ice and hit the ground against a rock and he narrowly avoided the pickaxe striking him in the face as it embedded itself in the rock, literally mere inches away from his face, scaring Taylor and Kelly into dropping their pickaxe.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Taylor's logic: "If you had a face as chipotle as mine then would you want it to get hit with some stupid ice pick? Yeah no, we'll eat the feast."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

DJ carefully fed Geoff some of the meat from the platter "Alright man, we've got this. Just keep in mind, this is nowhere near as bad as the brunch of disgustingness back in Camp Wawanakwa okay?" he received an answer in the form of swallowing.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Rock was hard at work on the feast by himself, much to his annoyance "Hey Spud come on, eat a little bit too will ya?"

Spud took off his headphones and shrugged "No thanks man, I'm not hungry."

"Yes. You. Are!" now thoroughly pissed off, Rock shoved some of the meat into Spud's mouth and forced him to swallow it.

Crimson and Ennui, however, just downed the last eyeballs on the plate and slowly made their way off towards the Chill Zone.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don was waiting for the Goths when they arrived "Well done, you guys have arrived in first place!" he received no reaction "You're the winners!" nothing "You won!" still nothing, so he scowled "Are you trying to ruin the show, is that your plan here? Get out of my sight! You're bad kids!" so they left.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"As soon as I saw the platter I knew we were going to come in first." explained Crimson.

"I'm so excited." Ennui noted dryly "First place. Wow. I could pee myself."

"You just did."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _So first place has already been taken but last place is still up for grabs and none of them want that."_

Noah cringed as he held up one of the last two remaining eyeballs "Alright big gut now remember, don't think and just chew."

"Eye eye little buddy." Owen downed his eyeball almost immediately.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point, a good number of the teams were either finishing up or were finished with the challenge.

One by one Don counted off the teams starting with the Fashion Bloggers "2nd place!" then the Ice Dancers "3rd place." then the Artists "4th place." then the Reality TV Pros "5th place." and then the Best Friends "6th place."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Laurie shivered as she and Miles pushed their fossil "My hands are freezing, let's take and thank all of the fossil spirits guiding us." so they started praying and failed to notice as the fossil slid away down into the cave.

However, Miles did notice but only after it was gone "Oh no, our fossil!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

More teams continued to be counted off by Don as they arrived at the Chill Zone, starting with the Bromigos "7th place!"

The Ultimate Duo "Oh yes Lightning go ahead and flex, you guys are in 8th."

Mother & Daughter "You guys are 9th, but I'm afraid you've earned a 1 hour penalty. I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to step aside."

Taylor scowled "Hold on, what now?"

"After getting the Icelandic sentence wrong in the first challenge you were both supposed to go back through the geyser field but only Kelly did."

"Son of a- Way to go mom, I sat around waiting for you so long that my but fell asleep and now we get a penalty? You just have to ruin my life don't you?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point, only 2 teams were left working in the ice caves.

Dwayne was quick to notice the Vegans' fossil nearby "Well what do you know, how about that little bit of luck? And you were worried we were gonna come in last."

Junior seemed skeptical "I thought we had to chip a fossil out of the ice wall."

"Not technically, he just said we had to pick up a fossil from the cave."

"I don't know dad, something feels wrong about this."

"The only thing wrong would be us getting eliminated too soon, now come on!" and so they took off.

Not long after, the Vegans came looking for the fossil "Come on come on, it has to be around here somewhere!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don was waiting when Father & Son arrived at the Chill Zone "Father & Son you guys are the 9th team to arrive."

"Yes!" Dwayne caught Junior in a high five, until…

"Hold on a minute!" Laurie and Miles showed up, thoroughly pissed off "That's our fossil!"

"...Oh boy."

"I knew there was something wrong." Junior muttered.

"Fine, here you go." he slid it back over towards the Vegans.

However, Don had other plans "Not so fast, they already checked in and you're not allowed to share. You two will have to try again."

Of course, Laurie began to protest "But-"

"Don't care."

"But-"

"Don't care."

"But-"

"Don't care."

"...YOU!" Laurie got up in Dwayne's face in a fiery rage "The goddess of Karma WILL GET YOU FOR THIS!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Dwayne wasn't so concerned "This isn't the first time I've been cursed but luckily I don't believe in goddesses or karma."

"Just great." Junior muttered.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"What are we going to do?" asked Miles "There's no way the two of us will be able to reiki another fossil from the cave in time."

Laurie pondered for a moment "Then I guess we'll just have to… eat the feast."

"What?!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

At the same time, Don counted off the Stepbrothers and the Sister as they arrived at the Chill Zone with their fossils "10th place and 11th place."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The last 2 teams were still working on finishing up the feast.

Spud looked over and noticed the Vegans eating and sobbing pretty quickly "Hey you'd better hurry up Rock, they're eating faster than us."

"Faster than me, I'm the only one eating." Rock pointed out "But that's done man!" he shoved more food into Spud's mouth "Now swallow!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Laurie was mortified by her actions "I can't believe I just did that, there are animals inside me right now and I'm pretty sure they don't want us to come in last."

"Mine wants out right now." and for emphasis, Miles let out a loud burp.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don counted off the Adversity Twins once they arrived with their fossil "12th place, you two live to see another day."

Taylor let out a groan "For sure our penalty is up now?"

"Almost dead but not just yet, oh and here come the last two teams."

Sure enough, the Vegans and Rockers were racing each other towards the Chill Zone with their empty platters, but then a buzzer sound could be heard.

"Mother & Daughter your penalty is up, 13th place and the Rockers take 14th." then he turned towards Laurie and Miles "Well my little meat eating Vegans, you are the last team to arrive."

"So many animals… We just ate so many animals…" Laurie broke down crying while Miles puked into a bucket, only for a serious bombshell to be dropped.

"But this is a non elimination around, you get to stay!" this was met with an enrages gasp.

"I ate animals… FOR NOTHING?!" so with a wild shriek, she attacked Don in a furious frenzy, much to the cringiness of the Rocker and Mother & Daughter.

"Ow ow ow! Security! Next time on- OW- the Ridonculous Race!" he tried to pull himself away from Laurie's grasp "Brazil! Also, HELP ME!" he was dragged away while Miles puked on the Carpet of Completion.

 **A/N:**

 **That little bit with the rabid lobsters at the beginning was just something I saw on an old YouTube video from a few years ago. It was made by Joey Turner, he and his guys make really good stuff so you should really check it out.**

 **Okay there's no possible way I'm the only one who wanted to give Emma a verbal bitch slap for how she treated Kitty in the first few episodes. I figured this way it would give her and Noah a little bit more interaction between each other before they officially hook up. And let's face it, she had it coming.**

 **Rankings:**

 **Goths: 1st**

 **Fashion Bloggers: 2nd**

 **Ice Dancers: 3rd**

 **Reality TV Pros: 4th**

 **Bromigos: 5th**

 **Ultimate Duo: 6th**

 **Best Friends: 7th**

 **Artists: 8th**

 **Father & Son: 9th**

 **Sisters: 10th**

 **Stepbrothers: 11th**

 **Adversity Twins: 12th**

 **Mother & Daughter: 13th**

 **Rockers: 14th**

 **Vegans: 15th**

 **Elimination order:**

 **Geniuses: 16th**

 **Tennis Rivals: 17th**

 **LARPers: 18th**


	7. Brazillian Pain Forest

" _Last time on the Ridonculous Race, our 15 remaining teams got geysered in Iceland and that was a lot of fun. And then they had to either chip out a fossil from an ice cave or choke down an Icelandic Thanksgiving feast. The Goths came in first and they went crazy because of it, the Vegans went rogue and ate the feast but they still ended up in last place, lucky for them it turned out to be a non elimination round so they got to stay and I found out that not all girls punch like girls. I was able to survive that but one team isn't going to survive today. This is episode 6 of… the Ridonculous Race!"_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Now sporting a black eye, Don stood at the Chill Zone in Iceland from the day before "We're back in Iceland where the Chill Zone from yesterday is the starting line for today. The winners from yesterday, the Goths, are the first ones to collect the first travel tips of the day."

Sure enough, Ennui dryly pulled out a tip from the Don Box "Huh. It says we're going to Brazil."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Yep that's right, sunny sunny Brazil. Home to bossa nova music, makers of fine coffee and other things that keep me awake at night like you wouldn't believe. Teams will travel to Brazil on one of two chartered planes, the first 8 teams take a direct flight but the last 7 will arrive 2 hours later because they're on the milk run. Literally."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The first group of teams, mainly the Goths, Fashion Bloggers, Best Friends, Ice Dancers, Artists, Reality TV Pros and Father & Son, had reached the airport and were running to catch the first flight.

"Good thing we didn't get stuck on the old cow pie express right sporto?" Dwayne held up the fossil they picked up yesterday "Must be thanks to this bad boy, I kept it as a present from your mother."

"You know I still feel bad about taking the Vegans' fossil yesterday." Junior told him "Maybe we should try and apologize to them."

"Well it was just an accident, it's not like we knew it was theirs pal. Besides like a wise man once said, happy wife happy life." the fossil slipped out of his hand and shattered all over the ground "Uh oh."

"Like a truly wise man once said, it's the thought that counts. Now enough wasting time, we've gotta move." they rushed onto the plane and found everyone else already strapped in, with Owen chewing on his stuffed bear.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Owen is a bit nervous." explained Noah "You know, being in a military plane again after what happened on Total Drama World Tour."

"Well it's not like you can blame me!" Owen protested "I almost got sucked out of the plane and I almost died!" he belched up stuffing all over Noah "Where's Beary?"

"You just ate him."

"Oh crap! Will you please hold me?"

"I'd rather do anything else, but I can help you." he pinched Owen on the neck, causing him to pass out "Thank you Bridgette, oh and good luck in the surfing tournament."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Josee had her own problems and was foaming at the mouth because of it "We failed in Iceland, of all places we failed in Iceland! That is absolutely unacceptable. The last time I was this mad about where I placed I got a new partner."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _As teams finally fill up the second place, the first plane is preparing to leave. Or it would be if it didn't end up with a flat tire and in a stunning reversal yesterday's winners now look like losers since the second plane is already in the air on the to New Zealand. Along with the milk run in the form of several cows and the like."_

Taylor was quick to voice her opinion "Okay yeah so no, there is no way in hell I'm gonna do this."

"Oh come Taylor it's not that bad." Kelly told her "They're just cows, I mean you eat them as much as you wear them. It's not so bad, you just have to be one with the cow." and then the cow decided to make its droppings one with Taylor, causing her to let out a scream of pure, unyielding rage.

"It pooped mom, it pooped on my boots!"

"...You know everyone said that we wouldn't last 2 days on the show, that we'd never be able to survive outside of the hills. I told them we may be a lot of things but we are not quitters."

"I am so quitting." she kicked a goat out of spite.

"If you stay then I'll buy you a car when we get home."

"Okay done and done." she was promptly rammed by karma in the form of the same goat.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Laurie was still mortified over eating meat in the feast the day before "I ate the sheep's head so we would be able to stay in the game, but the non elimination round meant I didn't have to! I didn't have to!" and she almost broke down crying.

Miles was quick to slap her across the face "Okay you need to calm down, what happens in Iceland stays in Iceland okay?"

"Okay."

"...Oh god."

"What's the matter?"

"I'm sorry, it's just that your breath smells like sheep head. Does anyone have a mint?!"

"Here." Kevin tossed her one without looking, earning a raised eyebrow from Gwen "What's the matter?"

Gwen shook her head "Nothing, it's just… You haven't tried to mention Co- my boyfriend at all today."

"...You know I was a huge fan of Total Drama World Tour and I absorbed every word of wisdom spoken, in particular something once said by Alejandro."

"And what would that be?"

"You can't just jump at the first chance that pops up, you have to be patient and wait and listen for the right moment to make your move. Oh yeah, that reminds me." he knelt down next to the goat "Points for savagery, way to unleash some thug like on that bitch."

The goat put on a pair of shades as the savage sound effect sounded through the loud speaker and they fist bumped.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Mickey looked over at a nearby cow "Well they aren't making us sneeze or anything so that's something, I wonder if being near so many actual cows will have any effect on our lactose intolerance."

Jay shrugged "I guess we'll find out."

"Looks like it."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _After several hours of travel the second flight has finally started its descent into the destination in Brazil."_

As soon as the plane landed, Mickey and Jay raced out of the plane, with Mickey keeping lookout while Jay ducked behind a bush "So we have our answer, apparently our lactose intolerance extends to even being near cows." his stomach growled in a disturbing fashion.

"Hey." Jay poked his head out "You think you could find some toilet paper or maybe some napkins or something? Or at least some clean pants?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

At the same time, the other teams were collecting their tips from the Don Box in an attempt to secure a win of their own for once.

Kitty was the first one to pick up a tip "Looks like this is another botch or watch, and this time I'm up."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _In this botch or watch, whoever didn't swim with the sharks in the Mediterranean must try to perform a traditional Brazilian rite of passage in which they must stick their hand inside a mitt filled with hundreds of venomous bullet ants in order to retrieve their next travel tip. This one is insane, I mean we put a turkey leg in there about 10 minutes ago and I'm pretty sure they devoured it bones and all."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Bullet ants?" asked Kitty "Should I be worried about that?"

"I would be." Emma told her "Little known fact, the pain caused by the venom in their bites can last up to 24 hours."

"Oh. Well that sucks."

"Just don't look directly at it and it shouldn't be that bad."

"Makes sense." she looked over as the ants belched up the bone and it hit Mickey "Then again…"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

(Solo confessional)

Emma let out a sigh "Okay so yeah I'm trying to be nicer to Kitty, I'm not saying that that snarky jerk Noah was right but maybe I have been a little bit hard on her. Anybody say she was right and I will lawyer them so hard and fast their heads will spin."

"You know we can hear you right?" Cameron pointed out.

"Yeah I know."

"Just checking."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

(Local confessional, connects to the outer world)

"I get bitten by venomous creatures a lot." explained Mickey "It happens so often now that I've developed an immunity, last year on a school trip to Seaworld a box jellyfish sat on my head like it was a hat." he tried to catch Jay in a high five, only for them to miss "We don't high five much, it's a pretty new concept to us."

"Okay I think I've got it." Jay accidentally hit Mickey in the face, sending him stumbling straight into Laurie, causing her to fall face first into the mitt full of ants.

"Oh god I am so sorry about that!"

"No no, it's okay… I deserve that." she pulled her head out of the mitt, her face now swollen from the bullet ant venom, much to the horror of everyone else "What? What's the matter?"

"...Forget it, it's nothing." Miles took the tip from Laurie's swelling "Feeling divine and swing your butts over to the coconuts."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _That's right, teams must cross a nearby gorge by any means necessary and then search for their next tip hidden amongst several piles of coconuts."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Sounds good to me, let's get going! First place here we come!" Laurie started going the wrong way.

"Uh yeah let's go." Miles dragged Laurie in the opposite direction.

"Called it!" Lorenzo stuck his hand into the mitt and screamed in pain.

"Beat it butt breath, it's my turn to botch!" Chet stuck his hand in and grabbed the tip, receiving a number of bites on the hand in the process.

"Alright here goes." Mickey made his way over to the mitt.

That is, before Lightning shoved him out of the way and started flexing "Alright you stupid ants, get ready to taste the Lightning!"

"Sorry about that!" Cameron called to Mickey "And for the record Lightning it's my turn to do the botch or watch."

"Oh get real smart guy, like you could handle something like this!" he failed to notice Cameron gritting his teeth like he was about to snap "Nobody but the Lightning has what it takes to win this game-"

"ENOUGH!" Cameron finally exploded, taking everyone, especially Lightning, by complete surprise "That is it, I have been putting up with your inhumane arrogance for an entire year and I have had enough of it! You're nothing but an arrogant jerk who spends more time flexing his biceps and bragging about himself than he spends on the actual challenges, you're clearly compensating for your lack of self confidence and the knowledge to function in society like a normal human being, for which you barely qualify! Have you ever once considered that that is the reason you don't have any friends?! Now if you will please stop bragging for once in your life while I secure us this tip." so he reached into the bag and collected the tip, receiving a number of big bites on his hand in the process.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Emma blinked "Wow, so that's what it's like when you get a nerd angry."

Kitty nodded "I know, at least in real life they don't end up turning super bitter and end up becoming super villains or anything."

"...You read way too many comic books."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Cameron was taken by surprise by his own actions "Wow, that's only the second time in my life I've ever raised my voice. It honestly feels liberating." and then he puked into a bucket.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Gwen let out a sigh "Okay is it just me or are the producers of this show trying to kill us in just as many ways as Chris did while I was on Total Drama?"

Kevin shrugged "It's the vicious cycle of hell that is reality TV. More danger means more attention which means more ratings which means more money which means more popularity which means more seasons which means even more money which leads to the idiots in charge adding even more danger so that the cycle goes on a never ending loop."

" _...Oh my god, did you actually hear that? There really is someone on this show that understands what show business is all about! There really is hope for the next generation yet!"_

"I know you're thinking about how they might as well fire actual bullets at us, but then again there is legal to consider."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Alright here goes." Mickey made his way over to the mitt and prepared to grab a tip from inside of it.

That is, until Taylor got up in his face in a very intimidating manner "Back. Away."

"Hey leave him alone." Kitty told her "He was here first, it's his turn so just back off."

"Son of a- Fine, but I'm next." and so she walked off.

"Just be patient, we're all going."

"Wow, that was close. So, thank you." Mickey told her.

"You're welcome."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Mickey let out a sigh "Cute girls don't really talk to us that often unless it's stuff like asking if we're okay or how many fingers we see, who our emergency contact is, how they can't understand us when we're sobbing. You know, stuff like that."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

So with Jay giving him a thumbs up, Mickey took out two tips and handed one to Kitty "Here you go."

"Thank you!" Kitty accepted the tip and pulled him in for a selfie, leaving Mickey rather stunned.

Emma raised an annoyed eyebrow "And what exactly happened to our no alliance agreement?"

"First of all I didn't form an alliance, second of all I didn't agree to your agreement. What's the big deal?"

"The big deal is that you're in favor of trusting our competitors."

"And your problem is that you don't trust anyone since Jake broke up with you. 3 whole years ago!" that shut her up outright "Yeah that's what I thought."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Laurie and Miles were swinging across the gorge, one of the, in constant pain "The wind hurts my face!" they slammed into the cliffside "Now the cliff hurts my face!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Rock was in the middle of trying to encourage Spud to reach into the mitt "Come on dude you've gotta get the tip or we'll lose!"

"...Alright." without giving a damn, Spud just reached into the oven mitt, receiving a large number of bites from the ants inside, and pulled out the tip.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

(Confessional)

"Spud has a delayed reaction to just about everything, including pain." explained Rock "Thanks to that I don't expect him to feel those hundreds of excruciating bug bites for like 2 hours and then he'll be howling in pain like a hyena on a sugar high."

"What are you talking about?" Spud failed to notice his swollen hand.

"...Nothing important."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point, the first flight had finally landed and Brazil and the original first 8 teams raced to the Don Box to collect their tips.

Josee was the first one to collect a tip "It's a botch or watch, Jacques you're up this time. Now hurry up and GET THE DAMN TIP!"

"Alright alright." so Jacques reached into the mitt and got the tip, but he received a swollen hand in the process "Oh lord it stings like missing gold in Vancouver by half a point! Oh well, let's go." and they took off.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Having already collected their tips from the ant mitt, Kevin let go of the vine he was swinging on and leapt down onto the other side of the cliff, with Gwen slung over his shoulder, with the Stepbrothers and Adversity Twins swinging right behind them, only the Adversity Twins fell into the river below after their vine broke on them halfway across the gap.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"We arrived late in Brazil because of that stupid delay and that meant that we had to up our performance." explained Josee "Exactly like the way I did in the Olympic trials."

Jacques nodded uncomfortably "Yes, you mean the way we did that."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Now at the coconuts, Kevin was using his swollen hand in an attempt to cut open the coconuts by force.

"So when are you gonna use this?" Gwen held up a mallet with a bored look on her face "And when are you gonna mention Co- my boyfriend like you do every day just to get under my skin?"

He said nothing and just kept on chopping it

"Okay, that is it!" Gwen finally exploded "I have had it up to HERE with you and your crazy antics!"

Kevin raised an eyebrow "What are you going on about Pasty?"

"You know damn well what I'm going on about! You've barely said a word to me or anyone ever since we got to Brazil! No snarky comebacks, no dissing the Ice Dancers, you've barely even mentioned Cody to me since yesterday! You've got me so confused and frustrated and I can't even think straight! Just how like the lone wolf you claim to be, mock me for having the skin of a vampire, mention Cody and rub it in my face! Do something!" she grabbed him by the shirt with a crazed look in her eyes.

"...So you want me to mention Cody."

"For the sake of my sanity yes, and I love it when you mention Cody and rub it in my face as much as you do okay?! I love it because I love him! I LOVE CODY!" she took several deep breaths of frustration, only to pause when she noticed that Kevin had a huge shit eating grin on his face "You… You did that on purpose didn't you?"

"Why whatever do you mean Gwendolyn?"

"You- You spent the entire race up to this point conditioning me to get me used to you mentioning Cody every chance you got and then you just go silent out of nowhere- My sanity is just some sick joke to you isn't it?!"

"Rack em up Gwendolyn, let's play again."

"...Oh yeah that reminds me." she slammed a mallet down on his skull "Call me that again and no amount of Adam levels of crazy will be able to save you!" she opened up a coconut and took out a tip "Looks like this is an all in."

"Ow…"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _In this all in challenge, one team is required to make a headpiece and the other a tail for a costume deemed worthy of walking in the parade during Carnivale and once a local approves of the design of their costume they'll get their next tip."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Works for me, let's get moving." Gwen picked up Kevin by his hair "And for this one, please for the love of god just shut the hell up and let me take charge."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _In a surprising burst of speed and drama, and by surprising I mean awesome, the Artists have taken the lead, but back at the bullet ants the other 7 teams from the first flight are still botching or watching."_

DJ shrugged as he held up two swollen hands "I started lifting a little bit back home after what happened back in Africa during Total Drama World Tour, so once the right started swelling too much I just had to switch to the left. Symmetry is super important in life."

"Oh my shit dude, your mitts are so ripped." Geoff told him.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Kelly gripped one of the vines "Alright sweetie, get ready hop on and hold on like your life depends on it. DO IT!"

"Alright alright now give it a rest mom, you know screaming makes your neck waddle now chill out!" Taylor grabbed onto Kelly and they swung on the vine across the gorge and onto the other side, taking Taylor by surprise "Okay didn't see that coming, that was some seriously amazing upper body strength mom."

"Oh, well thanks honey."

"Are you drinking protein shakes or something because if you are then it's gonna go straight to your hips."

"Oh, uh…"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Lorenzo tried to open a coconut against a rock and ended up hurting himself instead "Ow!"

Chet ended up having the same results "Ow!" and then they both started beating the crap out of each other and throwing coconuts at each other.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point, Jay and Mickey had climbed their way back up the cliff "Okay… I think we're good…"

"Move aside pencil boys!" Josee kicked them out of the way as she and Jacques landed right in their spot "I can smell the gold, now onward to the coconuts!" and they ran over to the coconuts.

Jay, however, noticed a broken coconut with a tip right in front of them "Hey Mickey check it out, you found a tip! Maybe this is a sign that our luck is changing, I mean we found this tip without even trying. It kind of off sets off the vine breaking and us falling down into the ravine the way we did."

"Yay…" Mickey face planted into the ground.

"Mickey? You okay?" he received a muffled groan?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Look out, we're coming in hot!" DJ swung across the cliff on a vine.

"Yeah boy, that's how the Bromigos role!" Geoff however ended up crashing into the ridge of the cliff, his nether region experiencing a loud crunch as a result, causing him to let out a high pitched squeak and a tear from the pain, his voice increasingly high pitched "Ow…"

"Oh man, dude are you okay?" DJ helped him to his feet.

"Yeah dude… just gotta walk it off…" he fell to the ground "Ow…"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Kelly was quick to find a tip inside of one of the coconuts "Yes yes yes!"

"OMG mom put your arms down, you have pit stains!" Taylor hissed.

"We made it!" Miles climbed up to the top of the cliff side, with Laurie following right behind her, scaring Taylor into throwing a coconut at her, which Miles caught and opened to reveal a tip inside "Yes, a tip! Thank you mother Earth for this kind gesture."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Ennui pulled a tip out of the mitt, his hand now red and swelling "Ow."

"Don't be so dramatic about it." Crimson told him.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point Rock and Spud had made it to the gorge "Hey Spud, how are you doing with your hand?"

"It's fine, why?" then he noticed the swelling in his hand "Woah what happened?" he ended up pushing over a tree that ended up acting as a bridge.

"Right on, great thinking dude! Come on, let's get moving!"

"I could've sworn my hands were the same size when I got up this morning." and they slowly but surely made their way across the bridge, with the Best Friends following not long after.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

One by one the teams from the first flight, with the exception of the Artists since they had taken a huge lead early on, had either crossed or were crossing the gorge and moving onto the coconuts, and those teams either were or would soon be moving on to the costume challenge.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Miles finished up with the head piece for the costume "There, that's one done."

"Hey Miles, what color piece is this?" Laurie held up a beetle "Where am I supposed to put this?"

"Hold that thought." Miles freed the bug and handed the head piece to Laurie "Here's the head piece, I'll go ahead and get started on the tail."

"Okay."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"I already have a plan for some of my winnings." explained Miles "I'm going to use some of it so I can start a support group called the Closet Vegans Society for vegans like Laurie who've lost their way."

"Hey, I didn't want to eat the meat!" Laurie protested, facing the wrong way "I thought we had to!"

"Maybe but you didn't have to lick the plate now did you?"

"...I thought what happens in Iceland stays in Iceland!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Kitty was with Emma hard at work on their costume "Do you really think it's that bad of an idea to form an alliance with the Twins?"

Emma let out a scoff "You know how that would go, they'll get us to think they're on our side and then they'll dump us when we least expect it!"

"Are you sure about that?"

"We would never do that!" as it turns out the Adversity Twins were literally standing right next to them "The two of us are gentlemen."

"Awkward."

Emma let out a groan "Alright fine, I'll go along with a trial mini alliance. That's my offer and my only offer."

"Deal!" Jay held out his hand.

"You can take your hands off your face now."

"I would but I kind of glued it there." Mickey told her.

"Hold on I've got it." Jay grabbed onto Mickey's arm in an attempt to free his hands, earning a scream of pain and causing Emma and Kitty to cringe.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point, the Reality TV Pros, Father & Son, Ice Dancers, Stepbrothers and Ultimate Duo were still searching through the coconuts.

Noah looked over and saw Owen choking on a coconut "Are you kidding me?"

It took a few minutes but Owen managed to swallow it "It's okay, I got it down."

"Well that's just perfect, now all we have to do is wait 8 hours and see if there was a tip in that one." he poked him with a stick.

"Ow! You got me right in the coconut."

"...I have no snarky comment for that."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _While most of the teams continued to search for their tips hidden amongst the coconuts, the Fashion Bloggers, Tom and Jen, have just samba danced their way into first place with the Bromigos, Geoff and DJ, not far behind."_

Jen read the tip out loud "Make your way up to the cliff and take one of the tandem hang gliders to the Chill Zone on Copacabana beach. Let's go!" and she and Tom took off at full speed.

"To the cliff!" Geoff and DJ were right behind her.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Copacabana Beach is the location for today's Chill Zone, teams must use one of the tandem hang gliders perched on the edge of a nearby cliff to soar down like eagles onto the beach. Or in case of Geoff and DJ, they'll plummet like turkeys because they didn't hold on to the gliders tight enough."_

And once again, Geoff hit his kiwis on some very pointy rocks "Ow…"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point, the Ultimate Duo and Stepbrothers had already found the tips in their coconuts and moved on to the next challenge.

"Come on, let's try that area over there!" Josee threw away a random coconut, hitting Owen in the face with it.

Noah caught the tip inside said coconut "About time. Come on, let's go!" and so they took off for the costume challenge.

"...Well don't just stand there, go back!" she threw away another coconut.

Dwayne picked up this one and found another tip inside of it "Well what do you know? Come on son, let's get going." and he and Junior took off.

"That's ours! Give it to me!" Josee tackled him in an attempt to steal the tip.

"Uh… whoops." Jacques semi intentionally slipped on a coconut, which ended up hitting Josee in the head, revealing a tip inside.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Tell me again what happened?" Josee let out a groan "What hit me?"

"I already told you, it was a monkey." Jacques lied "A monkey jumped down from one of the trees, picked up the coconut and threw it at you." he received a skeptical glare.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _By now almost all of the teams are either working on or have already finished the costume challenge, and some of them are growing frantic."_

Sure enough, the Vegans and Stepbrothers (the latter being glued to each other like a bunch of idiots) received their tips and went on their way, with the Ice Dancers showing up almost immediately after with ridiculously authentic costumes.

"What the heck? Didn't they just get here like 5 minutes ago?" Noah pointed out.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jacques let out a snort "We've been designing and creating our own costumes since we were only 4, stuff like this is something we can do in our sleep! All we need is some beads, sparkles and a theme and we can skate your dream."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Gwen received a tip from the local as she displayed her costume "Yes!" she cringed when she noticed Crimson in her black version of the costume "Oh, wow. Hey. What's with the dark colors?"

"Bright colors are so meaningless." explained Crimson "They're nothing more than tools for people to use to make up for the fact that they lead sad and monotonous lives."

"Uh huh."

"I've seen you on Total Drama, you try to pass yourself off as a true goth, one who has a heart as black as the night itself, when the truth is your heart is full of gold. Don't try to be something you're not." and she and Ennui went on their way.

"...Okay." Gwen slung Kevin over her shoulder and went on her way after the Goths, ditching the costume in the process just as Mother & Daughter received their own travel tips.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Miles was trying to lead Laurie as they took off "Listen to me Laurie, on the count of 3 we're gonna jump okay? 1… 2… 3!" they jumped.

"Come on, I can see the Chill Zone from here!" Gwen, along with a still very disoriented Kevin, took off not far behind, the Goths right on their tail.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"I took charge of our team." explained Miles "I felt like I had to if we were going to have any chance of finishing the challenge today. Laurie couldn't even see because those mean ants basically turned her face into raw meat." this was meant with a moan from Laurie "Um I'm sorry, was that a yummy sound?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don was still waiting at the Chill Zone on the beach "As the race for first place is about to come to an end, the race to not come in last is just getting started. And it looks like the race for first has come to an end! Congratulations, the Fashion Bloggers take first place."

Sure enough, Tom and Jen had arrived first to the Chill Zone "Yes!" they high fived.

"Now stand aside, the second team is about to arrive and this is gonna be awesome."

Sure enough, this was when Miles and Laurie arrived and raced onto the carpet "Yes we made it, from last place to second place in one day! And we deserve it."

"Actually you don't. What you do deserve is what you're getting, and that is a 30 minute penalty." this wiped the smiles off of their faces.

"Why? We won fair and square, we completed the challenge and everything!"

"Yes but you didn't follow the instructions exactly, each one of you were supposed to make a component of the costume but Miles made both of yours." he sent them on their way and turned to the next team that arrived "Ice Dancers you've arrived in second place."

"...Second place? SECOND PLACE!?" Josee was about to throw a massive tantrum, only to let out a terrified shriek when she saw Laurie's face.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Lorenzo and Chet were making their way off of the cliff, still stuck together "The fact is that I'm doing pretty well considering I'm glued to him."

Chet let out a scoff "That's the only reason you're doing well, fact!"

"Fact wrong!"

"Fact right! Stamped it, locked it, no erasies!"

"Dammit!" they fell off of the cliff with their glider "Nice job, I'm being sarcastic!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don let out a horrified shriek as the Goths landed on the Chill Zone "Oh great flying birds of death, the Goths have come in 3rd place!"

One by one teams started to arrive at the Chill Zone and were counted off by Don, starting with the Artists.

"4th place."

The Bromigos.

"5th place."

Father & Son.

"6th place."

The Ultimate Duo.

"7th place."

The Best Friends.

"8th place."

The Stepbrothers.

"9th place."

Mother & Daughter.

"10th place."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _With time still counting down for the Vegans and pressure mounting for everyone, more and more teams are finishing up the challenges and making their way to the Chill Zone."_

Kitty looked over to Mickey and Jay "Hey guys we've still got each other's backs right?"

"Oh yeah, of course we do." Mickey told her.

"Okay, let's go!" the Sisters took off, with the Adversity Twins right behind them.

That is, before Mickey suddenly sneezed and accidentally crashed their glider into the Sisters, causing them to tumble through the air and crash onto the Carpet of Completion.

"Looks like the Twins took the Sisters on a double date to the air show." Don noted.

Emma let out a groan "The trial is over, the alliance is terminated."

"Sorry guys, I've gotta go with my sis on this one." Kitty told the Twins.

"Totally fair." Mickey waved that off.

Don made the call "And it's a painful multi limbed tie for 10th place, only 3 teams left and one of them is about to be left behind." he motioned for a medic to take away the Sisters and the Twins on stretchers.

"GET OUT OF THE WAY!" Noah and Owen crash landed on the carpet.

"12th place." Don had them taken away on stretchers as well "Vegans you've got 1 minute and 20 seconds left on your penalty."

"ROCK AND ROLL!" Rock and Spud landed on the beach and prepared to make a mad dash for the Chill Zone with 60 seconds left on the clock.

That is, until Spud suddenly froze and felt his hand throbbing "Uh…"

"...Yeah I think he feels those bug bites now. I've got your back dude!" Rock quickly jumped onto Spud's back as he started running and screaming.

Don looked up at the clock "Vegans your penalty is up in 3… 2… 1!"

"Yes!" Laurie and Miles prepared to make a mad dash for the carpet, only to be overtaken by the Rockers before they could even move.

Don made the call "Rockers are in 14th, second last place!" then he turned to the Vegans, his expression increasingly smug "Well tofu break ladies, you've been cut from the race. Maybe you can get a job at a tempeh agency. Soy long."

"All of our plans for the money…" filled with remorse, they left and sadly made their way off of the beach.

"Now that the last truly unselfish players have been eliminated, things are going to get VERY ugly. Next time on… the Ridonculous Race!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Miles let out a sigh as they made their way down the beach "That million dollars would have helped so many causes."

"I know… and I ate meat." Laurie nearly broke down crying.

"Your heart was in the right place. Not the one you ate I mean your heart, the one that's inside of you. Well I guess they're both inside of you but I meant the-"

"Please, just stop talking."

 **A/N:**

 **Okay, maybe not my best chapter so sorry for that, but I promise next one will make up for that. It's my second original chapter in this story.**

 **Yes I put Father & Son on the first flight even though they were in 9th, mainly for 2 reasons. First, I had to have a team replace the Ultimate Duo on the first flight and I didn't want to change any of that from canon. Second, I was already through that part when you guys started asking for that.**

 **So I know Cameron lashing out at Lightning might come off as OOC to you guys but I consider it to be a callback to his little adrenaline rush in episode 4 of Revenge of the Island. Plus I figure Lightning deserves it for being such a dick to Cameron this season. Gwen losing it on the other hand, that was just for fun. Oh and by the way, Kevin is so much fun to write.**

 **I know Devin and Carrie didn't really do anything noteworthy in this chapter, which is pretty much the same as in canon, but they'll have a semi larger role in chapter 9.**

 **I thought it made sense to have the Fashion Bloggers come in first because it was a fashion challenge, and because chapter 9 is mostly gonna be about them and the Ultimate Duo, and a little bit about the Best Friends.**

 **Rankings:**

 **Fashion Bloggers: 1st**

 **Ice Dancers: 2nd**

 **Goths: 3rd**

 **Artists: 4th**

 **Bromigos: 5th**

 **Father & Son: 6th**

 **Ultimate Duo: 7th**

 **Best Friends: 8th**

 **Stepbrothers: 9th**

 **Mother & Daughter: 10th**

 **Adversity Twins: tied for 11th**

 **Sisters: tied for 11th**

 **Reality TV Pros: 13th**

 **Rockers: 14th**

 **Elimination:**

 **Vegans: 15th**

 **Geniuses: 16th**

 **Tennis Rivals: 17th**

 **LARPers: 18th**


	8. A Tisket, a Casket

" _Last time on the Ridonculous Race, some teams had a lot more fun than utters did as we hit Brazil. Okay someone is definitely getting fired for that one. The ants came marching one by one, an alliance between the Sisters and the Adversity Twins ended before it started, the Ultimate Duo became not so ultimate when Cameron finally stood up against Lightning and told him that he wasn't as Sha-bam as he wanted everybody to believe. The Fashion Bloggers strutted their way into first place and we said soy long to the Vegans when a penalty pushed them into last place and they got cut from the competition. What's even more sad is that their flight home crash landed on an island populated by cannibals, it's so weird that I can't even think about it without laughing. Now get ready for more delicious chaos because the time has come for more of… the Ridonculous Race!"_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Now healed of his black eye, Don stood at the Chill Zone on Copacabana Beach from the day before "The Chill Zone for last week was here on Copacabana Beach which makes it the starting point for today's leg of the race. Leaving first will be the Fashion Bloggers." he gestured to where Tom and Jen were posing, but he noticed something off "Okay what the heck?"

"What you mean this?" Tom pointed to the fez he was wearing "See I bought it from a local here who as it turns out is a distributor so I 4,000 of them and had them shipped home. I am going to make fezes happen."

"...Huh. Can I get one?" he received one "Cool."

"Alright enough wasting time." Jen picked up a tip from the Don Box "Make your way to the castle of Dracula in Transylvania?!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Yeah that's right, Transylvania. The home of majestic mountains, old Saxon architecture and the birthplace of the heebie jeebies. Teams must travel to Dracula's castle and find the Don Box with their next tip, but before that they will be taken to the airport by shuttle bus."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sure enough, all of the 14 remaining teams had wound up on the same shuttle bus headed for the airport, much to the dismay of the Ice Dancers. Well more Josee than Jacques but then again that's the norm for them.

Crimson, however, felt something very very off "What is this strange feeling?"

"I fear it may be… happiness." Ennui sounded very dramatic but still emotionless "I mean we're going to Transylvania. I can't believe it."

"Awesome."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jacques let out a sigh "Well this could've gone better, I mean we came in-"

"Don't. Say. It." Josee's voice was laced with venom.

"...An unacceptable placement?" he received no reply "And we're-"

"Stuck on the same bus as everyone else!"

"I don't think it's that bad."

"WELL I DO! And if the other teams steal the gold from us one more time, gold that we rightfully deserve, I WILL DESTROY EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM AND GRIND THEM INTO DUST!" and she stormed off to throw a temper tantrum in the back.

"...Oh boy."

Devin leaned over across the aisle "Is she gonna be okay?"

"Oh she'll be fine, I just have to wait until she rages herself to sleep."

"Just checking."

Carrie on the other hand was talking to Tom and Jen "So you guys do a fashion blog? No way that is so cool, so which one of you guys started it?"

"I did." they both answered simultaneously, but ended up sharing a look "No I did. I did. I did. I did!"

"...Oh boy."

Devin gently slid her back down into her seat "Probably best if we just let them sort it out."

"But I didn't mean to make them fight like that."

"I know you didn't but I'm gonna use this as a test. You know how I've been saying that we'd wait until after the 5th team got eliminated before we try to form an alliance right?"

"Yeah?"

"Well I weighed over the results from the end of each race and I decided that they're probably the best team for us to work with."

"But if they're arguing then-"

"I know I know, that's why we're gonna wait for it to play out and ask them during tomorrow's leg of the race. As for today…" he looked back towards the Rockers.

"Really? No offense homie but they've kind of…"

"Been in the bottom 4 almost every time? Relax homie they've got moxie, they just need to go faster and we can help them do it."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It wasn't long before the shuttle brought all of the 14 teams to the airport where they rushed to book flight for Transylvania.

Rock let out a groan "Man we're starting in last place, this really bites."

"Hey guys." Devin made his way over to them, with Carrie right behind him "You guys got a second?"

"Sure I guess, what's up?"

"Carrie and I were wondering if you wanted to work together today, I mean other teams are doing it so we were wondering. You wanna try doing the challenge together? Just for today I mean that way we could at least get into the top 5 or so."

Rock looked over at Spud listening to music "I guess it would be nice not to be in the bottom 4 for a change. Sure why not, it's only for like a day right?" they shook on it.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _The first 7 teams to get their tickets, mainly the Best Friends, Rockers, Fashion Bloggers, Goths, Bromigos and Ultimate Duo, are on the first flight to Transylvania."_

Cameron let out a sigh as he glanced over at Lightning and turned to the camera "Ever since I lashed out at him during the challenge yesterday Lightning hasn't said a word to me or to anyone. I really hope he doesn't crush me like a grape."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _The first flight carrying the first 7 teams has already taken off, but the last 7 teams booked for the second flight leave 45 minutes later which may prove to be quite a difficult hurdle to overcome."_

Kevin noticed Gwen seeming somewhat down while sketching in her book "Are you really gonna keep griping on me about my little sanity draining stunt yesterday? Come on, I said I was sorry. Let it go already."

"It's not that you idiot." Gwen looked up from her sketchbook and let out a sigh "It's about what I said to get you to shut up. About Cody I mean."

"What about it?"

"To be honest I only thought I was saying it to shut you up but I realized it was true, I really do love Cody with all of my heart."

"...Oh. Well it took you long enough."

"Yeah yeah I know, laugh it up."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jen and Tom were still having their own problems "Okay yeah you typed it up but it was my idea so I was the creator and you were more like the secretary."

"I'm sorry, what now?" Tom shot her a look.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _The second flight is at last in the air after departing from Brazil as the first plane finally touches down in Romania."_

"Come on, move it!" all 7 of the teams on the first flight rushed out of the airport, only to stop when they noticed Dracula's castle in the distance, freaking out 6 out of the 7 teams.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Wow." Crimson muttered "Okay, so Dracula was the first goth in history which means he was our king. To be here in his domain is… I just… I can't… I'm so…"

"Hey stop it." Ennui quickly called it off "That was close, you almost got some color in your face." this was followed by a wolf howling in the distance."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jen looked away from Tom as she read the tip "Okay let's just go ahead and get to the castle already."

"Yeah I know, that's what the tip said." Tom pointed out, his tone somewhat bitter "Or did you want to take credit for that idea too?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Geoff shuddered "So there's no taxis around but we look up the road and there's the castle plain as day, even though it's night. It was so creepy, I got so many goose bumps that they nearly made me take a goose dump."

"Dude." DJ shot him a weirded out look "No, just… no."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point, Josee and Jacques had reached Dracula's castle and found the Don Box waiting for them "Yes! First place at last!"

"Wait a second, that shouldn't be possible." Jacques pointed out "The Goths were far ahead of us and the rest of the teams."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

As it turns out, Ennui and Crimson were inside the castle already, admiring a painting of none other than Dracula himself "Doesn't Vlad look striking?"

"I can see the similarities." Crimson pointed out "You look so much like him, you might even take his place as ruler of all things dark one day."

"Stop it, you're going to make me blush."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Who cares where they are?" Josee picked up a tip "It's an All In."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _For this all in challenge each team has to enter Dracula's castle and locate an empty coffin and whoever took the tip from the Don Box outside of the castle and to the graveyard with their teammate inside of it and tip it into one of the open graves. Creepy I know, but anyway once you complete the task see the local grave digger to collect your next tip. Oh, and the teammate inside the coffin may not get out or help at all or it will result in a penalty."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _As the first group of teams prepare to start on the coffin challenge, the second flight arrives carrying the last 7 teams has at last arrived in Romania. The races for first place and last place are really about to begin now."_

"Come on!" the Sisters, Artists, Reality TV Pros, Adversity Twins, Sisters, Mother & Daughter and Stepbrothers all rushed out of the airport, only to be terrified at the sight of Dracula's castle in the distance.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Oh man." Jay muttered "Look we know that vampires aren't real, we're not a couple of scared little kids okay? But that being said, werewolves are a different story."

Mickey nodded "Yeah and if they can smell fear then I am in so much trouble because I am doused in pure unyielding terror."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point Rock was telling Carrie and Devin an old story of his "Then he's screaming about how the moose doesn't need mouth to mouth since it's just one of those things that you mount on a wall!" they laughed until they met a fork in the road "Oh boy. So what do we do now, go our separate ways?"

"Actually I think I've got a better idea." Devin told him "Me and Spud can go one way while you and Carrie go the other way, that way we'll be sure to regroup once we find the coffins."

"...Works for me."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Junior gestured for Dwayne to get into the coffin "Now remember, don't get out of there or do anything that will end up getting us a penalty." he started struggling to push the coffin.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Will any of these teams even make it out of Dracula's castle alive to make it to the graveyard? I would say probably not, but the only way to know for sure is to stay tuned when we come back right here on… the Ridonculous Race!"_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _The race continues through Dracula's castle in Transylvania as most of the teams struggle to complete the first challenge."_

Cameron cringed from within the coffin "Lightning still hasn't said a word to anyone since we arrived, and for a guy that likes to brag about himself that's really unnerving."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jacques let out a sigh as he rubbed his face "I know it's a race and all but with the way Josee was moving that coffin and all I was sure I was going to end up covered in bruises."

"Oh is that right?" Josee shot him a dirty look "You mean like if someone were to hold you over their head and drop you on the ice face first in a stadium filled with thousands of people on the single most important day of your life? Is that the kind of covered in bruises you were talking about?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point, Tom and Jen were still arguing as they found the coffins "I really do hope there's enough room for your ridiculously giant head and all of your great ideas in there."

"You know it's going to be nice to have you carry me for a change." Jen stepped into the coffin and slammed the door shut.

"The way I see it, the only change is that this time you're in a coffin." he pushed it over.

"You did that on purpose!"

"Your point being?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Ennui examined the interior of the coffin "Vintage hexagon oakwood with corinthian leather interior. Very nice."

Crimson stepped inside "Take me to the grave digger." the door to the coffin slammed shut.

"Coffins can be so flimsy."

"When I die I want to be buried in one that was made during the plague, they really knew how to make a coffin last."

"That is so true."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point Rock was walking with Carrie and making small talk "So be real with me, you've got it bad for Devin right?"

Carrie stopped and blushed "What gave it away?"

"Your confession in Morocco, I was standing like 3 feet away."

"...Oh. Fine, yes I do love him. But the problem is that we've been friends for so long and he already has a girlfriend so can you please not say anything?"

"Don't worry, I promise I won't but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't." he ended up crashing into a coffin "Oh hey cool we found them, now we've just gotta wait for Devin and Spud to show up and we're on our way."

"LOOK OUT BELOW!" Devin and Spud suddenly fell through a hole in the ceiling and into one of the coffins.

"Oh hey way to make time guys, found the coffins so let's get moving."

"...Okay." it turns out Devin had been left highly disoriented from the landing, but Spud was no worse off than usual.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point, Ennui was still dragging Crimson towards the graveyard in her coffin "We're almost there."

"Stop." Crimson suddenly rose up from the coffin like an actual vampire "I know it's against the rules but this might be your only chance, well the only one you'll actually remember that is. Get in the coffin."

"...Okay." so he hopped in the coffin as the door slammed shut.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Josee was still flipping Jacques forward on hey way to the graveyard and passed Father & Son on the way, only to find the Stepbrothers already there "What the- Weren't you two on the second flight? How did you get here so fast?"

"Who are you talking to?" asked Jacques from inside of the coffin, only to be pushed into the hole rather forcefully "Oh come on, it was just a question!" he climbed out and noticed the Best Friends and Rockers arrive "Huh, good for them. Hey Josee, is that the gravedigger?" he pointed to the grave digger.

Lorenzo shuddered from within the open grave "Well I think it's safe to say he isn't the ice cream man."

"There's ice cream?! Where?!" Owen started struggling from within the coffin "Come on, let me out!"

"Okay that's enough of that." Noah forcefully showed Owen into the grave with a smile on his face "That was way more satisfying than it should've been."

"Come on already nerd!" Lorenzo climbed his way out of the open grave, only to be startled by the grave digger which caused him and Chet to fall back into the grave, and yet regardless of this he still received the tip "Oh. Thanks." he read the tip out loud "Ride on horseback to the Romanian Gymnastics Training Center and find the Don Box with your next tip." he shared a look with Chet "Horseback?" he could hear a neighing and looked over to see a large number of angry horses in the distance.

"...Well that's kind of scary." Chet commented "But what's sweet is that we're in first place!"

"Oh yeah I know, the last time I won anything was that medal for being awesome!"

"Hey you stole that medal from my cereal box!"

"Will you stop ruining my moment but spray!" they started beating the crap out of each other just as the Fashion Bloggers and Bromigos arrived and the Best Friends and Rockers received their tips.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Cameron held up the tip "It took us a little bit longer than we had anticipated to find the graveyard."

"Just say it!" Lightning suddenly exploded out of nowhere "It took me awhile to find the damn graveyard alright?!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Yes!" Jay held up a tip in triumph as he helped Mickey out of the grave "So it looks like there's no werewolf or anything."

Mickey nodded "Yeah but believing there was pushed us further than we thought we would be able to go."

"Yeah, and because of that we're still in the race." and they went on their way, not noticing a sinister shadowy figure watching them in the distance.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Devin and Carrie helped Rock and Spud out of the graves just as Kevin arrived at the graveyard, carrying Gwen in their coffin "The Ice Dancers and the Stepbrothers have a pretty solid lead but if we hurry we can catch up, either of you guys know anything about riding on horseback?"

"Oh I've got this one." Rock quickly collected two horses, one for each team "My mom is a zoologist so I know a lot about animals, now come on! First place here we come!" and they all took off.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The Stepbrothers were closing in on the training center "There's the training center!" that is before they were suddenly overtaken by the Ice Dancers, with even the horse smiling for the camera "Oh you've gotta be kidding me!"

"Coming through!" the Best Friends and the Rockers bypassed them and reached the Don Box just as the Ice Dancers rushed inside "It's a botch or watch, looks like two of us are gonna be doing gymnastics."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Gymnastics, nastics that take place in a gym. Seriously who writes my script? I've fired three guys already as it is! Whoever didn't face the bullet ants in Brazil must perform twp gymnastic feats. First they have to walk a balance beam and land a split jump at the center, second they have to complete a flip over a vaulting horse. Once they do both of these well enough to get a thumbs up from a local judge who hates everything by the name of Bela Karaoke and it's a foot race down the road to the Chill Zone. Like always, the last team to arrived could be cut from the race."_

Josee easily completed the challenge and received a thumbs up "Hello first place!" and so she and Jacques ran out the door.

Not long after Devin and Rock both completed the challenge and received two thumbs up of their own "Yeah!" they high fived and rushed off, with Carrie and Spud both following close behind.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Josee let out a scoff "Of course I'm good at gymnastics, it's actually not that different from ice dancing. The only difference is that in our sport you wear knives under your feet and there isn't any soft padding to land on if you fall, just a rock hard layer of solid ice."

"Oh for crying out loud!" Jacques let out a groan of frustration "I said I was sorry!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _The race for first place is about to come to an end but the race for not last place is about to begin."_

Jen let out a groan of frustration "Tom was taking breaks like every 10 feet, he clearly needs to work out more."

Tom let out a scoff "Or maybe Jen could try a little something called laying off the bread a little bit." this was met with a gasp from Jen.

"Fez hats are ridiculous and you will never make them popular!" this was met with another gasp.

"Oh is that right, you mean like the time you tried to make plaid leg warmers happen?" this was met with yet another gasp.

"OMG… No, I can't even…" and she rushed off.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don was somewhat surprised to see the Ice Dancers arrive so quickly "Ice Dancers congratulations, you guys are in-"

"First place!" Josee started posing with joy "Took it long enough too."

"...Yeah now get off the carpet." he pushed them off and addressed the next two teams that arrived "Best Friends you guys are in second place, Rockers you're in third." this was met with cheers from both sides.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _The race for first place is over, as is the race for the top three, but the race for not last has at last begun."_

Owen was trying to do the second stunt, only for the springboard to fail him "What the heck?"

Noah however was more interested in something else "Well what do we have here?"

"Get out of the way!" as it turns out Emma had charged and leapt over Owen in place of the vaulting horse, flipping gracefully through the air and landing on the matt, receiving a thumbs up from the judge.

' _Well now… I think I just got my first boner.'_ Noah was then crushed by Owen and dragged off towards the Chill Zone, with the Sisters right behind them just as Chet finished the challenge and received the thumbs up.

"Man he's got some serious skills." DJ commented.

Lorenzo let out a scoff "Yeah but that's only because he takes rhythmic gymnastics, but I say that if he had any guts then he'd drop that crap and sign up for my class where I learn about the ancient art of karate."

"You know that's actually pretty cool. You guys bring different skills to the table, it makes you guys that much stronger of a team."

"A good team? As if! Yeah, hell no to the hell no!"

"Hey loser I'm done!" Chet barked "Are you coming or what?!"

"Yes!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don was quick to count off the next two teams "Reality TV Pros are in 4th place. Sisters are in 5th place."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _The race for not last is beginning to heat up as three teams in particular, mainly the Ultimate Duo, Fashion Bloggers and Adversity Twins, are struggling that much more than the other teams."_

Sure enough, Lightning tried to do the split jump only to end up hurting his crotch with a very painful squirting noise "Ow…"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

One by one teams arrived at the Chill Zone and Don counted then off, starting with the Stepbrothers "6th place!"

Mother & Daughter.

"7th place!"

Then the Goths, but there was a problem.

"You guys are in 8th place, or would be in 8th place if you haven't broken the rules with the coffin so I'm afraid I'll have to give you a 10 minute penalty."

"Totally worth it." was all Crimson said.

"...Uh huh." he pushed them to the side as more teams arrived, starting with the Artists.

"8th place!"

Father & Son.

"9th place!"

The Bromigos.

"10th place, and with only three more teams out there the Goths look nervous." they didn't.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jay finally completed the vaulting horse challenge and received a thumbs up "Alright this is awesome!" and he and Mickey rushed off.

Lightning hurt his crotch on the vaulting horse yet again "Ow…"

"Lightning!" Cameron frantically rushed over to help him "Are you okay?" he received a dry look "Listen, about what I said yesterday-"

"Look it's not like the Lightning likes being a jerk to people all the time, it's kind of become this habit of mine. You think it's fun being the one that everyone hates?"

"Maybe the problem is that you're so afraid that everyone is going to reject you that you try to push them away first, I'm guessing that either you have problems at home or you were picked on a lot."

"My mom left a few years ago because of my pops being so arrogant so he tried to make me into a mini clone of him and it kind of stuck."

"Well he's not here now so just do your best and let's finish this."

"Yeah, yeah I think I gotcha. Tell me little dude, you think we're gonna be friends after this is over?"

"Sure why not?" he heard a zapping noise and they both looked over and cringed "Ouch."

As it turns out, Tom had crashed into the lamp above while trying to do the horse vault challenge and got electrocuted "Ow…"

"Oh my god!" a horrified Jen flipped her way over to him over the vaulting horse "Tom are you okay?"

"I'm sorry Jen, I'm so bad at gymnastics. You know my strengths are with coordinating clothing, if you were doing this then we'd already be done. You're so good at these things."

"Oh come on Tom, you're great at everything you put your mind to. I mean it's so great it's annoying but it's still great."

"Oh thank you you perfect sweet girl." he pulled himself back to his feet "I promise I won't let you down, I can do this."

"I know you can, I believe in you." she put on her fez hat to show her support.

"The blog was your idea by the way, it's yours all the way."

"No you made so many great changes to the blog, if anything it's way more your blog than it is mine."

"How about this instead, we say it's ours."

"I like that, I really do."

"I always want to work with you Jen."

"I feel the same way Tom."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don counted off the Adversity Twins once they reached the Chill Zone "11th place, you guys live to see another day." he looked over at the Goths "You guys have about a minute and a half left on your penalty by the way.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jen and Cameron were both cheering on Tom and Lightning respectively "Come on you can do it, you rule Tom/ Lightning!"

"Alright, here goes!" Tom quickly did the flip over the vaulting horse and received a thumbs up from the judge "Yes!"

"Great job Tom now come on, let's go!" Jen grabbed him by the hand and they took off for the Chill Zone just as Lightning finished the challenge.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don turned his attention to the Goths once a loud buzzer sounded "Goths your penalty has expired, you're in 12th place."

"Woohoo." they just walked off without showing any emotion, which is normal for them.

"...Oh joy, they're still in the race."

"Please tell us we are too!" the Fashion Bloggers ground to a halt on the Carpet of Completion.

"Yes you are. 13th place, you're still in and so are your fezes."

"Yes!" they rushed off just as Cameron and Lightning arrived, Lightning carrying Cameron on his shoulders.

"I'm sorry, you guys are out." this was met with groans.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Cameron let out a sigh "Well that could've been a lot worse, I mean we played clean and fair and we learned a lot."

Lightning nodded "Yeah, and now the Lightning is gonna learn how to kick it with his little buddy by his side. Ultimate Duo for the win! Well not this time at least but next time for sure!"

"Yeah we totally will." they were walking away from Dracula's castle only to notice a large swarm of bats following behind them "Okay is it just me or are there far too many bats around for it to be normal?"

"...RUN!" and they both ran away screaming as the bats swarmed in.

 **A/N:**

 **Sorry this took so long, I was having a hard time finding the motivation to write this chapter. But on the bright side, this is where shit gets good. The birth of Nemma (Noah x Emma)!**

 **So yes, the Fashion Bloggers staying is one of the four big changes from the canon elimination order. This is for two main reasons. First, I like them and thought they deserved to make it farther. Second, I pretty much put Cameron and Lightning in the race as fodder so that I wouldn't have to write out the Daters because let's face it, they suck. Also, I kind of had the idea of pairing up Jen with Geoff but I'm not sure how to go about it. If you guys could give me some suggestions then I would really appreciate that.**

 **I figured pair up the Best Friends and the Rockers in this chapter because I thought the Rockers deserved to place in the top 3 at least once before their comeback begins in Finland.**

 **Now then, onto a serious problem I have. I'm trying to write the character roster for my Total Drama All Stars fic, but I'm having a hard time deciding who to put in as the 7th original cast member. So far I have Adam, Cody, Bridgette, Duncan, Heather and Alejandro. I need a 7th. I was thinking on doing Courtney but I hit a roadblock that many people despise: Sundae Muddy Sundae. I was going to eliminate her before then but I can't think of any good place to do so, so I decided to cut her out of the season altogether. But that leads to another problem, that being that I need to think of someone to replace her. It can't be Gwen, DJ, Noah or Owen because they're competing in the Ridonculous Race. I can't do Leshawna because I plan to have her do a cameo later in the season. I was also going to do Lindsay but that would leave the heroes and villains team unbalanced. I need someone that I can put on the villains team, so if anyone could give me some suggestions then that would be great. Oh, and just so you know, since Lightning and Cameron are, or were in the Ridonculous Race, the Revenge of the Island roster for the All Stars fic will be Mike, Zoey, Jo, Scott, Brick, Dawn and Anne Maria (to my VERY GREAT reluctance, I'm only putting her in to balance out the generation count). Please review and let me know what you think.**

 **Rankings:**

 **Ice Dancers: 1st**

 **Best Friends: 2nd**

 **Rockers: 3rd**

 **Reality TV Pros: 4th**

 **Sisters: 5th**

 **Father & Son: 6th**

 **Bromigos: 7th**

 **Artists: 8th**

 **Stepbrothers: 9th**

 **Mother & Daughter: 10th**

 **Adversity Twins: 11th**

 **Goths: 12th**

 **Fashion Bloggers: 13th**

 **Elimination:**

 **Ultimate Duo: 14th**

 **Vegans: 15th**

 **Geniuses: 16th**

 **Tennis Rivals: 17th**

 **LARPers: 18th**


	9. Hawaii Honeyruin

" _Last time on the Ridonculous Race, our teams paid a visit to the creepy crib of Count Dracula in Transylvania and it terrified all of them. Well, almost all of them. The Best Friends and Rockers formed an alliance of darkness and scored second and third place respectively. The Ice Dancers grabbed first place and I think Emma unknowingly caught Noah's heart, yeah like that's gonna end well. The Goths cracked their first smiles while the Fashion Bloggers and the Ultimate Duo nearly cracked under the pressure, the only difference being that the Ultimate Duo got cut from the race. Who will crack under the pressure this week? There's only one way to find out, it's time for the next episode of… the Ridonculous Race!"_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Daybreak came, and the black as night sky shifted to an ominous gray clouding over the lands of Transylvania.

Don stood by the Chill Zone from the day before "Welcome back to yesterday's Chill Zone in Transylvania where yesterday's first place team, the Ice Dancers, are about to grab the first travel tip of the day."

Sure enough, Josee grabbed the tip from the Don Box "Take a donkey cart to the airport in Bucharest and fly to… HAWAII!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don stood outside the airport in said tropical paradise "That's right it's Hawaii, the home of beautiful sunshine, ukuleles and shirts that should only be worn in an ironic fashion. Once the teams land they'll need to find the Don Box with their next tip." he scowled at the sight of the Don Box wearing one of said ironic shirts "Oh yeah that's so hilarious, I'm betting that was wardrobe wasn't it?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Owen was in the middle of playing a game of charades with Kitty, much to Emma's clear but ignored annoyance "Oh oh I've got this one, I'm really good at this game! Is it goal posts? No wait, rectangle face! No no no I've got it, a box of candy!" this caused Kitty to facepalm in annoyance "What?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Josee let out a scoff "Playing is for weak minded little kids, we on the other hand have to stay focused on the gold at all times."

Jacques nodded "Exactly, to be honest I'm even so focused that I haven't washed my boxers since the race started."

"That's not focused, that's just gross."

"Oh is that right? Well have you ever stopped to think that maybe some people think your lucky rabbit's foot is gross?"

"Hey you leave Bun Bun out of this!"

"Then you leave my lucky gitch out of this!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Owen was still trying and failing to guess with charades "Cheesecake?"

Kitty let out a sigh "Click."

"No wait I've got it, exploding cheesecake!"

"Camera, it's camera!" Emma finally exploded at him "She said click, how could you not have gotten that?!" she shot a look at Noah while he was reading a book and ignoring everything "I mean how could you put up with this all day? Hey are you listening? Hey earth to asshole. Hello, anyone in there?"

Noah lifted his head out of his book and pulled out some earplugs "Sorry what was that? I was tuning out everything since we got in the coffin. Anyway don't be hard on the big guy or anything, he can just be a little bit… hungry." he pointed to where Owen was chewing on a small part of the wagon "Just be glad it hasn't gone through the southern exit yet, otherwise we wouldn't still be alive right now." he pulled out a chart out of nowhere "Take a look over here if you will and you'll see the Owen Stink Scale."

"There's a scale?"

"Oh yeah sure. Sushi farts are a 1, onion soup is a 5, spicy burrito farts go all the way to 12 and those bad boys can peel the garnish off of a locker."

"...Good to know." and she just stomped off.

' _Yep it's official, I've got my first erection.'_

"You okay buddy?" asked Owen.

"I'm fine, just feeling a little bit of something downstairs."

"Do you have to make boom boom?"

"Not that kind of downstairs." this was followed by the cart hitting a rock, causing Josee's lucky rabbit's foot to fall out of her pocket even though nobody noticed.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Chet plugged his nose in disgust "Oh god this donkey reeks!"

"Oh yeah!" Lorenzo shot him a smirk "Well guess what, he said the same thing about you!"

"A talking donkey? Oh yeah cause that's possible!"

"Well it must possible because you're spewing out crap right now! Oh yeah that's right, call me when you've got a comeback out of your ass!"

"Lorenzo is an ass face, how about that?"

"Oh yeah?! Well Chet is a tool stool!"

"God how old are those two?" Junior muttered.

Dwayne shrugged "Don't mind those two, there are just some people who don't understand how important quality family time is right sporto?"

"Yeah, sure thing dad."

"That's my boy."

Taylor let out a scoff "You know you're so lucky that you get to do this with your dad."

"Oh trust me, I'm the lucky one. I bet getting to do this with your mom must be pretty awesome too though right?"

"Oh please, as if."

"Why, what's with her?" he failed to notice a dirty look he received from Kelly.

"Look it's not what's wrong with my mom, it's more of a matter of how my daddy and I can do everything better than she can."

"You see, Taylor is more of a daddy's girl all things considered." explained Kelly.

"Well that's a huge duh, daddy and I both have loads in common like we both hate being successful and we both hate avocado."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

At the same time, Devin and Carrie were riding with the Rockers after yesterday "So I've gotta admit guys, yesterday was pretty fun."

Rock nodded "Yeah I know, thanks for helping us with that by the way. I mean for all we know if it wasn't for you we might've gotten eliminated."

"Don't worry about it, it was fun."

"Yeah but now that we've got a head start and maybe we can come in first for once." he started doing a rift with air guitar.

"You never know, we might." Devin leaned over to Carrie, his voice low "I think we should go over our own game plan one more time."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

At the same time, Kevin was talking with Geoff and DJ in their own cart "And that's why I started art school, of course making a sculpture of my professor's human form didn't go so well but I found out she slept with one of the students so that bitch is history. Oh wait hold that thought." he was answered by a fart from their donkey "Yeah that's nice, the stench of manliness."

Geoff burst out laughing "Oh man, going from Dracula's crib to the birthplace of tropical paradise? Man this race is so awesome!"

DJ nodded "Yeah I told you the two of us doing this together was a great idea. We haven't been to Hawaii since the end of the third season of Total Drama."

"...Yeah. Right." Geoff's face fell.

"Oh. That. Right."

"Hey don't worry about it, so what if you were an idiot and Bridgette dumped you?" Kevin was answered by Geoff curling up into a ball anime style but went on anyway "That just means there's someone else out there for you." he gestured to Gwen drawing in her sketchbook "Hence why she and Trent didn't work out and why she and Cody are about to enter a whole new ball game thanks to yours truly."

"What did you do?" asked DJ.

"I screwed with her head in while we were in Brazil until she was willing to admit that she really was in love with Cody, now we've just gotta power through until the end and then she can confess."

"Where is Cody during this anyway?"

"Oh he's with the Drama Brothers on tour doing a couple of night clubs, country clubs and some kind of international reality TV show or something."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Ennui let out a remorseful sigh "Leaving a dark paradise like Romania is tough as it is, but leaving a dark paradise like Romania to go to a tropical paradise like Hawaii filled with sunshine and happiness?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jen cringed at the smell of their donkey "Oh god that's gross. Why do we have our own again?"

"Says the one if the cart." Tom pointed out dryly "But anyway let's think about this way, now that we have a chance we can rethink our strategy. We almost lost the last leg because of something so stupid like who started our blog."

"Yeah that was super unprofessional of us, I usually don't lose my composure so easily like that."

"We both could've handled that a lot better than we did, but the problem now is our new game plan. What should we do?"

"Well I noticed that the Best Friends and the Rockers were working together in the last challenge, why not give that a try with them too?"

"What, you mean like form an alliance?"

"Sure why not, I mean it's not like either of them are the kind to betray us. Besides, we still have to tell Carrie about who started the blog."

"Us?"

"Oh yeah, totally us."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _All of the teams are on the same flight to Hawaii and after a 16 hour flight the 13 remaining teams arrive, and as custom in Hawaii teams are greeted with a lovely necklace consisting of local flowers."_

Jay and Mickey were quick to run into a problem with this "Oh wow, hi. Those wouldn't happen to be… orchids?!" and they both ran away screaming.

However, the local threw the necklace like a boomerang and ended up hitting him with the thing, resulting in a sneezing fit.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Emma was quick to shove Owen out of the way from the Don Box before he was able to grab a tip "Move it big guy, this tip is so ours! You might as well go ahead and give up now."

"Oh yeah you're asking for it now, prepare to get Noah all over your butt!" Owen waited a moment for Noah to give some sort of input, but nothing happened "Any second now, he's just thinking for a minute and then he's gonna cut loose!"

"Nope." Noah just gestured for them to take a tip without looking up from his book, but he stole the occasional glance towards her.

Kitty took this chance to take a tip from the Don Box "Looks like it's a botch or watch, whoever didn't do the gymnastics challenge in Romania has to go diving for… wedding rings?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Like Kitty said, in this challenge teams have to dive into the most popular wedding bay in all of Hawaii and retrieve one of the rings we've placed along the bottom and then swim to the beach at the tip of the bay in order to meet their partner and find the Don Box with their next instructions."_

Josee screeched to a halt outside of the airport "Wait a minute, something doesn't feel right." she reached around and quickly found out what the problem was "Oh no, I lost Bunbun! Where's Bunbun?!"

"Easy Josee, it's okay." Jacques tried to calm her down "We don't need any luck rabbit's foot or anything, like you told me about my underpants it's nothing but a pointless superstition and it doesn't mean anything."

"Alright then, if you're so confident then why don't you go ahead and take off your lucky gitch?"

"...Oh look there's the Don Box, let's go." and he rushed off.

"Yeah that's what I thought!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

One by one the teams made their way to the wedding bay, with the Ice Dancers and the Rockers being the first ones to hit the water.

Emma was trying to convince Kitty to dive into the water "You don't have to be scared Kitty, I know you can do it."

"I don't know, it looks pretty deep." Kitty pointed out.

"Just pretend it's like the pool at Nana's condo, only with a lot less old people floating around in the water. You ready? Okay go!" she shoved Kitty into the water.

"Are you kidding me?! You shoved me!"

"It was just a push to encourage you and besides you're fine, now go get one of those rings so we can come in first for a change!"

As this went on, Carrie wrapped her arms around Devin "Okay wish me luck."

"You don't need luck, you're gonna rock this." Devin encouraged her.

Carre was left blushing dreamily as she dove off of the dock… only to crash onto a large rock in the middle of the bay as a result, resulting in a crashing noise that made everyone cringe at the sound.

"Ouch. Oh well. CANNONBALL!" Kevin dove in full force, with a terrified DJ doing the same not long after.

That was when Jacques rose up from the water with one of the rings "Victory is at last within our grasp, Josee let's get moving!"

"See you on the beach losers!" and so Josee promptly took off for the beach.

This was when Jen and Tom arrived at the bay, much to Jen's horror "Oh god I have to get my hair wet? Tom you know how I feel about that!"

Tom was quick to try and calm her down "Deep breaths Jen, deep breaths. Keep in mind that we almost lost the last around and we need to do better, besides this is for the blog okay?"

"Yeah… Yeah you're right, for the blog." so she gracefully dove into the bay below them.

What nobody else realized was that this drew Geoff's attention and he ended up getting a dreamy look in his eye "Woah…"

Kelly cringed as she watched Taylor stretch "Not to rush you or anything sweetie but isn't this the part where you should be in the water right now?"

Taylor let out a scoff "Oh just chill out mamacita, I still have like a billion swim medals on my wall back home don't I? Daddy had to reinforce the wall in my room so that it could hold up all of them and you yourself said that my swim coach told you told mom that I was the best student that he had ever seen."

"Actually sweetie-"

"EVER." she dove down and face planted onto the surface of the water, resulting in her sinking to the bottom.

Kelly cringed even further as she received various looks "I might have exaggerated what her swim coach said just a little bit."

"ACHOO!" Jay let out a loud sneeze "You know I had always suspected that my orchid allergy was fairly acute."

"You don't think there are any jellyfish do you?" asked Mickey.

"It doesn't really matter if there are, you know you're immune to their stings."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Josee was running her way down the beach at full speed "Perfect, we're in first place even without Bun Bun! Maybe Jacques is right after all, maybe I don't need a good luck charm anymore." that was when she noticed something in front of her: a small lava rock shaped like a trophy "It's so light, and it's so warm! The energy, it's beautiful!" she failed to notice a fishing line hook onto her uniform "Come with me and be a champion my new Rock Rock, we've got a race to win!"

"Wait!" that was when a Hawaiian local (holding the fishing pole binding her) suddenly stopped her "You cannot take a lava rock as a souvenir!"

"You have a whole volcano of these things, just chill out old man would ya?!" and so she took off, taking the lava rock with her, failing to notice the dark clouds looming over her.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _As the Ice Dancers widen their first place lead in a very ominous fashion, the rest of the teams are still searching for their wedding rings in the bay and coming up short as a result."_

Kevin ended up finding an electric eel and got electrocuted as a result ' _Ow…'_

" _Who knows, some of them may even end up dead. Who will end up surviving?"_

Jen and Taylor were both wrestling over a ring they found and began clinging to each other in terror as a shark approached them, before Taylor whacked the shark on the nose and sent it on its way.

However, this is gave Jen a chance to make it back up to shore, leaving Taylor to scream in a blinding fury.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Almost immediately, Jen resurfaced with the ring "Found one, hurry to the beach Tom and I'll meet you there in a few minutes!"

"You go girl now let's go!" Tom quickly made a beeline for the beach.

Carrie rose up with a ring of her own not long after "I've got one!"

"Alright way to go Carrie, you're amazing!" Devin cheered.

Carrie blushed and let out a quiet squeal.

However, Jen heard this since she wasn't too far away "Did you just squeal?"

"What? Uh no, I think it might have been a dolphin or something?" she started to swim off.

Jen was hot on her trail "OMG, you're in love with him aren't you? And don't even try to deny it, I've got a super sixth sense about these things."

"...Okay you got me, I'm in love with Devin and I have been for years. But the problem with that is that we've been friends for so long and he already has a girlfriend as it is so can you please not say anything? Please?"

"Don't worry, I promise I won't tell a secret that isn't mine to tell. But that being said, that doesn't mean that you shouldn't either. Oh and by the way, before I forget Tom and I both started our blog." and she went on ahead.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

At the same time, Devin caught up to Tom as they ran along the beach "Hey man, you got a second?"

"Sure, you know I was actually hoping to talk to you about something." Told told him "Jen and I were wondering if-"

"You wanted to form an alliance with us?"

"Yeah how did you know?"

"Carrie and I have been thinking about forming an alliance with a team after the first few challenges or so and I've had my eye on you guys for a while, you're strong and fast and determined and you understand and cooperate with each other."

"You've really thought this out."

"Not really, my buddy Adam made out a game plan for me and Carrie before going on a road trip."

"Oh. Well I'd have to run it by Jen but I think it's a good idea."

"Great, I look forward to it."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _As more teams continue to find rings and or make their way to the shore, our first place Ice Dancers say aloha to the first challenge and aloha to the second challenge. It's funny because aloha means both hello and goodbye."_

"Perfect, we still have the lead and take a look at this!" Josee held up the lava rock "I picked up a new good luck charm from the beach, it's a lava rock."

"Yes!" Jacques cheered "Nothing can stop us now!"

"Our second gold is within our grasp and it's going to stay that way!" Josee quickly snagged a tip from the Don Box "Looks like we're doing an all in, in this hawaiian wedding ritual teams must walk on- Oh boy."

"Fire!" Don was walking on a trail of hot coals a few feet away "Technically coals but you get the idea. In this challenge the brides have to wear a grass skirt and the grooms have to wear a wreath of mahi lei as they carry their brides across this path of hot coals." he quickly felt the pain getting to him "It's a test of strength and honor and if any part of it catches on fire including the grass skirt then it's back to the start!" he ran off of the coals and onto the beach as the skirt and wreath caught on fire and disintegrated.

"Are you okay?" asked Jacques.

"I'm good. Anyway, once the teams reach the end untoasted it's a race to the Chill Zone where we have a special surprise waiting for them after the race is over for the day. As always, the last team to arrive may be cut from the race. And that's just great, now I've gotta take foot modeling off of my resume!"

"Oh tell me about it, try getting frostbite all the way up to the knees. It's not fun."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point, more and more teams had either found or were struggling to find the wedding rings in the bay.

Noah, however, managed to grab two near each other ' _Well with a guy like Owen who eats as much as he does, a little bit of extra cash can always come in handy.'_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Taylor burst up from beneath the water in the bay "Nothing!"

Noah came up with two rings, one on each finger "I've got two of these bad boys, meet me on the shore Owen!"

"Hey give me one of those!"

"Gee, let me think about giving a gold ring that I rightfully found to some flat chested spoiled little daddy's girl? Let me think about it… Nope!" and he swam off, leaving Taylor seething in rage ' _Eat your heart out Leshawna.'_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Owen was running down the beach at full speed "Come on Noah we're almost there, let's score first place!"

"Chillax chubby buddy, I've got this-" Noah paused when he suddenly found something pulling him down into the water "Something's got me! Shark! SHARK!" and he was dragged down underwater.

"Oh my god, Noah! Somebody help him, god it's times like this I wish that I was born as a merman!"

Lucky for him, that was when Noah rose back up with Mickey holding onto him "What the hell?"

Mickey let out a whimper "Please tell me you're a ring."

"Oh man and I was gonna sell this one for cash and use it to cover Owen's food bill, the big guy isn't cheap you know." and yet Noah handed over the ring to him regardless "Here, go ahead and take it."

Owen was left mortified by this "Noah… He must be dying!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Noah let out a scoff as he dried himself off on the beach "Look it's not like I've gone soft or lost my old ways ever since I lost out on the million during Total Drama World Tour, it's just that I'm not as greedy as I used to be. Besides it's not like I'm gonna do anything underhanded or lose it just because I lost, that was stuff that people like Heather, Alejandro or Justin. I've got something they don't, I have good friends. Besides sure I've been a little bit distracted lately by everything that's happened with Emma but it's not some whole thing where I turn into some kind of love struck puppy or anything, if I'm gonna win her over then I'm gonna do it one step at time. That my fans and fellow geeks, and various others I couldn't give less of a damn about, is the Noah plan."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Josee was trying to guide Jacques across the trail of hot coals towards victory "That's it, nice and easy Jacques. Just like in the Olympics it's nothing but one ginormous mind game."

"You know this challenge really isn't that bad." Jacques commented.

"That's right, you're just walking along a white sandy beach. There are no coals."

Unfortunately, this caused Jacques to freeze as his skirt caught on fire "Oh no… I forgot about the coals!" so he tossed Josee onto the sand and rushed off towards the water in order to soak his grass skirt.

DJ was trying to keep Geoff calm and cool as he was carried over the trail of hot coals "You mentioned that time you went paddle boarding off of Tofino and you forgot to put on your wetsuit."

Geoff let out a chuckle "Yeah, yeah that was so cold. Alright keep it coming dude, we're about halfway there."

"Oh and what about the time you took me snowboarding in the Yukon and your tongue froze to that flagpole, or when you dumped that bucket of ice water down your pants because Duncan dared you to."

"Oh man that was painful, but at the same time it was hilarious." they reached the end of the trail of hot coals.

"Yeah we did it, we're in first place my Bromigo!"

"Come on, let's head over to the Chill Zone!"

"And then I can stick some ice water down my pants!"

"...Yeah, anyway let's go before the Ice Dancers catch up." and they took off towards the Chill Zone.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point, the Best Friends, Fashion Bloggers, Artists, Sisters and Reality TV Pros were getting ready to take their first cracks at the hot coals challenge.

Carrie made her way over to Jen "Hey Jen do you think you could help me tie this?"

"Oh yeah sure, just hold still." Jen spun Carrie around and began tying her skirt "So what are you thinking?"

"Do you really think I should say something to Devin?"

"Of course I do, after all life is short and he's pretty cute. And besides you never know, he might end up feeling the same way that you do." and she walked off, leaving Carrie to her thoughts.

With that said, Jen made her way over to Tom "So did you talk to Devin about forming an alliance?"

Tom nodded "Yep and he's on board, the only problem here is that these leaves don't go with my shirt."

"Well let's get moving then." so she leapt into his arms and they started their way down the path of hot coals.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

At the same time, Kitty made her way over to Owen "Hey check it out, we're both grooms. This is so cool!"

"Not for me, I'm about to marry a dead guy." Owen told her.

"What are you talking about?"

"Just take a look at him!" he pointed at Noah "He's drooling all of his book, he's smiling like a me, he's acting sincere and less sarcastic than he usually does! He has to be sick!"

"No that's not it, he just likes my sister."

"But he's all awkward and stupid and… Oh. Oh!"

"Yeah I've been watching Total Drama for years and if someone can get Noah to stop being sarcastic then that means his crush is serious."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Kelly cringed as she watched Taylor doggy paddle her way towards the beach "She's a lot faster when she's using a water board."

"No she's not." Kevin popped up in front of her, startling her and earning a look "What? I'm just telling it like it is."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point, the next wave of teams had reached the shore and were preparing the next challenge, in which they were putting on their wreaths or grass skirts.

"Yeah no." Kevin shoved away the grass skirt Gwen was holding away from him "I don't skirt, you put that thing on me and I will skin you alive."

"You know somehow I knew you were going to say that." Gwen commented dryly.

On another front…

"I can't wear the skirt, no way!" Junior protested firmly "Every single kid at my school is gonna see this!"

"Yeah but if I wear it pal then you're gonna have to carry me over hot coals." Dwayne pointed out "Besides I doubt any of the kids at school won't make such a big deal out of it."

"Dad, my classmate Larry Finkle spent all of last year getting shoved into the girls locker room just because his name rhymes with tinkle." he shoved away the grass skirt and put on the wreath of leaves "Let's do this."

Dwayne let out a snicker "Tinkle."

"I heard that!"

He cringed "Oh boy."

A third end…

"How's it look man?" Rock put on his grass skirt like it was a wig.

"Alright dude you're killing it!" Spud gave him a thumbs up and took Rock on his shoulders as he started to make his way.

"Yeah, top 3 here we come!"

"Wait, we're in the top 3?"

"You bet we are?"

"...Alright, we're killing it!" he sniffed the air "Hey do you smell barbecue or something?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Devin finished stretching in front of the trail of hot coals "Alright I'm ready, Geoff and DJ are already done but we can still get second place."

"Yeah, we are so gonna win this and-" Carrie suddenly found herself lifted into Devin's arms, causing her to blush "Oh. Wow. Yep, us. So winning…" she leaned into his chest and blushed even further.

"Get ready homie, it's time for me to walk the walk." so Devin started making his way across the trail of hot coals as Tom and Jen rushed back with their grass skirt on fire.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don sat at the Chill Zone sipping on a coconut "Man this is nice, maybe I should've made the Ridonculous Race revolve around Hawaii instead."

"Yes, we did it!" Geoff and DJ suddenly rushed onto the Carpet of Completion.

"Geoff, DJ, congratulations. You guys are the winners for today's leg of the race and you'll receive a reward during tomorrow's leg of the race."

"YES! This is awesome!" Geoff and DJ started hugging "I love you man, I swear I'd marry you all over again!"

"See, this is why I love weddings."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Okay, here goes! Podium here we come!" now carrying Jacques in her arms, Josee made a mad dash across the hot coals and easily passed Carrie and Devin until his skirt caught on fire again, forcing them back to the start.

It wasn't long before Devin and Carrie finally reached the end of the path "Okay, now that that's finally done with let's get to the Chill Zone."

"Hey guys!" Rock waved to them from Spud's shoulders "Sorry but we're gonna have to pass you guys this time, see I've got a secret weapon!"

"And what's that?"

"You'll find out in 3… 2… 1…"

"...PAIN!" now feeling the searing pain of the hot coals, Spud took off full speed for the Chill Zone.

Devin and Carrie shared a look "Wow, just wow."

"Hey Best Friends!" that was when Josee and Jacques came bolting down the path over the hot coals "Move it or lose it!"

"Oh man, run homie!" so they took off running towards the Chill Zone.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"PAIN!" Spud ground to a halt as he threw Rock off of his shoulders and raced back towards the water.

"...Well that happened." Don pointed out "Anyway nicely done Rockers, you guys have arrived in second place."

"We're almost there, just a little bit further!" the Best Friends and Ice Dancers came into view and raced towards the Chill Zone, but Jacques tripped on a rock which allowed the Best Friends to pass them.

"Carrie and Devin congrats, you guys are in third." then he addressed the Ice Dancers once they arrived "Jacques and Josee you guys are in third."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"NOOO! No medal is the worst medal, it's the road to failure!" Josee broke down in tears before proceeding to throw a massive tantrum.

Jacques just shrugged "What are you going to do?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Ennui gestured to Crimson coloring her grass skirt black "She only wears black, even if it's grass it has to be black grass."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

One by one the teams started to make their way to the Chill Zone, with Don counting them off as they arrived, starting with the Fashion Bloggers.

"5th place!"

The Reality TV Pros.

"6th place!"

The Sisters.

"7th place."

The Artists.

"8th place."

Father & Son.

"9th place."

The Stepbrothers.

"10th place."

The Adversity Twins.

"11th for you guys."

The Goths in a very disturbing image.

"12th place."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Hours passed, and the sun began to fade.

Taylor FINALLY reached the shore and was now being carried by Kelly across the hot coals "No way in hell I'm walking on hot coals, do you have any idea how much my gel pettie costs?"

"Yes, because I PAID FOR IT." Kelly got out through gritted teeth."

"Don't whine so much mom, just be quiet and listen to the leader."

"And why do you think you're the leader?"

"Hello, because I'm the one with leader in training certification. You're welcome."

"Leader in training certification that I paid for!"

"Like I said, you're welcome."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Devin watched this with Carrie from afar "Wow, that's… a thing I guess. Those two are quite the team."

Carrie nodded uncertainly "Uh huh. You know Devin, I'm so glad that you and I are here together and-"

"I know what you mean, I am too. It's so amazing that I'm here with you and not Shelley, to be honest she and I would probably turn out to be just like them like ⅔ of the time. But as for you and me? That would never happen because that's what perfect about being best friends, no worries about relationships and stuff and we know we can always count on each other no matter what." he caught her in a quick hug.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don was waiting for Kelly and Taylor when they finally arrived at the Chill Zone as the sun began to set "Kelly and Taylor I'm sorry but you're the last team to arrive." this was met with a scream of frustration from Taylor "Sending the two of you home… is what I would do if it wasn't for the fact that this is a non elimination round! The two of you are still in the race, for now that is."

Kelly breathed a sigh of relief "Well honey it wasn't pretty but I guess we got a lucky break on that one-"

"You need to step your game up mother, for serious." Taylor caught her off.

"We're a team Taylor, we're in this together."

"Look I know you aren't used to winning at everything like I am but maybe you need to follow my example more because-"

"You've never won anything in your life Taylor, never!" Kelly finally lost her temper "Not one race, not one medal, NOTHING!"

"Wait what?! My room is full of all of my trophies and medals!"

"Because your dad bought a trophy store before you were born, I mean what kind of trophies come in the mail to begin with? And guess who paid your coaches to lie? Yep that's right, daddy did!"

"Beauty pageants, I won beauty pageants! There's no way to fake those!"

Kelly let out a smug chuckle "Well guess what honey, when you have enough money there's a way to fake everything!"

Taylor let out a horrified gasp.

"The coals were hot, but that was cold." Don looked over to where the other teams were standing and noticed Kevin holding up a score card "7/10? Everybody's a critic. Well anyway, I promised you guys a special reward for today and here it is." he pressed a button as smoke covered the Chill Zone and a stage rose up from beneath the Carpet of Completion "Ladies and gentlemen, and the Ice Dancers, give it up for our special guests and entertainers for tonight's traditional luau, the Drama Brothers!"

Gwen's jaw dropped to the ground "No… freaking… way…"

Sure enough, with the stage rose Cody, Justin, Harold and Trent ready for a performance, Cody being in the front "Are you ready for the show?!"

Don took this chance to sign off of the episode "Be sure to come back next time for more heartwarming action right here on… the Ridonculous Race!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 **(Exclusive Scene 1)**

Nightfall came, and the Ridonculous Race luau was still in swing with everyone partying like it was hot.

Emma sat on the beach skipping one rock after another ' _Why did I have to let that bastard Jake get to me so badly, I mean it's been 3 years for crying out loud.'_

"Is this seat taken?"

Emma looked back and frowned when she saw Noah sit next to her "Even if I said yes you'd probably just ignore me."

"Yeah that's true." he leaned back onto the warm sand.

"What do you want?"

"Actually… I wanted to apologize. For what I said back in Iceland I mean. I was totally out of line."

"...Don't worry about it. You might have gotten under my skin with what you said but the truth is that you weren't very far from the truth. I mean maybe I haven't treated Kitty with the respect she deserves but she is my little sister so of course I'm-"

"Gonna treat her like a major pain. Trust me, as the youngest of 9 siblings I know better than anyone what that's like."

"Wait, are you serious?"

"I'm not one to make jokes. At all. Truth be told that's what kept me from making many friends in high school, well that and the fact that everyone was either an idiotic jock, a girl obsessed freakout or a complete jackass. Usually all of the above."

"Uh huh. So what about the big guy then, Owen I think his name was."

"Well we first met during the first season on Total Drama, we were on the same team but I was kicked off before we ever got to the point where we could consider each other friends. I didn't qualify for season 2 but as for season 3, well I dunno. We travelled through some pyramids in Egypt, we fought some mummies and wound up on the same team, so I figured what the hell and the like. At first he was just a guy to who I could express my frustrations but over time it got to me more than that. I guess it was when we were in London that I really started to consider him a real friend. Around that time I was collaborating with a guy named Adam on one of the other teams to get rid of one of my teammates, a dream machine and diablo by the name of Alejandro. He knew I was onto him and conspired with the others on my team to get rid of me but Owen, the big guy quit in my place so I could stay in the game."

"So how far did you get?"

"Do you not watch Total Drama?"

"Never seen a single episode, I probably wouldn't even have known it existed if Kitty would shut up about it."

"Right, anyway thanks to that and me working with Adam and his team against Alejandro I managed to luck my way into the final three. I lost in the race to Hawaii though, so I lost out on the million bucks. But we're off track, thanks to all of that I see Owen as more of a brother than I do my own brothers."

"Wow, that's actually pretty touching."

"Yeah I get that way more than it should be possible. So what's the shtick with you and Kitty anyway?"

Emma let out a sigh "I was only three when my mom had Kitty and to be brutally honest the minute she learned to talk she wouldn't shut up. She just kept going and going, you'd think she would've run out of air but she just kept going. But over time I learned to bare with her and we started bonding, but when I started college I stopped talking to her and started acting like she wasn't even there and I guess that ever since the race started she's been trying to recreate our bond but… Well you know the rest."

"Yep. But think of it this way. Life is like a maze, you don't know which twist or turn will take you to where you wanna go but each new turn gives you something new whether it be good or bad. What matters is how you take it in the long run."

"Huh. Yeah I guess that makes sense."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 **(Exclusive Clip 2)**

Gwen sat on another end of the beach, drawing in her sketchbook, only to hear footsteps behind her, much to her annoyance "For the last time Kevin I don't wanna hear it, you know what I'm gonna say don't you?"

"Knowing him he probably won't, but I hope I do."

Gwen's head snapped up and whipped around "Cody…"

Sure enough, Cody sat beside her on the sand "So you liked the performance?"

"Yeah, at least now someone other than you and Trent can sing."

"I thought you said Harold's beatboxing doesn't count as singing."

"Well people can change right?" she caught him in a tight hug "I really did miss you Cody."

"I missed you too Gwen, but you really don't have to worry about me. It's only been about 2 or so weeks."

"Yeah." a brief pause "You remember what you said to me after you won Total Drama World Tour right?"

"Of course I do, I told you that I love you."

"Yeah, but I couldn't say it back then and yet you were still so patient with me over it. You've said it to me too many times to count over the past year, but all that time I was never able to return the favor." she let out a sigh "Cody I said that I wasn't sure but now I am, and after spending 2 weeks listening to Kevin drain my sanity it eventually drove me to the point where I realized something." she hugged him tightly "Cody… I love you. I really and truly love you."

Cody was stunned for a moment, but he returned the hug after a mere moment "Gwen… you have no idea how long I've been waiting to hear that."

"About a year and a half or so?"

"Something like that." he let out a sigh ' _She's really mine, and I'm never going to let her go no matter what.'_

 **A/N:**

 **Sorry if this took longer than they usually do, I've been working on my first original story. Well it features some Inuyasha characters and takes place in sort of a what if scenario but I think that counts, anyway I'll try and balance this along with my other fics as much as I can.**

 **I consider the Best Friends and Fashion Bloggers to be two of the few truly sane teams in the race and I thought it would be cool for them to work together, and as you may have noticed I gave Kitty's interactions with Carrie to Jen to further emphasize this point.**

 **Why did I have the Rockers come in the top 3 twice in a row? I figured why not, they're way underrated.**

 **I figured this was the best time to introduce Cody into the story, what with hyping up Gwen's future confession since the race started and all, hence the reason for that exclusive clip at the end and for a proper introduction between Noah and Emma. I was gonna wait until the next time I feature Adam and Alejandro in the story but I figured it was best to do it in the tropical paradise known as Hawaii.**

 **Rankings:**

 **Bromigos: 1st**

 **Rockers: 2nd**

 **Best Friends: 3rd**

 **Ice Dancers: 4th**

 **Fashion Bloggers: 5th**

 **Reality TV Pros: 6th**

 **Sisters: 7th**

 **Artists: 8th**

 **Father & Son: 9th**

 **Stepbrothers: 10th**

 **Adversity Twins: 11th**

 **Goths: 12th**

 **Mother & Daughter: 13th**

 **Elimination:**

 **Ultimate Duo: 14th**

 **Vegans: 15th**

 **Geniuses: 16th**

 **Tennis Rivals: 17th**

 **LARPers: 18th**


	10. Hello and Dubai

" _Last time on the Ridonculous Race, our teams took a blistering stroll through the tropical paradise of Hawaii. Geoff and DJ the Bromigos showed some love as they took first place, whereas Josee lost her old good luck charm and found a new one. The Best Friends and Fashion Bloggers formed an alliance so we'll see how that works out later. Mother & Daughter came in last and Kelly finally told Taylor that she's not as chipotle as she thought she was, and it's about time she did, but when it turned out to be a non elimination round you could really feel the love between them. Now it's time for the madness to continue because it's time for… the Ridonculous Race!"_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don appeared at the previous Chill Zone in Hawaii "Welcome back to the Ridonculous Race where our 13 remaining teams are ready to say aloha to Hawaii and aloha to the location for today's leg of the race. It's still funny because aloha means hello and goodbye. Geoff and DJ our very own Bromigos came in first so they get to take the first tip."

"Yes, first place here we come!" DJ was quick to grab the tip from the tip.

"Man I don't know what's crazier, that we came in first or that we didn't come in last. It blows my mind." Geoff muttered.

"Let's just make sure it stays that way." DJ read the tip "Looks like you and I are heading to Dubai."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Like the smart one said, the location for today's leg of the race is Dubai, an oasis of luxury full of man made islands and a mall so big that even teenagers get lost inside of it. Once they land teenagers teams have to take a bus to Burj Al Arab, the only 7 star hotel in the world to find the Don Box with their next tips."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It wasn't long before the teams all burst into the airport, with the Bromigos, Best Friends, Ice Dancers, Fashion Bloggers, Reality TV Pros and Sisters in the front "Dubai please!"

The flight attendant checked the records "Flight leaving now time, 12 seat. Rest of you on next flight."

This was when Dwayne and Junior showed up, with the Rockers right behind them "Alright, looks like we made it!"

Junior let out a sigh "Count again dad."

"2, 4, dang it!"

"Great, now we're already tied for last."

"You can't count us out yet kiddo, last time we were on the first flight and it ended up getting delayed remember?"

"And how did it get delayed again?"

"...Oh yeah."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _While the 7 teams who were last to arrive to the airport wait to board their next flight out, the first 6 teams are about to start their flight to Dubai with the most opulent first class section for winners only. Let me put it this way, since Geoff and DJ came in first yesterday they get it all to themselves."_

"CANNONBALL!" Geoff burst into the hot tub with a mighty splash, blowing his hat off in the process "Oh man this is awesome!"

"Yeah I know what you mean dude, this is what I'm talking about." DJ held out a cookie "You want one?"

"Oh, may we-" Jacques was promptly pushed out the door into economy class by the flight attendant.

"Huh. I guess not."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Josee was foaming at the mouth with rage "That hot tub should be ours, how the hell did we place 4th?! It's just like my mother always says, no medal is the medal of failure!" she spat on the ground "But worry not mama, our luck is about to change." she pulled out her new lucky lava rock "I replaced my lost Bun Bun with this treasure."

"Perfect, now our luck is bound to improve!" and then Jacques was crushed by several things falling out of the compartment above him.

"Forged from the fires of lava, this stone I hold in my hand embodies my fiery determination to win!" and she let out an evil cackle.

"You mean _our_ determination to win, right?"

"What? Oh yeah sure, whatever lets you sleep at night."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Both flights are headed Dubai with one leaving a full hour before the other, and it's going to be a quick flight. At least that's what I was led to believe, in truth it's gonna be about 17 hours which will give them plenty of time to rest and enjoy each other's company. And for one team, realize the good and bad consequences that came with yesterday's luau."_

Kevin looked increasingly weirded out "Uh… hey Gwen…"

As it turns out, Gwen was clad in a strapless blue dress with a flower in her hair and a number of birds sitting on her shoulder with white doves resting across her shoulders, a bright smile spreading across her face "Well hello Kevin my dear friend, your heart is exceptionally pure today is it not? Is spring in the air this day?"

"...Are you high? Did you find my secret stash in the hotel room?" the only reply that he received was Gwen softly humming to the birds "God this is just like that episode of the Nanny where Maggie and her boyfriend… Oh. OH. Hey Gwen?"

"Yes?"

"Just out of curiosity, did you and Cody… do anything last night?"

"Myself and my beloved did little more than prove our love to each other to the fullest that we could, why do you ask?" she received no reply "Kevin?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Noah let out a sigh as he felt a certain weight crushing his entire being "I know the fasten seatbelt sign is on but why do I even bother I wonder."

As it turns out, Owen was crushing Noah by sitting in his lap "Hey at least it's cozy."

"Yeah, for you maybe."

"Hey flying is the scariest, I mean I would squeeze Beary to get through this but-"

"You ate him when we were on the flight to Brazil."

"Yeah, so now I gotta squeeze my Noah!" he reached over to squeeze him.

"Touch me and I will nurple you so hard they get ripped off." this prompted Owen to back off entirely.

"...So are you gonna want the window seat?"

"You know what, I think I'm gonna pass on it this time around." he looked over to where Emma and Kitty were sitting.

"Oh really? I mean you always want the window seat, I wonder why you would want to stay there instead."

"So I can do this." he promptly smacked Owen across the face using a magazine, which he began reading.

"...Message received."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

At the same time, Kitty was working on Emma with the same goal in mind "I was thinking we should form an alliance with, I don't know, maybe Noah and Owen?"

"You're kidding right?" Emma let out a scoff "I have enough trouble keeping you on track as it is, with a whole other team to worry about I wouldn't be able to ride her as much."

"Yeah we totally need an alliance. Besides the Best Friends and Fashion Bloggers formed an alliance and the Ice Dancers and Artists are both super tough, if we're gonna tough it out then we need all the help we can get."

"Well I don't think it's worth it. Besides Noah is a snarky know it all, do you have any idea what it's like to be stuck with someone like that?"

"I can't imagine." she received a glare "But these guys are pros with this stuff, they know what's what and how it goes. Take a look." she pointed at them.

As it turns out, Owen was struggling to put on his seatbelt "Okay come on, I've almost got it in there…" and he let out a fart, much to the horror of Noah, the Sisters and even the alarm, which ended up blaring loudly for a moment.

"Yeah that's about all I can take." Noah covered his nose "If you need me I'll be hanging in the toilet where it smells better." he made his way out of his seat and locked eyes with Emma.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

At the same time, on the second flight.

Jay was having some serious problems "STEWARDESS! This altitude is giving my brother a nosebleed and an inner ear infection.

Mickey did have both of those things and he was freaking out because of it "How much longer is this flight?!"

Taylor shot them a dirty look "We're still on the ground you babies." that shut them up really effectively.

"I like how you handled that honey." Kelly told her.

"Oh wow, do I get a fake trophy for it or something?" note the sarcasm.

"Honey I feel terrible about what I said before."

"Oh well then all is forgiven. Psyche, that means it isn't. Mom you're crowding me, I need some space. I'm giving you a time out."

"I'm not sure it works like that honey-" she was cut off by Taylor holding her breath "Well okay then." she made her way over to where Dwayne and Junior were sitting "Hi there, is this seat taken?"

"No no, the seat isn't." Dwayne told her "But I am, that is to say I'm married."

"She's not into you dad." Junior pointed out.

"Oh. Sorry."

"No problem." Kelly sat down.

"Where's your daughter, is something wrong?"

"Oh not really, I'm just having some family issues I guess. It all started back when Taylor was…"

Dwayne leaned over to Junior, his voice low "Hey think about this pal, if we play our cards right then this could turn out to be our first alliance. Pretty cool right?"

"You're kidding right?" Junior shot him a look "Have you met them? I know kids in my class with an ego the size of the Empire State Building and these people are worse than them."

"Oh come on, it can't be that bad."

"...and I guess I shouldn't have told her the truth." Kelly finished her story "What do you think about that?"

"Well our opinions mean a lot to them, one time Junior made pancakes for Mother's Day but I said they were overdone. He almost cried. Okay I almost cried, he just made another batch pretty well."

"I had the exact same thing happen with Taylor a few years ago except I was the one making pancakes for her that time and she threw them at me. And the pan too. I still have the scar to prove it."

"...Oh. Wow. Well that's kids for you. I think."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Kitty watched as Emma and Noah were talking in the aisle way "Those two are so snarky and full of themselves."

"Well Noah's not that bad anymore, he's actually gotten a lot better." Owen told her "Still though, how are those two not a couple yet?"

"It's because of Emma, she's still hurt from her last breakup."

"Oh is it still fresh?"

"It was 3 years ago."

"Oh. Wow."

"Yeah I think it's safe to say that getting these two together is gonna take some work."

"Oh heck yeah!" they fist bumped.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _The first flight has at last landed in Dubai and the 6 teams on board are now being taken by shuttle bus to the Burj Al Arab."_

Noah was the first one to grab a tip from the Don Box standing outside the hotel "Looks like it's another either or, Serve or Squeegee. Say what now?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _In this either or challenge, teams can either return one serve each from the Tennis Menace, the toughest ball launcher in the entire world which oddly looks like a Dalek from Doctor Who, or wash an entire column of windows on the side of the hotel starting from the top and going all the way down to the bottom. Apparently legal actually cleared that one and I'm just as shocked as the rest of you. Anyway the first team was the first to arrive here at the hotel so they have the choice of doing either-"_

"Serve!" Geoff and DJ chorused.

" _-or-"_

"Squeegee! Come on, let's get moving already!" Noah and Owen took off.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It wasn't long before the Ice Dancers, Best Friends and Fashion Bloggers reached the tennis court on the roof with the Bromigos.

Geoff was the first one to step up to the Tennis Menace "Alright you tennis Dalek, let's get this show on the road!"

"You got this dude?" DJ called.

"Trust me dude, I've got this! Tennis is the ultimate wimp sport, I mean there's no checking and no tackling and there's just a fluffy little ball! I've got this!"

The Tennis Dalek on the other hand had other plans " **Participate."** it started firing at Geoff like a hurricane.

"I so don't got this! That thing is a mechanical DEVIL!" and he ran away screaming as balls were hurled at him like a barrage of bullets.

Devin was quick to try and calm Carrie down "I know you're scared but just know that whatever happens I have faith in you."

"Alright… if you think so then I'll give it my best shot." so Carrie made her way up to the Dalek- I mean Tennis Menace.

"Anyway I figured we might have to deal with something like this so I asked Shelley for a couple of pointers and she says that tennis is a mental game."

"What-" unfortunately this caused Carrie to lose focus and for her racket to be knocked out of her hand. And for Chet to be knocked out while laughing at her like a chihuahua. Which led to him and Lorenzo beating the crap out of each other.

Jen put a hand on Carrie's shoulder "Are you okay?" she suddenly let out a yelp as the Tennis Menace knocked her glasses, but luckily didn't damage them "Hey watch it, these things were expensive." then she pointed at Devin "If these things get broken then I am so sending you the bill."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point the second flight was in the air and on the way to Dubai carrying the last 7 teams on board.

Kelly was still telling Dwayne about her many, many problems with Taylor "Well that's it isn't it? Anyway after she had crashed her third sports car I wanted to cut up her credit card but to be honest I just knew that she would steal mine but that is parenting isn't it?"

Dwayne shrugged in a very uncomfortable fashion "Well the teenage years are a lot more challenging."

"Oh no you misunderstand me, this all happened when she was 10 but the real drama started when she turned 12."

Dwayne almost immediately did a spit take "Okay I think that's enough. Look Kelly I think that the problem here is that Taylor doesn't have proper boundaries."

"You think so?"

"Absolutely, if you let them do whatever they want then they'll never be able to grow and mature as human beings. The only thing you can do for her now is put your foot down before it's too late or you'll end up regretting it for the rest of your life."

"But won't she be mad at me?"

"Maybe but you have to remind yourself that it's for the best."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Owen looked down from the top of the Burj Al Arab "Oh man it's times like this I'm glad I'm not on a plane."

That was when Kitty showed up dragging Emma over to him "Hey guys check it out, we're doing the same challenge as you two! What are the odds?"

"Oh I have an idea, maybe the four of us could work together."

"Yeah that would be-"

"Thanks but no thanks." Emma promptly dragged Kitty away, her teeth grinding as they got onto "I told you before, no alliances remember? Keep in mind sis, we're here to finish first not make friends. No surrender and Noah distractions."

"Did you just say Noah?"

"Zero distractions!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Now that teams from the second flight are arriving the heat is on for the rest of the teams."_

Owen quickly finished one of the windows "Well this is pretty tough but I think we're making some pretty good progress, how many is that?"

"One." Noah told him dryly "And you used up like half of our water."

"Hey I can't help how much the squeegee soaks up!"

"You drank it."

"I was thirsty!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Kitty was having doubt about their choice as the wind began howling "I'm starting to think this is more terrifying than tennis."

"Just help me lower this thing." Emma told her "According to the instruction manual the sides are designed to move separately so we have to pull both of the levers at once to make it even out."

"Why would they design it like that?"

"Probably for the same reason why they put a tennis court on the roof of a hotel 1000 feet high in the air, now pull on 3! 1… 2… 3!" this quickly went south and led to them hanging onto the side of the platform for dear life.

"Well that's just great!"

"...I'm gonna go ahead and say that was your fault."

"Of course you are."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _The teams from the second flight have arrived at the hotel in time to catch up with the frontrunners from the first flight."_

Taylor and Kelly collected the tip "Serve or Squeegee?" they looked up at Emma and Kitty holding on for dear life and, along with many other teams, reached the same conclusion "Serve!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"We're feeling good about this tennis challenge." Jay commented "I mean sure I'm allergic to felt and Mickey gets motion sickness at the sight of a moving ball but at least we won't have to deal with heights."

Mickey nodded "Heights give me life threatening nosebleeds."

"For the first time I know we can win this one." they both posed like macho men. Which they really weren't.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It wasn't long before a large majority of the groups arrived on the roof to begin the tennis challenge.

Mickey was quick to notice something "Hey look, my nose isn't bleeding!" he was promptly hit in the face with a tennis ball "Ow…"

"Nosebleed?" Jay received only disorientation as a reply.

"We'd like to thank everyone involved with the show… Bye…"

"Yeah I figured."

"Are you guys gonna stick with the tennis?" asked Kevin.

"Yeah I think so, the problem with squeegeeing is that we can't stand the sound of the streaking noises. It's like sponges and nails against a chalkboard made of glass."

Junior quickly shoved them out of the way to get a better look at the Tennis Menace "That thing is so cool!"

Dwayne had other plans though "We're gonna be switching to windows."

Kelly nodded "Us too."

"Why mom? I've won like a bajillion tennis trophies as it is-" Taylor was cut off by a nervous smile, to which she let out a scream of frustration "Are you kidding me?! You always find new ways to ruin my life don't you?!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Up in the front, Jacques finally had enough of the squabbling "Will you please be silent? I'm trying to concentrate!"

Devin let out a snort "Yeah good luck with that dude, nothing personal but I've watched my girlfriend play tennis for years and believe me when I say that it's a lot harder than you might think it is."

"Oh is that so?" Jacques easily and gracefully swatted the tennis ball aside, causing it to disappear into the sunlight as he gave a pose "You were saying?"

"...You know what, I'm just gonna go ahead and shut up now."

"Probably for the best."

"Now stand aside reject!" Josee stormed her way up to the front.

"Just watch, you might end up learning something.

Josee planted a kiss on the lava rock and prepared to take a crack at the Tennis Menace, only to find a pigeon resting on top of her head, causing her to miss "Wait a second, that was interference by flying rat! I demand a do over!" her demand was promptly hit on the head, much to Jacques' horror.

"Oh boy."

"So what was I supposed to learn from that?"

"...I probably deserved that one so I'm going to let that slide." Jacques quickly picked Josee up in his arms "Josee we have to withdraw, we're never going to make the podium waiting in line up here so I think we should switch to windows."

Josee breathed a sigh of relief "Fine but after we win this leg of the race I am going to throw a massive tantrum!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Tantrums are a bad habit that run in her family." explained Jacques "One time a few years ago I was late picking up Josee from practice and her mother attacked me with a lamp!"

Josee's scowl deepened "I don't miss that lamp."

"Or your mother."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Dwayne and Junior were working on the window washing starting from the top "Now you see here son the trick to squeegeeing is to-"

"Use the squeegee to wipe the window?" Junior guessed.

"...That's about the sum of it yeah."

"Cool." so he went back to work on the windows.

"You're quite the fast learner."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Kelly watched them from one balcony over ' _Maybe Dwayne is right, Taylor has been getting a lot more irritable lately but I can't help but wonder if that's because-'_

"Enough of your crap mom." Taylor cut off her thoughts "Get moving already, these windows aren't gonna wash themselves."

"Right I'm on it, and good call honey."

"Of course it was, why do you think I made it?" she failed to notice Kelly's eye twitch from pure frustration.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point, Kevin had lined up to face the Tennis Menace "Alright big guy, I'm ready to participate… in sending you to Dalek Hell! EARTH FOR ALL BITCHES!" with a mighty roar he fired off the tennis ball and sent it crashing back into the machine, sending it falling off of the court "And that's how we do it on my planet!"

"Yay!" Gwen danced her way around him with birds surrounding them as she started to hum _We Are the Champions_ and the birds chorused with her.

"...Okay now you're starting to make me uncomfortable."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The Tennis Menace landed on the Sister's platform " **Participate."**

"...Is this part of the challenge?" was all Emma could think to ask.

" **Participate."** and then the thing started shooting tennis balls like a barrage of bullets, which prompted Kitty to start batting them away with her squeegee in a terrified frenzie.

"Oh come on you've gotta be kidding me, why didn't we choose tennis?!" this went downhill fast when the lever was turned on one side, leaving Emma dangling in mid air and holding on for dear life "Kitty! HELP!" and then she fell to her death and shut her eyes as she waited for the inevitable, only to find something odd when it didn't come ' _What the… okay why the hell am I still alive?'_ she looked up.

As it turns out, Noah had caught her by the arm before she could fall to her death "Yeah yeah I know, I saved your life and now you're eternally grateful to me and I don't wanna hear another reference to Toy Story in any way, shape or form."

"Oh… okay…" they locked eyes and she blushed a deep shade of red.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Noah let out a sigh "You know that moment where you realize that you would care if someone died? I didn't, until she nearly died."

Owen started tearing up "That was so beautiful."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Emma let out a sigh "Okay so maybe Noah isn't the worst human being in the world, I mean he's better than Jake was."

"That's the nicest thing you've ever said." Kitty pointed out.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Taylor was still acting like a little bitch to Kelly "Will you wipe faster already mom, we're going to lose!"

"Yelling isn't going to help sweetie." Kelly ground out through gritted teeth.

"Hey I'll have you know that I yell at the maid all the time and then she wipes faster so I think I know what I'm doing."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It wasn't very long before the Tennis Dalek (I'm not even trying anymore), or what was left of it, was brought back to the court on the roof.

Devin pumped "Alright that's awesome, anyone could clobber that!"

"I think you mean almost anyone." Jen pointed to where Jay was freaking out behind her.

"...Oh. Yeah they're probably screwed."

Jay slowly and hesitantly made his way up to the court "Alright Mickey we can do this, we have nothing to fear. TELL MOM I LOVE HER!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point, Emma and Kitty stood on the platform with Owen and Noah "I'm glad we're alive but I'm pretty bummed we're gonna tie for last place."

Kitty scowled "Could you be more negative?"

"Sure, she implied we're gonna finish." Noah pointed out "We only have one squeegee between the four of us and the two of you lost your water."

"It's not over yet, I know how to win this but you guys have to agree to an alliance first before I tell you." Owen told them.

Noah shared a loom with Emma "Yeah okay, what are you thinking chubby buddy?"

"I will be our squeegee!" so Owen ripped off his shirt, poured their bucket of water over himself and pressed himself against the glass "Let her drop ladies!"

"Right!" so Emma and Kitty pushed the levers and they started their decent, Owen cleaning every single window on the way down.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jay heard the streaking noise from up top and started freaking out "That… SOUND!" he passed out as his racket reflected a ball hurled at him.

"Alright tiny dude, way to show off those sweet moves!" Geoff cheered.

"Jay hold on, I'm coming!" Mickey rushed over to Jay but he got hit on the helmet with a ball, reflecting him and knocking him out cold.

"...Woah! Twins finish first!" so the Bromigos, Artists and Rockers all clapped politely in approval.

The Adversity Twins gave two weak groans as they slowly got up and made their way off of the court.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point, the Sisters and the Reality TV Pros had finished the window challenge not long before the Ice Dancers "Alright, go Owen!"

"Yay…" Owen fell to the ground on his back with a thud.

"Way to take one for the team big guy." Noah quickly put Owen's shirt back on him "How are you doing?"

"I feel like I just took a roller coaster through a car wash."

"Okay, you're fine."

Emma quickly took a tip from the Don Box "It says here we have to find the Chill Zone inside the Gold Souk."

"The what?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _The Gold Souk, it's just a normal plaza where literally everything is made of gold. Yeah I think it goes without saying that they really like their gold here. Teams will have to arrive at the Gold Souk in taxis, some of which are gold, in order to reach the Chill Zone inside. And as always, the last team to arrive could be cut from the race. You know the shtick."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"To the gold! NOW!" the Ice Dancers, Sisters, Reality TV Pros and Adversity Twins all made a beeline for the taxis.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

One by one the teams started to finish the tennis challenge, in the order of the Artists, the Bromigos, the Goths, and Jen had just finished her turn, only to find a problem.

Devin was trying to encourage Carrie only to make things much much worse "You can do this, I have faith in you homie. You just have to ask yourself, what would Shelley do-"

"NO!" Carrie finally lashed out at him "I'm not Shelly and I never will be!" and she ran off in a huff without bothering to hit the ball.

"Carrie wait!" Devin slapped his head "God I'm an idiot." he prepared to go after her.

However, Jen was quick to stop him "Trust me, doing that after upsetting her the way that you did is a horrible idea and it's only going to make things worse. I'll go talk to her since this is a girl thing while you and Tom take your turns." and she ran off to find Carrie and help to calm her down.

"Well it's official, I'm an idiot."

"No you're not, you just say the wrong things at the wrong time." Tom took his turn "But girls always hate being compared to other girls, never forget that."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point, Kelly had finished the last of the windows at the bottom "There, now we're finally done."

Taylor let out a loud scoff "It took you long enough. Oh gross, now there's bird poop on my boot!" she then proceeded to cross the line when she wiped it on Kelly like a doormat "There, that's totes better."

Kelly was horrified by this and immediately rounded on Taylor in a rage "Do not treat me like a doormat!"

"Hey you were already sweaty and gross as it is, the way I see it there's no reason we should both have to suffer."

"That. Is. IT!" so Kelly pushed on the lever and sent the platform upwards, leaving Taylor hanging in the air ' _Wow Dwayne never told me how good it would feel to dish out some parental justice.'_

"Don't just stand there like an old mannequin, help me down!"

"No, I'm giving you a long overdue time out."

"You can't do that, I'm your daughter!"

"Well that's the way it works young lady, I won't help you down until you apologize."

"You're in for a long wait!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point, the Sisters and the Reality TV Pros had reached the outside of the Gold Souk.

"Hey don't forget everyone, we're looking for a gold Chill Zone." Owen pointed out.

Noah stopped when he noticed some Gilded Chris Statues in the window "Hey check it out, they even have dollar stores."

Emma burst out laughing "Oh man you are hilarious!"

"...You don't get it do you?"

"No."

"It's a Total Drama thing, you have to watch the show to understand." they reached the store where the Chill Zone was located "And here we are. Ladies first."

"Wait are you serious? Why would you… I don't really know what to say."

"How about instead of saying anything you go ahead and get in there before the other teams show up."

"Oh yeah right." and so they did.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don was quick to count off the Sisters once they reached the Chill Zone "Sisters congratulations, you're the first team to arrive!" this was met with cheers "Owen and Noah you guys are in second place and here comes the third team."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Noah shrugged "It's not like this is for the million bucks so I might as well go ahead and let her know how I feel."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Emma was taken by surprise "Wow, just… wow. Noah is… he's…"

"What?" Kitty shot her a knowing smirk.

"He's… really interested in forming an alliance with us."

"...So close." cue the facepalm.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don met the Ice Dancers once they arrived "Welcome to today's Chill Zone, you guys are in third place." he was met with a horrified gasp from Josee "Kidding!" he gestured to the Adversity Twins standing behind him "The Twins got here way before you did."

"Me and Mickey took one of the non gold cabs." explained Jay "It turns out they're a lot faster than the gold ones."

"Yeah, what the semi normal one said."

Josee was mortified by this "You mean… we're 4th?! We didn't make the podium at all?!"

"...What podium? There is no podium."

"There is ALWAYS a podium!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Mickey failed to notice Josee throwing a tantrum in the background "Alright, third place! We usually have way worse luck than that."

Jay nodded "Yeah I know, it's as if all of the bad luck in the area was soaked up by some other team."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

One by one the teams started to arrive at the Chill Zone and were counted off by Don, starting with the Artists "5th place!"

Father & Son "6th place!"

The Goths "7th place!"

The Rockers "8th place!"

The Bromigos "9th place!"

The Stepbrothers "10th place!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _As more and more teams arrive at the Chill Zone and one team is on their way, it's a dead heat as two teams try their hardest to not cooperate with their partners. The question remains, whose apathy will come out on top?"_

Kelly made her way back over with a tip in her hand "Taylor let me just show you exactly what your attitude is doing to us!"

Taylor let out a loud scoff "It's tude mom, no one says attitude anymore! Seriously, you can't even lecture right can you?"

"I got a tip from the Don Box and it says that our destination is a mall full of gold, we could be shopping right now!" this got a reaction from her.

"I… I had no idea! I'm sorry mom, I'm like so sorry!"

"Do you really mean it?"

"Well not for anything I did but look, you're kind of lame and most of the time you totally embarrass me but if you promise to take me shopping then I promise to pretend you won't."

"Oh Taylor… that's all I ever wanted!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

At the same time, Devin made one final attempt to calm Carrie down "Carrie listen, I'm so sorry I tried to compare you to Shelley. She might be my girlfriend but you are my best friend and if anyone can hammer a tennis ball into that Dalek then it's gotta be you."

Carrie was left very touched by this "You really think so?"

"I know so, now go get em."

"Right!" so with a mighty yell, she hammered the ball back at the Tennis Menace, destroying it completely "Come on, let's go!"

"Right!" and they took off.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don counted off the Fashion Bloggers as they arrived at the Chill Zone "Fashion Bloggers take 11th place, only 2 teams are left and now it's a race to not come in last."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point Carrie and Devin were in a cab nearing the Gold Souk "I'll feel terrible if we get cut from the race because of my bad tennis skills."

"No homie, of anything it was my fault." Devin told her "But that doesn't matter because whether we win or lose, we'll still be best friends. Truth be told I'd take you over Shelley any day."

"Aww." they hugged.

"God I hope she doesn't see this episode." they stopped outside the Gold Souk and rush inside to the Chill Zone "Are we still in the race."

"Carrie and Devin, I'm afraid you're the last to arrive." Don told them.

"Aww man."

"Wait no my mistake, here come Mother & Daughter now. You guys rank 12th and are still in the race." and he sent them on their way.

That was when Taylor and Kelly came up to him "Hey hey hey, check out who got their bling on Dubai style."

"Kelly. Taylor. You're the last team to arrive. You've been cut from the race."

"Oh. Huh."

Kelly let out a sigh "Oh no, I guess we should've checked in before we went shopping."

"Oh well, it was fun while it lasted." they made their way out.

"I hope I never have to touch a camel again but I loved it when we were in Paris, I can't believe how good your drawing was."

"Yeah I know, it was so good but I can't believe your upper body strength. I need to see your trainer like yesterday."

"You now it's funny, we entered this race to win more money but we ended up getting something that we actually needed instead.

"That reminds me, if we're gonna shop more then I'm going to need you to double my allowance."

"Oh Taylor, I'm cancelling your allowance." they got into a cab and drove off towards the airport.

"Hold on, what?!"

 **A/N:**

 **I'm toning down the Devin and Shelley stuff since that was annoying as hell, and I've got a semi surprise for when the Best Friends win in Australia.**

 **I kind of toned down the Noah acting like a lovestruck jackass over Emma because of the scene in the last chapter.**

 **I had to move the Rockers to the second flight so the Reality TV Pros, Sisters, Best Friends and Fashion Bloggers could all be on the first flight. That and it's part of their comeback for their story arc throughout the race.**

 **That little scene with Gwen was inspired by a scene from a season 6 episode of the Nanny, see if you can guess what I'm talking about. I'll be touching up on that a little bit in the next original chapter featuring Adam and Alejandro, it'll be based on an episode of TMNT the 2012 series. I'm not sure when it's gonna be placed in regards to the story, I'm thinking after the chapter in Finland, which is going to be the second of 4 major divergences from the plot.**

 **I made Dwayne a little bit less incompetent in his conversation with Kelly to point out that he is a parent with experience so he would know better than to insult Taylor in front of Kelly, even if it is 100% true.**

 **Rankings:**

 **Sisters: 1st**

 **Reality TV Pros: 2nd**

 **Adversity Twins: 3rd**

 **Ice Dancers: 4th**

 **Artists: 5th**

 **Father & Son: 6th**

 **Goths: 7th**

 **Rockers: 8th**

 **Bromigos: 9th**

 **Stepbrothers: 10th**

 **Fashion Bloggers: 11th**

 **Best Friends: 12th**

 **Elimination:**

 **Mother & Daughter: 13th**

 **Ultimate Duo: 14th**

 **Vegans: 15th**

 **Geniuses: 16th**

 **Tennis Rivals: 17th**

 **LARPers: 18th**


	11. New Beijinging

" _Last time on the Ridonculous Race, a lot of stuff went down. We struck a lot of gold in Dubai both physical and emotional, Carrie almost gave up on the game of love, the Fashion Bloggers proved their worth to the Best Friends in their alliance and the Adversity Twins overcame to the odds which surprisingly landed them in the top three, and with Dwayne's advice Kelly finally gave Taylor a much needed time out which ended up costing them the race and the shopping trip before reaching the Chill Zone didn't help either, NOT! And last but not least another new alliance was formed but the question remains, will it turn out to be more than just a mere alliance? Your guess is as good as mine but mine matters more because I'm on TV so you'll have to find out right here, right now. This is… the Ridonculous Race!"_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don stood next to the Chill Zone from the day before in the Gold Souk "And now the time has come for us to say bye by to Dubai, and the Sisters were the first to arrive so they're the first to leave. Ready? Get set. GO!"

Emma picked up a tip from the Don Box "It says here that we have find your next tip at the world famous Bird's Nest Stadium. Well that's kind of weird, I don't think I've ever heard of that."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _The Bird's Nest Stadium is actually in our next location, that being Beijing China, home to 25 million people and oddly enough we're not going to see any of them. Anyway the first 7 teams grab their travel tips, taxis and tickets which lets them get seats on the first flight to China while the stragglers on the second flight have an extra hour to talk strategy."_

Carrie let out a sigh as she watched Devin sleep next to her "Getting to watch Devin sleep is so awesome, sometimes he mumbles the sweetest things while he's asleep."

"Zzz… Rainbow zebras took my wallet… Get back here you dirty zebras…"

"I did say sometimes."

That was when Rock showed up and noticed the bag of peanuts Devin was leaning on, which left him drooling "Hey Carrie since Devin is snoozing I was wondering, are you gonna make a move on that or what?"

"What? Oh well Devin and I are friends."

"Yeah I know that but this opportunity isn't going to last forever." he reached forward for the bag of peanuts.

Carfrie failed to notice this and grabbed Rock by the arm before he could reach it "That's what I keep telling myself, the whole reason Devin and I entered this race in the first place was to show him that we had a real connection. Something really special, plus I'm running out of time to tell him as it is. Devin's friend Adam said that I have to tell him before the race is over or he's going to tell Devin himself!"

"Yeah, about that…"

"...You were talking about the peanuts weren't you?"

"Yeah."

"Here." she handed him the bag of peanuts.

"But seriously, if Devin's buddy is telling you to tell him then maybe you ought just tell him already." and he walked away. With the peanuts.

Carrie let out a sigh "Why didn't I just tell him I'm in love with him back when we were in Hawaii? Oh man I'm gonna be alone forever!" a few tears ran down her cheeks "But when I force myself to face it I realize that I would rather let him have a life with Shelley than not have him in my life at all."

Devin suddenly bolted awake and locked eyes with Carrie "Oh thank god you're awake, I had this insane dream where we were being attacked by this crazy one eyed demon with fire powers and Adam showed up and saved us with some crazy axe and lightning powers. And then I had another dream that you and I lived in a treehouse and it caught fire and-"

"Wait a second, just you and me living together?"

"Well to be honest I was a three headed tiger and you were a monkey in a tuxedo but it was still you so it counts right? Kind of weird right?" and he fell back asleep.

"We… lived… together…" insert massive squeal that shook the entire plane.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Things were getting somewhat strategic on another end.

Rock mad his way over to Spud "Hey man listen, I know our strategy up until now was slow and steady but-"

"Wait didn't you say that our strategy was to party on?" Spud held up the party hand gesture.

"I never said that, but we've gotten in the top 3 twice only because Carrie and Devin helped us out in Transylvania so we need a new strategy anyway so-"

"How about we party on even harder?"

"Spud no, we've gotta start going way faster or we're gonna be the next ones to go!"

"Faster? Oh okay, I'll go tell the pilot." and he rushed off towards the cockpit.

"Wait Spud don't, I meat- Oh crap, you know now I'm starting to think that there's such a thing as too easy going. I've gotta find a way to motivate this guy or we're screwed."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Dwayne shrugged "Oh yeah sure we could've been on the first flight but someone had to go potty at the airport and that someone hasn't been eating enough vegetables so that someone had a lot of trouble with-"

"Stop making it sound like it was me!" Junior cut him off "It was him!"

"...I have no comment."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Gwen let out a sigh "Okay, so I may have been… completely out of character while we were stuck in Dubai. But what can I say? After experiencing that beautiful night with Cody when we were in Hawaii… I hadn't been so at peace since my junior high school prom where I took that bitch Angela's dress and set it on fire!"

"...Seriously?" Kevin shot her a look "That's just psychotic, even to me."

"Okay I didn't really do it but the thought is what helps me get to sleep at night okay? Don't judge me."

"We passed that after Hawaii."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _The first flight has finally landed in Beijing and the first 7 teams are being taken by shuttle to their next destination."_

Kitty looked back at Owen and Noah "Hey listen you guys, I just wanted to say thanks for letting us take the win yesterday."

Owen let out a chuckle and waved that off "No problem."

"Just don't expect us to return the favor." Emma told him "We may have an alliance but it's still a competition."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Noah let out a sigh "Yeah it's official, she's awesome."

Owen chuckled and started singing and mocking him "Noah and Emma sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-"

"I will nurple you until they turn purple and then I will rip them off and shove them down your throat."

"...I'll shut up."

"Good."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Kitty shot a knowing grin at Emma "You like him big time, just go ahead and admit it why don't you?"

"What you mean Noah? I do not like him!" Emma let out a scoff.

"Well why not, is it because he's weird looking?"

"He's not weird looking, he's totally hot!"

"So what then, is it because he's boring?"

"Noah is NOT boring! He has a super awesome sense of humor, a fun streak of sarcasm, his exterior is super cool and moody and his butt is like a pair of two perfect apples suspended in mid air!" then she let out a gasp "Oh no… I like him…"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The shuttle bus arrived at the Bird's Nest Stadium and crashed into the Don Box as it arrived.

"There's the Don Box, or what's left of it I guess." Kitty picked up the tips getting spewed out all over the place "This is an all in, we've gotta fly over the Bird's Nest Stadium and tandem jump through the donut hole to receive your next tip."

"DONUTS!" Owen screamed in joy at the top of his lungs.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

45 minutes later…

Owen got a glimpse of the donut as they flew over the stadium "That's the donut? Oh come on, that is just wrong! I mean when are we gonna have another eating challenge? I'm so hungry that I could eat an entire house made of donuts with chocolate shingles and a fence of white pretzels."

"You're drooling." Noah strapped himself into a parachute with Owen "So do I have to make some super terrible joke about how they've got our backs or…"

"Yeah no, that's terrible." Emma lowered her voice so only Kitty could her "That was actually really adorable."

"So maybe it would be smart of me to AIR out my crappy puns before we jump." this left everyone speechless "Yeah I know, I'm that good." this was followed by a buzzer sounding.

"And it's time to jump."

"Oh come on, it's not like it could be that hard." they all jumped, with Owen and Noah crashing into a rickshaw and Emma and Kitty crashing into a gong.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

At the same time, the Artists, Adversity Twins, Ice Dancers, Bromigos and Goths were all doing the tandem jump and all but one of the teams landed successfully.

Josee and Jacques however were running into trouble with jumping into the Donut Hole "Over there, go over there!"

"I know Josee, it's just not-" Jacques was cut off when he promptly slammed into a sign, his head sticking out of a donkey's ass.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Well that's typical Jacques for you, always trailing behind me." Josee noted "But even despite all of that, he's a true ASSET to our team in every way, shape and form.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point, Emma and the others were going for their second attempt at tandem jumping into the stadium "Okay this time we dial down on the screaming and dial up on the steering you got it?"

"I'll see what I can do but I can't make any guarantees." Kitty told her.

"...Let's just go." and they all took off just as the bus arrived carrying the Best Friends, Fashion Bloggers, Artists, Adversity Twins, Father & Son, Stepbrothers and the Rockers, all of them making a break for the Don Box.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Okay so here's the deal." Rock held up a box of something called Choco Oinkies "I came up with a new strategy, Spud loves these choco onkies so much to the point where he'd do just about anything for one."

Spud let out a wistful sigh "Chocolate covered pork grinded goodness."

"So I cleaned out the airport vending machine of the biggest box they had, this will make him pick up the pace." he held one out only for Spud to bite down on it, causing him to scream in pain.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

At the same time, Geoff and DJ picked up their tip from the Don Box, with the Goths and Stepbrothers right behind them "Looks like we've got another All In."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Yeah it's another All In, only this one has a twist. In order to receive their next tip from a local vendor, the only Chinese person out of 25 million in this city we'll actually get to see while we're here, one team will have to assemble and deep fry a skewer of Beijing street food and their partner will have to eat it. The big question is, who's going to scarf it down and who's going to barf it back up? Find out when we come back right here on… the Ridonculous Race!"_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It wasn't very long before teams started making their way to the food stand to start the challenge.

Geoff took a moment to try and make awkward small talk with the vendor "So… how's it going ma'am? Are the crickets fresh today?" he was answered by the vendor pulling out a live cricket that winked at him "Uh huh." he let out a nervous chuckle as he watched Crimson release a large number of bats from their container.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Bats are the most beautiful creatures in the world." explained Crimson "Of course I had to set them free."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

At the same time, Jacques and Josee landed inside the Birds Nest Stadium, only for Jacques to be on the receiving end of a sickening crunching noise "My ankle!"

"You're worthless!" Josee threw him aside and scowled at the camera "Honestly, why in the name of hell is Jacques so clumsy today? No don't give him any sympathy, that's only going to encourage him." she went over to Jacques and slapped him across the face "Get ahold of yourself you fool! This is a competition! Our fans are watching! EAT THE PAIN! Oh yeah, and be sure to smile too." and they rushed off just as the Best Friends and Fashion Bloggers landed. And Devin passed out from the fear.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"I think we've established this by now, but I'm not great with heights." explained Devin "Or falling from heights which I don't think is too unreasonable. Franky I'm just glad that I have someone like Carrie there to see me through these things. As for Shelley, she would've totally bailed on me."

"Hey what's that?" Carrie pointed off screen.

"What's what?" he looked away for a moment which allowed Carrie to pump her fists im triumph.

"Oh, well I guess it was nothing."

"Okay… Anyway, we both could have handled things a lot better yesterday than we did but all we have to do is focus on our alliance with the Fashion Bloggers and we might even be able to come in first again."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

At the same time, Noah was trying to make small talk with Emma as the their teams were landing in the stadium "So do you like movies or-" he was cut off when Owen crushed him upon making their landing "Ow…"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Owen found himself on the receiving end of a glare from Noah "I swear I wasn't trying to interrupt, me landing on you the way I did was just an accident!"

"Oh yeah well thanks for that." Noah's tone was filled with sarcasm "Now I have no idea if she likes movies."

"Oh come on, everyone likes movies."

"I know that dude, all I'm trying to do is get to know her so that when I ask her out I can get it right on the first try and not make an ass out of myself."

"What can I do to help?"

"What can you do to help, let me think. Oh I know, you can take your chubby hide and stay out of it!"

"...So nothing then."

"Pretty much."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point, the Goths, Bromigos, Artists, Adversity Twins, Stepbrothers and Father & Son were struggling with the All In challenge.

Carrie cringed as she watched everyone at work on it "Okay so here's the thing, I'm not so sure if I can-" her cheeks bulged.

"It's okay, just relax homie." Devin told her "I'll take the hard part and do the eating, you just go ahead and skewer up some worms and-" he was cut off when she grabbed a bucket and puked in a very violent fashion "I can't say worms?" and she puked again "Okay then."

Jen and Tom cringed "Weak stomach?"

"More geared towards worms to more specific." Devin covered Carries ears before he had said worms "When we were little kids her sister dared her to eat a you know what and once she did she hurled for almost a week straight."

"Hey…" Carrie slowly looked up at him "Were you talking about… worms?"

"...Yes?" cue the vomit "Yeah I walked into that one."

She puked for almost a whole moment "Oh god…"

Jen gripped her by the shoulders "Listen to me Carrie, I know that this challenge might be out of your comfort zone but so are most of them in this race. Besides you can either cook the you know what's or eat them, I think you know which one you prefer."

"But… But I can't touch the…" her cheeks bulged.

"What if you don't have to." Jen pulled off her sunglasses and stuck them on Carrie "Now you don't have to see them and that should help."

"I… I can't see anything with these things on."

"Why do you think I never wear them over my eyes?" she looked over and noticed Geoff staring at her, only for him to pull his hat over his eyes, and she gave him a small smile.

Devin noticed this and chuckle "So you and Geoff…"

"Never talked to the guy since the race started but I saw him on Total Drama, he's kind of wild but he's pretty cute."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Geoff let out a sigh "Okay so she runs a fashion blog, she's hot… Yeah I think that's all I need to know."

DJ just facepalmed himself "Oh yeah, this is gonna end well."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Dwayne was still struggling with picking up some scorpions with the stick "Oh come, would it kill you to stay still you sneaky little rascals? You know what, maybe I'll just-" he reached in with his bare hand, only for it to be grabbed by the vendor in disapproval "Oh you don't have to worry about me, I'll be as quick as a cheetah. Just watch and-" he started screaming from the scorpion sting, much to the joy of the vendor and the horror of Junior. Until he started flinging scorpions everywhere.

Jacques was one of the unfortunate victims as a result of this and ended up with a scorpion stuck to his face "Kill it Josee, kill it!" this was followed by Josee repeatedly punching him in the face, missing the scorpion literally every single time.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point Rock and Spud had reached the Don Box "Yes, finally!"

"Yeah we did it, now oink a brother would you?" Spud pleaded.

"Forget it man, not until we get out of last place!"

"Oh come on dude…"

"Fine, go get it!" he pretended to throw it to motivate Spud "There it goes boy, hurry before it gets away!"

"I'll get it, I'll get it!"

"Come on, faster!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"My mom says that I'm a light eater." explained Spud "All someone has to do is turn the lights on and then I start eating.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Geoff pulled out the skewer from the deep frier "Done-zo, DJ my bro eat up!" he ended up having to force it down DJ's throat "Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!"

Jen watched as DJ nearly choked on it "Wow, just… wow."

"Yeah I know, he can take these things in spades."

"No I mean he's choking and you're forcing it down."

"...Oh. That." he let go "Uh…"

"You shouldn't be so forceful on your partner, if there's one thing I've learned since I've been doing this race with Tom then it's that this is a team effort."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Geoff let out a groan "Why are these things so hard? These kinds of things worked so well back at Camp Wawanakwa with Bridgette!"

"No, they really didn't." DJ told him "Dude you compared her to a guy when she was pitching a tent, not to mention to that dude Evan's mom, you forced some super corny stuff down her throat and you showed her a tattoo on your-"

"Okay stop it man I get it, I'm a romantic nightmare. What the heck am I supposed to do?"

"From watching everyone else making themselves look like a bunch of idiots I've learned one super simple trick that everyone should know: Be subtle."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Junior was showing some concerns about Dwayne after he took on as much venom from the scorpions as he did "Are you sure you're okay dad?"

As it turns out he was highly disoriented "Oh you better believe that I'm okay Mr President, what about you?" he passed out.

"Well that's just great, the medic says the venom is gonna wear off sooner or later but we can't just wait around for that or we'll come in last. Looks like I'm gonna have to take charge of the team. Again."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Josee looked down at Jacques "How are you feeling?"

Jacques finally managed to shake off the scorpion "I can't feel my face…"

"Good enough for me." she shoved the skewer into his mouth and forced him to chew it and swallow it "Done! We're in first place!"

The vendor handed her the tip and gestured to where the Best Friends, Fashion Bloggers and Bromigos were almost finished with the challenge, as if to say ' _Hurry the hell up before you lose your lead.'_

"It's a botch or watch."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _In this botch or watch, whoever didn't go diving for wedding rings in Hawaii must pull their teammate by rickshaw all the way to the magnificent Great Wall of China using only a rudimentary map in the rickshaw itself. Once they arrive it's footrace to find the Chill Zone hidden somewhere along the wall and check in, but hurry because the last team to do so could be checking out of the race entirely."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Au revoir!" Jacques and Josee took off in the rickshaw, with the Artists following not far behind.

"Yeah man!" DJ leapt into the rickshaw "We're in the top 3, now we've just gotta head to the Chill Zone and we're in the clear."

Geoff tensed up for just a brief second "Hold that thought dude, you mind if we wait for… I dunno… the Fashion Bloggers?"

"...Oh. Alright dude, we'll wait for just a few minutes but that's it."

"Thanks man."

"Done!" after about 2 minutes Devin set Carrie down in the rickshaw and took off, with the Fashion Bloggers not far behind as Tom threw away his stick.

"YES!" Geoff took off at full speed, nearly causing DJ to hurl as a result.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

At the same time, Emma and the other members of their arrived to start the challenge "I prep, you eat!"

"Is that a question?" asked Kitty.

"No."

Noah turned to Owen "Alright listen up big guy, you got enough room in that tank?"

Owen let out a scoff "Are you kidding? I could eat an entire horse if I wanted to!"

"I don't doubt that, now put that optimism to use because you're eating."

"YES!" he caught Noah in a death hug.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Noah leaned in a smug fashion "Some guys are probably so desperate that they think that if they act like the girl they're into then they'll be interested but that's not how I roll, I'm gonna take my time with this one."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Spud was struggling to pick up the starfish with the skewer "Man if I had as many arms as this little guy then I'd be able to play guitar, drums and base all at the same time. Do you know how awesome that would be?"

Rock let out a groan "Not as awesome as you hurrying the hell up, come on man we're still in last place!"

"You know I think a Choco Oink would really help me to pick up the pace."

"Oh you mean one of these?" Rock held up one of them from inside the box "I sure hope there's one left when we're not in last place!"

"Oh no, no no no, you can't do-"

"Do what? This?" Rock crumbled one up in his hand and let the crumbs fall to the ground.

This prompted Spud to start freaking out and attempt to desperately slurp the crumbs off of the ground, much to the disgust of others present.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"There!" Jacques pointed to the Great Wall of China not far ahead of them "I can see it from here!"

"At long last, first place here we come-" Josee tripped on a banana peel in the middle of the road and fell to the ground, flinging Jacques through the air until he crash landed on top of the Great Wall of China.

"My other ankle!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Noah looked up from his book and looked over at Emma "Looks like Kitty's gonna take a few minutes."

"And Owen isn't?" Emma shot him a look.

"3… 2… 1…"

"Done!" Owen held up the clean skewer and turned to Kitty "Are you gonna finish yours or can I have it?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Devin on the other hand was running towards the Great Wall of China pulling Carrie in the rickshaw, with Tom and Jen right by his side, when he felt something "Oh god…"

"Are you okay?" asked Jen.

"Yeah… no…" he stopped running and ran over to the side of the road and proceeded to puke his guts out.

"You see Carrie, this is why it was worth it for you to at least look at a few worms rather than eat them." Jen was answered with Carrie hurling out of the side of her rickshaw "Tom."

"Before you say it they were the best choice." Tom pointed out "The Artists are rather crazy as it is and we don't do the goth outfits, the Ice Dancers are insane, the Reality TV Pros and the Sisters have an alliance as it is, the Goths are too creepy, the Stepbrothers fight too much, Father & Son went out the window after what happened on Morocco, and the Rockers and Adversity Twins just don't match up well with us. Who else is there? I mean that does leave the Bromigos but-"

"Maybe I might be interested in seeing where it would go with him but this is still a competition, starting a relationship with someone right in the middle of it would just mess it up not just for our two teams but for Devin and Carrie too."

"Or it could make them better."

"You don't know in something like this, that's the problem."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point, Jacques and Josee were deciding where to go to find the Chill Zone "Which way do we go?"

"Forget it, this stupid map is completely useless!" Josee threw away the map and kissed her _lucky_ lava rock "I'll let luck decide!" the map blew towards the right "Chill Zone and first place, here we come!" and they rushed off just as the map blew off in the other direction.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Two more teams have completed the challenge and move on to the Botch or Watch, leaving the last two skewered up."_

Rock shuddered at the thought of the skewer "Once I ate deep fried tofu and I vomited for like an hour but this thing was gonna leave me twitching like I had rabies. Some things in life are just wrong."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Junior let out a groan "Oh come on you've gotta be kidding me, you mean my dad has to pull the rickshaw?"

As it turns out, Dwayne was still highly disoriented… and had his pants down "No problem for me Santa, I'm more than happy to pull your sleigh. Oh no, did you take my legs and feed them to your reindeer from hell?!"

"...Yeah we're doomed."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

At the same time, Kitty was talking to Emma about Noah "But you know you like him and I know you like him so why are you shooting him down?"

"I'm not shooting him down, I'm waiting until after the race." Emma told her "It's a competition after all, starting a relationship before we're even halfway through would just mess things up way too badly."

"Or they'd make them better."

"But that's the problem, it's too unpredictable so you never know. Besides Noah and I talked about it and we agreed to wait until after the race, getting to know each other is fine but we're here to win so we're not going any further than that." this was followed by the rickshaw hitting a rock and their wheel popping off "Oh no our wheel!" this was followed by Owen and Noah running it over "Great it's destroyed, now we're gonna come in last and get cut from the race."

This was when Owen pulled their rickshaw to a stop "Hey, do you guys need a hand or anything?"

"That depends, you got an extra wheel on you?"

"I've got a better idea." Noah hopped out of his rickshaw "Now I could make an ass out of myself by blurting out all sorts of things that I'm supposed to keep in my head or the four of us could…"

"...Could what?"

"Hold on, dramatic pause."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point, the Best Friends, Fashion Bloggers and Bromigos all reached the Great Wall of China and Devin looked around "Which way do we go?"

"Maybe we should split up?" DJ suggested.

"Good idea!" Geoff wrapped an arm around Jen "I'll go with Jen, the rest of you go ahead and do whatever."

"Dude I meant one team goes right, the other team goes left and the last team goes… Whichever way they want."

"Yeah so good luck with that."

"I've got a better idea." Jen took Geoff's arm off of her "Me, Tom and the Best Friends will go left and you and DJ will go right."

"Alright, we'll call if we find the Chill Zone!" and he rushed off.

"...Well he's kind of enthusiastic."

"I'm so sorry about him." DJ told her.

"Don't be, it's kind of cute."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point Emma and the others were on the move again "Hey Noah this isn't too fast for you is it?"

As it turns out Noah was holding onto the shaft on Emma and Kitty's rickshaw from within his own "No it's just so painful I'm starting to see things."

"Does it really hurt that bad?" asked Kitty.

"My hand is throbbing and I think my spine is about to snap in half but that's about what I felt when I was on Total Drama, besides Emma is insanely gorgeous. Was that last part out loud?"

"Yep."

"Dammit!" this caused Emma to blush.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don was quick to address the Best Friends and Fashion Bloggers once they arrived at the Chill Zone "Only one team can come in first, the other will have to settle for second."

Devin turned to the Fashion Bloggers "You guys go ahead, it was only because of you that we're here in the first place."

Jen shook her head "No you two go ahead and take the win, we've already gotten one win as it is back in Brazil."

"So did we back in Morocco."

"Well you let us go ahead of you yesterday in Dubai, an alliance should be fair and now it's your turn."

"...Yeah I'm out of points, come on Carrie." so Devin led Carrie onto the Carpet of Completion, securing the win for them.

"Best Friends take first place, congratulations! And the Fashion Bloggers take second place."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

At the same time, DJ and Geoff were running along the Great Wall of China in search of the Chill Zone, only for the former to notice something wrong "This doesn't seem right, we should've found it by now."

"So what then, we do a 180?" asked Geoff.

"Yeah I think so."

"Okay, let's do it!" and they did a 180 and headed down the other path along the Great Wall of China.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point Emma and the others had reached the Great Wall of China and were searching for the Chill Zone "How's your hand?"

"Oh it's fine." Noah held up his insanely swollen left hand "This one on the other hand, not so much."

"Oh my- That's horrible. Give it here." she started rubbing it "I have to admit though, what you did for us was really nice. Does this feel better?"

"It's actually insanely painful, but don't stop."

"Okay."they locked eyes.

"Oh crap, please tell me that wasn't out loud."

"You didn't say anything." Kitty told him.

"Oh thank god."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Josee and Jacques were running along the Great Wall of China when they saw Geoff and DJ running towards them "If they're coming towards us then that means that we're going the wrong way!" they turned around.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don addressed the Sisters and the Reality TV Pros once they arrived at the Chill Zone "Only one team can come in third."

"Ladies first." Noah offered.

Emma stopped Kitty from advancing "Not a chance, you guys go first. An alliance should be fair and it's your turn."

"I like you. A lot."

"Just get on the carpet you dork."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Owen wiped away a few fake tears "I hope someone brought a box of tissues because this face has sprung a leak."

"Shut. Up." was all Noah said.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Josee was foaming at the mouth with rage when she and Jacques arrived at the Chill Zone "So what you're telling me is… now we're in FIFTH?!"

Don nodded without giving a damn "Yes fifth comes after fourth, the numbers are sequential as always."

"...You might want to duck." Jacques told him.

"Why?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jacques looked over as Josee threw a massive tantrum "That. That right there is why."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

One by one the teams continued to find and reach the Chill Zone, with Don counting them off as they did, starting with the Artists.

"6th place."

The Bromigos.

"7th place."

The Goths.

"8th place."

The Stepbrothers.

"9th place."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"There's the Chill Zone, I can see it from here! We're gonna make it!" Spud started running, only to run into a problem "Sugar crash… going down…" this allowed the Adversity Twins and Father & Son to pass them.

" _10th place! 11th place!"_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don addressed the Rockers once they FINALLY arrived at the Chill Zone "Rockers, I'm afraid you're the last team to arrive."

"Aw man, and we were so close too." Spud muttered.

"If it makes you feel any better you would've received a penalty and been pushed into last place anyway, you pulled the rickshaw but Rock was supposed to."

"Oh really? Huh."

"That's what I said before." Rock pointed out.

"I guess that does make me feel a little bit better, hey man I'm sorry I blew it for us as bad as I did."

"No man, it's all my fault. I mean if I'm gonna try and use treats to train you like a dog or something then I can't be surprised when you go nuts and trash the kitchen and take dumps in my shoes.

"Dude, I promise to never do that last part."

Don chose this as his moment to intervene "Well that makes the ending of this episode a lot more pleasant because this was a non elimination round, you guys are still in the race!"

"Alright, victory riff!" they started rocking out on air guitar.

"Not really a victory but you have to give them points for being optimistic. Who will be next to go? Probably those two but there's only one way to be sure: Tune next time for the next episode of… the Ridonculous Race!"

 **A/N:**

 **I figured why not give the win to the Best Friends to make up for them nearly losing in the last chapter and to prove that they're climbing their way back up to the top of the pack. Plus I added in the Bromigos because like I said, I want to have Jen and Geoff hook up but I'm not sure how to go about it. I would really appreciate some advice and tips.**

 **I know this chapter kind of screwed up the Ice Dancers' 4th place running gag but I decided to replace it with something better: having them rank one place lower with each leg of the race. I honestly thought that would be a lot funnier.**

 **This is why I had to stick the Rockers on the second flight in the last chapter, it's part of their storyline and their comeback. I've got most of it figured out, the only thing I'm having trouble with is deciding where to eliminate them. I'm thinking either in Vietnam or in Siberia (thus making Darjeeling into a non elimination round). I'm not sure which yet, but I know they won't be in the final four either way.**

 **Rankings:**

 **Best Friends: 1st**

 **Fashion Bloggers: 2nd**

 **Reality TV Pros: 3rd**

 **Sisters: 4th**

 **Ice Dancers: 5th**

 **Artists: 6th**

 **Bromigos: 7th**

 **Goths: 8th**

 **Stepbrothers: 9th**

 **Adversity Twins: 10th**

 **Father & Son: 11th**

 **Rockers: 12th**

 **Elimination:**

 **Mother & Daughter: 13th**

 **Ultimate Duo: 14th**

 **Vegans: 15th**

 **Geniuses: 16th**

 **Tennis Rivals: 17th**

 **LARPers: 18th**


	12. I Love Ridonc and Roll

" _Last time on the Ridonculous Race: Our teams got skewered when we took the race to Beijing China, and though a wise man once said that love conquers all, it would seem that one sided love works just as well. Thanks to their alliance with the Fashion Bloggers the Best Friends came in first for the second time in this race, and while it was sweet that the Rockers tried as hard as they did they ended up totally crashing, but it turned out to be a non elimination round so they lived to fail another day. 12 proud teams remain in the race, and now the time has come for us to send one of them packing because this is… the Ridonculous Race!"_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don stood at the Chill Zone from the day before along the Great Wall of China "The Chill Zone from the last episode sits atop the Great Wall of China, that makes it today's starting point and the winners from the last episode are the first to grab a tip."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Devin breathed a sigh of relief "Man after I botched things so bad in Dubai it's good to finally score another win."

"We have the Fashion Bloggers to thank for that though." Carrie pointed out "I mean if it wasn't for them then we might have ended up in the bottom two again. We should really let them go ahead of us today when we reach the Chill Zone."

"That was my plan, an alliance should be fair and today is gonna be their turn. As long as nothing gets screwed up with what's going on between Jen and Geoff."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Carrie picked up the tip "Fly to Oulu, Finland."

Devin blinked "Finland huh? That's a new one, I don't think we covered that during Total Drama World Tour."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _It wasn't, and I seriously hate the constant references to Total Drama. Anyway, Finland is a European country home to countless coffee drinkers, cellphone users and the most saunas per capita, which is where our 12 remaining teams are heading, or more specifically to the naked Don Box (much to my chagrin) at the piping hot saunas of the Apena Pele Spa, After all, why bother to suffer in the cold when you can suffer in the heat?"_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Finland is a paradise." explained Ennui "After all they have 4 months of total darkness, and goth is totally mainstream there." he pulled out his phone and revealed what looked like a guy from the band KISS "Plus this guy ran for office. And won. Several times."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Taxi! Taxi! Taxi!" by this point all 12 teams had collected their tips from the Don Box and were attempting to hail cabs. Well, most of them were attempting…

"TAXI!" Spud on the other hand had ripped off his shirt and was waving it around like a madman, and believe it or not it actually worked.

Rock was definitely pumped over this "Alright dude, way to flag! Hurry and get in, first place here we come!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Rock asked me to step up my game on account of how I tank everything." explained Spud "I guess trying to train me with choco oinkies was the last straw for him so now I've gotta step it up on my own."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Alright!" Rock held up the peace sign as he hopped into their cab "Now we're on a roll for real, first place here we come!"

"Oh yeah man, right on!" Spud dealt him a fist bump "Hey does anyone out there want a lift or something?"

"...Yeah I should've known it was too good to be true."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX5 minutes passed and the Rockers were on their way, in the same cab as the Artists, the Goths and the Stepbrothers.

That was when Rock thought of something "Hey now that me and Spud gave all of you guys a lift maybe we can have a rocking alliance or something you know, so who's in?"

"No." was the general chorus.

Spud didn't quite get the hint "Alright, a killer alliance rocking our way to victory! Okay team, just a quick heads up. I'm super gullible, I get distracted super easily and I like cannot say no to a dare to save my life."

"Good to know." Kevin let out a chuckle "Good to know."

"You can be really unnerving sometimes." Gwen pointed out.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _All 12 teams are on the same flight en route to Finland and thanks to the magnificent power of editing they've now arrived and are en route to the Don Box."_

DJ and Geoff were the first team to reach the Don Box by taxi "Yeah man now we're talking, first place!" he grabbed a tip from the Don Box "It's an All In called Finish Spa Day, teams have to sit inside a dry sauna-"

"Awesome!" Geoff whipped off his hat.

"-fully clothed at the highest heat possible for a total of 10 minutes."

"...Not as awesome but okay." Geoff immediately put his shirt and hat back on.

"Dude for real?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Putting Geoff's stripping like a hooker aside, each spa has just enough room for 2 teams and the countdown for 10 minutes doesn't start until both of the teams have crammed inside. After the 10 minutes is up teams must cross the semi frozen river nearby and find the Don Box with their next tip."_

"Aw yeah let's do this, first place here we come!" DJ prepared to charge first.

Geoff grabbed him by the back of the shirt "Hey hold on a second dude, you mind if we wait for say, I dunno… the Fashion Bloggers?"

"Do I mind? Of course I don't mind, it can't be that long of a wait."

"I knew I could count on you bro."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

DJ let out a sigh "It took almost 2 years but Geoff is finally getting over Bridgette, I don't wanna screw that up and if letting him jeopardize our chance in the race means that he finally moves on then so be it."

"You know I'm standing right here." Geoff pointed out from like 5 feet away "And for the record I got over Bridge ages ago, right now my main goal is Jen- I mean winning."

"Sure it is dude, sure it is."

"Alright man, first place here we come!" the Rockers rushed into one of the dry saunas.

"Now we're in second place."

"Relax bro, it can't be that much longer." this was followed by the Goths following the Rockers into the dry sauna.

"And now we're in third."

"We're still in the top three." and then they got passed by the Adversity Twins, Artists, Ice Dancers and Father & Son passing them.

"And now we're down to 7th place."

"Oh you've gotta be kidding me, where are they?" Geoff looked back just as the Fashion Bloggers and Best Friends showed up "Oh hey guys check it out, the tip said that it's two teams per sauna and- Hey check it out, we're two teams right here."

"You realize me and Carrie are still here right?" Devin pointed out.

"Oh yeah god I'm an idiot, how could I forget about my favorite co hosts from the Total Drama World Tour aftermath show? The two I know would always help a brother out." note how he said the last part through gritted teeth.

"...Oh look the Artists need someone else to go with or they'll be stuck with the Ice Dancers for 10 minutes in the same room. Come on Carrie, let's get moving." and he dragged Carrie away, leaving her blushing all the while as he did.

"A sauna together huh?" Tom nudged Jen slightly "Sound pretty hot if you ask me."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

5 minutes later, in the sauna…

"Oh good god it's hot!" Tom wiped off his glasses and put them back on, but they steamed up again almost immediately "How long has it been."

"About 30 seconds." Jen told him flatly.

Geoff wringed his hat to dry it from his sweat "So then, uh…"

"Too hot to talk, way too hot to talk."

"Yeah okay."

"Nice work." DJ muttered "You're making some serious headway with her and all it cost us was our lead."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jen let out a sigh "Sure Geoff is really cute and all and maybe I'm thinking about asking him out but we have a race to deal with and we already have an alliance with Devin and Carrie and I don't plan on messing with that. First we finish the race and then we'll see, but until then this is the last thing I have to say on this matter."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jacques on the other hand found himself sweating way worse than the others "Why are ice dancing clothes so well insulated? You know Josee I'm starting to think that your good luck charm thing must be broken."

"Perhaps not." Josee was quick to wave that off "Our main competition at the moment are those weakling twins, it's only a matter of time before the heat destroys them."

"You do know that we hard all that." Jay pointed out "And we're doing just fine."

"...Well this is awkward." Jacques noted.

"You see me and Mickey suffer from a rare condition called temperature dyslexia so neither of us can feel hot or cold, I mean the two of us are gonna own this challenge!" he and Mickey tried to high five, but they missed.

"You guys are new at high fiving aren't you?"

"Pretty much yeah."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _As the remaining teams pair up and get cooking some take the chance to unwind from the stress of the race while others take the chance to talk about strategy. Or just make some small talk in general."_

Gwen was left panting from the heat and the steam "You know it's weird… Cody always tells me… how hot I am… But I don't think… He ever… meant it… Like this…"

"Lame…" Kevin pulled off his shirt and wring it clean of his own sweat.

"Says the guy… who couldn't… come up with… anything…"

"Too hot… I'm a… chill dude…"

"Horrible pun."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Rock looked up at the clock "30 seconds left, then we've… gotta jet…"

"Oh good…" Spud muttered "This heat is really starting to get to me, I think those two are melting from it too."

"Dude you've gotta chill out a little bit, the two of them are totally not- HOLY CRAP THOSE TWO ARE MELTING!"

Sure enough, Crimson and Ennui shared a look as well as a horrified gasp when they realized that their makeup was melting, and when the timer counted all the way down they took off running "First place!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _And the race has begun with the teams taking off, some of them moving fast but others not so much."_

Jay and Mickey exited the dry sauna "Bye you guys, have a nice race!" and they took off just as the Ice Dancers passed out in the snow.

Kitty doused herself in a bucket of what looked like water "Oh thank god, I didn't know dry saunas had water."

"That's because they don't." Noah told her very very slowly.

"What do you mean?"

"You see that's not water… that's Owen's sweat."

"...What?"

Sure enough, Owen was sweating by the bucket fulls "Yeah, one of my many many nicknames in high school regarding my weight was the Sweat Volcano."

Kitty didn't need to hear anymore before she ran out screaming as the timer sounded, allowing them to leave.

"Need cold!" Owen shoved Noah and Emma out of the way and took off running as fast as he could, him and Kitty running over Jacques along the way.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point the Goths had reached the semi frozen river "There's the semi frozen river."

"NEED CLEAN!" Kitty accidentally shoved the Goths into the river as she herself jumped in and started scrubbing herself "So unclean, so unclean…"

"Need the cold!" DJ and Owen both leapt into the water and ended up literally frozen solid.

Jen cringed "Okay that looks way too cold, plus this top is super sensitive."

"Oh come on it's not that bad, I've done way worse. Check it. CANNONBALL!" Geoff leapt into the semi frozen water "S-See? Oh wait I've got it, just hop across on the chunks of ice and you should be good to go."

"Fair enough I guess." so Jen started hopping across the floating ice platforms, with Tom (who wasn't keen on being ignored during the conversation but held his tongue) followed not far behind.

Emma cringed as she watched Owen float around in a blanket of icy water "Okay that looks way too cold for anyone."

"No it's fine, check it out." Noah promptly leapt into the water and began freezing "S-See?"

"Are you okay?"

"By normal standards? No. By the standards of someone who's suffered through more than one season of Total Drama? Yep. Anyway go ahead and ride Owen, he's a big guy so I'm sure he can take it."

"Are you sure? Doesn't that count as some form of abusing your partner?"

"You call it abuse, I call it payback for years of bone crushing hugs that literally almost crushed my spine. Seriously, the doctors said that one more and my spine could be damaged beyond repair if he hugs me too many more times.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Mickey and Jay were the first ones to reach the Don Box on the other side of the river and collect a top "Head to downtown Oulu and get ready to air out your rock on. I hope you're not allergic to rocks."

"I probably am." Jay ended up pulling out a list "Seriously though, I should go ahead and check my records.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Not long after that, Ennui and Crimson emerged from the semi frozen river un-gothed due to their makeup being washed off, and they screamed when they saw each other, as well as when they saw themselves "My face, my face is so… not pale!"

"Don't look at me, I'm a hideous monster of daylight!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Ennui now sported a bag over his head, with Crimson doing the same "We've only been dating for about 3 years so it's only natural we've never seen each other un-gothed before."

Crimson nodded "I feel like a dead body that washed up on the shore but in a bad way. A really bad way."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point Rock and Spud had reached the semi frozen river "Okay get a grip Spud, and let's do this!"

However, Kevin had other plans "Hey Spud check this out, you see that baby seal over there? I totally dare you to kiss it."

"Oh god no, no no no! Come on bro focus, you can't listen to-"

"Triple. Dog. Dare." and that was the end of the very brief struggle.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"There's this one lesson that I've learned over and over again." Spud commented "And that is that if something sounds like a bad idea, looks like a bad idea and requires a high level dare to do it then it's gonna be CRAZY!"

"And a really bad idea in general." Rock pointed out.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Oh come on dude." Spud made his way over to the baby seal "He's just this cute little guy, for all we know he probably kisses people all the-" he was cut off by the seal chomping into the top of his head.

"Okay, did not see that coming." Gwen noted.

"Huh. Killer baby seal. Well it's got my stamp of approval." Kevin took off swimming across the river, with Gwen right behind him.

Rock cringed "Delayed pain reaction over in 3… 2… 1…"

"PAIN!" Spud started running around screaming in pain.

"Yep it's official, we're screwed."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Downtown Oulu was bustling with a huge stage and goths. Lots and lots of goths.

Geoff and DJ stepped out of their cab and looked around "Alright this looks awesome, I wonder who's playing?"

DJ pulled a tip out from the Don Box as the other teams started to arrive "By the looks of it I'd say it's us, the tip says we've got a Botch or Watch. Teams have to battle it out in the national sport of Finland- air guitar."

"...Are you serious? Is this for real?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Oh this is for very real. In this botch or watch, whoever didn't pull their team's rickshaw in Beijing must perform an air guitar solo in front of a live audience of goths who have no lives of their own. Performances will be judged by the applause meter above the stage and the key is to get it all the way to the red zone, get the crowd into a maximum frenzy with your rad moves and then teams can rock on over towards the Chill Zone backstage. Bottom out and they have to go to the back of the line to try try again. The last team to complete the challenge could be cut from the race."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Kitty immediately started rehearsing backstage "So how am I looking?"

"How you're looking is like a complete lunatic." Emma told her flatly "But I'm pretty sure that's what we're going for, so keep it up."

"Rock and roll!"

"POWER SLIDE!" Kevin tried to do a power slide across the stage, ramming through the Sisters, the Bromigos and the Stepbrothers all at once "How did I do?"

"You looked totally ridiculous." Gwen told him flatly.

"No I think you meant that I looked ridonculous." he received glared from everyone present, and I mean EVERYONE.

"...Are you kidding me?"

"I'll just go ahead and show myself out."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Noah let out a groan of sheer frustration "The one single time we could've used Owen's talent for being a buffoon to our advantage and it's wasted by a stupid botch or watch, and what's worse is that I'm the one that usually avoids parties and now I have to rock out in front of thousands of goths! Air guitar is basically all of the lameness of being a musician and all of the lameness of jumping around like a jackass."

Owen nodded "Yeah I know, this one had Owen written all over it!"

"Don't worry by very chubby friend, this time around I'm gonna channel my inner Owen. So yeah, we're probably screwed." they fist bumped.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Yeah come on, give me some love!" Geoff was the first one out on the stage, only to find pretty much everyone else, including Jen, watching.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Well this could be going better." DJ noted.

Geoff cringed "Yeah here's the thing, it's a lot harder than you think to dance like no one's watching when someone is actually watching."

"Hey come on dude, I was just trying to be supportive." he received a look "Oh you mean Jen, right. Hey come on man, I don't think she'll mind this that much."

"I hope you're right." he took off his hat and handed it to DJ "Hold my hat for me bro, I'm going in."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Geoff ended up tripping on a stray wire connected to a tree of amps, resulting in him being crushed underneath them "Oh come on! Why are these things even here?! This is air guitar, you don't need speakers!" this was followed by the applause meter buzzing.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"I love who you are in the inside." Ennui muttered "But I just don't have the strength to look at you on the outside."

Crimson nodded "I know, looking at your perky nose makes me want to vomit. I just can't stand it."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don actually stopped the Goths from entering the stage "I'm sorry but only contestants on the Ridonculous Race are allowed."

"But it's us." Ennui told him "I'm Ennui and this is Crimson."

"There's no way that's for real because I'm not even remotely creeped out."

"But we have a camera crew with us." Crimson pointed out.

"...Fine, I guess that checks out then.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

So yeah overall Geoff botched it big time "Well that could've gone better but I'm not giving up."

"I don't know about this man." DJ muttered "Your crush on Jen pretty much got you crushed big time."

"Easy bro it's fine, I mean sure we're at the back of the line but the good news is that we're still in the top three." he looked over and realized that literally every other team was there, with the exception of the Rockers "4, 5, 6… Oh crap."

"Looks like I'm up, wish me luck you guys." Micke started to make his way out onto the stage.

"Hey watch out for the tree of speakers little dude, they tend to fall."

"Tree? Fall?!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"When Mickey was 10 he got a part in the school play." explained Jay "He was a tree but when the music started he tripped over his own roots somehow and took out the set. The whole thing came crashing down and landed right on top of him."

Mickey nodded "You never forget what happens with your first concussion, it's all of the ones that come after that become a blur."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _One by one the teams are trying, and failing miserably, to complete this botch or watch to the point where it's disastrous. It seems like no one can air out their rock on. Did that make sense? I got a new script guy after Brazil and he's still on a trial basis. Anyway even when they get a groove on they end up tripping over it, either that or they just lack that special something that they need. Is anyone going to pass this challenge? I mean come on, this is seriously pathetic."_

Devin and Carrie were surprised to see Crimson un-gothed "Crimson? Wow, your skin is just so… flesh colored."

Carrie nodded "Yeah and I love your hair."

Crimson reeled back a little bit "You're throwing a lot of positive emotions my way and I don't know what to do with that."

"Crimson it's okay, this is just what the world is for us now." Ennui told her "But I think I know what to do about it."

"You do?"

"Yeah. We're quitting." and so they left.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Several on stage failures later…

After god only knows how many failures, Rock and Spud finally reached the stage "Hey guys how's it going, we haven't lost yet have we?"

"No but I have faith." Josee snarked out.

"But this is air guitar right? Man that's sweet, I can totally do that no sweat!" he started to literally rock out.

However, Junior soon put that on hold "Actually you can't, you were supposed to pull the rickshaw in China so it's the big guy's turn."

"Wait you mean Spud? But he needs time to recover from some kind of seal venom or whatever, he's gonna botch it!"

"Yeah and we're all gonna watch it." Josee promptly shoved him out on stage.

"Oh this is gonna be bad." this was followed by the crowd beginning to boo as Spud just stood there doing nothing.

"Oh man this is so over!"

However, that was when Spud suddenly roared into life "YEAH!" and he suddenly started rocking out, earning cheers from the audience and pushing the meter up one notch at a time until it was nearly in the red.

"Oh man all this time I was all worried about Spud being all nuts and stuff and never using his brain, but then I realized that that's what makes him so awesome!"

"Yo Rock it's time for the grand finale, light me up!"

"You got it dude!" so Rock promptly tossed Spud a lighter.

Using the lighter, Spud farted across the crowd that spread like a green flame of death, sending the meter all the way to the max, taking all of the other contestants by surprise.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Owen let out a groan "You mean we're actually ALLOWED to fart?! Oh man I would've owned this challenge!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don confirmed the shocking outcome as the Rockers made their way to the Chill Zone "And so we have the winners of this round, the Rockers take first place and I'm just as shocked as the rest of you. There isn't a soul in all of Finland who isn't filled with joy right now, well that is except for the Goths. Apparently they quit before the Rockers showed up."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The streets of Finland were contrastingly quiet.

Crimson and Ennui were departing by cab "I wish it didn't have to end this way. Both our goth hood and the race I mean."

Ennui nodded "Yeah I know, as amazing as it was in Iceland and in Transylvania, it ends in our motherland."

"Yeah."

"But maybe it doesn't have to end this way, maybe we could try and accept each other for who we are." they took off their paper bags and locked eyes, until he noticed some super goth clothes in a nearby store "Woah. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"Oh yeah."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _With the example set by the Rockers fresh in their minds teams are amping up their performances with some seriously rocking results, and one by one they're starting to rock their way over to the Chill Zone."_

Don counted the teams off as they arrived, starting with the Fashion Bloggers "Second place!"

The Best Friends.

"Third place!"

The Artists.

"Fourth place!"

Father & Son.

"Fifth place." then he addressed the Ice Dancers "Jacques and Josee, you guys have come in sixth place."

"Sixth again?!" and then Josee started sobbing.

"Yep, sixth comes after fifth. The numbers are sequential."

Then Jacques noticed something "Wait what happened to the Goths? Did they finish already?"

"Oh them, no they quit."

"So then a team has already been sent home…"

"So I decided to make today into a double elimination round, it was either that or cancel this entire episode since without a double elimination we wouldn't have enough footage for an entire episode. Now move aside." he shoved them out of the way just as more teams started to arrive at the Chill Zone after completing the challenge, starting with the Reality TV Pros "Seventh place."

The Sisters.

"8th place."

The Stepbrothers.

"9th."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _One by one almost all of the teams have already reached the Chill Zone so now the race to not come in last has come down to the final two teams. The question remains, which pair will be rocked out of this race?"_

Geoff was, for the umpteenth time, rocked off of the stage, and like every other time he was covered in rotten tomatoes "Well that's just rude!"

"How the heck did we go from first place to last place?" asked DJ, only to be silenced by a look from Geoff "Oh. Right. Well on the bright side, the Goths aren't even here."

Geoff let out a gasp and pointed to the entrance to the stage, leaving DJ and the Adversity Twins horrified at what they saw.

As it turns out, the Goths had made their triumphant return, now turned into what I dub as Super Goths "Step aside. We're here to rock."

Geoff was the only one who didn't get the hint "Oh there you guys are, you won't believe this super cute preppy couple who said they were you!"

"...Good to know, now stand back or you'll die." Ennui made his way out onto the stage, flames blasting on one side, then on the other side, and with one single stroke of air guitar the stage nearly exploded with flames, sending the crowd into a frenzy and exploding the meter all the way to the max.

Geoff and DJ shared a look of "Wow. Just… wow."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"I've never felt closer to Crimson than I do right now." Ennui commented.

Crimson nodded "I can't believe that we almost gave up on each other, it's the blackness deep down in our souls that really counts and not some superficial idea of appearances mattering."

"That was beautiful, that was really beautiful."

"I know."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point the Goths had made their way over to the Chill Zone "That went well."

"Yeah well good for you." Don muttered "I'll be having nightmares about it, so does this mean that you're not quitting?"

"Not anymore, now we don't have a need to."

"Oh. Well so much for the double elimination then."

"Okay let's go." then he noticed Josee and Jacques with the hawaiian lava rock "Woah, is that a hawaiian lava rock?"

"What of it?" asked Josee.

"That's totally hardcore, those things cast a shroud of darkness upon all who plunder them from their sacred land. Can we have it?"

"...Say what now?"

Jacques was understandably pissed "You mean your good luck charm has been cursing us all this time? Oh well done Josee, well done indeed!"

"Thanks for telling us, how do we break the curse?"

Ennui shrugged "You just have to toss it, anywhere in Hawaii."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Mickey was rocking back and forth, particularly freaked out "I can't go out there, I'll end up knocking the whole city down!"

"It's okay Mickey, you can do this." Jay assured him "I know the school play was a disaster but despite everything that went wrong, and I mean really really wrong, you were the best tree out there."

"You think so?"

"Yeah everyone said so, you're a complete natural."

"Well then… let's rock and roll!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Tom led Jen back onto the stage "I'm telling you, all you have to do is tell him that you think air guitar is a turn on or something and he'll do a better job of it."

"I can't do that, then he'll know that I like him." Jen protested "Then it'll screw up our alliance with Carrie and Devin and then they'll break it off and then we'll lose the race!"

"Don't you think you're blowing that a little bit out of proportion?"

Jen said nothing, she just pointed to where Emma was ranting about Noah in a very loud manner over at the Chill Zone.

"Okay fair enough."

"Look Geoff is going to be fine, it's not like Mickey is gonna finish it before him."

"MOVE IT!" quite to the contrary, Mickey was pumped up and ready to rock "Time for me to get my air on!" and he made his way over towards the stage.

"...Yeah okay maybe I should do something." so she went up to Jen just before he went out onto the stage "Mickey hey, how's it going? I've gotta say it's pretty impressive that you're doing this, it's really brave of you."

"Thanks Jen, that really means a lot."

"So just call this my way of saying good luck." she gripped him by the shoulders and kissed him on the cheek "So yeah, go for it." and she made her way backstage.

Tom raised an eyebrow "What was that?"

"You know about my Kiss of Subjugation."

"You mean that thing where you kiss someone and turn them into a pile of goo unable to move, think or breath within a span of 10 seconds? Wow that's harsh."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The scene on the stage was about to turn into a total disaster.

"Okay come on Mickey, you can do this…" at least that was what Mickey wanted to believe, truth be told he only lasted about 3 seconds before he started blushing. And 3 more seconds before he started sweating. And then 4 more seconds before he passed out with a dopey smile on his face.

"Mickey come on, get ahold of yourself!" Jay rushed out on stage and ended up dragging him off stage in an amusing yet very embarrassing manner, causing the meter to go all the way back to the bottom.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"The kiss of death is something that Jen has had since we were kids." explained Tom "You see whenever she kisses a guy he turns into a pile of goo within 10 seconds. 3 seconds for blushing, 3 seconds for sweating and 4 seconds after that they pass out."

Jen nodded "I've used it to get a lot of jerks to leave me alone. And I mean A LOT."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

DJ cringed as he watched the scene with the Adversity Twins "Well that happened. Geoff come on, I need you to focus dude. For all we know this might be our last chance, if you're gonna do this then you've gotta do it now."

"But I can't!" Geoff protested "At least not if Jen is watching-" he was cut off by a smack upside the head by DJ, much to his surprise "What the hell dude?!"

"Come on man, do you think that Jen wants to date a quitter?"

"I don't know, maybe…"

"Of course she doesn't, who does? Look man, you and Duncan are like brothers to me and doing this race with you has been the most fun I've had in a really long time. From Total Drama Island to now the three of us have been like THIS. You helped me get over my fear of water, I helped you with Bridgette, and everything else after that. There isn't anyone else I'd rather do this race with, but if we fail now then it's gonna be over for us and for you and Jen, is that really what you want?"

"Jeez dude, I… I don't know what to say."

"You don't need to say anything, but right now you've gotta stop thinking about being some girls hero and… and be my hero, okay?"

"...I get what you're saying dude." Geoff slowly grabbed his cowboy hat and put in on, adjusting it slightly "I won't let you down." and with a deep breath he made his way out onto the stage ' _I have to do this, for my bro. Come on Geoff, just pull back and let er rip!'_ and with another deep breath he started rocking out like it was hot, purple flames dancing across the stage until the crowd was sent into a maximum frenzy "YEAH!"

"Yeah dude!" DJ lifted Geoff up onto his shoulders "The Bromigos are back!"

"And they're better than ever!"

"Wow." Jen muttered "Don't tell anybody about this but I think Geoff just got me to like air guitar."

"The same with us all." Don made his way onto the stage "Nice work guys, but I'm afraid I'm gonna have to give you a 20 minute penalty."

"What? Why?" asked Geoff.

"Because this was a botch or watch and DJ was supposed to do this one."

"Oh. Oh crap."

"I wouldn't worry about that." Tom whispered "See the effects of Jen's Kiss of Subjugation don't wear off for about a half hour."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

20 minutes later…

Don made the call "Geoff and DJ your penalty has expired, you guys are in 10th place. If it's any consolation though that did look awesome."

"WICKED!" Geoff and DJ high fived.

"I love bromances."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"You know dude, it really is good to have you back." DJ noted.

Geoff nodded "Yeah I know what you mean, I can't believe my crush on Jen almost got us kicked out of the race. Woah man, I am so done with that."

"Oh yeah- What?!"

"Relax man, I was just joking."

"Oh. Good."

"Yep. Seriously though, I'm taking a serious breather from that for awhile."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don approached the Adversity Twins backstage, his expression solemn "Twins, you raced hard and you managed to overcome a lot of issues that no one has ever heard of. But I'm sorry, you're out."

"We gathered that." Jay told him flatly "You know we didn't win but I think we should be proud of ourselves. Our doctor said that we would last a week. Our physiotherapist said we would last a day. Our gym teacher just laughed and laughed in our faces."

Mickey nodded "Yeah but we showed all of them, I think the two of us have come a really long way since- SPIDER!" they started running and screaming until they crashed into each other and passed out.

Don took this moment to sign off from the episode "7 teams are out of the race but 11 still remain, the real question is who is going to make it all the way? The only way to find out is to tune in next time for more of… the Ridonculous Race!"

 **A/N:**

 **This chapter has been freshly rewritten, I originally got rid of the Goths because, to be blunt, they were insanely boring and yet people still love them. However, the backlash of getting rid of them (along with a number of other factors) turned out to be much stronger than I had anticipated, so I decided to add them back into the story. I still have to find a way to not screw over the Rockers like in canon, but just to be clear there will NOT be a double elimination round.**

 **I gave the Nemma scenes involving Noah making an ass out of himself to Geoff because that seemed more in character for him than for Noah. That and I altered the scene about Mickey getting screwed over because I found the original too cringeworthy to write out. As for the penalty that the Bromigos got, that since this was a botch or watch it was supposed to be DJ doing this but I didn't realize that until I was almost done with the chapter overall, so I had to improvise. Sorry about that.**

 **From this point on until their elimination, I'll try and have the Rockers place higher from here on out since they're kind of the underdogs too in this race. Seriously, they're by far the most underrated team in the entire race.**

 **Rankings:**

 **Rockers: 1st**

 **Fashion Bloggers: 2nd**

 **Best Friends: 3rd**

 **Artists: 4th**

 **Father & Son: 5th**

 **Ice Dancers: 6th**

 **Sisters: 7th**

 **Reality TV Pros: 8th**

 **Goths: 9th**

 **Bromigos: 10th**

 **Elimination:**

 **Adversity Twins: 12th**

 **Mother & Daughter: 13th**

 **Ultimate Duo: 14th**

 **Vegans: 15th**

 **Geniuses: 16th**

 **Tennis Rivals: 17th**

 **LARPers: 18th**


	13. My Way or Zimbabwe

" _Last time on the Ridonculous Race, things got to a whole new level of heated. After managing to survive their shocking un-gothing by the climate of their motherland of Finland, the Goths found the source of all of the Ice Dancer's bad luck in the form of Josee's unlucky Hawaiian lava rock. Rock was surprised when his bud Spud surprisingly rocked the two of them into first place, and to save Geoff and DJ from getting eliminated Jen kissed Mickey into a coma and the Adversity Twins in general into last place and out of the race. Where will we go next, who will suffer the most and end up hating it the most as a result? The only way to find out is to watch right here and right now on… the Ridonculous Race!"_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don stood by the Chill Zone in Finland from the day before "Welcome back to the Chill Zone in Finland where the triumphant and very surprising winners of yesterday's race, the Rockers, are ready to receive the first travel tip of the day."

"Oh man it's super heavy man." Rock muttered "I still can't believe it, we're actually in first place!"

Spud blinked "We're in first place? Alright, we're killing it! Woo hoo!"

"Yeah man!" they high fived, did some air guitar and he picked up the tip "Alright enough goofing around for now, we've gotta head to Helsinki airport and catch the next flight to Zimbabwe."

"Zimbab-wha?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Our next location is in southwestern Africa, Zimbabwe is the home to stunning flora, exotic fauna and majestic scenery. Once the teams land they have to drive all the way to Victoria Falls, which is nearly twice the height of Niagara Falls. Yeah you heard me right North America, your waterfalls are getting owned Deadpool style!"_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Taxi!" Kevin blew on a silver whistle and ushered Gwen inside before they took off towards the airport.

Gwen looked over at him and raised an eyebrow "Where the heck did you get a lifeguard whistle, and more importantly where the heck have you been keeping it?"

"I'll answer that in reverse order, I've been keeping it tucked in my shirt. I mean come on, not even I'm that messed up. As for where I got it, it was a gift from my cousin. You actually know her."

"I do?" she studied him for a moment "Wait a second, blonde hair, greenish eyes… holy crap are you related to Bridgette?"

"She's my cousin, I was honestly wondering how long it was gonna take you to notice the similarities."

"Why the heck didn't you say anything before?"

"You didn't ask."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _All 10 teams have hit the Don Box and are at the airport waiting for the flight that they booked to Zimbabwe."_

Junior found his airport pass ripped out of his hand by Dwayne "Ow, papercut."

"Hey sorry about that sporto but holding onto the important stuff is the job for a dad and other adults." Dwayne told him.

"Come on dad, I can holy my own ticket-"

"Yeah I know you can, I'm just not sure if you should. Now when you're a dad you can hold as much stuff as you want but for now let's go find you a bandage and a lollipop."

"Dad it's just a papercut, I'm fine."

"So fine that a lollipop wouldn't help?"

"Dad I'm not a little kid anymore, candy isn't going to work on me."

"How about a balloon then?"

"Oh come on dad!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Josee and Jacques on the other hand were having problems with the ticket guy, mostly Josee in particular though "Why is this so hard for you to understand?! Look we need to get on the next flight to Hawaii and we only want to be there for like 10 minutes, and then we need to fly from Hawaii to Zimbabwe."

"But it-it making no sense!" the ticket guy stammered.

"Okay fine whatever, we making no sense. Now stuff the opinion talk and give us our tickets already!"

"Y-Yes ma'am!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Jacques is mad at me." explained Josee.

"I am and I would like an apology." Jacques told her.

"Oh please, give me one good reason why I should apologize. I mean it's not like I knew the rock was bad luck when I took it from the island!"

"...Apology accepted."

"Thank you."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Jacques and Josee are off on a detour towards Hawaii as the other 9 teams are headed on the same flight for Africa, once they land they must drive one of the provided jeeps towards their next destination and one by one they pick one and are on the road."_

"Rock and roll!" Rock and Spud hopped in a jeep and took off which quickly secured them an early lead as he read the tip "Alright we've gotta head over to Victoria Falls where the Zambezi River borders over Zambia and Zimbabwe, if we take the Mozio Tunia then we're gonna be golden! Go ahead and gun it dude, I wanna stay in first place!"

Spud blinked "We're in first place? Alright we're killing it!"

"Yeah man!" they high fived.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Other teams were making their way towards Victoria Falls as well.

Carrie looked over towards Devin "Okay so I'll drive the jeep and you focus on directions okay?"

Devin then proceeded to do a crappy Tarzan impression "Me Devin and you Carrie." and cue the Tarzan style scream.

Carrie giggled "So adorbs."

"What was that?"

"Oh nothing, but go us." and they cheered.

"And the Fashion Bloggers."

"Yeah them too."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

At the same time Dwayne and Junior were driving towards the fall in their own jeep "Africa, you know I've always wanted to go on a Safari myself."

Junior nodded "Yeah I know, this is seriously cool. I just want to get up and see-"

"Not so fast young man, you stay on that keister where you belong. Seats are for sitting not for standing while we're driving."

"Oh for crying out loud dad, will you stop treating me like I'm a little kid? I'm practically a man as it is, check out my chest hair!"

"Where?"

"Right there, I mean it's blonde so it's kind of hard to see in daylight."

"Yeah sure."

"It's there, trust me!" he looked away.

"Kids."

"I am not a kid!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

DJ and Geoff on the other hand had another issue to deal with "Oh come on man, you can't just be done with Jen after everything you guys have been through in this race."

Geoff rubbed the back of his hat and let out a sigh "Look bro I told you, if she liked me then she would've said something. Besides we almost lost the last round because of me, I'm willing to give up the race for her but not if it means screwing you over too. For now we focus on the race and that's it, blocking out any Jen related distractions." that got a rise out of DJ.

"You said Jen. You still like her dude, there's no way that you moved on."

"What are you, there's no way that I said that!"

"Sure you didn't."

"I didn't!"

"Uh huh."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point Rock and Spud were the first team to reach the Don Box "Alright rock and roll, we're still in first place!"

Spud blinked "We're in first place? Alright we're killing it!"

"Yeah we are!" Rock grabbed a tip from the Don Box wearing a life jacket "It says we're going on a selfie safari!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _For this all in challenge each team must take the waterproof camera stowed away in the glove compartment of their jeep and then get into a raft and ride over the falls while taking a selfie as epic as they can. But just a fair warning, if they miss the shot then it's a long climb back up to the top of the falls to try again. After they complete this challenge successfully teams must float down river in their raft to the Zambezi National Park, home of the elusive white rhino where they'll have to take a selfie with the rhino. Once teams have both of their selfies it's a foot race to today's Chill Zone where I'll inspect their photos. Like always, the last team to arrive could be headed home._

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point the Rockers, Best Friends, Fashion Bloggers, Artists and Father & Son had all collected their tips and their rafts, and some were more enthusiastic than others.

"Woah man, this is so cool." Junior muttered.

Dwayne nodded "Yeah but you don't have to worry, you'll be safe with me son. All we need to do this are a couple of crash test dummies that look exactly like us and can take selfies going over a waterfall." this was met with groans from everyone present "What?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _While the teams tied for first place are considering their options so to speak, the Ice Dancers in last place (god it feels so good to say that) are stuck between a lava rock and a VERY faraway place."_

Sure enough, Jacques and Josee had finally reached the beach on Hawaii "Okay so is this where you found the rock?"

"Yeah I think so, let's just toss it and get out of here." Josee prepared to toss it.

"Hold on a second, you can't just dump it out like trash! We need some kind of ceremony as an offering."

"Oh for- fine, let's just get this over with."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

10 minutes later…

After performing a dance as an offering Josee heard the volcano rumble and let out a cough of black smoke "Look it's a sign, that means we've been forgiven! Back to the airport, the gold isn't going to win itself!" and so they took off.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Rock and Spud were still in the lead as they started the waterfall challenge "It's okay man, this is just like that time we ride the gigantic roller coaster 6 times in a row and then we started puking like a bunch of freaks, but this time we haven't been chowing down on on the funnel cakes and banquet burgers so it should be easy."

Spud nodded "Yeah no kidding, or at least it won't be as messy. I mean what with the puking and all."

"Yeah I know, that's what I just said."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Dwayne was constantly tightening Junior's life vest "Okay so how about just a little bit tighter eh?"

"For crying out loud it's fine, just stop and let me do it!" Junior looked over as Rock and Spud went over the waterfall, Spud being chill and Rock being terrified.

"...Hold that thought, let's just get a few more life jackets on you. That'll be better for you now won't it?"

"Dad for crying out loud, will you stop- Ow you're pinching my spine!"

"I just want you to be safe, is that so wrong?" he received several muffled protests as they went over the falls and fell out as Junior took the picture.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _As more and more teams face their fears by going over Victoria Falls, our last place team is in fear of getting eliminated and falling off of the face of television."_

Josee stormed her way up to the cockpit to confront the pilot "You need to fly this thing faster!"

"Hey you're not allowed up here!" the pilot barked.

"Oh please, do you have any idea who I am?"

"Aren't you one of those figure skaters that lost the gold at the olympics?"

"...Just fly faster!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

One by one the teams completed the first challenge, in the order of the Artists, the Sisters, the Bromigos.

Rock on the other hand was searching frantically for Spud at the bottom of the waterfall "Spud are you there? Come on dude give me a sign!"

Sure enough, Spud rose up from beneath the water with a rock and roll sign as he hopped into the raft "What a trip, we killed that!"

"Junior, Junior where are you?" that was when Dwayne sawm up to them "Hey sorry to bother you guys but have you seen my son?"

"I don't know, maybe he's over there." Rock pointed in a random direction, which just so happened to be where a lion was sitting "Or maybe he went past the possibly vegetarian lion and went onto find a rhino without you."

"...JUNIOR!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _By this point most of the teams have now made or are now making their epic leap over epic Victoria Falls."_

"CANNONBALL!" Owen did a cannonball into the raft, launching Noah into the air "Oh my god Noah, are you okay?"

With a mighty thud, Noah landed back in the raft right where he had once sat "Ow. You know we've gone over this before, you're not as light as me or Emma."

"Which reminds me, aren't we gonna wait for Emma and Kitty?"

"Yeah we talked about that and after Geoff made such an ass out of himself over Jen last night we decided that we needed some time apart before that happened to either of us. I don't want to end up like a love struck puppy falling for the first tree that he sees."

"Oh. Well speaking of falls…" they went over the falls and started screaming as they took the picture.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jen on the other hand let out a groan of frustration "First we deal with an insanely high skywalk, parachuting into a donut hole which can have a few different meanings, and now a dangerously high waterfall selfie challenge! It's like they're trying to give me a heart attack or something, at this point I should sue them."

Tom nodded "And even if it's not that they're all of the dry clean only clothes that we have to replace because of these insane challenges."

"Oh my god don't even get me started on that."

"Too late, I got started on it first. Which reminds me, what have we got to put on the blog when we get home?"

"Let's see here… Moroccan carpet, french bureaus, Brazilian costumes from that one challenge, grass skirts from Hawaii, gold bath robes from that one guy in Dubai, those super goth outfits that the goths gave us before they quit yesterday, and of course the fezes."

"Just checking."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Dwayne was climbing his way back up the waterfall, his mind in one place "The Rockers are completely insane, there is no way that lion ate junior. My son is fine and dandy, the family rule is that if you get separated then you go back to the last place that you saw each other so I'm gonna go back up to the top of the waterfall. He'll be up there waiting for me to find him, I'm sure he will." he wouldn't be.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Junior was floating downstream in his raft until he felt something bump into it "I was wondering when you were going to catch up-" he paused when he realized it was the Stepbrothers "Oh, uh hey there guys."

"Hey what's up little man, where's your dad?" asked Lorenzo, his and Chet's back to each other like always.

"We got separated when we went over the falls and the family rule is that if you get separated then you should go to your destination. Do you guys mind if I tag along with you?"

"Oh trust me kid, this is one boat that you don't wanna get in. Chet might hit you with an oar and shove you off a cliff!"

Chet let out a scoff "Are you still whining about that? Will you quit whining and get over it already?"

"My back is still red you dipstick!"

"Better than your face asshat!"

"Wait, so then how did you guys manage to get a picture?" asked Junior.

"Oh I took it while he was in the water."

"Huh. That's impressive."

"Ha, you hear that? Impressive!"

"He doesn't know any better, he's just a kid!" Lorenzo barked.

"And?"

"And I've already got a chest hair for the record." Junior pointed out.

"Which makes him way more of a man than you already!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _While most of the other teams have already started on the rhino selfie challenge, our last place Ice Dancers have finally landed in Africa."_

"Out of our way sky waitress!" Josee shoved a flight attendant out of the way "We have a race to win!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Junior dragged his raft out of the river and made his way over to where the Stepbrothers were busy beating the crap out of each other "So hey guys listen, I really appreciate you sticking with me and for the lift."

They kept punching each other.

"But I should really go and find my dad, plus I've gotta pee anyway. And since you guys are clearly not listening so I'm just gonna go. Good luck. With everything." and so he took off, leaving the Stepbrothers to beat the crap out of each other "Oh yeah, those two are so gonna lose next."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point the teams had started looking for their white rhinos for the second challenge, but only one team was getting anywhere.

"Hey check it out." Noah pointed to a white rhino nearby.

"Oh just hang on, you take the picture while I get the selfie with it." Owen handed him the camera and walked off.

"What are you doing? You can't just walk up to that thing, it's a giant! It will kill you and use you as a bean bag chair and no dog trick in my arsenal is enough to stop that thing!"

"Don't worry, I've been working on something in secret for the past few months that could crank my scale all the way up to level 15." so he went up to the rhino and farted in its face, killing all of the grass in the surrounding area and causing the rhino to pass out.

"Wow, just… wow."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Yeah!" Owen pumped a fist "How's that for the Owen stink scale now?"

"Let's see here…" Noah checked it out on a calculator "Still only a 13.7."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Carrie stopped Devin and the Fashion Bloggers when she noticed something rustling in some nearby bushes "Wait guys take a look."

"Alright then." Devin and Tom readied their cameras "1… 2… 3!" the two of them charged into the bushes, only for a yelp to be heard.

Carrie and Jen shared a look and rushed over to find Junior being tackled by Tom and Devin in a heap. "Oh. Hey, you guys alright?"

"Just dandy." Junior muttered "I mean if I had known that I was gonna get tackled while I was peeing in a bush in Africa then I would've held it in until I got to the Chill Zone." he was promptly held up by.

"Are you sure you're okay?" asked Carrie

"Oh yeah, I'm fine." he lowered his voice in an attempt to sound manly.

"So where's your dad?" asked Jen.

"We got separated going over the waterfall, no biggie."

Carrie let out a horrified gasp "You mean you're out here all alone?"

"Well I was with the Stepbrothers at first but you can imagine how that train wreck went, so I ditched them. Anyway check these out." he noticed some rhino tracks "These must be rhino tracks, we can follow them and bag a rhino selfie for all three of our teams."

"Wow, good eye Junior."

"Yeah well most men probably wouldn't have caught that, so it's a really lucky thing that I was here isn't it?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Kevin and Gwen stopped running and ducked into a bush as an angry rhino passed them at full speed "Oh thank god, I think we lost it."

"Yeah I know, good thing too." Gwen suddenly smacked Kevin upside the head "I told you that poking it in the buttcrac with a stick was a horrible idea!"

"Oh trust me, I've learned that one the hard way."

Gwen looked up and found Rock and Spud hiding in a nearby bush "You guys having trouble too?"

"Nah we already got our pictures, we followed a rhino by their musk. See my mom is a zoologist so I know a lot about these things."

"...Cool. Bye." and they left, with the Rockers right behind him.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Owen, for one reason or another, was trying to give CPR to the rhino "Okay so it's still breathing and we've got the selfie."

"Good, now let's make a break for the Chill Zone." Noah told him and they took off towards the Chill Zone.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _As he first few or so teams finish the second challenge and start to make their way towards the Chill Zone, our team in last place is finally on their way towards starting the first challenge."_

Jacques let out a shriek "Josee stop, I can see someone on the road!"

"Oh for god's sake!" Josee slammed on the brakes.

As it turns out it was Dwayne using his shirt like a hat "Oh god where's my son, have you seen my son?"

"Nope haven't seen him so GET OUT OF THE WAY!" she started honking the horn.

"Oh god I lost Junior, he's gone!"

"Oh yeah wow your wife is going to kill you."

"Yeah I know but I deserve it, what is the number one rule of parenting?"

"That you can't let your child ruin whatever chance you have of winning a gold medal?"

"Yes- Wait what no! Don't let your kid get eaten by a lion while you're stuck in a raft going over a ridiculously high waterfall!"

"That seems rather specific all things considered." Jacques pointed out.

"Who cares about a stupid gold medal?" this was met with gasps of pure horror.

"...Okay Josee you can run him over now."

"Good." so Josee slammed on the gas, forcing Dwayne out of the way as they took off for the waterfall.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Come on there's the Chill Zone, I can see it from here!" Noah and Owen ran full speed towards the Chill Zone, only to notice Geoff and DJ.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Tom and Devin held up their cameras while Carrie and Jen posed for the pictures "Okay ladies, show me some style. That's right, work it." they took the pictures "Alright Junior, you're up little man."

"Gotcha." Junior handed his camera to Carrie and took her place next to the rhino.

"Okay, say cheese." Carrie told him.

Junior kissed the side of the rhino's head as the camera flashed "Got it."

"Good now hurry, let's get moving!" and so the five of them all took off.

Junior looked up at Devin "Hey you know when I kissed the rhino I pretended that it was actually Carrie."

"Well that's… not weird at all." Devin muttered.

"Okay be real with me for a second one man to another, if I tried and asked her out then would you be mad?"

"What? No Carrie and I are just friends but she doesn't date younger guys anyway so…"

"Aw man really? Well that's just great."

"Sorry buddy but hey, give it a few years or so. You never know, she might change her mind."

"You think so?"

"Maybe."

"Sweet."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don was waiting at the Chill Zone when the Reality TV Pros and the Bromigos arrived and crashed into each other in a heap and he checked out their pictures "Looks like the pictures check out, first place goes to the Reality TV Pros and second place to the Bromigos." he received a various weak cheers and checked out one of the pictures again "Hey Geoff one question, how do you keep your hat on while plunging over the world's highest falls?" he received a huge grin from Geoff.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"You can thank good old white stallion glue for that." Geoff pulled a glue bottle out from within his shirt "It'll hold, it'll mold, it won't cost you gold."

"You said that the hat had some kind of sticky pad on the bottom of it." DJ pointed out.

"Yeah but that was for the cameras, I can't have them knowing everything about me."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don counted off the Rockers as they arrived at the Chill Zone "Rockers you're in third place, loving the comeback by the way. Keep up the good work."

"Yeah man, this calls for a victory rift!" and they started doing air guitar like a couple of jackasses.

"Victory rift over there, we've got more teams coming in." he counted off the Fashion Bloggers and the Best Friends as they arrived "Tom and Jen you're in fourth place, Carrie and Devin are in fifth." he stopped Junior from handing his in "Junior I'm sorry, but both team members have to be present before you can be counted."

"Wait, so you mean that my dad isn't here?" asked Junior "Oh boy."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"JUNIOR!" as it turns out Dwayne was still searching for Junior with his shirt off, only to end up being chased by a pissed off rhino.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don counted off the Artists, the Sisters and the Stepbrothers as they arrived at the Chill Zone with their selfies "6th place to the Artists, 7th to the Goths 8th to the Sisters and 9th to the Stepbrothers. 8 teams are down and only two teams are left, well a team and a half anyway."

"Come on dad, where the heck are you?" Junior muttered.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

As it turns out, Dwayne was still being chased by the angry rhino just as the Ice Dancers were taking their selfie with a rhino, and he stopped when he thought he lost the rhino "Oh thank god, it's gone." he heard a rustling in some bushes "Junior is that you?" it turned out to be the same angry rhino "Oh god you're not Junior!" and he took off running again.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"There!" now that they've completed the second challenge, Josee and Jacques were making a mad dash for the Chill Zone "I can see the Chill Zone, we're going to make it!"

"HELP!" it turns out that Dwayne was catching up to them unwillingly, due to being carried on the horn of the rhino that was chasing him.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Junior let out a sad sigh "Well here come the Ice Dancers, I guess that means that dad and I are done for."

"Maybe not, look!" Carrie pointed ahead.

"What do you- Is that my dad?"

"HELP!" sure enough, Dwayne and his rhino passed, or I should say ran over, the Ice Dancers and left them in a heap.

"I hate rhinos." Josee muttered.

However, the rhino heard this and flung Dwayne off of his horn and started chasing them instead, causing them to run away screaming.

"I love rhinos, I love rhinos! Get the hell away from us!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Dwayne hit the ground on the Carpet of Completion with a very loud thud "Ow…"

Junior cringed as he looked down at him "Dad are you okay?"

"Junior? Oh thank god!" and they hugged, very tightly for the most part "Oh man I'm so happy to see you! Look I'm sorry we didn't finish the challenge pal but I couldn't take any of the pictures, just had to find you."

"Dad… who says we didn't finish?"

Sure enough, Don took their camera and confirmed their ranking "10th place!"

"HELP!" Jacques and Josee were still running screaming from the rhino "RHINOS ARE MY FRIENDS!"

Dwayne went back to choke hugging Junior "I am so proud of you son, now all we have to do is make sure that your mother never sees this episode. EVER."

"We'll talk about that after you put your shirt back on." Junior told him.

"...Oh yeah I forgot about that." and they walked off.

This was when Josee and Jacques came back over and tossed their camera to Don "And stay down!"

Don took this moment to address them "Jacques and Josee…"

"Don't say it, we already know." Jacques told him "10th place, last place, eliminated. We just want our fans and our country to know that we tried our very best and that we wish-"

"Good news, this is a non elimination round. You guys are still in the race."

"YES!" Josee let out a shrieking cheer at this "Our luck has changed, now we're back and we're stronger than ever! Now nothing will stop us on our quest for the gold, and we'll crush all of those other teams and anyone who gets in our way." and she let out an evil laugh.

"...Well that's all kinds of creepy." Don muttered "But the question remains, can these two creep their way back up to the podium? Find out next time right here on… the Ridonculous Race!"

 **A/N:**

 **I decided to put the Reality TV Pros in first place because I thought they deserved at least one win, especially since they never got higher than second place in canon. I also decided to make it a goal of keeping the Rockers in the top 5 or so from here on out.**

 **The idea of Kevin being Bridgette's cousin was something that I came up with a while ago, it just became one of those "What the hell, why not" sort of ideas.**

 **With the Daters not competing in this fic, I figured why not have Junior come across the Stepbrothers since they literally next to nothing noteworthy in this episode in canon. Plus watching them beat the crap out of each other is pretty amusing. Some of the time.**

 **Rankings:**

 **Reality TV Pros: 1st**

 **Bromigos: 2nd**

 **Rockers: 3rd**

 **Fashion Bloggers: 4th**

 **Best Friends: 5th**

 **Artists: 6th**

 **Goths: 7th**

 **Sisters: 8th**

 **Stepbrothers: 9th**

 **Father & Son: 10th**

 **Ice Dancers: 11th**

 **Elimination:**

 **Adversity Twins: 12th**

 **Mother & Daughter: 13th**

 **Ultimate Duo: 14th**

 **Vegans: 15th**

 **Geniuses: 16th**

 **Tennis Rivals: 17th**

 **LARPers: 18th**


	14. The Shawshank Ridonction

" _Last time on the Ridonculous Race: Dwayne feared that he had lost Junior for good and like always the Stepbrothers tried to lose each other for good. Devin told Junior that he's too young for Carrie while Dwayne FINALLY started to realize that his little boy was starting to become a little man, and after a detour to Hawaii in order to return their cursed volcanic lava rock the Ice Dancers came in last but it turned out to be a non elimination round so they're still in it, which I'm sure that we're all super happy about. We're just under halfway through the race and the 10 teams still in it are halfway closer to winning the million dollar prize. I myself have no idea what's going to happen next but I'm pretty sure we're about to find out right here and right now because this is… the Ridonculous Race!"_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don stood next to the Chill Zone from the day before, now with a Don Box, to start the next leg of the race "We're back in Zambezi National Park where yesterday's first time winners, the now confirmed Reality TV Pros, are about to collect the first tip of the day."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Yes, we're in first place!" Owen caught Noah in a bone crushing hug.

Noah quickly freed himself and rubbed his possibly broken spine "Yeah what he said, so from here on out we're gonna double time it."

"Yeah, million bucks here we come!" they high fived.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Noah picked up the tip from the Don Box and read it to Owen "Looks like we're gonna be heading for Australia."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Australia, the home of the famous and unique Sydney Opera House, the famous Airs Rock and several disturbingly cute koalas. All 10 teams will travel by bus to the Harare International Airport of Zimbabwe to book their flight to Melbourne and once they land they'll have to find the Don Box with their next tip so they can see what's up downunder! Okay seriously, what is wrong with every single script guy that I hire?! If this is payback for what I said at your bachelor party I said I was sorry Steve!"_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Noah looked over at Owen as the Bromigos grabbed their tip "No more than double timing jokes, I hate those." he banged on the door of the bus until it opened, revealing the driver sleeping beneath a newspaper "For crying out loud, guys like him are either mindless or just super lazy. This one is both."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _More and more of the teams receive their tips and get on the bus, but before they can leave they're going to have to wait for the last place team to get on board."_

Gwen and Noah both looked up and saw the Ice Dancers in new black outfits and shared a simultaneous look ' _Seriously?'_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"The typical pink and purple colors were too friendly." explained Josee "The black screams at all of those insignificant peons to get the hell out of our way."

Jacques nodded "That and it washes with similar colors."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Soon enough, the bus was on its way to the airport.

"Hey dad be sure to stick with me today." Junior shot him a look "The last thing that either of us want or need is for you to get lost again alright?"

"But you- What?!" Dwayne spluttered "I wasn't the one who- You were the one that- Okay for the record I don't have a problem with directions, I have a problem with FOLLOWING directions. There's a huge difference, but then again that's just part of my ruggedly handsome charm."

"...Try again."

"My doey middle aged charm?"

"That's better."

"I'll take what I can get."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _All of the 10 teams are now aboard the same 13 hour flight to Melbourne, Australia. Sleeping would be beneficial to the teams, so to make it more interesting we decided to give the teams something to worry about instead."_

Sure enough, most of the teams were fast asleep as the plane soared through the skies towards their next destination. And then this happened.

" _Attention teams, what I'm showing you now is called a Boomerang, If you manage to find one attached to your travel tip then you can use it at the next Don Box to send one of the teams back to repeat the last challenge."_

Upon hearing this, Josee's demand was a simple one "I want one!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Gwen looked over at Kevin "Okay listen man, if we manage to get one of those boomerangs then we need to be smart about it and-"

"Use it on the Ice Dancers." Kevin cut her off "Got it."

"No I mean assess the situation and pick the team that we feel-"

"Are the Ice Dancers, got it."

"Oh for god's sake, will you let me finish-"

"Off the Ice Dancers with the Boomerang, you bet your ass Pasty."

"...Why did I agree to do this with you? You hurt my brain more than Adam does and that is saying something."

"Oh get real Gwen, there can be only one of me."

Gwen whipped around and found Adam standing in the aisle "Adam?"

"Sup pasty?"

"Oh for god's sake. I've already got Kevin calling me that, I don't need another psychotic idiot trying to hurt my brain."

"Too late, my I made him my secret protegee." he caught Kevin in high five "You see aside from him being Bridgette's cousin Kevin here is unique, he's the only guy that I know who's style I actually like and that's really saying something coming from me."

"...Yeah, so what the heck are you doing here anyway?"

"Well a couple of things, top of the list being that I'm gonna surprise Bridgette after she wins in that surfing tournament. Then there's surprising Carrie and Devin after they win today's leg of the race, but right now there's something else." he let out a sigh "Gwen… I need your help with something really big."

Gwen raised an eyebrow "Which is?"

"I've been keeping something from you guys, something that's been eating away at me for my entire life."

"...Oh look at the time, it's time for United States of Terror. Bye." Kevin quickly got the memo and left.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

At the same time, Carrie made her way back over to Tom and Jen "Hey guys listen, I'm going to tell him."

"Wait what?" Jen nearly dropped her magazine in shock "Are you for real? Like for real for real?"

"I can't hold it in any longer, I wrote it down and I'm going to tell Devin how I feel once and for all."

"I am so proud of you, to have the guts to tell him how you feel after all this time is really impressive." she held up a hand to Tom "And before you say anything we agreed that I wouldn't make any moves with Geoff until after the race is over."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point Adam had finished explaining everything to Gwen "So yeah, that's pretty much my life story."

Gwen leaned back and took a moment to soak it all in "Wow, that's just… wow."

"And I'm guessing you don't believe the fact that Alejandro and I met the Ninja Turtles."

"Oh no that I totally believe it, truth be told Adam with a guy like you being the older brother of my boyfriend and the guy who trained the psychopath I'm doing this race with there's nothing that surprises me anymore. So your problem is whether or not to tell Bridgette?"

"No Mike is okay with that, he and I talked about that a few months ago and he said that if I wanted to tell her then I have his full support. My real problem is telling the people who helped me recover from my grief the first time around."

"You mean Devin and Carrie."

"Yeah. That's what I'm struggling with right now Gwen. Devin was the one who really helped me move on from my grief, something that not even Carlos was able to help me do entirely. I mean Devin's known that I've been keeping something from him for years and he hasn't tried to ask or anything so, what the hell am I supposed to do?"

"That's up to you to decide."

"I hate when people say that. Oh and before I forget, take one of these." he managed to summon a Dragonfang "This bad boy is something I picked up during my road trip, it oughta help you when you're in a bind."

"Good to know, thanks."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Several hours passed, and the flight landed in Australia.

Devin was the first one to pick up a tip from the Don Box and his eyes nearly bulged out of his head at what he was reading "Oh my god, oh my damn."

Carrie looked up at him "Hey Devin listen, I need to-"

"No time, we've gotta move!" he grabbed her by the arm and took off with Tom and Jen just as they collected their tips, and he pulled the group into a taxi and read the tip "Okay so first we've gotta stop in at Geelong Maximum Security Prison."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _The famous Geelong Maximum Security Prison had closed back in 1991, but during the 146 years in which it was operational it was the most brutal and violent lock up on the face of the Earth. Now it's an extreme travel hot spot! Anyway as the teams arrived they're going to be throw into cells and each one is equipped with one of four methods for them to escape, those being hidden tunnels, secret trap doors, hidden tools or loose bars. Once they manage to break out of their cells they're free to make their way to the final Don Box of the day located on the side of the Barwon river. This is the only place where a Boomerang can be used, after teams pass this point the Boomerang expires and as a special bonus treat the first team to the Chill Zone gets to make a phone call home."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Josee grabbed a tip from the Don Box and found a Boomerang attached to it "Yes, at last our long awaited ticket to the gold! Let this be a life lesson for you Jacques, first you get the gold and then you get the Boomerang and then you get the power!" she received no reply "Jacques are you listening? Hello?"

As it turns out Jacques was pinned underneath her feet "Um Josee, would you mind getting off of me?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Devin let out a groan of frustration "Well that's just great, we're stuck in traffic. Hey driver I'll give you a huge tip if you pass these guys." this prompted the driver to floor it with a huge greedy smirk "Oh yeah, now we're kicking."

"Well, this is happening." Carrie looked up at Devin "So Devin listen, I know that-" she was cut off by all the bumps in the road.

"Oh man this is awesome, I can only imagine how much Adam would love this!"

"Oh yeah, speaking of love I've been wanting to tell you that-" she got thrown out of her seat.

"Oh hell yeah, hey driver put on some racing music!" and cue the hilarious yet badass banjo music "So Carrie what did you wanna say?"

"...Just forget it, I'll tell you later."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point DJ and Geoff were on their way to the prison "You know if we win this one then I wanna call my momma, it's been a long time since I've gone this long without at least checking in and… I just really miss her you know?"

"Yeah." Geoff let out a sigh and looked out the window towards the sea.

"You're not even listening are you?"

"What? Oh sorry dude, it's just that looking out at the ocean makes me think about how Australia has some of the best surfing spots in the world and… it makes me think about Bridgette. I know that I'm into Jen now but what am I supposed to say if I see either of them?"

"If I could offer my two cents here." that was when Adam suddenly popped up in the window running alongside the taxi, freaking the two of them out pretty thoroughly but oddly enough not disturbing the driver.

"Dude what are you- What the hell are you doing?"

"I went through some stuff on that road trip with Mike and now I'm trying to see if I can out run a taxi. How am I doing so far?"

"Are you sweating?" asked DJ.

"No."

"Then I say you're good."

"Okay then." he suddenly pulled himself into the taxi through the window "So let me see if I got this Cowboy of the Sea, you're still hung up on Bridgette?"

"No that's not-" Geoff found a hand held up to his face.

"No it's cool man, I get it. Bridgette's one of a kind, not to mention she's one hell of a heartbreaker. Which reminds me, two things guys. DJ I need to talk to you about something later, and Geoff?"

"Yeah?"

"How the hell do I make her dad like me?" this was followed by a pause, before Geoff suddenly burst out laughing "Seriously? The guy gave me the stink eye every time he looked at me even though it was my idea to bring him to Bridgette's birthday."

"Oh trust me dude I get it, but let me save you the time and effort and tell you that that is one battle that even you can't hope to win. The guy doesn't like anything, and the fact that you blew up a plane on international TV just cemented you as a loose cannon in his eyes."

"Hey I said it was an accident!"

"Tell that to him."

"I did, he tried to skewer me."

"...Oh yeah you're screwed."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point Carrie and the others had been dropped off at Geelong Prison "Thank you, that was very scary."

"Come on guys let's get moving!" Devin rushed off towards the gate.

Carrie turned towards Tom and Jen "I have to tell Devin how I feel about him as soon as I can, I mean if we win today and he calls Shelley then it could ruin everything that's been happening between the two of us."

That was when the three of them got cuffed by one of the guards at the prison "Welcome to Geelong, we'll be escorting you to your cells for the challenge."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It wasn't long before Devin and Carrie found themselves locked in a cell "Okay Carrie let's get moving, you look for any trap doors and I'll check for any loose bars." and so the two of them quickly got to work.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _One by one the teams are cuffed and led into their cells in Geelong and most of them do go peacefully, but others needed a little bit of convincing."_

Kevin poked his head out through the bars of his cell and looked at one of the guards "Hey come on man, it's not like it was personal or anything. I mean yeah it was your ass that I kicked but I still respect you as an officer of the law turned victim of the hell that is reality tv! Plus you only cried a little bid, that's super manly dude!"

"Are you done yet?" asked Gwen "Seriously do you plan to mock him all day or are you gonna help me find a way out?"

"Hey when you love what you do Pasty there's time for both."

"Yeah sure there is." she started feeling around the room.

"You know sometimes I wish you would cut loose more and have a little bit more fun, just stop and smell the roses you know?"

"And I wish that you would stop acting less mature than my little brother and be more professional, it would be a nice change of pace! Can't you ever just play nice for once?"

"Oh get real, I play nice with you all the time."

"Can you please keep it down?" Josee called from down the hall "If it wasn't obvious we're trying to think!"

"Don't worry about that short stuff, after all trying anything for the first time is bound to be hard for anyone!" he received a look from Gwen "Oh come on, she was practically begging for that one and you know it."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Chet slammed Lorenzo's head against the bars of the door "Wow, you know if your thick head can't break us out then I doubt anything will."

"Oh is that right? Well then I say we oughta check the wall too!" Lorenzo slammed Chet's face into the wall in return.

"Hey!" they started strangling each other "Let go!"

"You let go!"

"There's no way I'm gonna let go!"

"I can't breathe!"

"Neither can I!" so they stopped and took a minute to breath.

"I think… I think we're really trapped."

"Yeah well lucky for you I have a plan that can get us out of here."

"Oh yeah, well I have a good plan."

"Oh yeah, well mine is awesome."

"Oh yeah well mine is awesome good."

"Okay so how about this, we'll both say our plans on three!"

"Least stupid plan wins."

"Agreed. 1."

"2."

"3."

"We put a mirror up to the bars-"

"-so that the guard locks himself in-"

"-and opens the cell!" they both gasped "Did we just come up with the same insanely genius idea?"

"Yeah I think so. Favorite Dinosaur Ninja Movie?"

"Dinosaur Ninja 4-"

"Rise of the Caveman Wizard!" more gasps.

"Best anti zombie weapon?"

"Chainsaw missile launcher, duh!" and even more gasps.

"Did we just stop hating each other?"

"I think we did."

"...GUARD! WE NEED A MIRROR!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Noah was searching for a way out, only to be left mortified when he saw Owen sit down on the toilet "Oh god no, anything but that. Hold it man, please just hold it if you value my life!"

"I'm just as unhappy about this as you are." Owen promptly let out a massive fart.

"I highly doubt that. I mean come on dude, what the hell do you eat for breakfast?"

"What don't I eat? This is me we're talking about."

"Fair enough."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Lorenzo and Chet were giving a so called _vicious verbal beatdown_ to one of the guards "You probably don't have a mirror because you're so funny looking!"

Chet nodded "Oh yeah totally, I'm glad I don't have your face on my head!"

"Yeah for sure, if I had your face then I'd totally do something about it!"

"Yeah like we'd go to the face changing doctor!" and then they quit, and the gods thanked them for it, as did the other contestants that had to listen to it.

"Oh man that verbal beatdown was insane!"

"Yeah a word-nado of slams!"

"I bet when he wakes up tomorrow he'll be in a coma!"

"Dibs on the bottom bunk!" Chet landed on the bottom mattress, causing it to break, but they just burst out laughing.

"Well it could've been a lot worse, I mean just imagine if-" he climbed onto the top bunk which caused the floor to collapse beneath them, sending them down a hidden trap door.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _The Stepbrothers have_ _ **found**_ _the trap door hidden in their cell and landed themselves in first place, but other teams are continuing to search and are getting more and more frustrated and desperate with each passing moment."_

Jacques noticed something off in the floor "Hey Josee tell me, does this spot sound different to you? Listen to it." he tapped on the spot on the floor.

Josee on the other hand was freaking out "Oh god it's like there's no air in here. Do prisoners from Australis not get air? Is that part of going to jail, having your air supply get cut off?!"

"Josee come on, there's plenty of air. Are you okay?"

"Yes I'm fine, I just want some air! It's these bars, they're blocking the air!"

"I don't think that-"

"They're using special air blocking bars!" she started slamming into the bars in a desperate attempt to get out.

"Josee stop it, you're going to-" and cue the crash "-find a way out! Yes!" he stepped out through the hole in the door.

"Air, thank the great god above."

"Wow, your claustrophobia is worse than I thought."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

At the same time, Adam was bolting his way down the halls of the prison, only to stop when he saw the Goths casually making their way "Oh, hey what's up?"

"Hey." Ennui and Crimson both slowly turned to face him and eyed him with a mix of suspicion and curiosity "You…"

"What?"

"You have it don't you, the power of a Cosmic Elemental."

"Oh crap you guys sense that?"

"Being a goth gives us a lot of insight, you hold great power within you along with a massive amount of untapped potential and a heavy burden weighing on your heart. You wish to consult a few people that you only somewhat trust before telling the two people that helped you to begin the quest to mend your wounded heart."

"...Damn you're good."

"It comes with being a goth."

"Good to what's your advice then?"

"Do not hold this burden all by yourself or you will be guaranteed to fail and die a painful and agonizing death, but in a bad way. Share the burden with those you know you can count on in your life."

"...Wow, that's just… wow. Thanks… I think. Hey by the way, how do I get to the Barwon river from here?"

"Go out to the left from the front door and it's a few miles that way, you'll find the Don Box to mark the location."

"Just checking, thanks." and he rushed off.

"And there goes a true survivor, he would make all goths proud."

"You seem so confident in him." Crimson noted "You see him as some sort of hero don't you?"

"As I said, he's a survivor. He'll go far Crimson, just wait and see. Far beyond anything that a hero could ever be."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Devin was struggling to find any way to escape from the cell "Come on come on, we've gotta win this round and fast!"

"Or we could take a break." Carrie suggested "I mean breaks are good aren't they?"

"Not this time, right now I've gotta do something that I should've done a long time ago. I mean even Adam has been telling me to do it for years."

"Well sure but I need to tell you something really important-"

"Gotcha!" he pulled the pillow apart and found a bar cutter "Perfect, hey whatever you gotta say go ahead and say it while I cut." he started cutting the bars.

"Well that's the thing." she pulled out a piece of paper "Well Devin, growing up together there are a lot of things that I remember how you were happy when your training wheels came off your bike."

"Oh yeah, then I gorged on pizza and got sick for like 3 days afterwards. That was a good weekend."

"Or when you worse your favorite shirt backwards for a whole school year."

"Yeah that was the year that I met Adam, I still get the feeling that there's a lot of stuff that he's not telling me." the bars finally came off.

"But the one thing that I can't remember was a time where I wasn't head over heels in love with you." she looked over and found the bars off and Devin nowhere in sight "Devin did you hear me?"

"No sorry, tell me later. Come on homie, first place here we come!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point Owen had gone through exactly 7 rolls of toilet paper "Oh man that's one heck of a load off. It's kind of weird though, I wonder where it all went. I mean it had to go somewhere, everything goes somewhere." he tapped on the toilet "Alright a trap door, come on help me open it!"

Noah snapped out of his daze from where he was huddled into a ball "Owen I would rather let you use me as a battering ram then let you drag me down that thing. We are NOT going to escape down the-" he was cut off when the wall burst open.

Then Emma popped out, along with Kitty "Well that's just great, all we did was break into another room."

"Emma?"

"Noah? Hey."

"Hey." they locked eyes.

"Have you guys found a way out?"

"A way out? Possibly. A way out that won't kill us from toxic fumes? I wouldn't hold my breath about that, no pun intended." he pointed to where Owen was trying to pry out the toilet.

"Oh. Ew. Well it's not like anybody anybody has been using it, I mean this prison has been closed for years."

"Yeah but this is Owen we're talking about."

"...Well that's just great, did he do number 1 or number 2?"

"Knowing Owen I would say number 6, but it had about as much consistency as-"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Number one!" with the two of them still in first place, Chet grabbed the first tip from the Don Box along the Barwon river "Yeah man! We're in first place, second time and second place!"

"When was the first?" asked Lorenzo.

"Transylvania."

"Oh yeah, man you're the coolest brother ever! What's the challenge?"

"It's an All In call Craft a Raft."

"Kind of a lame name."

"Yeah but this is still awesome!"

"Oh hell yeah!" they high fived like a bunch of idiots.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _In the second challenge of the day, teams have to construct a raft and sail it down the Barwon River until they reach the dock where today's Chill Zone is located. And as always, the last team to arrive may be cut from the race."_

"Oh yeah!" Chet pumped a fist.

"You know what screw the raft, I say we oughta build a floating SPACESHIP!" Lorenzo told him.

"Oh my god it's like you're inside my brain taking my ideas before I have them!"

"Like this one, we need to have our own theme song!"

"Oh yeah totally! **Stepbrothers, Stepbrothers, we're the Stepbrothers! YEAH YEAH YEAH!"**

"That… was… GENIUS!" and they high fived like a bunch of idiots.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Come on homie, let's get moving!" Devin was leading Carrie by the hand along the river towards the Don Box.

Carrie was left panting very heavily as a result "Oh god… Devin… can we please… just slow down…"

"There's the Don Box, let's pick up the pace!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Rock was in the middle of tearing up the cell, with Spud checking for trap doors "Okay so after trashing the cell like a rock star would, I can confirm that there are no hidden tools."

"Well you get points for using your rock star knowhow to your advantage."

Rock looked back and saw Adam outside of the cell "Oh hey you're Adam from Total Drama, long time no see dude!"

"Hey I remember you guys, during the race to Hawaii. Been awhile. Hey I know I probably shouldn't interfere since I'm not part of the race but have you checked for loose bars?"

"Not yet, why?" he pushed on the door and the bars fell out "Oh, so that's why."

"Good luck dudes." and he took off.

"Oh hell yeah, Chill Zone here we come!" and so with Adam in front of them, the Rockers bolted out of the prison.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point, Emma, Noah and the rest of their alliance were making their way through the sewers to find a way out "Oh god this reeks, I knew this was a bad idea."

Owen let out a nervous chuckle "Well there could be any number of reasons for that, I mean who could really say when-"

"Oh yeah, the stink is the 8th great wonder of the world." Noah's tone was filled with sarcasm and clear disgust.

"Hey come on Noah, everybody poops! There's even a book about it, I mean I can't remember what it's called but-" he looked back and saw an alligator reading and promptly ran away screaming."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The race down the Barwon River had at last begun.

Chet and Lorenzo had taken an early lead "Full impulse captain!"

Lorenzo nodded "Prepare to engage transport drive Mr Chet!"

"Copy that sir!" they started making laser noises.

"Stroke! Stroke! Stroke!" that was when Devin and Carrie came up behind them on a raft of their own.

"Red alert! Red alert!" they started making even more laser noises as they pretended to fire with their oars, allowing the Best Friends to pass them and take the lead "This is so AWESOME!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _As the Stepbrothers celebrate falling from first place to second place and the Best Friends take the lead, most of the other teams have busted out of jail and gine into the raft building business for the second challenge, some with a little bit of encouragement from an unexpected intruder for today's leg of the race."_

"There's the Don Box, the gold is ours-" Josee suddenly tripped on a rock and fell face first into some mud, only to hear someone laughing as a result "Who laughed?"

"I'm pretty sure it's whom laughed." it was Kevin and Gwen.

Josee promptly threw some mud in his face.

"...Oh you just messed with the wrong badass sista!"

"Oh I am going to enjoy this." Josee pulled out her Boomerang.

Gwen pulled out her own Boomerang "Drop it girly."

"Not a chance, you drop yours!"

"Look I think it goes without saying that none of us want to go home today but if we use our Boomerangs on each other-"

"Oh no she's right, Josee this is a bad idea." Jacques pointed out.

"Yeah listen to the smart one."

"Dammit." Josee snarled "You rip yours in half and I'll do the same."

"She's lying, don't trust her!" Kevin protested.

"Don't you accuse me of lying-"

"On 3!" Gwen cut her off "We do it together on 3."

"Fine, on 3. 1."

"2."

"3!" and they both did nothing.

"I knew it!" Kevin snarled.

"You lying little-" she was cut off when Kevin and Jacques charged towards each other "Oh that is it!"

"You bet it is!" Gwen held up her top.

"Boomerang!" cue the simultaneous chorus that sent Kevin and Jacques crashing to the ground like they had been shot.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Thanks to the hilarious and epic double Boomerang, both teams are returned to the mother of all Geelong cells: the Black Hole. For the Artists and the Ice Dancers, the race to not come in last place begins."_

"Perhaps a temporary truce is in order?" asked Jacques "Just until we get out of here and back to the river?"

"...I'm taking charge from here on out." Gwen slapped a hand over Kevin's mouth "I'll check for loose bars, pretty boy checks for hidden tools. Kevin checks for trap doors and the she devil checks for hidden tunnels. Now get to work."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point, Devin and Carrie had reached the dock at the end of the river "There's the Chill Zone, come on homie!" and they rushed off.

Don was quick to greet them and conform their placement "Best Friends you've come in first place, congratulations! You've won the phone call home." he held out a cell phone.

Devin quickly took it "Hey I'm gonna call Shelley okay? There's something that I should've told her a long time ago. Well that's just great, it keeps going to her voice mail."

"You can keep trying until you reach someone."

"Just checking thanks." he went back to dialing.

Carrie tapped him on the shoulder "Devin I really need to tell you something before you talk to her."

"Don't we both." a new voice grumbled.

Carrie looked back and found a soaking wet Adam drag himself out of the river and onto the shore, soaking wet from the swim but with his eyes blazing "Adam?"

"Hey."

"Hey, what are you doing here? In Australia I mean, and I guess on the show too."

"Well I came to see Bridgette in her surfing tournament, stopped off to surprise you guys when you won a leg of the race, talked to Gwen and the Rockers a little bit, decided to beat the other teams and swim down the river to the Chill Zone, and now I'm here to tell you this." he gripped her shoulder, his voice low "This is the moment that I've been waiting for for nearly 5 god damn years, if you say anything to ruin it then I will not hesitate to light your shirt on fire.

"...Duly noted." cue a terrified gulp.

"Good."

"Yeah hold on a second." Don cut into the conversation "You realize that as entertaining as your appearance was it still counts as trespassing and I could have you arrested for this."

"Yeah I figured you were gonna say that, lucky for me I know people in high places."

"What do you-" then Don's phone rang "Hold on. Hello? Yep he's here, swam down the Barwon river too. Wait a second, how much? Okay done, bye." he hung up "You can stay until the end of the episode."

"Like I said, it's good to know people in high places."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Chet and Lorenzo were still making their way down the river towards the dock "Propulsive systems activation guidance guiding now!"

Lorenzo nodded "Affirmative, you have now been cleared for docking merger alignment proceedings."

"Man I wonder if Don is gonna let us keep our spaceship when this is over." then they hit the dock and the raft came apart, leaving them crying and hugging like a bunch of idiots, but they quickly got over it and made their way to the Chill Zone "Oh you gotta admit how cool we just looked!"

"I know right, it was so cool!"

"Actually it wasn't." Don told them "But if it's any consolation you guys have come in second place." and the two of them started cheering and singing like a bunch of idiots.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point the Artists and the Ice Dancers were still struggling to find a way out of the Black Hole.

That is, until Gwen noticed something "Guys there's a trap door on the roof, if the four of us get onto each other's shoulders then we should be able to reach it."

"And just for the sake of being clear." Kevin shot a glance at Jacques "If you guys betray us once you get up there then I will make you bleed in places you didn't know you could bleed."

Jacques let out a scoff "You don't scare me." he was grabbed by the front of his shirt.

"I will break every bone in your body, tie you into a know and throw you out to the wolves to be devoured."

"...Yeah okay that actually does scare me."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

One by one more teams started to arrive at the Chill Zone as Don counted them off, starting with the Goths "3rd place!"

The Fashion Bloggers.

"4th place!"

The Rockers.

"5th place!"

The Sisters.

"6th place!"

The Reality TV Pros.

"7h place!"

Father & Son.

"8th place!"

The Bromigos.

"9th place!"

Devin kept trying to dial on the phone "For crying out loud Shelley, would it kill you to pick up just once?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

At the same time, the Artists and the Ice Dancers had all made it out of their cell and were racing towards the river.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Devin was still trying to get through to Shelley "Oh for crying out loud why do I keep getting the voicemail?"

"You can keep trying but once the final team checks in that's when your time is up." Don told him.

Carrie blinked "Is it bad that I hope he runs out of time?"

"Not like it's gonna make a difference." Adam pointed out "I've still got my phone here so he can use that if he does run out of time."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By now the Artists and the Ice Dancers had both finished building their rafts and were now racing down the Barwon river towards the Chill Zone.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

And then a miracle happened.

Devin had finally gotten through with the phone "Shelly hi it's Devin, listen I think you and I need to talk. Look what you and I went through what with the on again off again relationship for 3 months at a time or so, but after awhile the spark just… kind of died. And since we both know how much Adam hates you and you tried to spread multiple rumors about him being a man whore, Bigfoot and a spawn of Satan."

Adam looked indignant "Well screw you too she beast!"

"Thank you Adam, anyway… we need to break up. I know doing this by phone is horrible but I'm gonna be doing this race with Carrie for a few more weeks and- No this has nothing to do with her." this caused Carrie to flinch "Hey she and I never kissed and more importantly we never had sex, that was just a rumor Adam started in 10th grade to try and get rid of you!"

"Hey what can I say, I only hate one person in the world more than Shelly and in short that little bitch had to go!"

"Again, thank you Adam. Hey don't say that about either of them, even if Adam is certifiably insane!" he received a shrug "Hey don't talk about Carrie like that! You know this just goes to show how horrible of a girlfriend you were, and I'm not even going to count how many times you've abused me over the years! You get so hung up on having your own way but that's not how life works! I'm done alright, it's over! Well fine, I never wanna see you again either you ungrateful little harpy! Hey you started it by insulting my friends! I can't believe I wasted 5 years of my life on you! Fine! Burn in hell you soulless witch!" he hung up "Good riddance to bad scum!"

"...So can I have my phone back?" asked Don.

"Here." he handed Don the phone.

"Thank you. So how's the girlfriend?"

"The biggest mistake of my life, that's how! I'm gonna go dunk my head into the river and scream underwater, that oughta get some of the rage out." and he stormed off.

"So that's a thing."

Adam looked up from where he was praying on the ground "Sorry you say something?"

"Did you really come all this way just to see him break up with her?"

"I don't think you understand how much I hate Shelley."

"Yeah… so should I go ahead and tell him now?" asked Carrie.

"After he just broke up with a girl, do you really think that's a good idea. Besides, even if you were gonna tell him now and I know you're not because I know you and Devin like the back of my hand. Now if you'll excuse me." DJ and Noah suddenly appeared in his grip "Me and these two have some talking to do.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _By now the final two teams are neck and neck in their race to the Chill Zone so the question remains, who's going to take it?"_

"Goodbye and good riddance!" Josee attempted to use her raft to knock Gwen and Kevin off of their raft.

However, Gwen's Dragonfang suddenly sliced through the oar like butter, which gave her the chance to knock Josee off of the paddle instead "Wow this thing really works, I really should give Adam more credit."

"No time, let's go!" Kevin grabbed her hand and quickly pulled her onto the Carpet of Completion.

Don was quick to confirm their placement "The Artists get 10th place!" this was met with cheers.

"That's what I told you chica, follow my lead and the Ice Dancers are as good as gone. Don't hold back against them, don't give them an inch, don't even give them a chance to breath or it's game over."

"Yeah that's very interesting." Don shoved them out of the way just as the Ice Dancers, including a soaking wet and pissed off Josee, made their way to the Chill Zone "Jacques and Josee I'm afraid you're the last to arrive. I wish you the best of luck… in the next leg of the race because this is a non elimination round!"

"...Well that's great." with a sickly sweet smile, Josee turned to Gwen and Kevin and gave them a cut throat gesture.

Don took this chance to sign off "A close call for the Ice Dancers and the Artists, and some angry closure for Devin. Who knows what's going to happen next? You don't so be sure to tune in next time for the next episode of… the Ridonculous Race!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 **(Exclusive Clip: DJ and Noah)**

By this point Adam had finished explaining to DJ and Noah about the whole story "So yeah that's it, now I've got about 6 months to train and prepare for when Mal returns and if I can't beat him then Mike is doomed."

Noah and DJ shared a look "Wow, that's just… wow."

"Look I get that you guys are probably mad that I kept this from you and everyone else, and probably even more mad that I told Alejandro before you but you've gotta understand, I've spent years watching Mike get tortured because of his secret and I refuse to let anyone think less of him for it so-"

"Hey easy man, we get it." DJ cut him off "All you've been doing is what we already know you would do, going to the ends of the Earth to look out for a friend."

"So… you're not mad at me for keeping this from you, lying to you about Mike or anything like that?"

"What are you kidding, how could we? Adam we've seen you help so many people just by doing what you do, heck you've even saved a bunch of lives including ours just with your iron will, strong spirit and courage. You've helped a lot of people, even some of your worst enemies, but now it's their turn to help you. This is a burden you have to share with others if you want any chance of winning against this guy."

"Yeah I know, Alejandro and Aurora gave me the same shtick. And so did Gwen a few hours ago when I told her. And as I swam down the Barwon River I made a decision. I've decided that when I see Bridgette later… I'm gonna tell her the truth, and I'll accept the consequences of keeping this from her for as long as I did."

"That's a pretty gutsy thing to do."

"Yeah and while I'm at it, there's something else that I should tell you DJ. You remember back in Newfoundland when Cody cured your animal curse with that japanese mantra?"

"Yeah?"

"The thing is, it wasn't a magican mantra or anything and you were never cursed."

"...Wait what? So that chant that he taught me, kore wa nanimo imi shinai?"

"That whole thing came from an episode of Ninja Turtles, and it literally translates to "This means nothing." in Japanese."

"...So then it's not some magical chant?"

"Nope. The mantra meant nothing just as fear means nothing, neither of them have any power of their own except for the power that you give them in your mind."

"Wow, that's… that's super deep. You know I think I get it now Adam, thanks."

"Don't thank me, thank Cody. He's the one who came up with the idea. But still, thanks for understanding."

"Sure thing man, take care and say hi to Bridgette for me." and he left.

"And then there were two."

"So what else is there to talk to me about?" asked Noah "Aside from your physical and emotional scars that is."

"Nothing really big, I just wanted to wish you good luck with Emma. Oh yeah, and take these just to be safe." he handed Noah a Dragonfang and a pair of shades "The Dragonfang has some kickass abilities and the shades oughta give you a cool edge or when you just wanna hide your emotions."

"...Good to know." Noah put on the shades like he was trying to gain some swagger "Later man, the next time you see me I'll be a taken man." and he left.

Adam stayed for a moment more before departing himself.

 **A/N:**

 **So no, Devin will not be going through the 7 stages of heartbreak like in canon, I honestly thought that was really annoying so I figured why not have him try to break up with Shelley with the phone call since she does sound like the kind of bitch who would cheat on him.**

 **I added in Adam here as part of Adam's story arc, so that he could tell Noah, DJ and Gwen (his compadres from the Rise of an Underdog) the truth about Mal. Plus I wanted to reference the Rockers' appearance in the Rise of an Underdog and how they met Adam and Cody during the final three's race to Hawaii.**

 **That exclusive clip was for Adam to tell Noah and DJ about Mal and everything, and a quick callback to Total Drama World Tour with DJ and his animal curse.**

 **Rankings:**

 **Best Friends: 1st**

 **Stepbrothers: 2nd**

 **Goths: 3rd**

 **Fashion Bloggers: 4th**

 **Rockers: 5th**

 **Sisters: 6th**

 **Reality TV Pros: 7th**

 **Father & Son: 8th**

 **Bromigos: 9th**

 **Artists:10th**

 **Ice Dancers: 11th**

 **Elimination:**

 **Adversity Twins: 12th**

 **Mother & Daughter: 13th**

 **Ultimate Duo: 14th**

 **Vegans: 15th**

 **Geniuses: 16th**

 **Tennis Rivals: 17th**

 **LARPers: 18th**


	15. Down-N-Outback

" _Last time on the Ridonculous Race, our teams were sent to the big house in the form of Geelong Prison in Australia where some friends became enemies, some enemies became friends, and with what we had believed to be the power of love burning inside of him Devin won the chance to call his supposedly special lady, and they broke up in a seriously brutal and spectacular fashion. I mean it was downright awesome, and it still is since our main man Devin has been in overdrive ever since then. In a battle to not come in last place, the Artists overcame the Ice Dancers but it turned out to be a non elimination round. Again. The question remains, which team is going to get dumped this week? The only way to find out is to watch this exciting episode of… the Ridonculous Race!"_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Rather than the Chill Zone from the day before, Don stood by the first Don Box of the day near a local farm for the sake of the day's challenge "We're back in Australia and as the winners of the last round, the Best Friends get to grab the first tip of the day."

Sure enough, Devin, now on the effects of Devin-Drive, snatched the tip out of the Don Box at full speed "Yes! I don't think I've ever felt so alive!" he failed to notice Carrie looking worried at him.

Carrie let out a sigh as she turned to face the camera "Ever since Devin and Shelley broke up yesterday he's been on some kind of crazy energy high, I've been giving him some space until he went back to normal but who knows how long that's going to take!"

"WHOO HOO! I BELIEVE I CAN FLY!" as if to demonstrate her point, Devin leapt off of a tree branch and fell to the ground "Ow…"

"See what I mean?"

"Hey move already!" that was when Chet and Lorenzo showed up "Get moving after the crazy guy already, my and my awesome bro are up!"

"...And then there's you guys."

"You moving or what?"

"I'm going, I'm going."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"We used to hate each other big time but now we're the super bros, and I mean the ultimate supreme addition." explained Chet.

Lorenzo nodded "Yeah and we've even got our own theme song."

"Hell yeah we do! **Stepbrothers, stepbrothers! We're the stepbrothers!"**

"And we even put on tattoos of our faces on our stomachs with markers, and I mean permanent markers!" they lifted up their shirts, revealing that they both had tattoos of Chet's faced on their guts.

"...I thought you said we were doing our own faces."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Despite this little setback, Lorenzo picked up a tip from the Don Box "Looks like this is an All In called Bunny Bagging. What the hell does that mean?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Yep he read it right, bunny bagging. Fluffy little fellas like these seem cute but to various farmers throughout Australia they're nothing but annoying thieving rodents, and I'm pretty sure this even inspired an episode of Generator Rex. The Aussies put up one fence after another but they still manage to find their way in, each team is meant to collect 10 rabbits in their team's sack and turn them in to the jolly fellow kind enough to let us use this farm for today's challenge in order to receive their next tip. And as an added bonus somewhere on this farm we've hidden an albino bunny, if a team is able to find it then they can skip directly ahead to the next challenge."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"LET'S SAVE THIS FARM!" so the Rockers led the charge into the farm against the bunnies, and yet they all still ended up trampling the farmer's crops, much to the clear dismay of the farmer.

Kevin on the other hand picked up the two cabbages that hadn't been trampled "Alright little albino, come on out little guy." he looked at the farmer "Hey don't worry about a thing man, we'll catch those little spawns of Satan for you." he received a pissed off look "What?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Some of the teams weren't having any luck with the challenge.

Jacques picked up a rabbit by the waist "Alright little one, the sooner you get in the bag the sooner we can-" he promptly ended up getting mauled by the rabbit "A little help?!"

"Do it yourself, I'm busy glaring holes into that one." Josee started glaring at Kevin and received a middle finger in response "They Boomeranged us!"

"We Boomeranged them too."

"The goth girl knocked me off of our raft!"

"After you tried to do it to them first."

"I want REVENGE! Winning is no longer enough for me, I want to be the one that makes them lose!"

"I think winning is still enough."

"Well YOU'RE WRONG!"

"Okay but how are you going to do it?"

"...I think I have an idea." so she made her way over to Ennui "Hey there buddy what's up? Hey quick question, you mind if I borrow some of your makeup?"

Ennui shot her an unconvinced glance "Don't pretend to be friendly, it's gross and at least goths are honest. But you can use some of my makeup if you give me the name of the place where you scored that unitard.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

At the same time, Geoff and DJ were stalking a group of bunnies "Alright you little carrot munchers, just keep doing what you're doing… and now!" he charged after one of them, only to get his leg stuck in a hole, twisting his ankle in the process "Oh god my ankle!"

"Dude we've gotta get you to a doctor man." DJ told him.

"Nah it's cool bro, I've got 2 legs-" he reached out to grab the rabbit only to get his other ankle stuck in the next hole and twisted that too, causing him to scream in pain, which ended up causing DJ to pass out.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Devin stuck his face down into a rabbit hole and grabbed by the ears before dumping it into the open sack that Carrie was holding "WHOO! How many was that?"

"That makes 4." Carrie told him "Are you sure you're okay? Ever since yesterday you've been acting kind of…"

"Like Adam on a sugar high that one time after we went to Anime Evolution in Vancouver a few years ago?"

"Pretty much yeah."

"Well frankly I've been thinking for a long time that Shelley and I should just end it, mainly after I found out that… she cheated on me with her tennis instructor. That was about 3 weeks ago, I've been trying to end it since then but I never got a chance to. Anyway I'm just glad that that part of my life is over and now I can move on, I mean I feel like an idiot for not realizing it sooner. But hey, live and learn right?"

"Yeah, but…"

"And I think it's pretty safe to say that Adam was thrilled about it, it's painfully obvious that he hated Shelley from day one. He wouldn't shut up about it for months."

"Actually Devin that's something that I've been meaning to ask you about." Carrie looked him in the eye "Have you… Have you ever gotten the feeling that there's something that Adam isn't telling us?"

"...I'm sorry Carrie, but that's something that I just can't tell you. When Adam and I first became friends back in middle school, I saw a side of him that he's been keeping hidden from the world for years and only a few people know about." he took her hands in his as they locked eyes "I wanted to tell you so many times but I always had to force myself not to, to tell you now without his consent would be a serious betrayal of his already fragile trust and that's something that I just can't do. I'm sorry."

"Devin… _It's times like this that I'm reminded of why I fell in love with him.'_

' _Carrie… she can be so cute when she gets that look in her eyes.'_ he looked over and his expression blanched slightly "Wow, just… wow."

"What?" she looked over and her eyes nearly bulged out of her head "Wow, what is Gwen doing exactly?"

As it turns out, Gwen had a bunch of rabbits cuddling up to her against her will "Oh for god's sake, not again!"

"...I'm not sure how to respond to that." she received a nod of agreement from Devin "Or to that." she pointed to where Ennui was having the same problem.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Cute and fluffy animals love me for some reason." explained Gwen "I don't know why but they do, and frankly I would find it adorable if it wasn't for the fact that I've seen what comes out of the other end."

"I have and I don't hate them." Kevin noted.

"I do."

"And I'm sure that Cody loves that about you."

"And how long do you plan to keep up the daily Cody references?"

"Until we get cut from the race or win, besides I'm kind of behind since I missed yesterday so I had to make Adam do it for me."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Gwen ripped off every bunny clinging to her "Alright you little crap machines, drop your loads in there so they're the farmer's problem." she looked up at the farmer

"Your affection revolts me." Ennui yanked every bunny off of him, stuffed them into his team's bag and shoved it into the farmer's hands before walking away.

Gwen promptly joined him "You have that problem too?"

"It's not something I'm proud of. Cute and fluffy animals love me, it's adorable. Crimson and I hate adorable."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Chet and Lorenzo were searching through the bushes for their rabbits until they noticed something in one of the bushes nearby "Hey there's one, grab it before it hops away into the sunset!"

"You got it bro!" Lorenzo reached in and grabbed it by the ears, only to find that it was actually just a kangaroo "Uh… _Okay I'm pretty sure this is a kangaroo but Chet is the smart one so it's his call. I mean I don't want to look like an idiot._ I've never seen a rabbit like this before, you think it might be the albino?"

' _Okay so I don't think it's the albino rabbit because it's not white or a rabbit but Lorenzo is the smart one so I guess I might as well go with it._ Oh yeah man, an albino rabbit. That's what that is all the way."

"Yeah man!" then Lorenzo got kicked into a tree by the kangaroo and stomped on over and over again "Make it stop, make it stop, MAKE IT STOP! Oh god there can't be anything more painful than this!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

And now something even more painful than that:

DJ was trying to help Geoff with his twisted ankle "Okay so does this hurt?" he shifted the ankle one way and it clicked, causing Geoff to scream in pain "Okay how about this?" he shifted it again, earning another scream "Oh wait I see what the problem is, I don't have any idea what I'm doing right now."

"This is payback for almost dropping an anvil on you back in season 2 isn't it?!"

"...Maybe."

"I KNEW IT!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Other teams were struggling.

"Here bunny bunny bunny, over here!" Spud tried to lure a rabbit over with a cabbage "It's tasty, you see?" he took a bite "Actually that's not bad." he took another bite.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Kevin pointed his fingers at the rabbits like they were a gun "Alright you fluffy spawns of the Devil, get down on the ground with your paws behind your ears!" this prompted all of the bunnies to freeze in place, earning him a look from Gwen "What? My dad is a cop, he does this all the time when he sees people cut in line at Quiznos. Anyway that's right you furry little bastards, the salad bar is closed."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jacques watched them from behind a tree and turned to Josee "Correct me if I'm wrong Josee but how is giving up one of our rabbits going to sabotage the Artists?"

"Watch and learn Jacques, watch and learn!" Josee picked up one of their rabbits and started covering it in powder.

"I still find this very unethical."

"Don't care!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Gwen stuck the last rabbit into their bag "Okay that's the last rabbit, now let's fork these things over to the farmer and move onto the next challenge-"

"Hold that thought Pasty." Kevin held a hand up to her mouth and pointed at the fake albino rabbit running around "That's the ringleader, hold the bunnies while I grab it."

"But we already have more than enough as it is."

"Yeah but do you want the Ice Dancers to grab it?"

"...Well don't just stand there, go get it! But what do we do with it anyway?"

"I don't know, give it to the Bromigos or something." he pointed to where Geoff and DJ were still in their current dilemma."

"Fair enough."

"That's what I thought. WE GOT A RUNNER!" he took off running, leaving Gwen to hold onto the rabbits.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Josee burst out laughing with a maniacal cackle "Take that Junior Pigs, nothing will stop me on my quest for gold! NOTHING!"

"...You mean _our_ quest for gold." Jacques pointed out.

"You know what I meant!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The rest of the teams continued to struggle, but some had better luck than others.

Devin picked up two more rabbits and stuffed them in the bag that Carrie was holding "That makes 7, we're almost there! You know we really do make an awesome team."

Carrie blushed slightly and gave a small smile "Yeah, I guess we do. Hey Devin, now probably isn't the best time but there's something that-"

"Hold that thought. BUNNIES!" he charged after a few of them, only to be hit by Kevin driving a tractor while chasing after the fake albino bunny, which we will get to in a moment.

At the same time, Jen made her way over to Carrie "So how are things going with him?"

Carrie let out a sigh "In all honesty I have no idea, I mean usually I have to wait until he gets off of what Adam has dubbed as Devin-Drive and who knows how long that will take."

"No need to get upset over it, I'm sure it's just a phase. Has anything like this happened to him before?"

"Oh yeah, loads of times. Usually it ends after about an hour or two when Adam slaps him across the face, but there's no way I'm gonna do that."

"Just let him wear himself out, it's not like he can stay this way for the whole second half of the race right?"

"...Oh lord he's going to be like this for the entire second half of the race." and she quickly ran off after Devin.

"I still ship it." Jen looked down and noticed a rabbit at her feet "Come here little guy, I'm not going to hurt you." she ran after the bunny as it bolted away from her, only for her foot to get stuck in a nearby hole, followed by a loud crack "Oh god, of all things please let it be the bone and not the boot! These things are expensive and insanely rare in any country except Croatia!"

The rabbit seemed to flip her off before hopping away with a malicious grin plastered across its face.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Now!" still fixated on the kangaroo, the Stepbrothers pounced on it and managed to catch it in their sack "Alright we finally got it, the Stepbrothers for the win!" and then they started getting dragged around everywhere by the kangaroo.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

(About 5 minutes earlier)

Kevin shoved a farmer out of his tractor "Son of a cop, I'm appropriating this vehicle for the sake of a reality TV show!" he started chasing after the fake albino bunny, hitting Devin with the tractor along the way "Your days of murdering innocent crops are over!" he ran through a fence and into a field of corn, only to run into a gas tank, and his expression turned dull "Oh crap." and then it exploded, but he continued onwards, now being covered from the explosion and plowed on after the fake albino bunny, with the Stepbrothers being dragged right behind him, and he chased the bunny until they reached the dock "Well what the hell do you know, what's up on this dock?" he received various terrifying chattering noises "What you want me to look over there so you can hop to freedom? Yeah like that's happening, there's no way in hell I'm stupid enough to-" he was cut off when the Stepbrothers and the kangaroo landed on him, causing him to roll forward and send all three of them crashing into the lake.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

At the same time, DJ made his way back over to Geoff with 10 rabbits "Alright man we've got 10 rabbits, now let's head over and-" he was cut off by a loud splash.

Josee tried to hide her menacing grin "Oh wow, did you see that tractor take a dive over there? I wonder who was reckless enough to drive it. Oh wait, it was Jen! I think she was screaming about her Prince Charming in a cowboy hat to come and save her!"

"Actually I'm right here."

Josee and the others looked over and saw Jen inching her way over "Uh… Hey look a giant bladed out version of the Hulk!" and she ran away.

DJ looked up and his expression paled "Oh crap."

Sure enough, above them was a hideous hulking figure with glowing green eyes, a metal mask across his face with his teeth being visible on the side of the mouth, his body being hulking and muscular with blade sticking out from virtually everywhere, blue veins also being visible in various spots and areas "I can sense it, he is on this planet. The one that I have slain time and time again, and yet he continues to haunt me even after all of these milenia. The time has come, now I shall slay the boy who embodies that power and then I, Metallum, the Cosmic Elemental of Metal, shall rule over the universe and no one shall dare to defy me!" and he suddenly blitzed away.

"...Well that was super disturbing."

"Tell me about it." Geoff forced his ankle back to the way it should be, crying out in pain as he did so, and turned towards Jen "So are you okay?"

"Not really." Jen let out a sigh "I mean the ankle is bad enough but these boots can only take so much dirt, not to mention they're super expensive."

"Oh. You know I think I know of a way you could get through the challenge and keep your boots clean despite the whole ankle thing and all."

"Really, how so?"

"Well…" he forced himself to his feet and picked up Jen in his arms bridal style, both of them blushing.

"Oh… wow…" she noticed the cowboy hat he was wearing "So the hat…"

"Yeah it's suede."

"No it's not, it's a blend."

"...That dick at the counter ripped me off!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _As Geoff and Jen share some more romantic tension than they already had, more and more teams are finding unique ways to bag their bunnies. Some are good, some are great, some are none of the above."_

Lorenzo let out a sigh as he and Chet dragged themselves back to dryland "You know I think it's about time for us to give that poor albino rabbit a rest already."

Chet nodded "Oh yeah totally, I mean it's not like we want to hurt it or anything. We're not hunters."

"Oh yeah totally, I mean they're probably endangered- Wait dude look!" he pointed to where another figure was resting in some nearby bushes. Grab it before that one gets away like the other one!"

"I'm on it!" Chet grabbed it by the ears, revealing it to be a baby kangaroo, only for the other kangaroo to snatch it away from them "Oh hey, wow is this your mom? There there nice albino rabbit." they both got kicked into the same nearby tree "Hey Lorenzo?"

"Yeah?"

"I… hate… albinos."

"Me too bro, me too."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

At the same time, Carrie and a soaking wet Devin handed their sack of bunnies over to the farmer and received their tip, with the Fashion Bloggers and Bromigos right behind them "It says we have to glide asunder from the great down under? Wait what?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Yeah you heard her, teams will now have to take one of the provided glider and fly away from Australia to the Chill Zone located at the aspiring mountain of New Zealand. Unlike all of the other legs of the race, due to the previous double elimination in Finland, the last team to arrive WILL be cut from the race. Now then, as the Best Friends, Fashion Bloggers and Bromigos hurtle their way into the lead, more and more teams begin to finish up the challenge."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"GIVE US OUR TIP!" Josee snatched the tip away from the farmer and bolted for the glider, with Jacques right behind her.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Take these fluffy sunshiny balls of hell away from us." Ennui and Crimson handed their bag of bunnies to the farmer and walked away after receiving their tip "I never wanted to see any off those fluffy balls of lame for as long as I live."

"It's weird though." Crimson noted.

"What is?"

"It's rather baffling, how could something so cute and cuddly be capable of destroying a continent?"

"I know right? They're like a plague, a happy hopping wave that spreads chaos, famine and death everywhere it goes." his expression softened as he looked back to see a black rabbit poke its head out of their bag.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"I've got it, I've got it!" Spud was chasing after a nearby bunny until he hit himself in the face with a rake "Ow! Bogus!" he landed on another bunny beneath him "Hey check it out, I caught one!"

"Alright dude, way to fall!" Rock pumped a fist, only to notice a nearby snake with a lot of lumps.

"Cool, check it out!"

"Yeah but Earth to Spud, we've gotta be catching rabbits not a snake!"

"Dude take a look, we've got all we need right here. You know how many snakes that I've owned so I'm a pro at IDing bulges so I can tell if it's swallowed my phone or a bike or my neighbor's cat or anything."

"That's why I keep telling you not to let your snake out of the house."

"Well whatever, rip it open!" he launched the rabbits out of the snake's gut and straight into the open bag.

"Alright we've got them, that's all 10 and now we're good to go! Way to kick ass Spud, you just pulled this off pretty much single handed!"

"Oh hell yeah, rock on!" he started doing air guitar.

"...Yeah sure, why not." Rock started to join in.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Kevin finally rose up from the water with the fake albino rabbit in hand "Oh yeah! 7 minutes and 42 seconds, that's a new record!"

"Took you long enough!" that was when Gwen showed up with their bag or bunnies "You can't just take off like that, for all you know I could've lost all the other rabbits!"

"Hey I say it was worth it, I nabbed the albino didn't I?" he held up the fake albino, only for the power to melt off with the water "Gwen. Not a word."

"Chill out crazy, I know that it wasn't your fault. The bunny didn't do this either, but I know who did."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The final leg of the race arrived for some of the teams.

Don was quick to address the teams as they arrived "Fashion Bloggers congratulations, you're the first team to arrive. The Bromigos come in an an almost impossible to tell second, the Ice Dancers take third and the Best Friends are in fourth place."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jacques cringed as he listened to Josee throw a massive tantrum "Okay so maybe telling Josee to use Geoff's crush on Jen to our advantage wasn't the most ethical thing to do but it was better than letting Josee cheat, she might be content with cheating to win but I am not!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _The race for first place, and the top 4, has come to an end, but the race for not last place has begun in earnest. As more and more of the teams glide to the Chill Zone some talk strategy, some don't and one team has a new member."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Ennui held up their new third member, the black rabbit now totally gothed out "This is Loki, he's a member of our team now so live with it."

Crimson nodded "He's named after the dark norse god that destroys lives. And the character from the MCU, those movies are awesome."

"He's also super low key, which works out great for us." this was followed by a very loud snarl from Loki "See?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _And one team is still boxing with a kangaroo. And losing. Hilariously."_

Sure enough, Chet tried to box with the kangaroo and failed miserably, which lead to him being punched into a nearby tree for like the umpteenth time "You know, it's times like this I miss having someone to blame for all of the crap that I go through."

"You know maybe the two of us are allergic to albinos." Lorenzo offered "I mean it only makes sense doesn't it?"

"Hey yeah you're right, there's no way in hell that a bunny could get the better of us right?" this was when the _actual_ albino bunny jumped on him "What the- What the hell is this thing supposed to be?!"

"Oh crap I think it's a giant maggot!"

"Get it off me, GET IT OFF ME!"

"Oi mates!" that was when the farmer showed up "Right on mates, that right there be the ringleader, that little albino bugger. You two dingoes can head on over to that Chill Zone that your mate Don was talking about." he snatcched the albino bunny and handed them a tip.

"Really? Okay."

"...Chet you're not moving." Lorenzo pointed out.

"Yeah I was actually thinking that maybe we should just lie here for a few more minutes until he's done eating all of this stuff off of me."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _While the Stepbrothers take a breather, more and more teams are taking off towards New Zealand and most of them either have reached or are reaching the Carpet of Completion and were counted off."_

Sure enough, one by one the next group off teams arrived at the Chill Zone and were counted off by Don, starting with the Goths.

Father & Son.

"6th place!"

The Rockers.

"7th place!"

The Sisters.

"8th place!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _With only three teams left in the running, it's down to just three other teams, those being the Stepbrothers, the Artists, and the Reality TV Prois, in the race for not last, and only one of them has taken off."_

Sure enough, Owen and Noah were gliding towards New Zealand, until he let out a massive fart in the plane "Wasn't me."

Noah took a moment to vomit and leveled a glare at Owen "I despise the things that come out of you."

"Hey come on little buddy, when I hold those things I end up getting all sweaty and then it gets even worse."

"...And just like that I'm unbelievably tempted to throw myself out of this glider."

"What that doesn't happen to you? Hey come on Noah!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point, Gwen and Kevin were finally gliding their way to the Chill Zone, with her flying the glider "Well at least we're not going to come in last so that's good right?"

"Yeah you've got that right." Kevin leaned back "You know all the clouds totally look like white stuff."

"I know, it sickens me."

"Oh come on, think of all of the amazing white things in life."

"The list currently implanting itself in your head better not start with Crack or Marijuana which is actually green and just wrapped in white, I know you and I don't want to hear it."

"...Oh look, we're about to crash into a mountain." they began hugging each other and screaming at the top of their lungs "I bet you wish you were with Cody right now!"

"Seriously, of all the times to do that you have to do it right now?!" and then they crashed into the mountain.

"Just for the record, I'm going to fly the plane next time."

"Just like this time I'm going to say that this was your fault."

"Fair trade then."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don counted off the Reality TV Pros as they arrived at the Chill Zone "8th place! 8 teams are down, only 2 remain and one of them WILL be heading home today."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point Chet and Lorenzo were gliding towards the Chill Zone as well "You know I'm way too glad that we were able to catch that albino and got away from that bigger and darker and angrier two headed albino."

Lorenzo nodded and looked out the window "Yeah I know what you mean but that's all in the past, now we're looking at nothing but beautiful and peaceful- OH COME ON! YOU'VE GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!"

AS it turns out, the kangaroo had hitched a ride and tore off one of the wings of the glider with its teeth, sending them spiralling downwards towards the Chill Zone.

"I! HATE! ALBINOS!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Gwen looked over the mountains to see the Chill Zone in the distance "Well we're about 1,500 feet away from where we're supposed to be, our glider is busted, and the Stepbrothers are spiralling towards it while getting their asses kicked by a kangaroo. Adam flashbacks aside, I'd say that we're pretty much screwed."

"Yeah well amen to that." Kevin was trying and failing to get himself out of the glider "I can't get the seatbelt undone and my arm is busted thanks to the crash. Just go ahead and leave me here Pasty, it's my screw ups that got us into this mess so go ahead and let me pay the price for it."

"...You know you're not the only one who's learned a thing or two from Adam. Well forget it you f*cking psychopath, I don't abandon my friends when they need me the most." she ripped off his seatbelt and slung Kevin over her shoulder "We're gonna get the hell off of this rock of we're gonna DIE TRYING!" this was followed by a massive amount of rumbling "You know what I'm just gonna go ahead and say my bad now because this is going to suck worse than my time on Total Drama Action." and then the snow started falling.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point Chet and Lorenzo had crashed their glider near the Chill Zone "There's the Chill Zone, it's right there. We're almost there, just a little bit further."

"Oh god, I'm not so sure that I can make it." and then Lorenzo looked back to see the kangaroo, and its baby within the pouch, burst up from the wreckage of the glider, both of them still very pissed off "And now I can."

"RUN!" and so they took off running towards the Chill Zone at full speed.

Don observed the chase to the Chill Zone from afar "The second to last team is coming in like there's no tomorrow, and with a kangaroo that angry that might be the case. It looks like it's all over for the Artists." and that was when the massive avalanche hit the Chill Zone and everyone in the area.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It wasn't long before the two semi frozen teams had been pulled out of the snow and were waiting to see the results.

Don was quick to address them "Artists, Stepbrothers, this was by far the closest race that we've ever had in the overall race. Our judges are really going to have to go over this one super close in order to make sure that-" he tapped his earpiece "Wait a second, what do you mean we don't have judges? So then who's that guy at the craft table? Well no he's eating a bagel. Okay hold on a second." he pulled out a camera and studied the footage for a moment "Okay racers, after closely reviewing the footage I've decided that the Artists…" this caused Gwen and Kevin to cringe "...were not the last ones to reach the Chill Zone, the Stepbrothers have been cut from the race!" this was met with groans.

"Oh hells to the yeah!" Kevin wrapped an arm around Gwen and caught her in a bone crushing one armed hug, nearly crushing the life out of her.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Sometimes in life you have to take what you can get." Gwen noted "Now all we have to do is put this one behind us and focus on winning the race and taking the Ice Dancers down. Plus now I'm taking charge so now we'll see just how far we can get." she received a number of various nods from Kevin "Yep, we're going all the way to the top."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Chet and Lorenzo were still complaining over their loss as they were dragged away from the show by security "We totally didn't lose, stop playing that farewell footage and rubbing our faces in it."

Lorenzo nodded "Yeah you've got that right, we're not reminiscing and you can't make us you bozos! We hate this show and you know what, we're gonna make our own race show and it'll be way better than this crap!"

"Oh yeah and they'll all be ninjas!"

"And they'll go to fireworks factories in space!"

"Oh hell yeah! You're so my bro!"

"You're so _my_ bro, hug it out with me man!"

"You got it my man!" and they hugged it out just as they were tossed off into the sunset, which is where the episode cut off.

 **A/N:**

 **See in this universe I made Devin more motivated by breaking up with Shelley since she cheated on him with her tennis instructor, making him and Carrie come in first again as a result. I also had them give the Fashion Bloggers a win because why not right? They deserve another win.**

 **Now that I've revised this chapter and taken out the Goths' early elimination in Finland, that means that everyone's favorite third goth Loki has arrived!**

 **So yes, I took out the dreaded double elimination round. I like the Rockers and I think how they went was just as unfair as Leshawna's elimination in Total Drama Island. The Stepbrothers however, I honestly didn't care about them that much since they really got on my nerves.**

 **The fact that the Rockers made it past this leg in the race is the second major diversion from canon, the first being the Fashion Bloggers making it past Transylvania. This was originally the third but since I changed it so the Goths made it past Finland, it's now the second.**

 **Rankings:**

 **Fashion Bloggers: 1st**

 **Bromigos: 2nd**

 **Ice Dancers: 3rd**

 **Best Friends: 4th**

 **Goths: 5th**

 **Father & Son: 6th**

 **Rockers: 7th**

 **Sisters: 8th**

 **Reality TV Pros: 9th**

 **Artists: 10th**

 **Elimination:**

 **Stepbrothers: 11th**

 **Adversity Twins: 12th**

 **Mother & Daughter: 13th**

 **Ultimate Duo: 14th**

 **Vegans: 15th**

 **Geniuses: 16th**

 **Tennis Rivals: 17th**

 **LARPers: 18th**


	16. Maori or Less

" _Last time on the Ridonculous Race: Our bunny hunting bonanza saw the Ice Dancers try to bag, bully and blow their chance to reach the non existent gold, and instead settle for bronze. It was awesome! Anyway the Fashion Bloggers took their second win of the season, Devin the Dumper/ Dumped went into overdrive which got insanely old insanely fast, and the two worst crash and burns belonged to the Artists and the Stepbrothers, and in the end it was the latter of the two teams that got sent home. It's not like I was going to pull a double elimination out of my butt like that, I already did that in Finland. With only 9 teams left in our race around the world we're officially halfway through with these guys and things are definitely heating up. Who's about to get the biggest burn? Time to find out right here and right now on… the Ridonculous Race!"_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don stood in the snowy remains of the Chill Zone from the day before "Welcome back to beautiful and incredibly snow New Zealand where the winners from yesterday, the Fashion Bloggers, are about to grab the first tip of the day."

Sure enough, Jen pulled the first tip of the day out of the Don Box "Okay so this one is called Go Go on the Loco."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _In the first leg of today's race, each team will have to climb a dangerously steep path to the train station and then take a historic ride through the lush mountains of New Zealand all the way up to Decision Junction and find the Don Box with their next tip."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Josee was practically foaming at the mouth with rage, with Jacques staying silent "We have had to deal with not one, not two, but SEVEN horrible finishes! I don't care what we have to do, we are getting first today by ANY MEANS NECESSARY!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point the first four teams were racing up the path towards the train station.

Geoff and DJ quickly caught up with Jen and he tried to play it cool "Hey, so how is your ankle doing?"

"Oh that old thing? I didn't even notice that was a problem." Jen waved that off "But seriously, these boots cost more than my life. What about you?"

"Hey I'm a survivor, I lasted in 2 seasons on Total Drama. That's actually how me and DJ met too, the same with our main man Duncan. The only thing is that he's actually in a committed relationship, I'm just as shocked as everyone else."

"No kidding."

"Yeah I know, awesome right?"

"Yeah I'll say, but either way I'm a survivor so there's no way I'm gonna give up over something like a twisted ankle."

"Same here." they shared a small smile and leaned closer, until…

"MOVE IT!" Josee forced her way past them and took off at full speed.

' _...F*CK!'_

"First place here we come at last!"

"Hey watch it!" Devin burst up behind them carrying Carrie in one arm "We're going for the gold while our ally team is engaging in the war zone that is romance! Back off Ice Demons and move it!"

"Yeah well what are you gonna do about it, throw the useless blonde rag at us?" this actually caused Carrie to shrink back and Devin to stop running, his expression unreadable, and Josee suddenly crashed into something "What the-"

As it turns out, Devin had suddenly appeared in front of him, his eyes burning crimson and radiating with fury "You just crossed the uncrossable line." he picked Josee up by the front of her unitard "I want you to listen to me and then pass this message to every low life piece of crap that you know. If you want to insult me or hurt me then fine because I can take that and their insults mean less than nothing to me. LOOK AT ME!" he grabbed her by the throat "But if you hurt Carrie in any or shape or form and I mean you insult her in any way, you hurt her in any way or if you even so much as LOOK at her the wrong way then I will unleash hell upon you the likes of which would make even Satan wretch at the mere sight of it." his grip tightened "Do I make myself clear?"

"Deal… Deal, just… just let go!"

So Devin let her go "Good, now don't forget about this and don't even think about insulting her again."

Jacques, who had wisely chosen to stand back during this little exchange, was left standing there with his mouth agape "Wow, just… wow."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Devin cringed "Yeah ever since we were little I've always been super overprotective of Carrie and whenever someone hurts or insults her I've had tendencies to go into what my friend Adam has dubbed as Rage Mode, it's not something I'm proud of but what are you supposed to do when someone insults the most important person in your life?"

Carrie blushed when she heard this "I'm the most important person in your life?"

"What are you kidding? Of course you are, you and Adam both are. I couldn't imagine my life without you." this caused her to blush even further.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Junior and Dwayne on the other hand were falling behind the rest of the teams in front "Come on and get a move on dad, we've gotta make this train!"

"You don't have to worry about that sporto, I checked the train schedule and-" Dwayne was cut off by a whistle not far ahead of them "Oh you've gotta be kidding me!"

"Don't waste time let's move!" they rushed out onto the platform just as the first train left carrying the Best Friends, Bromigos, Fashion Bloggers and Ice Dancers.

"Oh that's just a load of puss buckets!"

"Hey watch the language mister, besides we can always get the next train. For now let's just play a game while we wait, I've got some cards here." he pulled out a deck of cards "I'll shuffle for you."

"Thanks for the offer dad but I'm just gonna listen to some music." he strapped on his headphones and began tuning out the world.

"...Oh. Well okay then." Dwayne let out a sigh and turned to face the camera "Sure winning a million bucks would be nice but the real reason why I signed us up for this race in the first place is to spend some quality time with Junior, he's gonna be off to high school soon. Yeah soon it's gonna be driving lessons, going on dates, going to prom, going to college, oh my lord my little bird is about to leave the nest."

While that was going on Junior made his way over to the nearby kiosk window and grabbed a magazine "Hey so I'll take this Maori tattoo magazine and… Do you have anything on how to chill out an embarrassing dad?" he received another certain magazine from the clerk "Oh cool thanks." he opened the magazine "New Zealand Parent, getting your ankle biter to do whatever you want." he looked over to where Dwayne crashed into a nearby pole "You got anything for that guy?" he received a small bottle of pills "Anything legal?" the clerk snatched the bottle back from him "Yeah that's what I thought."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

At the same time, Noah and the others were running up the path to the train station " I told the producers of that show that if they made Owen eat all that butter then he was gonna blow like a two ton buttery firecracker, I guess barfing and farting all over the other contestants is okay in their book but barfing on the host is where they draw the line."

"I can't believe they kicked you guys off just for that." Emma commented "That seems way too unfair in my opinion."

"Yeah well it didn't help that I kicked the producer in the kiwis for trying to stuff me into that duffle bag full of rotten spam."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Kitty let out a loud squeal "I can't even begin to say how glad I am that Emma is giving love another shot."

"Are you sure you're not worried about that?" asked Emma.

"Of course not, I know just how important winning the race is to you and you've learned from your mistakes. This time you're gonna take it slow."

"Yeah you're right, my love life is not going to become my sole focus even if Noah is totally hilarious and does that adorable squinty eyebrow thing and has the butt of a Roman god- Oh my god when are we gonna have our first kiss?! I haven't even-" she was promptly smacked upside the head "Thank you, I needed that."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"So have you seen that new show Alligator Bites?" asked Noah "Me and Owen are thinking about auditioning for it, maybe you guys oughta give that some thought."

"Yeah maybe we will, but before that…" Emma suddenly grabbed Noah's hand and they stopped running and gazed into each other's eyes.

Owen watched them from afar while munching on a bag of popcorn "Oh man I love happy endings!"

"What the heck are we stopping for-" Kitty paused when she realized that Noah and Emma were in the middle of a moment "Oh, so are they finally gonna-"

"God I hope so."

Noah and Emma leaned in for their first kiss when…

"Coming in hot!" Gwen and Kevin bolted past them, accidentally knocking Noah to the ground in the process.

"Not so fast Pencil Freaks, don't let them get away!" Emma took off running, with Noah and the rest right behind them.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"After our close calls with the Ice Dancers and the Stepbrothers we decided that we needed a new strategy so now I'm taking charge." explained Gwen "I mean sure I feel bad for somewhat accidentally cutting off Emma and Noah when they were about to seal their first kiss but I'd like to call that payback for Noah trying to screw over Cody in the race to Hawaii during the final three for Total Drama World Tour."

"And you kept up with the daily Cody reference." Kevin gave her a mocking bow "I've taught you well young Grasshopper."

"You taught me absolutely nothing. But seriously though, Emma and NOAH. As the voice of literally everyone in the world who knows Noah, what the f*ck?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Noah let out a groan of pure frustration "You know if I ever see Gwen and Kevin trying to lock lips with each other I'll be sure to get in between those two."

Owen shot him a look "Uh, Noah…"

"Yeah yeah I realized the minute I said it."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Devin was still foaming at the mouth with rage as he, Carrie and the Fashion Bloggers sat together on the first train "Who the hell does that little tramp think she is insulting Carrie like that?! When I get my hands on her she'll be begging for mercy!" he slammed a fist into the luggage compartment above him, causing it all to fall on him "OW!"

"...Is this gonna last awhile?" asked Tom "I mean first it was like he was on a sugar high and now he's a normal better looking version of the Hulk."

"This is what Adam has dubbed as Rage Mode." explained Carrie "See over the years Devin has lost his cool a few times and he ends up like this, usually it lasts for a few days at a time and I don't really know how to stop it. Adam actually finds it pretty funny, he's the only one who can stop Devin when he's like this.

"So we're gonna have to put up with this all day until he calms down a little bit or he ends up raging himself to sleep?"

"Probably yeah."

"Just checking."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _By now the second train has left the station with Father & Son, the Artists and the Rockers all on board."_

Dwayne sat down next to Junior while he was reading one of his magazines "Hey so what are you reading there pal?"

"What?" Junior quickly hid away the pamphlet and pulled out the magazine "Just a local tattoo magazine, nothing big."

"Oh yeah that's my boy, way to soak up the culture. But no tattoos, ever. Seriously, your mother will have a cow."

"Hey Father & Son dude, what's up guys?" that was when the Rockers showed up "Looks like we're all on board the train of awesomeness!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Up at the famed Decision Junction, the first four teams have already arrived and are about to collect their tips from the Don Box."_

"Get out of my way you worthless peons!" Josee burst forward and shoved the Fashion Bloggers out of the way and snatched their tip "Looks like this one is an either or, Jump Down or Jump Around."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _In the either or for today's challenge, teams can either bungee jump down off of the Kawarau Bridge and catch a local bowery fish with their bare hands or they can jump around in order to perform a traditional Maori haka, or a warrior's challenge dance which is meant to instill fear in anyone subjected to watching it. I myself have experienced how effective it is first hand. Once each team has successfully completed either one of the two challenges it's a foot race to today's Chill Zone. The last team to arrive, say it with me now, may be cut from the race. Why didn't any of you say it? I said to say it with me."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Jump down, come on bro let's move it!" Geoff and DJ took off in the direction of the bridge once they collected their tip, leaving only the Best Friends and Fashion Bloggers behind in their steed.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Josee gave a malicious smirk "Those Bromigo boneheads would rather jump to their possible deaths than face us in a dance competition, maybe they're not as dumb as the one in the cowboy hat makes them look."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The second train was still on its way to the Decision Junction.

Rock and Spud were telling Junior a story "So the guy zips us both into boards bags while I'm snoozing and Spud's got his whole delayed reaction time thing and he puts us both on the airplane luggage belt thing or whatever the hell it's called!"

Dwayne looked back at the three of them from where he was sitting alone "Yeah it's pretty much official, he would rather be hanging out with his cool new bros than hanging out with his uncool old dad." he looked up as Spud passed by them "Hey Spud do you have a second so I can talk to you about something?"

"Sure man, what's going on?" asked Spud.

"Well the thing is that my son really looks up to you and Rock so I was wondering, how can I become more like the two of you?"

"Let's say you're rocking the ultimate guitar chord, if you try to control the guitar then you'll just stiffen up and totally botch it and end up setting your pants on fire. You've gotta chill out and loosen up a little bit and let the spirit of rock and roll guide you, as for the guitar you just gotta let it do its own thing. You get what I'm saying?"

"You know I think I do get what you're saying, thanks man."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Rock looked over at Spud in pure awe "Woah dude that was awesome, you know if the whole thing with Devil Frog doesn't work out you could be a guidance counselor or something. Your wisdom knows no bounds."

"Thanks man." Spud held up the two fingers for the peace sign and started listening to music like he always did.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Emma on the other hand was busy making plans with the rest of her alliance "I have a plan to get all of us to the finale as an alliance."

"Depending on whether or not we actually get to the finale." Noah pointed out dryly.

"Okay first off we need to schedule regular team meetings in order to work through any competitive feelings that may arise and to figure out what to do about Kitty and Owen's recent behaviour."

That got a reaction out of Owen and Kitty "Say what now?"

"The four of us sticking together will increase our chances of winning, besides the two of you are way less mature compared to the likes of me and Noah and we need to gather plenty of anecdotes for the rehearsal dinner."

"What kind of person has to rehearse eating?" Noah leaned forward in a sort of teasing manner and held up a hand to Owen "And no Owen there's no food right now."

"No silly billy, it's one of the things you and I will have to do before the wedding!" that actually caused Noah to freeze.

"Okay that's enough of that." Kitty grabbed Emma by the arm "Hey sis can I talk to you for a second, in private?"

"You got it maid of honor."

"Good." Kitty pulled Emma away to the edge of the train car where the others wouldn't be able to hear "Look Em as adorbs as it is that you have a plan on how to spend your entire life with him but you can't tell him, guys hate stuff like that and don't forget that the million is our focus in this race right?"

"Yeah you're right, I'm sorry but when I look into those dark chocolatey brown eyes and I start swimming in them and then I-"

"The race Emma, concentrate on the race!"

"Right right right, okay this is me putting aside my feelings for Noah and concentrating completely on the Noah." she was smacked across the face "I mean the race, concentrating on the race! Yeah I need to concentrate on the race and get Noah out of my head. I mean you know how I was with my ex boyfriend Jake constantly on my mind and you saw how I totally fell apart after he broke up with me. I would hate to lose because of a boy, it's all about winning the race and getting that million dollars so that I can pay for law school."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _As the teams on the second and third trains jockey for their positions, the frontrunners from the first train are enjoying a healthy lead over the rest."_

Josee watched as the men on the stage did the warrior's dance and held up a hand to stop them "Yeah okay we've got this, Jacque don't hold me back." and so they successfully did the dance on the first try, causing the men to applaud them "Try that on skates sometime and then it might actually be impressive. Come on Jacques, let's go be the champions we were always meant to be!" and so they took off.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Gwen looked over from the edge of the Kawarau bridge down at the river below "You know it's times like this I'm glad I'm not afraid of heights."

"Not to mention we're lucky we didn't end up getting beaten within an inch of our lives by a kangaroo like the Stepbrothers did." Kevin pointed out "So do you want me to do this or-"

"No way in hell, I told you before that I'm taking charge of the team from here on out so just stand back and watch a pro at work. Oh and for the record, I learned from personal experience that if you mention the kangaroo in front of Adam then he'll throw you through a wall." and so she strapped herself onto the bungee cord and jumped down into the river.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Looks like Gwen is falling pretty hard for her new leadership role but the question remains, how is she going to fair leading a wild card like Kevin? The only way to find out is to watch and wait until we return on the Ridonculous Race."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Now that we're back with the Ridonculous Race the third train has just reached Decision Junction ahead of schedule not to mention against all odds."_

Noah took off running alongside Emma and tried to act like a smug jackass "You know I can't wait to post my review online, if you've got a death wish then this is the train for you. Or if you're a psychopath like Adam."

Emma burst out laughing at this "You are absolutely hilarious."

"Yep and now you're gonna quote everything that I say."

"...What?"

"That would be a reference to TeamFourStar." Noah picked up two tips from the Don Box and handed one of them to the Sisters "I say jump down."

"I say we do jump around." Kitty told him.

"Okay I think it's about the right time for us to have our first family meeting." Emma received a boot to the foot "Team meeting, I meant team meeting! Yeah that's what I totally meant to say all the time."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point, Josee and Jacques had arrived at the Chill Zone and waited for their, or rather her, praising from Don, only to find that he was nowhere in sight "Okay where the hell is Don, I'm expecting our well deserved praise for winning the gold. DON! GET THE BLOODY HELL OUT HERE!"

"Stop screaming, you know I could disqualify you here and now." that was when Don showed up wearing a plastic bib and a towel around his hair "What are you doing here anyway, did you two skip the challenge?"

"No I finished it like the goddess I am, I take it I'm in first place then?"

"Yes yes yes congratulations, you're _both_ in first place. Okay now leave me alone, I'm going back to makeup, leaving Josee to cackle like a demon.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Gwen pulled herself back up to the bridge gasping for air with a fish in hand "Oh thank the great god above, air again."

"How did you catch one of these f*ckers on the first try?" asked Kevin.

"The same way you managed to bail our asses out of the fire time and time again over the past 2 weeks."

"Through dumb luck?"

"Pretty much yeah."

"Okay just checking." and so they took off towards the Chill Zone.

Not long after Geoff and DJ showed up and Geoff handed his hat to DJ "Hold the hat for me bro, I'm going in."

"Are you sure about this?" asked DJ.

"You bet I am, this is what I was born for!" he even started tearing up "Seriously dude, our life is just so… so… AWESOME! I love this!" and so he jumped down off of the bridge into the river below.

DJ noticed something and held up the cord that Geoff hadn't attached to his ankle, and only uttered two words "Uh oh."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Kitty let out a groan "Oh come on we both have some seriously slamming dance moves so we would kill with that."

"Bungee jumping is actually on my bucket list." Noah commented "Say any loser that actually has a bucket list full of random crap that no normal person could possibly pull off." he was suddenly struck by lightning out of nowhere, leaving him charred and smoking like a cartoon character "Ow."

"Hey there's a note." Emma pulled a note out of Noah's charred hair "It says _Noah, make a crack about me again and they will never find your body after I skin you, mount your head on a pike and make you suck yourself off. Adam. PS, don't tell Devin about the stuff that I told you and DJ back in Australia._ Wow, he's kind of…"

"Unbelievably sadistic? You don't have a clue. Anyway going back to the bungee jumping thing…"

"Oh wow this is so much harder than I thought it was gonna be, I never thought there would be so many factors to balance between you and the race and-" she was cut off by a whistle blowing as the second train finally arrived.

"You know what screw it, let's just do the bungee jump."

"Well alright then, meeting adjourned." and so they took off.

"GO GO GO!" the Rockers bolted out of the train and collected their tip "Jump Around all the way, ROCK AND ROLL!" and so they bolted off to do the Jump Around challenge.

That was when Dwayne started doing the whole rocker thing like Spud had said "Take a raise and chillax-ify yourself."

Junior was mortified by what he was seeing "What the heck is wrong with you, is this another midlife crisis?"

"Let's jet my brobama, I say it's time for the jump of a lifetime!" he held out his fist to him.

' _...Oh god he's trying to be cool. Okay think Junior, what did the magazine say to do about this sort of thing? Oh yeah!'_ Junior accepted the fits bump "You're awesome and… I value your opinion."

"You do? I mean yeah that's cool!"

"But if all of the other teams are choosing the bungee challenge then there's probably gonna be a wait and knowing the Rockers they're probably gonna finish the dance challenge pretty quickly so I think it's worth exercising that option."

"Alright little man, it's time to rock and roll!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Now out of make up, Don counted off the Artists as they arrived at the Chill Zone carrying their fish "Artists nicely done, you're in second place."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Carrie made a failed attempt to do the dance challenge "Is that it? No I don't think that's it but I'm pretty sure I heard you guys say burrito. Oh man Tom and Jen are already done and on their way to the Chill Zone, now we might as well come in last unless we can pull off some sort of miracle."

"Stand back Carrie, I've got this." so with a raged filled snarl and a mighty roar as he held out a hand to her, Devin started doing the warrior's dance powered by his anger "Hoo haa, Josee you with! I! Will! Crush! You! Underneath! My! Boot! You! Will! No! What! It's! Like! To! SUFFER!" once he was done the judges each held up a hand and gave him a thumbs up.

"Alright way to go Devin, we passed!"

"Good enough for me now COME ON!" so with a roar as he acted faster than she was able to follow, Devin scooped Carrie up and took off at full speed towards the Chill Zone.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don was waiting at the Chill Zone for the next batch of teams to arrive "The Fashion Bloggers and the Best Friends are in a foot race for third place, and it looks like the Fashion Bloggers take it while the Best Friends have come in fourth place."

Devin and Carrie shared a look and shrugged "You know what screw it, we can live with fourth place."

"Yoo hoo, over here sweaty losers!" Josee called from where she and Jacques were sitting around in lounge chairs "We were wondering when you would arrive, we've been waiting for all of you for hours."

"...Carrie forget everything that I just said, we can't live with third if it means that they place ahead of us."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Coming in first place means that you get the royal treatment." explained Josee "That includes ice drinks, gourmet meals and profession foot rubs."

"Foot rubs? I never got one of those!" Jacques protested "You made me give you one of those!"

"Well whatever, now Devin and Carrie are added onto our list of enemies just below those god damned Artists!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Owen was quick to notice something off "Hey Kitty is it just me or do Noah and Emma seem kind of distracted today?"

"Are you serious?" Kitty let out a loud snort and looked over at the two love birds "Look we're the only ones left here so we're up now but chances are we're probably still in last place if we don't hurry up."

Emma ignored her and had Noah continue to pose on the bridge "Okay so bring your arm up a little bit higher- Okay that's good now hold that pose, hey Kitty do you think you could take a picture of me and No-No while he's up there?"

"Now of all time, are you for real?"

"Why not?"

"You better make it fast." Noah told him "There's a reason why I'll never compete on the next Massive Male Model and it has something to do with the fact that I've got about as much muscle as a pencil stick."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don counted off the Rockers, the Goths and the Bromigos as they arrived "Rockers are in fifth place, the Goths are in sixth place and seventh place to the Bromigos. By now only three teams are left in the race to not come in last place and potentially get sent home."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"And now for a little bit of bro mixed into it!" Dwayne started trying to bro-ify the warrior's dance and ended up botching it completely.

Junior let out a groan "Dad what the heck are you doing?"

"I'm just adding a little bit of a bro mix to the dance, adding some hip cool juice! Whoo to the whoo to the whoo baby! Hey check it out, now I'm moonwalking!" and yeah he started moonwalking.

' _...Oh my lord I've created a monster and it's the lamest thing in existence.'_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Emma was mortified by the thought of Noah bungee jumping by himself "You can't do this on your own Noah, we should do it together."

"You know that would be pretty romantic." Noah put his hands on her shoulders "You know like every romantic death scene in every movie ever." his tone was laced with sarcasm that went over her head.

"Oh I love that movie." yeah needless to say she didn't really get it with her current state of mind.

"...You really don't get sarcasm when you're like this do you? Seriously that's the most common movie cliche ever, more than the black guy cliche that's been taken up by Sam L Jackson. I mean if you've ever seen any movie ever he's the black guy. And that would be a Ted 2 reference right there courtesy of Seth MacFarlane, the middle finger to society. See you on the other side." and so he jumped in.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point Junior had had more than enough of Dwayne trying to be cool "Oh for god's sake dad, enough is enough! Stop it already!"

"Yeah but my moves are super cool!" Dwayne protested.

"No they're super not, they're making my eyeballs bleed like mom does once a month when you go bowling!"

"Oh but those guys are cool?" he jerked a thumb back at the warrior judges "What's so cool about them?"

"What are you kidding? They're huge men with face tattoos, goatees and muscles bigger than my head, that makes them automatically awesome!"

"Well yeah but I-"

"Dad you are not cool and you never will be!" Junior quickly regretted this when he saw the look on Dwayne's face "Dad, I'm sorry."

"Forget it, let's just get this whole thing over with."

"Yeah, sure thing." and so now that all of that was out of their systems, Dwayne and Junior flawlessly completed the warrior's Haka challenge dance, earning tearful smiles and thumbs ups of approval from both of the judges.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point, Emma and the others had caught their fish and were dashing their way towards the Chill Zone "You know I would name my fish Noah but it's not cute enough, or maybe it's because it's too cute and this fish is too ugly. Maybe I should call my fish Jake after my ex boyfriend, he said that I was too intense if you can believe that! You don't believe any of that do you?"

"...No I don't believe that for a second." Noah shared a nervous look with Owen.

"Okay good, I'm glad you're not like him.

"Hey you remember the part where we're trying not to come in last place right?" Kitty pointed out dryly.

"Yeah I know I'm coming, I'm just using Jake's hideous teeth on Noah so that I can cut off a lock of his hair."

That got a rise out of Noah "Wait hold on a second, you're using who now to cut off my what now?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Oh crying out loud!" Kitty let out a groan of frustration "Seriously Emma, there's obsessing and then there's you!"

"...Yeah." Emma hung her head and let out a sigh "Okay maybe I have a problem, but in my defence you told me to go for it."

"Yeah but not like this, at this rate you're going to end up losing both the race and the guy. You know I'm right, if you're going to make a choice then you have to make it now."

"I… you're right, we've gotta run fast if we're gonna make it."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Owen was surprised to see Emma and Kitty take off running ahead of them "Man they're way faster than I thought they'd be!"

"Seriously, this is just one of the many reasons why I don't get women." Noah muttered "You can't live with them, you can't live without them and you can't run as fast as them."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don was quick to address Father & Son when they finally arrived at the Chill Zone "Dwayne Senior and Dwayne Junior, the two of you are in eighth place."

"Alright!" Junior caught Dwayne in a tight hug "We did it dad, we really did it!"

"We sure did son, we sure did." Dwayne returned the hug and sniffled slightly "You know we make a good… we make a really good team. You know I'm sorry I tried too hard with everything today, I just thought that if I could be a little bit cooler like the Rockers then maybe you'd like being with me more."

"Well according to that tattoo magazine that I got at the train station I'm supposed to be pulling away a little bit right now, what's happening is normal for me and it doesn't mean that I don't think you're cool. Ish."

"I'm cool-ish? You know what I'll take it."

"That's really touching but that's what the confessionals are for." Don shoved them off of the Carpet of Completion just as the Sisters arrived with their fish "Emma and Kitty, the two of you are in ninth place."

"Emma! Kitty!" that was when Noah and Owen showed up "Okay I don't know what kind of dictionary you're using but your definition of alliance is way off from the truth, what the hell was that about?"

Emma let out a sigh "I'm sorry Noah, this is exactly what I was afraid of. Look I like you alot, I really really do. But I can't be with you, not during the race at least." and so she sadly walked away, with Kitty right behind her.

"...Huh, so this is what it feels like to be dumped. It sucks, but then again at least I have a chance to test these out now." he put on a pair of shades.

"Where did you get those?" asked Owen.

"From Adam when we were in Australia, now I get what these are meant for. To hide the pain of a breakup."

"Yeah I've been there." Don made his way over to them "Reality TV Schmos- I'm sorry, no not really, I only somewhat meant pros, I'm afraid the two of you are the last team to arrive. It's time for the two of you to go."

"Oh crap."

"At least that's what I would say if it wasn't for the fact that this is a non elimination round, but it is. Congratulations you guys, you're still in the race!" and then he walked away.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"...Huh. Well that's pretty underwhelming." Noah just had the same bored look on his face as always, only now with the pair of shades.

"Hey come on little buddy, you don't have to be sad." Owen told him "I mean there's tons of fish in the sea, just like this one." Owen held up the fish.

"You try to make that thing talk to me and I shove it up your ass."

"...You know what I'm just gonna put this away."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Dwayne made his way over to Junior, now with a tattoo on his chin "So how do you like your old man now?"

Junior looked up from his magazine and nearly lost it "Woah dad I've gotta give it to you, that is full on! That is-"

"Cool as they come?"

"Oh heck yeah that's- Oh no."

"What's the matter?"

"Dad, don't freak out but according to this magazine only women get that tattoo!"

"Wait, what?!"

Don took this chance to sign off of the episode "9 teams remain in the hunt for one million dollars but the question remains, who will be the next to go? Is it going to be our new Mother & Son team?"

"Hey!"

"The only way to find out is to watch the next exciting episode of… the Ridonculous Race!"

 **A/N:**

 **So no, Noah will not be spending the next chapter in a crippling yet still funny depression. I thought that while it was amusing, it was a bit out of character for him so instead I gave him the shades that Adam gave him in chapter 17.**

 **That scene in the beginning with Devin going the appropriately dubbed Rage Mode was inspired by Gwen going Anodite on Zombozo in Ben 10: Ultimate Alien. I just thought it would be funny to put something like that in there, plus it's meant to set up a rivalry between the Best Friends and the Ice Dancers for later on in the race.**

 **Since the Bromigos were in the top 4 because of last chapter I figured that the Rockers were the best team to put in their place in order to push forward on Father & Son's character arc. I mean someone had to do it right?**

 **Rankings:**

 **Ice Dancers: 1st**

 **Artists: 2nd**

 **Fashion Bloggers: 3rd**

 **Best Friends: 4th**

 **Rockers: 5th**

 **Goths: 6th**

 **Bromigos: 7th**

 **Father & Son: 8th**

 **Sisters: 9th**

 **Reality TV Pros: 10th**

 **Elimination:**

 **Stepbrothers: 11th**

 **Adversity Twins: 12th**

 **Mother & Daughter: 13th**

 **Ultimate Duo: 14th**

 **Vegans: 15th**

 **Geniuses: 16th**

 **Tennis Rivals: 17th**

 **LARPers: 18th**


	17. Little Bull on the Prairie

" _Last time on the Ridonculous Race, New Zealand took our 9 remaining teams on a roller coaster ride of both highs and lows. Dwayne tried to impress his son with a tattoo that turned out to be for women only, which was awesome. Noah and Emma hit a major roadblock when she put the brakes on their romance, which was both painful and awesome, especially since the Reality TV Pros came in last but were saved by the non elimination round. Devin on the other hand went from super pumped to super peeved when Josee crossed the line and insulted Carrie, and he used that rage to get them through the challenge in the top 4 yet again. Someone is bound to be going home tonight but the question is, which team will it be? The only way to find out is to watch this episode of… the Ridonculous Race!"_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Like always, Don stood at the Chill Zone from the day before, now equipped with a Don Box for all of your racing needs "As always yesterday's Chill Zone is the starting line for today's leg of the race, the first team to depart will be the king and queen of ridonculous comebacks in the form of the Ice Dancers after they collect the first tip. Seriously though, the never ending smiles never stop being creepy."

"Tell me about it." Jacques muttered.

"Does it get better?"

"I could like and give you hope, but no."

"...Oh joy."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Josee's fake smile was filled with malice "After 7 horrible finishes we're finally back to where I belong, on the top beneath all of these pathetic peons like the goddess that I am! We're not just back, we're blazing with golden flames and now the competition is about to get burned! First I'll off that bastard on the Best Friends team and then those damned Artists and then all of the other peons that stand in my way!" she let out a maniacal laugh.

"...I'm not even going to try with her anymore." Jacques muttered.

"Did you say something?"

"Nope."

"Good, because if you did then you would've had a very unfortunate accident." her smirk was filled with even more venom.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

So with that in mind, Jacques grabbed a tip out of the Don Box "It says here that we have to go to Head Smashed In Buffalo Jump. I don't get it, is that supposed to be a place or a threat of some kind?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Actually it's a little bit of both and it happens to be located along the foothills of the Rocky Mountains in Alberta Canada. Head Smashed In Buffalo Jump was going to be called Concussion Valley but it turns out that the had already been taken. Each team will have to fly in to Lethbridge Alberta and then drive to a certain dude ranch with a Don Box in order to receive their next tip."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Devin let out a sigh as he took a tip from the Don Box after the Fashion Bloggers and turned to the camera "I might have had a few minor outbursts over the course of the past few days of the race."

"Oh come on, you were never really that bad." Carrie waved him off.

"But you don't have to worry though, the rage has left the Devin. I bet Adam probably would've found it funny though."

"Yeah. Hey what do you think Adam is doing right now anyway?"

"Who know, knowing the kinds of crazy things he can get into. For all we know he might as well be in the 9th dimension battling the giant monkey man." he had no idea how close he was to being right."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Geoff picked up a tip from the Don Box and turned to DJ "Holy crap dude check this one out, it says we're going to a dude ranch and we're dudes! It's an us ranch, we're gonna be so golden this time around!"

"...Yeah sure man, whatever you say." DJ caught him in a supportive high five.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"TAXI!" Spud ripped off his shirt and started waving it around like a madman for like the umpteenth time, and just like before it actually worked in their favor.

Rock pulled him into the taxi and they took off right away "Alright way to go dude, but let's not wait for anyone else today alright? Now first place here we come!"

"We're in first place?"

"Well actually we're in fifth place but we might get first."

"...Alright man, we're killing it!" they started rocking out.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _While our first six teams are off to a serious start our seventh place team isn't being taken seriously in the slightest."_

"Taxi, taxi! Hey taxi over here!" Dwayne finally managed to flag down a taxi, though his chin was still causing them problems "Airport please!" the only response he got was the taxi driver laughing as he took off "Oh come on!"

"Dad your chin is costing us the game." Junior pointed out.

"Okay sure this tattoo may be for girls but I will wear this thing with the pride of a man, at least until we win the million and then I can afford laser tattoo removal."

"Yeah hold that thought for a second." Junior held up their tip to cover Dwayne's tattoo "Hey taxi over here!" he flagged one down and they took off.

Not long after Emma and Kitty started trying to flag down a cab for themselves "Taxi, hey taxi over here!" she flagged one down.

"Shouldn't we wait for Noah and Owen?" asked Kitty "I mean the four of us are in an alliance aren't we?"

"What? No way, if Noah and I are on a break then the alliance is to."

"Oh come on, you can't be serious!"

"You yourself said that I had to give love a shot and now you're saying that I have to put the race first, makeup your mind already!" and they hopped into their cab.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Noah seemed to have another opinion on this matter "Okay since Owen won't stop bugging me over showing little to no emotions over Emma putting the brakes on our relationship let me point something out. I've never had a girlfriend before so I have no idea how the hell people are expecting me to act over getting dumped. I see now that we should've stuck with the original game plan from the beginning, keep the group small, get the work done, don't say any more than you have to and wait until after the race is over to start making out. From now on it's all about winning the race, no more distractions."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _All 9 teams are arriving at the airport and it soon becomes a mad dash to get tickets, but it turns out they're aren't enough seats for everyone on the first flight so that leaves the Sisters, Father & Son and the Reality TV Pros to wait until the second flight. The first flight is already bound for Alberta with most of our teams but the second flight is behind them by a full 30 minutes."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Emma looked over to where Noah was burying his face in a magazine just like always "Okay it looks like he's taking this well, it's not like his heart has been crushed or anything right?"

"Yeah, sure…" Kitty just cringed and looked away.

"Hey I didn't want to squash my chances with Noah but I didn't have any other choice, you saw how much of a total nightmare because of love and nightmares don't win races."

"Unless they're about being chased so that you start running really really fast. But yeah, you were a total nightmare."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Dwayne let out a chuckle as he turned away from watching some Total Drama reruns "You know despite everything that's gone wrong Junior and I have made a real connection thanks to this race, he even called me cool once."

"Yeah sure." Junior let out a snort "That was before I found out your tattoo is meant only for girls."

"You still said it and you can't take it back, and it was great. You know at this point I don't mind getting cut from the race today, either way I'll still be a happy man. Plus we're finally back in good old Canada."

"Dad come on, I don't want you to jinx us or we'll go home for sure!"

"Oh come on Junior, there's no such thing as a jinx!"

" _Sorry folks but a storm over Montana is going to delay our landing by a few minutes so we're gonna need you to be patient with us."_

"I bet the first flight is gonna be delayed too."

" _We just got word folks, this is a freak storm and it only affects our flight."_

"That's gotta be a total coincidence."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _The first flight carrying the Ice Dancers, Fashion Bloggers, Best Friends, Bromigos, Rockers and Artists has just landed in Alberta and now they have to drive one of the pickup trucks that we've provided into the Wild West."_

By this point, Devin and Carrie were maintaining a healthy lead over the rest of the teams "You see this right here is why it helps to play video games, get your licence early and map out Canadian geography. I know every road, cliff and chasm in Canada like the back of my hand. No person alive can come close to matching me when I'm behind the wheel." he was promptly rammed from behind "What the hell?!"

"Look!" Carrie pointed back.

As it turns out, it was Josee behind the wheel of another truck attempting to ram them off of the road "EAT MY DUST YOU WORTHLESS REJECTS!" she continued attempting to ram them off of the road.

"Hold on tight homie, things are about to get super dicey!" he floored it on the gas and spun the wheel hard, sending them spinning around in circles and causing the Ice Dancers to pass them by, which led to them (the Ice Dancers) hitting a rock in the road, blowing a tire and spinning out of control clear off of the road until they fell into a nearby ravine "Like Adam always says, if they poke the dragon with a stick then you've gotta give them the claw! So Carrie are you holding up okay after that?"

Carrie said nothing, she just leaned out the window and started hurling.

"...You know what I think now is the best time to just slow down and let Tom and Jen catch up with us."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Not long after that, Geoff and DJ passed by in their own truck "Huh that's weird, no sign of the dancer dudes."

"Where do you think they went?" asked DJ

"I'm thinking two possibilities bro, either aliens got them or… No I think I'm gonna go with aliens on this one."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _By now the second flight has finally landed in Alberta a full hour after the first flight before it thanks to that freak storm, and these teams all know that they're going to be racing each other to avoid being cut from the race entirely."_

By this point Noah and Owen were on the road, with Noah behind the wheel "Okay so maybe neither one of us have official licenses but after all of the crap that Chris made us do on Total Drama that counts as experience and it's not like it can be as hard as-"

"Look out for the chicken in the road!" Owen blurted out.

Noah swerved and narrowly avoided the chicken crossing the road "A chicken crossing the road in real life? What's next, that story of Saint George and the Dragon?! Seriously though, chickens are supposed to actually CROSS the road and not sit in the middle like some kind of suicidal douchebag!" this earned a horrified gasp from Owen "What?"

"Noah language, we're on international TV!"

"Who gives a rat's ass?! It means about as much as it did in Age of Ultron!" a goose slammed into the windshield "You've gotta be f*cking kidding me!" he tried to wipe it off, only for it to be followed by a rabbit, and a pig.

And then Adam suddenly ended up on the windshield "Hey guys how's it going? Hey listen let me know if you see Gwen okay? I've gotta talk to her about something."

"...Hop in the bed of the truck." he wiped Adam off of the windshield.

"This wasn't taught in my driver's ed class." Owen pointed out.

"Neither was half of the stuff we actually need, that's what happens when you take a driver's ed class from a Weed addict!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point Geoff, DJ, Devin and Carrie all arrived at the dude ranch and found the Don Box waiting for them "Hey dude check it out, Devin and Carrie are the only other car here! We are so gonna win this one, thank you aliens!"

"...I'm not even gonna ask." Devin took a tip from the Don Box just as the Fashion Bloggers pulled up "Looks like it's an All In. Tip Your Hat, Split Your Jeans and Eat Like A Cowboy By All Means. You see this is why I don't watch more anime."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Working together just like in every All In each team has to each an entire pot filled to the brim with pork and beans, once they finish the entire pot they'll find their next travel tip at the bottom."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Geoff looked down at the entire pot filled with pork and beans "Woah dude my favorite food to nosh on is totally pork and beans! This challenge rules!" he started scarfing down the pot without a second thought.

DJ turned to face the camera "Geoff has an iron stomach, the guy can take almost anything. Well unless you count that brunch of disgustingness challenge back in Total Drama Island, but then again how much of that could be considered food?"

"Hey man look I'll admit that I made an ass out of myself during that brunch of disgustingness challenge but I've trained my stomach to be stronger than steel since then, now I'm the equivalent of a human trash can. That's not a good thing is it?"

"No, no it is not."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jen coughed a little bit "Oh god I got a bug in my mouth, you know I don't have anything against pickup trucks themselves but I wouldn't mind it if they were at least a little bit more clean or at least hygienic."

"Well it could be worse." Tom looked down into the pot of pork and beans "And now it's officially worse." he looked up at the camera "Look I'm not a picky eater or anything but beans have always made me want to vomit."

"Hey if I can put up with getting my hair wet and you can put up with eating scorpions and worms then you can eat something as low key as pork and beans."

"...You're right, I can do this." so with a mighty roar he started pouring the entire pot into his mouth.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"ROCK AND ROLL!" by this point the Rockers had burst into the ranch at full speed "Clear a table stat!" they promptly received a pot of pork and beans as a result and both began shoveling it in as a result.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point Dwayne and Junior had arrived at the dude ranch "Take a look at this son, we've climbed all the way from seventh place to fifth place! Looks like things are finally looking up."

This was when a waitress brought over a pot of pork and beans and noticed Dwayne's new tattoo on his chin "Say isn't that supposed to be a lady's tattoo?"

"...Oh that is it, a man can only take so much abuse over something like this! I need a marker and a mirror!"

"Deal with that later dad, we've gotta hurry up and eat." Junior told him.

"Oh calm down kiddo, this pot is monstrously huge. I doubt anyone is gonna finish this thing for quite some-" he was cut off by a loud belch, courtesy of Geoff finishing their pot "Woah man-"

"-now those dudes can eat." note how they said this at the same time, which led to what happened next.

"Jinx!"

"For god's sake dad enough with the jinxing already!"

"Oh come on Junior, there's no such thing as jinxing!" he accidentally slapped the wooden spoon, splattering beans all over his face.

"...You can have those beans."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

DJ pulled a tip out of the empty pot "Looks like it's a random botch, whoever isn't holding this tip has to ride the mechanical bull."

Geoff nearly lost his shit "There's a mechanical bull? This place has everything!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _This place has the Bull Buster 3000, the most dangerous mechanical bull on the face of the planet. Riders have to stay on the back of this mechanical devil for a total of 8 seconds before they can move on, once they do complete the challenge it's a foot race out the back and down the path to today's Chill Zone. Just like always, the last team to arrive may end up being cut from the race entirely."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Dude hold my hat, I'm going into the fire." Geoff handed DJ his hat and hopped onto the back of the bull "This is either gonna be really cool or really painful." he was immediately thrown off of the bull "It was really painful… Was that 8 seconds?"

"Dude it wasn't even one second." DJ told him.

"Oh… ow…"

"Yeah this is gonna take awhile."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point Gwen and Kevin had reached the Don Box, with Jacques and Josee not far behind them "There it is, let's move!" she snatched a tip from the Don Box, with Jacques doing the same right after her.

"Yeah that's right, in your face you little ice bitch!" Kevin shot Josee a certain finger gesture which was not a thumbs up.

"Enough of that, let's save it for when we beat them to the Chill Zone!" they bolted inside with the Ice Dancers right on their heels.

Emma and Kitty pulled into the dude ranch not long after the other two teams "Alright it looks like we made it, but is there any sign of Noah? Or Owen? Yeah I totally meant to say him too all the time."

"Sure you did." it went without saying that Kitty wasn't convinced.

"GET OUT OF THE WAY!" Noah and Owen, with Adam still riding in the back on the bed of the truck, roared past them in their own truck, which ended up causing Emma to jump back into her truck as they roared past them, taking off her door in the process as they hit the Don Box, causing it to explode in a cartoony fashion.

"What the hell?!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Owen had both Adam and Noah curled up in balls with all of the animals surrounding the three of them "I guess they smelled my superiority over them and decided to worship me. That's what you get for being a naturalist, I am one with nature and all of its tiny woodland creatures. Or in this case farm animals."

"Yeah that must be the only logical answer." Noah's tone was laced with sarcasm "That must be the reason why we've been forced to abduct EVERY SINGLE ANIMAL OLD MACDONALD HAD ON HIS GODDAMN FARM?!"

"Wait a second… they're old MacDonald's animals?!" this was met with Noah screaming in pure frustration.

"What?"

"...And just like that my desire to live through my destined battle with my sworn enemy has gotten that much weaker." Adam noted before walking out of the room.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point the Rockers had finished their pot of beans and Rock took the tip "Looks like it's bull time, ROCK AND ROLL!" and he bolted towards the mechanical bull just as Geoff was thrown off for the umpteenth time.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It wasn't long before Gwen and Kevin bolted into the dude ranch restaurant "We're not in the top 5 but at least we're not in the bottom three, let's make sure that the latter doesn't happen and we at least get into the top three."

"Hey guys check it out, this thing is totally going down!" Geoff was promptly hurled across the room into the bar.

"Way to take the impact like a champ!" Jen held up a big 8.5 card, with Tom holding up a big 9 card.

"Yay… I like her…" and then Geoff passed out from blood loss, with Rock promptly landing on top of him as a way of adding insult to injury.

That was when Adam bolted into the building and sniffed the air "I smell dried blood, old leather and a disgusting amount of pork and beans… for free…" he had stars in his eyes "I must be in heaven!" he slapped himself across the face "No come on Adam, you've gotta focus on the task at hand." and he bolted out the back door of the restaurant just as the Ice Dancers, the Sisters and the Reality TV Pros rushed into the restaurant and started on their pots of pork and beans, some of them being more reluctant to do so than others.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jacques shuddered slightly "Well like my father always said, there are worse things to be forced to choke down."

Josee nodded "Like a silver medal."

"Or my cousins tofu, wheat germ and algae casserole, that's one of the main reasons why I don't see her on Thanksgiving anymore." this was followed by Rock screaming like a maniac as he was flung through the air and into the bar "That was my reaction too."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point Owen was still digging into their bowl of pork and beans "Come on Noah we're almost done with our bowl!"

Noah let out a loud burp "What are you a f*cking beast? Wait scratch that, anyway I'm about to burst as it is. How can you eat that stuff?"

"How could I not? This is awesome!" he kept wolfing it down.

"...Hey big guy are you trying to prove something?"

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know, you just seem more determined than you usually do. Is it something in the beans or…"

"Yeah, it's about Emma dumping you yesterday. You've been so strong ever since it happened a whole 18 hours ago so now I wanna do my part in this race and I'm gonna do that by getting us into first place!"

"Look big guy I appreciate that but there's no way we're gonna-"

"The HFIL we're not, all we've gotta do is dig in like our lives depend on it! Now come and devour with me my tiny friend!" and so they both started scarfing down the last of the pork and beans.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Other teams looked on at the display.

Emma watched while she was stuffing "Okay maybe it's just a coincidence that he just started cursing and being more sarcastic than usual the moment I broke up with him. That's gotta be all that it is right?" she received a blank stare from Kitty "You know it wouldn't kill you to just agree with me at least." she received a sigh.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _While the rest of our teams finish choking down their pork and beans, our two teams in the lead are busy trying not to choke on their own fear and are getting their butts handed to them in very hilarious fashions."_

DJ cringed as he watched Geoff get tossed around on top of the bull "Geoff isn't really doing so hot on the bull, but no one else aside from the Rockers has even tried the bull yet so if I get him to bust out his secret weapon then maybe we've still got a shot at this." that was when Geoff was thrown into him sending them both crashing into a wall.

Rock stumbled his way back onto the bull and gripped the horns with one hand "Spud, hand me the thing."

"The thing?" Spud repeated.

"The thing."

"Here's the thing!" Spud tossed him a lighter.

Rock held onto the lighter with one hand as he started spraying flames all over the place with it until the 8 seconds were up "Yes we got it, first place here we come! ROCK AND ROLL!" and so the two of them bolted out of the restaurant.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Other teams were still working on their pots of pork and beans.

Owen felt his stomach rumble "Uh oh, looks like the beans are finally hitting the long awaited shift point!"

"HIT THE DECK!" Noah hid behind the bar just as Owen unleashed a massive fart that caused the nearby windows to shatter and Loki to pass out.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Devin took his chance to finally finish the beans "What's weird is that listening to Owen let a rip like that actually made me eat faster, so what's the challenge?"

"Hold on, let me check." Carrie pulled out a tip just as Geoff got thrown off of the mechanical bull. Again.

"...Oh crap."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Tom finally downed the last of the beans "And that ladies and gentlemen and others who shall not be named is how you down an entire pot full of pork and beans without getting any in your hair or on your clothes."

"And now I bow to your mastery." Jen pulled the tip out of the pot "Oh boy."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

DJ pulled Geoff out of the wreckage that was the nearby wall "Don't feel to bad about this or anything, there's no way that thing is beatable."

"Um, actually…" Devin pointed to where Crimson was able to successfully ride the bull for 8 full seconds without even flinching.

"Oh come on!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Riding a mechanical bull is way easier than riding a real bull." Crimson received looks of confusion and curiosity from Ennui and Loki "I don't wanna talk about it."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Geoff pulled himself back onto his own two feet "Dude other teams are catching up and we already lost our win to the Rockers and the Goths, I don't think we have any other choice at this point."

"You hanging up the hat?" asked DJ.

"Nope, snatching it back like Duncan does on porn night." Geoff snatched back his cowboy hat and stuck it on "Now I'm wearing this bad boy with pride and now I'm gonna seriously rock us into the top three."

"That's the spirit, there's no way you can't do this now!"

"Yeah you got that right bro!" Geoff pulled himself back onto the mechanical bull and got shaken around like a rag doll, but his grip held for the entire 8 seconds "WHOO! I ROCKED IT LIKE IT'S HOT!"

"Chill Zone here we come!" and so they took off.

"Way to waste that thing with your nice butt Geoff!" Jen blurted out, only to receive a number of looks that caused her to blush "Uh… oh look Devin is about to do it!"

Sure enough, as soon as the Bromigos had bolted out of the restaurant Devin had successfully conquered the mechanical bull "Yes I did it, oh god the beans are coming back up." and he ran off to hurl just as the Artists finished their pork and beans.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point Adam had reached the Chill Zone "And just like that I'll all alone, with only the sounds of idiots puking to keep me company."

"Tell me about it." that was when Don showed up "It's just like my high school prom all over again."

"Fresh out of makeup again?"

"Yep?"

"My so called benefactor paid you to ignore my presence here?"

"He paid for at least two visits from you over the course of the second half of the race so just don't interfere with any of the teams and we're golden for the time being. Now stand out of the shot, I've gotta narrate." he shoved Adam out of the way "As the Ice Dancers find themselves lagging behind yet again the Bromigos, the Goths and the Rockers are in a race for first place."

"And here the winners come right now."

"And another thing, don't do my job for me." Don shoved him away just as Geoff and DJ arrived at the Chill Zone "Geoff and DJ my Bromigos, it pleases me mildly to tell that you're in first place."

"YES!" Geoff and DJ started cheering and hugging each other and reached out to Don for him to join.

"I don't do emotion."

"That won't stop them." Adam blitzed in front of them and stopped them from pulling him into their group hug "I told you, hey guys what's up?"

"You're here for Carrie and Devin again?" DJ guessed.

"Nope, this time I need Gwen's help with something."

"Does it have to do with… you know what?"

"...Not on my end exactly, Bridgette and Alejandro have their own things going and I'm just waiting to see things play out for the time being. Right now Cody is taking his own right of passage."

"I have no idea what's going on but why do you need Gwen to help him?" asked Geoff "I mean he is your little brother after all."

"Look guys… whether you know everything about what I've been going through or not the fact is that I'm not gonna be around forever. Sooner or later my time is gonna come and I've gotta know without a doubt that once I'm gone Cody and the others, I've gotta know that they can take care of themselves." then he lit up again "Oh and Geoff get this, I did what you thought was impossible and got Bridgette's dad to like me. Or at least not hate me."

"...Nice! Respect dude!" they high fived.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Putting all of the bro action aside, the race for first is over the race to not hurl pork and beans all over yourself- I mean come in last, is still going strong."_

Tom held out his glasses to Jen "Hold my glasses, I'm going into the mechanical fire and I'm not coming back out without a win." he pulled himself onto the bull and ended up getting shaken around like a rag doll until the 8 seconds were up "Yes, I did it!" he took his glasses back just as his face turned green "Hold that thought." he ran off past Father & Son and started vomiting off screen.

Dwayne looked back and nonchalantly wiped the excess beans off of his face "Hey go ahead and grab that tip would you sporto? I mean it's not like I believe in jinxes or anything but just to be on the safe side there is no way I'm gonna let you ride that death trap of a bull."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Devin looked up from where he was puking and found Tom in the same situation "So you had to ride the pull?"

"Yep." was all Tom said.

"Wanna support each other as we head to the Chill Zone?"

"That would be nice yes."

"Gotcha." so they started pulling each other forward and found Carrie and Jen waiting for them, and they all made their way down the path towards the Chill Zone.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Yeah, this is probably the main reason why they have that rule about waiting an hour to swim after eating." Tom forced himself not to vomit.

Jen nodded "At least that one makes sense, what was the real reason for that? Cramps or something?"

"I guess."

"Not very convincing."

"No it is not."

"Uh huh."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don was quick to address the Best Friends once they arrived "Devin and Carrie well done, you guys are in second place."

"YES!" Devin and Carrie high fived "Top three again!"

"That's not gonna cut it in the finale though."

Devin and Carrie both whipped around and found Adam sitting on a rock nearby "Adam?"

"Hey guys, listen as much as I'd love to catch up on what's gone down in the past week or so I promised Don I wouldn't interfere in the race in any way so it'll have to wait."

"Yeah and speaking of which you guys are in the way." Don ushered the two of them to the side just as the Fashion Bloggers reached the Chill Zone "Jennifer, Thomas, the two of you have arrived in third place." this was met with squeals.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Carrie put a hand on Devin's shoulder "No need to be down homie, we'll get first in the next race."

"Yeah I know." Devin let out a sigh "Thanks Carrie, all in all I couldn't have asked for a better partner. But it's not that, Adam's got that mood to him again. You know the mood where something really bad happened and he refuses to tell us about it."

"You don't think he's hurt or anything do you?"

"I don't know." then he lit up "But it's Adam, we've known him for years and he can handle anything the world throws at him. It's been that way since we were in middle school and that's the way it's gonna stay."

"Yeah, some things never change…"

"And some things you don't want to change."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don addressed the Goths once they finally arrived at the Chill Zone "What the heck happened to the three of you? You guys finished the bull ride before any of the other teams did!"

"Yeah, but then we found a skull rotting in the sun so…" Crimson trailed off.

"No no no stop talking, forget I said anything. You guys are team number four, go before I start wretching." and he sent the three of them on their way just as the Rockers finally arrived at the Chill Zone "What the heck happened to the two of you? You were the second to finish the bull ride!"

"Yeah but it turns out that Spud is violently allergic to beans." Rock told him.

"How violently?" he was answered by Spud puking all over the Carpet of Completion.

"That violently."

"...You guys are in fifth place and you can go now." he sent them on their way "Can we get a janitor over here?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Back at the restaurant the Ice Dancers have finally finished their beans and get in the line to take on the mechanical demon known as Buster."_

At the same time, Kevin was rocking the mechanical bull "Slow your roll mother f*cker, you are NOT getting the best of me!" and he heard the 8 second timer go off "Oh hell to the yeah, that's how we do it in my town!" he was promptly flung off of the bull and into the bar "Ow…"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Believe it or not, he's actually being pretty lowkey." Gwen noted dryly "But either way I've gotta say that I'm seriously impressed."

"Took you long enough pasty." Kevin took a selfie with her "Suck on that one Kitty, and now to send to Cody for him to make a poster out of."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Josee was left foaming at the mouth in rage "You little-" she was cut off by Kitty gleefully completing the bull challenge with ease.

"Alright!" Emma caught her in a high five "You know I have to say Kitty, I'm seriously impressed."

"Well it's about time!" Kitty took a selfie with her "Suck on that Kevin, you started a selfie war and in one of those no one wins."

"It's true." Emma turned to face the camera "She got into one in middle school and they never found the other guy's body, at least that's the rumor."

"Oh it's no rumor, the lunch lady dragged him out to the pier and threw him into a crate and shipped him off to Chile."

"...Yeah let's just go." they started walking away when they stopped and turned around.

"Alright wish me luck." Noah pulled himself onto the bull.

"Oh man I should've grabbed the tip." Owen muttered.

"You would've broken the bull. Anyway you know the drill, if I die then tell Adam not to touch my secret stash of porn." he was promptly hurled off of the bull "Ow…"

Emma was mortified "Noah's not dead right? He has to be alive or else that means that I may have had a hand in breaking the most amazing piece of perfection to ever walk the Earth! But that's not possible right? That would make me feel terrible and there's no way that actually happened right?"

"I can't… feel… my anything…"

"...Now is the time where you pretend it's possible!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _By now 6 teams have finished the challenge and either have or already are making their way to the Chill Zone, and now 3 teams are left as potential candidates for failure of the day. The question remains though, whose apathy will come out on top?"_

Josee wasn't exactly keen on listening to Jacques screaming before, during or after he finished the bull challenge "If you're done screaming like a girl then LET'S GO!" and so they both bolted.

5 minutes later…

Noah found himself flying through the air on the bull, uttering only one or two words each time he got bounced off of it "Curse… my… body… with… the… muscle mass… of a… PENCIL STICK!" and yet it somehow counted as eight seconds.

"WAY TO GO LITTLE BUDDY!" Owen grabbed Noah by the ankle and started dragging him out of the restaurant.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don counted off the Artists as they arrived at the Chill Zone "You guys are in sixth." then he counted off the Sisters "Seventh place."

"Yes!" Gwen caught Kevin in a high five and whipped around to find Adam sitting on the same nearby rock "Adam?"

"Sup pasty." Adam dealt Kevin a quick fist bump and put a hand on Gwen's shoulder "I'm gonna make this quick okay? I need your help, Cody needs your help is more like it actually."

"...What do I have to do?"

"I'll tell you when this leg of the race is over, let's just say that this is gonna be at maybe #3 on the list of reasons why you should really watch more cartoons."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Junior held up a steak to Dwayne's eye like you're supposed to do to someone who's injured for whatever reason that might be "You're up again dad, you know because there isn't anyone else left to get thrown around like a rag doll."

Dwayne let out a sigh "You were right Junior, I jinxed us and for all we know I probably cost us the race. It's hopeless."

"No dad it's not hopeless, at least not yet. You can do this, if you pull through and beat the bull this time and we run really fast then we might beat the pros to the carpet and we've still got a shot at winning the race."

"You think so?"

"I know so. Kind of. Okay I don't have a clue."

"...You know Junior, the feeling of blood pooling in my spine calls for someone to call an ambulance but right now the feeling of unwavering faith that you have in me is all of the medicine that I need. I can do this!" he hopped onto the bull "Alright you mechanical spawn of the devil, this one is for my son!" he started riding it as the timer began counting down "Please don't kill me! Please don't kill me!" the 8 seconds passed just like, well 8 seconds "I'm a survivor!" he was promptly thrown out the door "Correction, I'm a survivor who's in a great deal of pain!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don counted off the Ice Dancers as they arrived at the Chill Zone "Jacques and Josee, you're in eighth place." he shoved them off of the carpet and off screen "Now that all of the teams have bested the bull it comes down to one final foot race to not come in last." and sure enough he counted off the Reality TV Pros as they arrived at the Chill Zone, sweaty and exhausted and panting heavily "Sort of congratulations, Reality TV Pros you're in ninth place."

"Yay…" Owen promptly passed out.

"Oh joy…" Noah fell on top of him in an exhausted heep.

Adam knelt down beside him and caught him in a high five "Nice work pencil stick, you've really been showing your stuff over the course of this race."

"And you're here… great…"

"Tell you what, I won't gripe on you over you guys losing the race if you at least make the final 6 or so. Deal?"

"If that… shuts you up… then fine…."

"Glad we established that, now if you'll excuse me I'm gonna go watch Cody get his ass handed to him by a dragon."

"Great… anyone else wanna have take a jab at me?"

"No but how about an apology?" Emma knelt down beside him and promptly shoved Adam out of the way "Noah I'm so sorry I broke you, I didn't mean to or anything like that. I still really like you and I want us to be together."

"...Okay first of all, you actually think you embarrassed me? No embarrassing is getting screwed out of a million bucks because of a jackass steering your boat into a landmine, that's right Adam I'm looking at you. Getting dumped by the girl that you like on international tv? That just makes me feel like Trent from the Drama Brothers, only he never made it as far as I did."

"Oh. Well anyway I just can't do the whole romance thing until the race is over, but after I win you and I are on like Donkey Kong."

"Thank you for the fantastic reference, so when one of us wins…"

"Were you not listening? I said when _my_ team wins!" and she stormed off, leaving only the men at the Chill Zone.

"Wow."

"Yeah I'll say." Adam muttered "So she's saying that if you and Owen win then she won't date you?"

"I guess not."

"Damn, that's just cold."

"Yeah I know… I am so turned on right now."

"...You really don't get women do you?"

"Not really no."

"That's what I thought." Adam got to his feet and turned to where Gwen was sitting on the same nearby rock "Alright pasty let's move, I've just gotta take care of one thing and then we'll be on our way."

"And we'll be back before the race starts tomorrow?" asked Gwen.

"With any luck we'll be back within the hour." and so they walked away.

"Okay so if you guys wouldn't mind…" Don pushed Owen and Noah off of the carpet with his foot just as Dwayne and Junior finally arrived at the Chill Zone "Dwayne, Junior, I'm afraid you two are the last team to arrive."

"Yeah I figured as much." Junior let out a sigh.

"But I'm happy to tell you that-"

"It's another non elimination round? Alright that means we get to stay!" he and Dwayne started cheering.

"No no, the two of you have been cut from the competition. I'm sorry but this is the end of the race for you."

"Well then what was it that you were happy to tell us?" asked Dwayne.

"That we'll cover your bill so you can afford laser tattoo removal for that thing on your chin and we'll pay for your flights home. I'm not Chris McLean, I actually care about the well being of my contestants."

"Oh… well I guess that helps."

Junior took this opportunity to hug him "Thanks for having us do this dad, it turned out to be a lot of fun."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Dwayne let out a sigh "You know I really can't be too upset, the race has really changed things for both Junior and me. Thanks to this race my son is going home as a man."

Junior nodded "And thanks to that new tattoo my dad is going home as a woman for the next few days or so."

"Yeah, maybe I'll grow a beard."

"That's probably for the best."

"Probably. Hey do you wanna go home and binge watch Total Drama World Tour? I hear that that's the best season."

"Only if we can laugh until soda squirts out of your nose."

"Of course we can son, of course we can."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sunset came, and the skies over Canada had turned a beautiful shade of pink.

Adam looked back and saw Gwen standing behind him carrying her Dragonfang "So you're ready to do this? Keep in mind that it's insanely risky and if you come with me then you might not come back."

"Just like everything that involves you beating the crap out of some asshole." Gwen pointed out dryly "But if you need me to do it then I'll do it."

"Alright, let's go."

"Hold on a second." a new voice cut in.

Adam looked back and saw Devin and Carrie approaching them "So you guys came out here after all."

"We just wanted to see you off." Devin told him "Plus we've been getting that feeling again like you're hiding something."

"Great, that's the last thing I need right now. I can't give you all of the details just yet but I can tell you this." he fully turned to face them and looked Devin in the eye "Listen Devin, I've been going through a lot of stuff over the course of the past few weeks, and I've done even more thinking. You've known about my scars longer than almost everyone else in my life and you know about how hard it used to be for me to trust people, yet you're remained patient with me and you've respected my privacy and my fragile trust in people. You know that I wasn't ready to tell you so you've been waiting patiently, and you have been for nearly 6 long years."

"So what does that mean then, you're finally ready?"

"...No, not yet at least. I've got a few important things to take care of before I can even think about that." he grabbed Gwen by the shoulders "But I can promise you this, the next time I see you I will tell you everything. If I'm still alive that is." and with that, Adam and Gwen both disappeared, leaving the two of them alone.

 **A/N:**

 **The whole scene with the Ice Dancers and the Best Friends in the car chase on the way to the dude ranch was to emphasize on the growing rivalry between the two teams, which is also emphasized by the rivalry between the Ice Dancers and the Artists being put to the back.**

 **So no, Noah didn't get super depressed in this episode. I think I made a pretty valid point when I said that since he's never been dumped before he wouldn't really understand how to react. It's mainly his lack of experience.**

 **I know some people might not be happy about me getting rid of Father & Son in this chapter but keep in mind that when a team is eliminated usually depends on when their character arc comes full circle, hence why Cameron and Lightning went home after they reconciled in Transylvania, Kelly & Taylor went home after they reconciled in Dubai, the Stepbrothers went home the day after they started liking each other in Australia/ New Zealand, and why Father & Son went home here in Alberta, Canada.**

 **I did say before that there would only be a few major divergences in the elimination order compared to canon and only two have been used up to this point, one of them being the Fashion Bloggers making it past Transylvania and the other being the lack of a double elimination round in New Zealand, which spared the Rockers. I have at least two more, maybe three more, planned out going forward, and this is not one of them. One of them will be within the next two race chapters though, go ahead and see if you can guess what it will be. I'm curious as to whether or not you guys can figure it out.**

 **Rankings:**

 **Bromigos: 1st**

 **Best Friends: 2nd**

 **Fashion Bloggers: 3rd**

 **Goths: 4th**

 **Rockers: 5th**

 **Artists: 6th**

 **Sisters: 7th**

 **Ice Dancers: 8th**

 **Reality TV Pros: 9th**

 **Elimination:**

 **Father & Son: 10th**

 **Stepbrothers: 11th**

 **Adversity Twins: 12th**

 **Mother & Daughter: 13th**

 **Ultimate Duo: 14th**

 **Vegans: 15th**

 **Geniuses: 16th**

 **Tennis Rivals: 17th**

 **LARPers: 18th**


	18. Lord of the Ring Toss

" _Last time on the Ridonculous Race: Our teams were full of beans, who knew so many people hated beans? Emma and Noah both agreed that they would get back together, once the race was over that is. Total bull, yeah that's what happened next. But Dwayne and Junior really connected with each other, and then they caught 2 or 3 connecting flights home after they were cut from the race. Well better here than in a place like the Arctic Circle. Oh crap was that a spoiler? Well nevermind, anyway only 8 teams are left in the race so things are bound to get super fierce starting right now on… the Ridonculous Race!"_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Like always, Don stood at the Chill Zone from the day before, now with a Don Box, in order to start the next leg of the race "Welcome back to southern Alberta Canada where the winners from yesterday, Geoff and DJ the Bromigos, are about to grab the first tip of the day."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Man this is awesome!" Geoff pumped a fist and swung his hat around like a maniac "Getting first place for the second time kicks some major tail, but we're not gonna count our chickens before the cart!"

DJ nodded "Yeah I feel you man, we've gotta be sure to pace ourselves so we can give it our all and win this thing."

"Woah man, I was totally thinking the same thing but not out loud!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

So with that little exchange out of the way, DJ grabbed a tip from the Don Box "It looks like we're gonna be heading out to the Arctic Circle."

"Awesome!" Geoff cheered "Circles are totally my favorite shape bro!"

"...Not that kind of circle dude."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Like idiot 1 and DJ said, today's exciting destination is the Arctic Circle, home to the world's harshest climate, whitest animals and favorite story book characters. Teams must fly to this destination by Cessna, two teams for each flight, to find the Don Box that will give them their next tip. And as a special bonus they'll be chilled to the bone to find out that there's another Boomerang in play, if they find it attached to their tip then they can send one of the other teams back to repeat the first challenge. That's just our way of making what's already cold that much colder."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Yeah, first place here we come! Hey good luck to the rest of you guys!" Geoff and DJ bolted off, leaving the Best Friend, Fashion Bloggers and the rest of them to grab their own tips from the Don Box.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

(Insert Local One Man Confessional, this is in here to increase the word count)

Devin let out a sigh as he watched Carrie grab a tip from the Don Box "Man Carrie has been really chill about me getting so crazy over the past few days, when you act like a totally unpredictable maniac who's acting like they're on crack without actually being on crack and your best friend just lets you run it out of your system then you know that you need therapy and you've got an awesome friend. I'm pretty sure I've got it all out of my system though, besides I've got something else on my mind anyway. See my friend Adam showed up yesterday and he made me a really big promise, he even spent like a month before the race coaching me and teaching me all sorts of stuff so today I'm gonna dedicate our win to him."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _All 8 teams are now heading towards the Arctic Circle, where the ice is nearly as thick as the tension between the teams."_

Owen shot a nervous glance over towards Noah "Hey so these tiny planes are totally safe aren't they little buddy?"

"Oh yeah sure." Noah's tone was filled with sarcasm just like it usually was "As long as we're not within the 86% of small planes that crash." this led to him being crushed by Owen in a bear hug "Yeah, maybe this is what they meant when they said that I had to learn to shut up more often."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Josee on the other hand was foaming at the mouth with rage "After not one, not two, but a full SEVEN horrible finishes, we finally got back to where I belong in New Zealand only for it to be ripped away from us by those pathetic Best Friends in Alberta! THAT WIN SHOULD'VE BEEN MINE!"

"It was more of the beans that delayed us than the detour." Jacques pointed out.

"DOES IT LOOK LIKE I CARE?! They're all going to suffer for stealing my win, and the first ones on that list are those stupid Best Friends!"

"...I can already feel your sanity dropping."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _The first Cessna plane carrying the Bromigos and the Artists has finally made it to the Arctic Circle."_

DJ pulled a tip out of the Don Box "Looks like we've got ourselves a Botch or Watch, you rode the bull back in Alberta at the dude ranch so this one is on me. I've gotta find a ring hidden in the snow somewhere and toss it onto the ring of a narwhal."

"...You mean those ugly water unicorns?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Yeah like DJ said, in this botch or watch each botcher must find a hoop hidden somewhere around the mostly frozen lake and successfully toss it onto the tusk of a narwhal, all of whom were absolutely 100% willing (note the air quotes I'm using but you can't see) to comply with our request. Once teams finish this task, they'll have to ride one of the provided snowmobiles to the East until they find the next Don Box. This will be the last chance that teams have to use their Boomerang, it expires after they pass this point."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Geoff was quick to try and keep DJ pumped during the challenge "Alright way to keep up with the search bro, you da man!" this was followed by DJ digging up an eskimo "Uh… you da man too bro!"

"Yeah you know it my main man." the eskimo held out his hand for a high five and oddly enough sounded like Morgan Freeman.

Geoff and DJ shared a look and both awkwardly gave the eskimo high fives "Yeah, way to go man."

"Cool, later fools." the eskimo oddly enough slapped on a pair of shades, dove back into the water and sprouted a tail like a merman before summoning Excalibur and rushing off to save Narnia.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Go go go!" Jen and Tom both bolted off towards the first challenge after collecting their tip from the Don Box.

Carrie pulled out a tip and cheered when she noticed something else attached to it "No way, we got a Boomerang!"

"Right on homie!" Devin spun her around in a hug and quickly picked up the Boomerang before either of them could pick up on what had happened "A Boomerang is literally a game changer, if we do this right then we could put ourselves into first place and whoever we hit with it is literally guaranteed to go home as long as this isn't another non elimination round… Which this probably will be since Father & Son went home yesterday. Crap."

"So then… Who do we use it on?"

"Adam taught me that if you're not sure in a situation like this then we should base it on the process of elimination." they started walking over towards the lake and she started looking for rings to toss onto the narwhals.

"Well that rules out Tom and Jen, they've been helping us out a lot and we are in an alliance so to do that to them would be really mean."

"And go against our moral codes, if we did that then Adam would just pop up out of nowhere and kill us. He's done it before." he shuddered at the memory as the Rockers, Artists and Sisters arrived to start the challenge.

"And the Rockers helped us out in Transylvania." she finally dug up a ring and prepared to toss it at one of the narwhals "To do that now would just be stabbing them in the back."

Devin held out a hand to stop her "And we don't want to go against the Bromigos, the Artists or the Reality TV Pros. That rules out 5 teams so far. That leaves the Sisters and the Ice Dancers left."

"Well the Sisters and in an alliance with the Reality TV Pros and we don't want to make enemies out of those two. I guess that would leave the Ice Dancers then."

"NAILED IT!" it turns out Geoff and DJ had completed the ring toss challenge already and were taking off on their snowmobile towards the next Don Box.

"Oh man we've already lost our lead."

"Don't lose hope yet homie, I've got an idea."

" _As Geoff and DJ move on and the Best Friends take some time to strategize, more and more teams arrive to collect their tips and start on the first challenge."_ and as this went on teams attempted, and most failed, to ring one of the narwhals.

"Okay homie, just hold it out like this." Devin positioned Carrie so that she was holding her ring right over the water, to which a narwhal popped up out of the water and allowed her to drop it onto its tusk before it disappeared "And that's how the ultimate team of awesomeness gets things done, let's go!" and so the two of them took off, leaving everyone else speechless at the display they had just witnessed.

"Huh. Interesting." Ennui proceeded to do the same.

Noah took this chance to voice what they were all thinking "WHAT THE FU-"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Devin and Ennui shrugged simultaneously, the screen being split between the two confessionals for their teams "Okay yeah that was totally pure luck, but it's not like we have to tell that to them."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _By now some teams are moving on and a few others are coming close but close only counts in horseshoes and airborne viruses."_

"ALRIGHT! I did it, I ringed a water unicorn!" Owen gleefully pulled Noah into a bone crushing hug before the two of them took off.

Rock watched as Spud tanked on several throws "Oh man with Spud's delayed reaction timing there's no way he'll be able to ring one of those water unicorns in time, I mean unless Devin could tell us how he and Carrie did it."

Josee on the other hand was watching the two of them like a hawk ' _There are only 7 teams left for me to crush with the power of my mind, then I'll get those pathetic Best Friends and Artists and make them all grovel at my feet!'_ she started cackling like a maniac out loud, receiving looks from everyone present.

That was when Gwen ended up hitting her with his ring, which ricocheted as a result of the impact and landed on the tusk of a narwhal "You know I would feel bad about that if it was anyone else, but considering this little cow is basically Heather on skates I'm having the time of my life. Now if only I could do that to the actual thing."

"And that just proves how f*cked up of a type Cody has." Kevin pointed out.

"And you have a problem with that?"

"No not really, just getting in my daily Cody reference."

"Good, now let's get moving." and so the two of them took off.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Josee was left foaming at the mouth with rage for the umpteenth time "Those little… HOW DARE THEY DEFY ME WHAT'S RIGHTFULLY MINE!"

Jacques shielded himself with a chair "This is going to end badly, I recommend that everyone get as far away from here as you can."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jen watched as Josee finally managed to ring a narwhal and bolted off "Great, those two getting ahead of us is just what we need."

"Stay focused, keep your eye on the prize." Tom told her "And I don't mean Geoff so take your eyes off of him and focus on the challenge at hand."

"...Yeah right I totally knew that." she tossed one nonchalantly and managed to ring one of the narwhals "Yes finally!"

"Yeah you go girl, show this frozen wasteland some style!"

"And we'll do that by coming in first place!" and so the two of them bolted off towards the snowmobiles.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point, Devin and Carrie were waiting by the Don Box, tip in one hand and a Boomerang in the other, and they looked over to see the Goths arrive "Hey guys, what's up?"

"Hey." was all Ennui said.

"You gonna grab a tip."

"Yeah. You?"

"We're just waiting for the Ice Dancers." Devin held up the Boomerang "This is either going to be super awesome or a huge mistake, I can't wait to see which one it is."

"Any other teams pass through here?"

"Geoff and DJ did a few minutes ago and I don't think it'll be long before Tom and Jen pass through, but right now you guys are in second place."

"...Good to know." so Ennui grabbed a tip from the Don Box "It's an All In."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _In this All In challenge each of the 8 teams have to work together in order to saw blocks of snow and assemble them into an igloo, and once they get a thumbs up from the local it's a foot race to the East to reach the Chill Zone where I'm going to be surrounded by as many portable heaters as the crew can provide. Seriously go find some heaters, oh yeah and the last team to arrive could be cut from the race."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Josee and Jacques reached the Don Box on their snowmobile and she immediately started to lose her shit "We're in fourth place. FOURTH PLACE?!"

"Easy Josee try to calm down." Jacqued tried to calm her down "All we have to do is finish up the next challenge fast enough to put us back into first place."

"Yes… Yes you're right, and while you do that ethical nonsense I can channel my energy into sabotaging the other teams!"

"...Okay Best Friends, if you're going to do it then now would probably be the best time. I'll have to clean up the mess either way but at least this one has less cheating involved."

"What the hell are you going on about?"

"This." Devin held up the Boomerang to her face "We totally Boomerang you." there was a tense pause, followed by the explosion of rage.

"...WHAAAAAAT?!" seriously, she had comically large and super angry fire eyes and everything.

"Yep you heard him." Don approached them out of nowhere "The Ice Dancers have been Boomeranged by the Best Friends which means that they will have to go back to repeat the first challenge, but since this is a Botch or Watch this time Jacques is going to have to ring the narwhal."

"YOU…" Josee was outright snarling at the Best Friends, or Devin to be more specific "You… have just… dug… your own grave…" and she bolted off on the snowmobile, leaving Jacques behind in her blind rage.

"...Yeah that might be one of those ideas that seemed better in my head." Devin received a nod of agreement from Carrie.

"Oh don't worry about that." Jacques waved him off "She's given other people way worse threats than that."

"You mean like you?"

"Well… pretty much yeah."

"That's something else that I've been wondering, why do you let her treat you the way that she does? You're actually a nice guy and I can tell that you hate cheating like that, so what's the deal?"

"...Look my reasons for that are personal, now if you'll excuse me I have to go make sure that she doesn't kill anyone." and so he rushed off back towards the frozen lake.

Don took this chance to sign off for a commercial break "Oh yeah I can't wait to watch something like that when he return on… the Ridonculous Race!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _As more and more teams complete the first challenge, the Ice Dancers head back to complete it for the second time."_

By this point Rock was watching Spud tank on the ring toss over and over again "Oh man this sucks, Spud can't land one of those rings because of his delayed reactions! All of the other teams have already moved on, if we don't get through this soon then we're totally screwed!"

That was when Jacques and Josee showed back up, the former gasping for air since he had to run back on foot "Okay there's only one other team left, all I have to do is get this on the first try and we still have a shot at making the top three. I'm not worried."

" **YOU SHOULD BE!"** Josee's voice literally sounded demonic.

' _...That is pure unbridled girl anger, fear it like your life depends on it because knowing her, it does.'_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point most of the teams, aside from the Rockers and Ice Dancers, were working on building their igloos.

Jen put one block on their wall and looked over to where Geoff and DJ were building their own igloo "Hey guys!" she waved at them, one more than the other.

"Hey Jen." and then like a jackass in love would, Geoff showed her some cheesy heart carved out of ice.

"Aw, that's so sweet."

"Jen come on, you need to focus!" Tom whipped her around and snapped her out of her love trance, and they went back to working on their igloo.

On the other hand, Ennui and Crimson were having a hard time as the blocks of snow slipped unceremoniously through their gloved hands "Okay screw it, let's just build a mount of snow and hollow it out into a skull."

"You guys doing okay?" asked Jen.

"More or less. Fluffy white snow, it's just not our thing."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Spud came close to ringing a narwhal, only to miss it by a few inches "Aw man, it's killing me for once."

"Don't give up man, you can do this." Rock tried to encourage him, which prompted him to fire off another ring.

"DO IT!" Josee on the other hand was less than supportive, which caused Jacque to botch yet another ring toss, most of which were actually her fault, not that she would ever admit to such a thing.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _While the Ice Dancers and the Rockers battle it out in a desperate bid to get out of last place, first place is still up for grabs as all of the other teams are now working on completing the igloo challenge. But based on their progress I doubt it will be up for grabs for very long."_

Sure enough, working like a well oiled machine, Devin and Carrie finished their igloo in record time and received a thumbs up from the eskimo judge "Yes!" and so they both bolted off towards the Chill Zone, with the Artists right behind them after they had received their own thumbs up from the judge.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Josee was continuing to lose whatever patience she had with Jacques "Yeah sure it only takes SEVENTEEN TRIES TO LAND A F*CKING RING! HOW MUCH MORE WORTHLESS CAN YOU-" she was cut off by the sound that had been eluding them for the past hour and a half.

As it turns out Spud had finally landed a ring on the narwhal and he and Rock were cheering as a result "ALRIGHT! VICTORY RIFT!" they started jumping and rifting until the ice beneath them began to crack and a piece of it broke off, with the two of them still on it, and it began floating away "Uh… my bad."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _As the Rockers float away against their will most of the teams ahead of them continue to work away on their igloos, with some of them doing other stuff, and as that's going on the race for first place is about to come to an end."_

Sure enough, by a slim margin, Devin and Carrie managed to beat the Artists to the Carpet of Completion "Yes, we did it!"

Don was quick to confirm their placement "Best Friends congratulations, the two of you are in first place."

"Yes!" Devin threw his arms around Carrie and spun her around in a hug, causing her to blush, then turned to the camera "I wanna dedicate this win to our buddy Adam, and dude if you're watching this then don't worry, you can take all the time that you need to tell me your secret okay?"

"That is really touching and all but I do have a race to narrate, so may I?" he received two simultaneous nods as they backed off "Thank you." he counted off Gwen and Kevin as they arrived at the Chill Zone "Very nicely done, Artists you're in second place."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point most of the other teams, which the exception of two, were finishing up their igloos.

Jen and Tom received a thumbs up from the eskimo judge "Alright we did it and we finished before Geoff and DJ, maybe we should stick around and help them build their-" she was promptly dragged off by Tom "So I guess that's a no then?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _The race for first place has come to an end but the race for not last place is still going very strong."_

By this point Josee showed up on her snowmobile, with Jacques right behind her in the form of a giant walking snowball "Okay we're not the last team here so stop being a worthless waste of space and start building the F*CKING IGLOO! DO IT!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point Rock and Spud were still stuck on the chunk of ice in the middle of the semi frozen lake "Okay so the water is so cold that it might kill both of us and I don't think your delayed reaction will make a difference but I don't think we have a choice."

"Hang on, I think I've got an idea." Spud whistled with two fingers in his mouth and before they knew it a narwhal was pushing the two of them forward "Yeah, we're killing it!" and so they started doing another victory rift.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point Geoff and DJ had received their thumbs up from the eskimo judge "Alright we did it bro, to the Chill Zone!" and so the two of them bolted.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don counted off the Fashion Bloggers as they arrived at the Chill Zone "Jen and Tom congrats, you two are in third place!"

"Alright!" the two of them hugged it out just as the Goths arrived at the Chill Zone, with Geoff and DJ arriving not long after.

"And the Goths take fourth place while the Bromigos take 5th place!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _As more and more teams arrive at the Chill Zone and some of the stragglers finally get the thumbs up, the last place Rockers finally arrive to start the igloo challenge."_

Rock was quick to start making a plan of action for him and Spud to use as they were making their igloo "I'll stack these bad boys into an igloo, you grab the saw and star making me blocks of snow the size of your head until I tell you to stop!"

"On it!" Spud started sawing like his life depended on it.

"Yeah, we've totally got this!" Rock looked up at the camera "You see me and Spud have one advantage over the Ice Dancers, we actually know how to work together. Just look over there if you want an example." he pointed over.

"YOU'RE DOING IT ALL WRONG!" Josee chucked a block of snow at Jacques "It's not the right size, do it again!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don counted off the Sisters and the Reality TV Pros respectively as the two teams arrived at the Chill Zone "Sisters are in fifth place and sixth place goes to the Reality TV Pros, that means that the Rockers and the Ice Dancers are facing the possibility of getting cut from the race. It's really coming down to the wire, the pressure is on."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The two teams continued to work away.

Rock held out his hands "Block of snow."

"Block of snow." Spud placed a block of snow in his hands.

"Placing on the igloo."

"Sawing a new block for the igloo."

"New block of snow."

"New block of snow."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Josee was still barking orders at Jacques "You need to cut the blocks faster! MOVE IT FASTER ALREADY!"

"I'm cutting as fast as I can!" Jacques kept on cutting the blocks.

"Put that huge head off hair to work already!"

"Stop yelling at me, I cannot work with all of this pressure!" he kept sawing blocks and she kept placing them, with the Rockers doing the same, until…

"DONE!" both the Rockers and the Ice Dancers finished at the exact same time, and received thumbs up from the eskimo judge, which prompted the four of them to take off.

As they left, the eskimo judge found the eskimo that was dug up by Geoff and DJ holding out a flower up to her, which prompted her to tackle him to the ground as they started making out hot and heavy style.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _To speed things up since we're on a time schedule, and because I'm freezing and the portable heaters are all out of power, the last two teams are being allowed to ride their snowmobiles until they reach the Chill Zone."_

"Come on come on, we've gotta make it!" the Rockers began a desperate struggle to pull into the lead.

"GET OUT OF MY WAY!" now foaming at the mouth, Josee tried to force Rock and Spud off of their snowmobile, only for both teams to crash into a huge snow drift and end up getting trapped in a huge snowball.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don let out a terrified yelp and leapt away from the Carpet of Completion just as the snowball stopped mere inches away from it, and the Ice Dancers jumped out of said snowball and landed on top of each other in a messy heap of a dog pile a few seconds ahead of the Rockers "Well I think it goes without saying that the way this race ended in a messy heap of pain is kind of symbolic of Josee's current mindset, anyway Ice Dancers you're in eighth place. Congratulations, you two are still in the race.

"...Eighth place? EIGHTH PLACE?! THIS IS WHAT i THINK OF YOUR EIGHTH PLACE!" and she started tearing down the snowman nearby.

"Wait stop, you're hurting Chilly Billy!"

Josee just let out a sadistic cackle and stormed off, leaving the snowman, or what was left of said snowman, in her wake.

"NOOO! BILLY!" Don broke down sobbing in front of the snowman, then turned to the Rockers after a moment "Oh yeah right, so uh… Rockers, you guys raced hard and made quite the ridonculous comeback. I'm sorry guys, but as the last team to arrive you've been cut from the race." this was met with groans from the Rockers "Yeah, tune in next time for more of… the Ridonculous Race! Now if you'll excuse me, I'd like to mourn for Chilly Billy in peace." and then he went back to sobbing.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Rock let out a sigh "You know losing out to the Ice Dancers like that is pretty lame, but all things considered I'm really proud of Spud. We did a lot of awesome things, made some new friends and we both learned a lot."

Spud let out a chuckle "Hey thanks for all that man, you know maybe we might win this race after all."

"We just lost man, big time."

"Oh yeah right."

"But hey look on the bright side, I bet this would be some killer motivation for some kickass new songs!"

"Oh yeah! VICTORY RIFT!" and so the Rockers started victory rifting into the sunset as the camera cut to black.

 **A/N:**

 **Sorry if this chapter didn't turn out as well as the rest of them did, it's not easy to work with something that wasn't very good to begin with (so please keep that in mind when I get to the final story in this trilogy, which is based on Total Drama All Stars), and frankly this episode was really boring anyway. Plus the fact that I took out the subplot with the Bromigos didn't really help but I had to make a choice and so I did.**

 **I decided to give the win to the Best Friends because I thought that they deserved another win, plus I wanted to show how Adam's promise to them will help to motivate Devin even further. And yes, the next time they meet during the race Adam will tell Devin the whole truth about Mal.**

 **I decided to give the Boomerang to the Best Friends to further expand on the growing rivalry between them and the Ice Dancers, or Josee and her ever waning sanity to be more specific, since in this fic Jacques is a good guy. Plus writing Josee's never ending mental breakdown is really fun, though I didn't want to risk having to make her completely psychotic by having them come in last too many times.**

 **I did not want to have to get rid of the Rockers here, but I couldn't get rid of the Ice Dancers and I wasn't ready to get rid of any of the other teams here, so unfortunately they had to go. It's not that bad though, I mean granted they didn't get as far as I would've liked them too but at least they didn't get screwed over by a double elimination round and they at least somewhat redeemed themselves from that elimination right?**

 **Rankings:**

 **Best Friends: 1st**

 **Artists**

 **Fashion Bloggers: 3rd**

 **Goths: 5th**

 **Sisters: 6th**

 **Reality TV Pros: 7th**

 **Ice Dancers: 8th**

 **Elimination:**

 **Rockers: 9th**

 **Father & Son: 10th**

 **Stepbrothers: 11th**

 **Adversity Twins: 12th**

 **Mother & Daughter: 13th**

 **Ultimate Duo: 14th**

 **Vegans: 15th**

 **Geniuses: 16th**

 **Tennis Rivals: 17th**

 **LARPers: 18th**


	19. Got Venom?

" _Last time on the Ridonculous Race, we saw some serious head games, and some headier games, and some even headier games than that, and I mean that literally. The headiest game out of the whole bunch came from when the Ice Dancers, Josee to be more specific, tried to mess with some of the teams, only for that to backfire when the Best Friends Boomeranged her and Jacques and sent them back to the start, which was awesome. In the end the air was full of ice cold as the Ice Dancers barely managed to pull themselves out of last place, which led to the Rockers being sent home in style, so now only 8 teams lived to fight another day. Man did it just get cold out here or is it just me? Oh yeah that's right, we're still in the Arctic Circle but now the time has come to heat things up with more of… the Ridonculous Race!"_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Like always, Don stood at the Chill Zone from the week before, now with a Don Box to start off the next leg of the race "Last week the Best Friends were the winners so they get dibs on the first travel tip of the day."

Sure enough, Devin and Carrie were making a beeline for the Don Box, both shivering "Man it's times like this I wish I wore a thicker shirt, I mean this thing is practically a wet t shirt with another wet t shirt underneath."

Carrie snapped out of her brief stupor "Oh yeah yeah totally, sorry I just kind of spaced out for a second. You know I don't think our win yesterday would've happened if you hadn't been so on top of everything."

"Well it helps to have your priorities straight. Today it's all about the race, keeping with our alliance with the Fashion Bloggers and making sure the Ice Dancers don't try to cheat their way to first place. Or at least Josee doesn't, Jacques is a good guy."

"Yeah, why does he put up with that?"

"Well he said his reasons were personal and I've never been one to pry into that kind of stuff with other people."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"I WILL DESTROY THEM!" Josee was literally foaming at the mouth "Those last two wins should've been MINE, we finally got back to first place where I belong in New Zealand and that's where we should've stayed this entire time. THEY WILL PAY FOR DENYING ME WHAT IS RIGHTFULLY MINE!"

"Easy Josee, calm down, take deep breaths." Jacques tried to make a futile effort to calm her endless rage "What happened over the last few days was not our fault, it's the Best Friends that are to blame. They've been targeting us because they see us as the biggest threat. They rammed us off the road and into that ditch in Alberta, and last week they Boomeranged us so that they could take the win and we couldn't."

"...Oh my god Jacques, you're right. They've been sabotaging us all this time and now they might be planning to unite all of the other teams against us! Well we can't let that happen, I've come too far to lose out on the gold now!" and so she stomped off, cackling maniacally for some reason.

"At last I've figured out how to calm Josee's ever increasing rage and insanity, just tell her exactly what she wants to hear so she'll sabotage the other teams, and sabotage her attempts to sabotage so it's not really cheating and we don't get penalized for it. That way her sanity remains somewhat intact and no one gets hurt or eliminated unfairly. It's perfect!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Devin slammed down on the Don Box and pulled out the first tip "Buckle up homie, looks like we're flying to Flores Indonesia. I just hope it's warm there."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Oh yeah you had better believe it is." Don stood next to three large cargo planes (like the Jumbo Jet from Total Drama World Tour, only they don't look exactly like that death trap and they're mostly safe) "Flores Indonesia is packed with tons of beautiful empty beaches, majestic mountain ranges and jungles that are so ominously silent it's the exact opposite of what you would expect from a Disney movie. Each of our 8 remaining teams must fly to Flores and then take taxis to the Don Box in a local village. How do the locals keep tourists away from this island paradise you may be wondering, nobody really knows for sure but there's a hunch that it might have something to do with the komodo dragon problem. Teams will depart on three different cargo planes, each one taking off one hour apart from the other based on when they arrived at the Chill Zone yesterday so the front runners will have a real advantage in this leg of the race." he jumped when a pissed off narwhal stabbed through the ice, followed by several more popping the tires on the first plane "Uh… okay, it looks like the narwhals are still upset about our ring toss game. Those things were smiling so you wouldn't think they would turn out to be so hostile, anyway it's the same idea but now with two planes." and then the narwhals popped the tires on the second plane "And just like that we're gonna go ahead and throw caution to the wind. Everyone on the last plane right now, go go go, move it, hurry before they skewer us like Jaws!" this was followed by the Best Friends bolting onto the last plane, with the Artists, Fashion Bloggers, Bromigos, Sisters, Reality TV Pros and Goths all following right behind them once they grabbed their tips from the Don Box.

Josee on the other hand wasn't so reasonable "This is outrageous, we didn't put up with getting tied with last place just to be stuck with a bunch of losers who are inferior to me!" she jumped when a narwhal nearly skewered her "Then again perhaps we should join them in order to save some face." and so she bolted after Jacques into the plane, narrowly avoiding death by narwhal as she did so.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _So after that little fiasco it's an eight way tie for first place as our remaining teams fly to sunny Flores Indonesia, a country free of narwhals and thank god for it."_

"GO GO GO GO!" seven of the eight teams took off on foot at full speed once the plane had landed.

That is to say, the Ice Dancers had other plans that involved stealing a luggage cart "Bye bye losers, see you at the finish line!" and so they took off, only to be forced to drive in the opposite direction when the plane took off again.

So yeah, not a great start for the Ice Dancers.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It wasn't long before all of the teams were trying, and most of them failing, to hail taxis to take them to their next location.

"Taxi, hey we need a taxi over here!" Devin was more of one of the latter cases, and now he was starting to get frustrated "Oh come on!"

"Hey guys check it out, we've got some seats over here!" Jen quickly ushered the two of them into the cab and it took off.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Taxi, hey taxi!" Noah was trying, and failing, to hail a taxi "Dammit, I guess trying to hail a taxi like you're a real New Yorker doesn't work if you're not in New York."

"Hey Noah, guys over here!" Emma quickly got their attention and gestured for them to join her and Kitty in their cab.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Kitty let out a sigh "So you know I really am proud of Emma liking Noah but I would also like to win a million bucks, if you know what I mean." she received a dirty look from Emma "Yeah you totally know what I mean."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Noah let out a wistful sounding sigh as he looked out at the scenery of the jungle "Well would you look at that? Sapphire blue water so clear you can see all the way to the bottom, hot and steamy jungles as far as the I can see, man it's times like this I wish it were just the two of us together alone."

Emma blushed slightly "Hey Noah not that I'm not enjoying you being super romantic like that or anything but we're not dating until after the race is over remember?"

"Oh yeah I know, I was talking to Owen." this prompted Emma to burst out laughing.

"Oh man you are hilarious, but seriously we're on hold until after the race so stop poking me with your little bookworm."

"What the hell are you- Oh no it's not that." he pulled out his Dragonfang "Oh yeah, this thing that Adam gave me and DJ back in Australia."

"What is it?"

"Not a f*cking clue, all he said that it was totally badass so my guess is that it's insanely dangerous. I once said that he's even more psychotic than Izzy but there's a difference. He's not psychotic, he's just insane and totally reckless."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

At the same time, Carrie and Devin were still with Tom and Jen in their taxi on the way to the village "Josee was really mad after we Boomeranged her and Jacques yesterday, I feel really bad about it though. Jacques is really a nice guy so doing something like that was really mean, plus I think Josee is gonna do something really bad because of it."

"Yeah well you don't have to worry about that." Jen assured her "If they try anything then I'll do to them what I did to the last guy who tried to touch my hair, Jennifer Masterson you little skank I'm looking at you!" (Insert 6teen reference, never seen it but since they did a reference to it in canon I figured I might as well here too.)

"...Oh. Well that's reassuring, I mean I really do appreciate that but-"

"Hey guys check it out." Devin pointed to where their taxi had stopped in front of a crossing with a strange sign "A dragon crossing sign, are they serious? That's weird even by the standards of this show."

"Yeah I know. I'm totally taking a selfie of this." Jen pulled out her phone, only to freeze when she saw a komodo dragon appear at the crossing "Oh…"

"OMG that is terrifying!" Tom latched onto Jen and held on for dear life.

"Hey hey take it easy Tom, at least we're safe in here." this was followed by the komodo dragon ripping off the front fender of the taxi with its teeth.

"OH MY CRAP!" Devin threw his arms around Carrie and pulled her into his chest "Drive already man, drive like all of our lives depend on it BECAUSE THEY DO!" this prompted the taxi driver to floor it past the komodo dragon, leaving actual flaming skid marks on the road behind it "Man this place is nuts."

"Hey easy man, you don't know what I'm like if someone messes with my hair or my clothes so if anything those dragons should be afraid of me."

"...I'll take your word for it." Devin looked down at where Carrie was still lying in his arms curled up against his chest, and he semi unconsciously tightened his hold on her ' _She feels so warm and peaceful, it kind of feels good to snuggle with her like this. God that dragon was terrifying but I'm just glad I can be here to protect her, if anything ever happened to her then I'd never be able to forgive myself. You know I kind of get you at times like this Adam, no matter what you've got going on you've always put protecting and helping people first.'_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It wasn't long before teams started arriving at the Don Box, but ran into a problem.

And by problem, I mean a komodo dragon curled up around the Don Box.

Noah looked back to where the Best Friends and the Fashion Bloggers showed up behind him and the rest of his alliance "So… who wants to go first?"

As convenient as it was, this was when the Bromigos showed up, with Geoff actually taking the initiative "Oh don't worry about that dude, just honk and that thing will scatter like my every date I've ever been on."

"I wonder why."

"Just check it." Spud slammed on the horn of his and Rock's taxi, which woke up the komodo dragon and sent it chasing after the taxi "See? Told ya!"

"Yeah man, rock and roll for the win!" Geoff took this chance to grab the first tip from the Don Box "Looks like it's an All In, How to Milk Your Dragon. First of all, love the reference to How to Train Your Dragon. Second of all, we have to do what?!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Yep you heard Rock right, just when you thought these beasts were harmless it turns out that their saliva is loaded with venom. Each team must collect one vile of komodo drool and hand it to a local kid in order to get their next travel tip. That being said you really should try not to get bitten, in case you do get bitten side effects may include headaches, dizziness and being eaten by a komodo dragon."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Geoff stared long and hard at the tip "You know it's kind of weird, with something this dangerous and stupid and crazy you would think he'd dare us to do it."

"Yeah this either gonna be really cool or really painful." DJ muttered.

"I'm thinking both."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

At the same time, Kitty made her way over to where Emma was sitting on Noah's lap in some kind of daze "Hey listen, I know you're in your happy place and all but do you think we can do this one on our own, I mean like without Owen and Noah?"

"Why what's the big deal, they've always helped us." Emma pointed out.

"Yeah, helped as in the past tense but the PDA is starting to throw off our game and by our game I mean your game!"

"Oh please, Kitty you're just exaggerating."

"You know I don't want to take sides, but I think Kitty might have a point." Noah told her "I mean the other teams are already going on ahead."

"Fine, just five more minutes." and she leaned into his chest.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point Gwen and Kevin were trying to collect some venom from one of the komodo dragons that they had come across "Alright come on you gigantic gecko, I know how to deal with lizards so just give me some spit or something and let us live and we'll leave you alone okay?"

"Woah back it up pasty." Kevin pulled her aside "I know how to deal with these things, so all you've gotta do is-"

"You're not gonna say anything about them breathing fire like actual dragons are you?"

"Oh please, I might be certifiably insane but I'm not stupid."

"I would beg to differ."

"I choose to ignore that, but anyway I was going to say use that kickass sword that Adam gave you back in Australia." she opened her mouth to question him "He told me about that and said to keep an eye on how that thing works for you, and you talk in your sleep."

"...We'll talk about that later." Gwen pulled out her Dragonfang, only to find a note attached to the blade, which she read out loud "The Dragonfang reads the heart of whoever wields it and changes into a weapon based on their personality traits." this was followed by the Dragonfang glowing a dark shade of blue before a dark blue katana like blade started to stick out of the actual sword itself "Huh. Nice, kind of has that silent but deadly feel to it. Alright, let's go."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

At the same time, Noah and Owen were watching from afar as a group of komodo dragons were devouring a skeleton "Okay so we've established that they're about as harmless as me if you insult the vest."

"Maybe they won't try to eat us if they're already full." Owen suggested "I mean that usually works for me."

"That has literally never worked for you, I think we should wait until they're done and grab some spit from the carcass."

"Great idea, way to be the brains of the team!"

"I have to or we would've been killed a long time ago."

"Yeah… Hey!"

"Well I'm right aren't I? Anyway that gives us some time, what do you wanna do?" he looked over and saw Owen gnawing on a wheel of cheese "Do our thing it is then." he pulled out a book from thin air and started reading.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _By now all 8 teams have collected their tips and started the first challenge, although while some have game plans worked out already."_

Kitty looked beyond a rock and noticed something within a pack of komodo dragons "Hey check it out, it looks like that komodo dragon exploded or something."

"Looks to me like it's just its skin." Emma told her "I guess komodo dragons molt and shed their skin just like every other reptile."

"Wait…"

"Oh no, that's the look you get when you have a really stupid and reckless idea."

"A skin like that must be loaded with saliva and venom and other gross stuff, all we have to do is sneak up to that thing and swipe some spit from it." she bolted towards the skin.

"Kitty wait!" Emma was about to go after her but froze when she heard a growling noise and looked to see at least 10 komodo dragons gathering around them "Uh, Kitty? I don't suppose you have a Plan B?"

"I just thought of one."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

5 minutes later…

By this point, Emma and Kitty were stuck high up in a tree with more than 20 komodo dragons surrounding them down below "I don't like Plan B!"

Kitty shrugged "Hey we're alive aren't we?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Josee and Jacques watched as a komodo dragon belched up some bones covered in saliva "Well that's totally disgusting, well what the hell are you waiting for? Go already!"

"Right right I'm going!" so Jacques bolted out to get some komodo saliva, only to slip on it and fall to the ground, right in front of an actual live komodo dragon, which growled at him but then sniffed and ran away whimpering "What the-"

As it turns out, the Goths had just walked up to the komodo dragon "You wanna spare us some venom?" this caused it to hide "Ugh like fine, whatever coward." they helped Jacques back up to his feet "You okay?"

"We both wear organic komodo dragon must deodorant, it's called Komodorant. Obviously it comes from bigger and scarier komodos than these things so we smell like trouble to these medium sized wimps

"Oh. Huh."

"JACQUES!" a pissed off Josee stormed up to him "NEVER socialize with the enemy, they'll just try and sabotage us when we least expect it!" and she dragge Jacques away before he could protest.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Other teams were coming up with… creative ways to get their own vile of komodo venom.

Exhibit A being that Gwen was using her new Dragonfang katana to hold back a komodo dragon trying to maul her face off "Get the venom, GET THE- You know what, screw it." she kicked the komodo dragon in the face and held out her vile "Venom. Now." this prompted the komodo dragon to spit in her vile and run off in terror "And that's how we get it done."

DJ and Geoff observed this from afar and shared a look "Well now, I think I just figured out how to get our own vile of venom."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

At the same time, Jacques was trying to approach a komodo dragon without waking it up "Okay now Jacques, you can do this. It's just a cold blooded venomous reptile, you skated with Josee for your entire life."

"AHEM." yeah, it turns out Josee was standing right behind him.

"...I knew you were listening."

"Sure you did."

"I did, really." so Jacques crawled slowly up to the komodo dragon, only for it to suddenly run away mere seconds before they got trampled by a stampede of terrified komodos.

"Ow…"

That was when the Goths showed up "Come back you cowards."

Josee forced Jacques up to his feet "Alright screw it this is hopeless, it's time for us to forget the challenge and focus on destroying the other teams!"

"Oh yeah because that worked so well last time!" Jacques' tone was oozing sarcasm "For the record that was sarcasm."

"I KNOW! Just follow my lead." and so the two of them made their way over to the Goths "Hey there guys, you know that rabbit of yours is just so darling! Jacques used to carry around a Shih Tzu just like it!"

"Um, Loki isn't darling." Ennui told her "He's meant to be a beacon of famine."

"Oh yeah sure but still you must be terrified, those komodo dragons are just waiting to gobble him up! One wrong move and he's dragon chow, it's probably best to get him out of here."

"...Let's see what Loki has to say about all of this. Crimson hold him still, I'm going to link with him."

"Uh, what the hell are you…"

Ennui touched foreheads with Loki and seemed to read his mind in a sense "Loki says that he is refusing to leave, he has another plan. He says that he has no fear, follow him and we will be led to victory." this was followed by a chitter from Loki.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Josee let out a loud scoff "They're taking orders from a rabbit? And I thought the guy on the Artists was insane, you might as well pack your bags rabbit lovers because you're gonna come in last place!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

What follows next completely contradicts Josee's hypothesis.

With Loki distracting a komodo dragon by throwing acorns at it and getting it to snarl enough to drool into a bucket, Ennui and Crimson stood on standby "That's it, drool for us. Give us your essence." so they soon went over to the komodo dragon and quickly used their deodorant to scare it off "Yes that's right coward, smell your defeat.." they scooped up some venom, grabbed Loki and made their way off to deliver their venom.

Josee and Jacques poked their head out from the bushes in surprise "Yeah okay you've gotta give it to them, that is on bunny."

"Well that plan backfired, and much faster this time as well.

"Who cares? We have what we need! TO THE WINNER'S CIRCLE!" so she scooped up some venom, kicked over the bucket, and they bolted off to get their next tip.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point, Ennui and Crimson had handed in their vile of komodo venom and received their next tip "Looks like it's another All In, prepare to meet your loom."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Yeah that's right, we said loom. Indonesia is very well known and famous for making ikat textiles, and when I say ikat textiles I mean A LOT of ikat textiles. Somewhere in the massive piles of ikat textiles that we've provided are 8 Ridonculous Race rugs with the race's logo on the front of it, each team must find one and only then will they be able to head over to the Carpet of Completion. No rush, I wanna take some time and enjoy the scenery. Oh yeah, and like always the last team to arrive could be cut from the race."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By now, more and more teams were finishing up the first challenge.

Noah picked up the remains of the aforementioned skeleton and dumped some of the saliva into their vile "We've got our dragon drool now let's go-" he was cut off by two screams sounding through the air "Wait was that Emma?"

"Look up there!" Owen pointed to where Emma and Kitty were stuck in the same tree "Oh man they're dragon chow."

"The hell they are. Owen my big chubby friend you once told me to stop being a hero to her because it almost cost us the race, but now that girl's life is on the line." he pulled out his Dragonfang, which then took the form of a blue energy sword like the Finn Sword from Adventure Time "And while this may be so out of character for me that I feel actual physical pain from it, it's Hero Time!"

"I'm with you my little buddy! BATTLE CRY!" they charged at the pack of komodo dragons, only to be chased away by them three seconds later.

2 minutes later…

And then Owen and Noah joined the Sisters up in the tree, their expressions being a shared deadpan look "Well, that didn't work."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don stood at the Chill Zone narrating the current statue of the race "While the Reality TV Pros and the Sisters circle the last place drain, the Ice Dancers and the Rockers are still battling it out for the lead. On the other end some teams are collecting venom, some more dangerous than others. Yeah that's right Bromigos, I'm looking at you. But you never know what's gonna happen, more often than not the team in first ends up in last." he looked over

"And by that I mean congratulations, the Rockers take first place!" this was followed by banshee like screaming sounding throughout the area as Josee stormed her way up to the Carpet of Completion and started throwing a tantrum, with Jacques quietly following behind her "And the Ice Dancers just found out, and now they're in second place."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Josee on the other hand was foaming at the mouth yet again "I can't believe those pasty face freaks took the gold that rightfully belongs to me, oh those two idiots must be just loving it right about now!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"We won.'' that was the only word uttered in the entire confessional.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _And while the first team… celebrates their victory and Josee's meltdown continues, more and more teams complete the second challenge and make their way to the Chill Zone, thus narrowing down the race for last place that much further."_

Sure enough, one by one the teams arrived at the Chill Zone, with Don counting them off as they did so, starting with the Artists.

"Third place!"

The Fashion Bloggers.

"Fourth place!"

The Best Friends.

"Fifth place!"

The Bromigos.

"Sixth place!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _The race for not last place has come down to the final two teams, both of whom are currently stuck in a rut, and/ or tree surrounded by venomous komodo dragons."_

Emma looked down at the komodo dragons and came up with a plan "We need to create some kind of diversion, if we throw something that smells like one of us then they might go after it instead and leave us alone."

"Well I do have one idea." Noah held up his Dragonfang "This thing is covered in my scent and my fingerprints, with any luck that'll be enough to draw them away."

"But you said that was a gift from that friend of yours, won't he be upset if you just throw it away like that?"

"If there's one thing that I actually did get during Total Drama World Tour it's that Adam doesn't care about winning or losing, he fights and protects people and understands the sacrifices that he has to be made. To keep a long story short enough to be put into one episode of this show, it's that yes he will understand." so with that in mind Noah tossed away the Dragonfang, which prompted them to chase after it instead of them, which allowed them to return to the ground unharmed.

"So what do we do now?"

"Well you guys don't have any drool and I lost ours when we got stuck in the tree, frankly I think we're screwed."

"No we're not!" Owen suddenly let out a loud whistle "TAXI!" this was followed by a taxi appearing out of nowhere.

"Well that's convenient."

"How are there taxis in the jungle?" asked Emma.

"I find that this is one of those things that you really shouldn't question."

"Yeah!" Owen poked his head into the taxi "Pardon me good sir, would you mind lowering that window for me?" this was followed by the taxi driver lowering the window "Thanks." he honked on the horn, drawing the attention of a nearby komodo dragon, which he promptly trapped by partially closing the window "Yeah that's it, good boy." he managed to catch two viles worth of drool from it "Thank you Chewy, who wants some free spit?"

"Alright Owen, way to pull through for the team big guy."

"Hey I'm just glad to help out." Owen looked up towards the camera "But just for the sake of being clear I'm a trained professional in all things that could eat me, this is something you guys should NEVER try at home."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _With that mess out of the way, it's still neck and neck between the final two teams to avoid coming in last."_

Sure enough, it wasn't long before the Sisters and the Reality TV Pros arrived at the scene of the second challenge and started searching for the correct rug, until…

"I've found it!" Owen held up one of the Ridonculous Race rugs with the race logo on the front of it.

"I've got one!" Emma and Kitty held up their, which prompted both of the two teams to take off running.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don was waiting at the Chill Zone with clear anticipation "Looks like it's still down to these two teams to not come in last, it's gonna be close and…" this was followed by Owen and Noah both crashing onto the carpet in a heap, with the Sisters only a few feet behind them "Reality TV Pros in 7th place, you're still in the race!"

"Yay…" Owen fell to the ground in exhaustion, leaving Don to address the Sisters.

"Emma, Kitty, the two of you raced hard and well. I'm sorry to tell you this, but as the last team to arrive you've been cut from the race. I'll give you a moment to say your goodbyes." and he walked off.

"Wait… You guys just got together and now you're leaving?!" Owen started sobbing and hugging Kitty, which led to him nearly crushing her to death.

Noah on the other hand had a private moment with Emma "So I guess this is it… So much for law school huh?"

"Whatever, I can just sue you for the money after you win." Emma pulled him into a hug "How about this, I'll meet you at the final Chill Zone after you and Owen win and then we'll go on our first date okay?"

"Well at least now I've got some decent motivation to win."

"And so is this." she pulled him into a heated kiss.

"Hey come on big guy, let's seize the moment." Kitty took this chance to squeeze Owen, herself and the makeout duo into one final selfie.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Emma let out a sigh "You know I'm not really that upset about losing out on the race or the million, truth be told I'm actually content."

Kitty nodded "Yeah I know, we made some cool friends, saw some new places and did a lot of amazing things. Plus I got a certain cute guy's number."

"...You're gonna call Mickey aren't you?"

"Duh."

"Figures. Plus before this started I didn't even have a boyfriend and now I do, and if things don't work out then I can sue him for the money to pay for law school."

"Still though, I'm glad we got to do this together."

"Me too little sister, me too."

 **A/N:**

 **First off I want to apologize if this chapter took longer than usual to get out, I spent some time writing out the next chapter of my Naruto fic in order to meet my monthly quota so I had to push this to the side for a little while. Sorry about that guys.**

 **I didn't realize until I was about ⅗ of the way through this chapter that I had mostly pushed the Best Friends and Fashion Bloggers to the side, but truth be told I think that's a good thing. I've been pushing a lot of the other teams off to the side lately, so this gave them more of a chance to shine, like the Artists and the Rockers.**

 **While the Best Friends are my favorite team and the main reason why I created this fic as part of my Total Drama arc, I felt that Devin's sudden realization of his feelings for Carrie was a little bit rushed so at least trying to give it a little bit more of a build up than in canon.**

 **Oh, and in case you guys didn't notice, I took out the whole thing with Geoff mistaking the komodo dragons for actual dragons that they did in canon. I thought it was too stupid even for him and kind of cringeworthy.**

 **DJ and Gwen using their Dragonfangs to collect their komodo venom is an idea that I came up with while I was brainstorming and looking back at a few of my previous chapters, I figured this was the best way to avoid the "Dragon problem" that the Surfers had in canon, and I wanted to expand on some of the abilities that the Dragon Fangs have since I honestly forgot about them for awhile.**

 **This is the third of a few major diverges from canon. I can imagine you guys aren't exactly thrilled about me getting rid of the Sisters instead of Owen and Noah, but I honestly thought the Sisters had outstayed their welcome after the Reality TV Pros got eliminated, and since I've seen them make it really far in almost every Ridonculous Race I've read up to this far I wanted to try and do something different. But on the brightside, more Noah! Noah fans rejoice, NoCo (Noah x Cody) fans get the f*ck out of here and go back to your own sick twisted little world of fantasies that will never come to pass.**

 **I decided to make this one an actual close call instead of making a joke out of it like in canon. Plus I kept the sweet goodbye scene between Emma and Noah, and added in a little bit more of Kitty and Owen in there too.**

 **Rankings:**

 **Goths: 1st**

 **Ice Dancers: 2nd**

 **Artists: 3rd**

 **Fashion Bloggers: 4th**

 **Best Friends: 5th**

 **Bromigos: 6th**

 **Reality TV Pros: 7th**

 **Elimination:**

 **Sisters: 8th**

 **Rockers: 9th**

 **Father & Son: 10th**

 **Stepbrothers: 11th**

 **Adversity Twins: 12th**

 **Mother & Daughter: 13th**

 **Ultimate Duo: 14th**

 **Vegans: 15th**

 **Geniuses: 16th**

 **Tennis Rivals: 17th**

 **LARPers: 18th**


	20. Dude Buggies

" _Last time on the Ridonculous Race: the final 8 teams went to Flores, Indonesia. There were dragons and poison, great displays of bravery and ingenuity and a little bit of cuddling. Not just by our lovebird teams, but also by the komodo dragons that were trying to eat them. The Ice Dancers, well mainly Josee, made a dirty play for gold but the Goths won by a hare, which is a fancy word for rabbit. And as unfortunate as it might have been, we had to say a heartfelt farewell to the Sisters after being the last team to reach the carpet. But today is a new day any anything can happen, because this is… the Ridonculous Race!"_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Like always, Don started of the episode next to the previous Chill Zone, now with a Don Box for today's leg of the race "Welcome back to yesterday's Chill Zone in Flores Indonesia where the Goths, still giddy from their win yesterday, are ready to get their first tip."

Sure enough, Ennui and Crimson, still stoic grabbed the first tip from the Don Box "Looks like we're heading to Las Vegas."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Located in Nevada USA and one of the most famous cities on Earth, Las Vegas is most famous for its bright lights, bold and occasionally provocative and derogatory entertainment and very very poor judgement. Oh yeah, and the old smoke, dirty money, recycled air, led wheels, slot machines and broken dreams, just like my sister. The only difference is that unlike our seven remaining teams won't be seeing any of that stuff, after all this race is supposed to be PG, so instead they'll be heading past Vegas to the provided desert Don Box to get their next tip. And now the teams are off, and thanks to recycled stock footage and the power of editing a flight that would normally last a full 18 hours only lasts a few seconds. You're welcome world! Anyway now they have to get taxis and make a beeline for the desert Don Box."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point, Gwen and Kevin had already managed to get a taxi and were heading through the desert of Nevada "Not the worst place we've been dragged to."

Kevin nodded "Tell me about it, aside from the whole overwhelming feeling of sadness I've always had a knack for magic that rivals Neil Patrick Harris himself."

"You mean the guy who plays Barney Stinson on How I Met Your Mother, the show that gets Canada wrong in pretty much every way, shape and form?"

"That's what makes it so damn good!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Josee was foaming at the mouth for like the umpteenth time "Failing to come in first again is bad enough as it is, but losing first to the Goths is unacceptable! Oh I'm onto those two idiots now, and I will do whatever it takes to ensure that we get back to first place where I belong! And as extra insurance I picked up some things while we were in Finland." she held up garlic and a wooden stake "This will take them down and out once and for all!"

Jacques let out a groan "Sacre series are you losing it? Just because they're goths doesn't automatically make them vampires!"

"Doesn't it Jacques? DOESN'T IT?!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Crimson and Ennui were already headed across the desert towards the Don Box "Not the worst place that they've made us go to."

Ennui nodded "Agreed, we particularly like the overwhelming feelings of sadness and despair that are generated by the city." they were promptly rammed by a pissed off Josee.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Other teams were having a hard time hailing taxis.

Devin let out a sigh as he looked at the camera while Carrie was trying to hail a taxi "I don't know what to do, ever since I broke up with Shelley in Australia my head has been spinning in circles like I'm at a monster truck rally. I went to one of those in 8th grade with Adam and I ended up with a scar on my- You know what, I'm not saying that on camera. Anyway over the past week or so, I've been seeing Carrie in a whole different way. I can't really explain it, everything just feels… different. For now I just wanna get my head sorted out so I asked Tom and Jen to let us do this leg of the race on our own while they stick with Geoff and DJ because of… well you know. Oh hold on, taxi!" he hailed a taxi.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Owen and Noah, on the other hand, were suffering a serious low in their moral "Man, it just feels so… empty without Emma and Kitty here having fun with us you know?"

Noah nodded rather absentmindedly "Yeah I know, Emma and I used to call these things germ incubators. So us. Oh crap I keep slipping into Emma dazes, hey Owen if I drift off again then you might have to hug me."

"Okay!" he pulled Noah into a bone crushing hug.

"I meant when I drift off!"

"Hey I never pass on and invitation to hug!"

"...Yeah I should've seen that coming.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

At the same time, Geoff and DJ had managed to catch up to Tom and Jen just before they took off in their cab "Hey guy, you mind if me and my bro DJ grab a lift?"

"Uh yeah sure, go ahead." Jen ushered the two of them in.

"Thanks."

"No problem." they both shared a matching pair of small smiles.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"There's the Don Box!" Kevin and Gwen were the first team to reach the Don Box, with the Bromigos and the Fashion Bloggers "Looks like we've got ourselves an Either Or, Dune Buggy Bonanza or a magic show."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Yeah that's right dudes, you heard the man! In this Either Or, teams can either race a set of remote controlled dune buggies around this course and collect three flags in under 60 seconds or they can perform a classic trick from a Vegas magic show and make a lion disappear, only with a certain tiger instead of a lion, for a judge from a certain other reality TV show that's been off the air for about a year. Once teams complete either task and then it'll be a foot race across the desert of Nevada all the way to. And just like in every race, the last team to arrive could be heading home, empty handed and ashamed just like everyone else in Las Vegas."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Kevin shot a smirk at Gwen as his tip suddenly burst into flames and vanished "I say it's magic time a-holes."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Geoff grabbed a tip "Dude, dude, dude, dude…"

DJ let out a sigh "Oh boy."

"Is he alright?" asked Jen.

"Give it a minute. 3… 2… 1…"

"DUDE BUGGIES!" Geoff pretty much exploded, which was the end of the discussion.

"See what I mean?"

Jen and Tom shared a look "Magic show, big time."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Ennui and Crimson picked up a tip "Magic."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Josee pressed down on the button on the Don Box and pulled the tip out of Jacque's ear with surprising gracefulness "Magic."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Owen collected the tip from the Don Box and pondered for a moment "Wow this is a toughy, you know my uncle used to be a stage magician before he and this one showgirl-"

"Don't need to relive that story." Noah cut him off, his tone flat "That's one of two reasons as to why we're doing the dune buggies."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point Gwen and Kevin had reached the stage for the magic show challenge "So what do we have to do?"

"Okay here's the deal." Kevin threw aside the tip "The assistant has to go into one side of the cage and the lion is in the other side, the cage gets covered by a huge cloth and the magician puts the lever to the correct position to drop the divider in the stage and the lion off of the stage which saves the assistant from getting mauled, eaten or both."

"Okay let's get this started."

"Great, I'll be the magician and make sure you don't get mauled to death or else Cody would do unspeakable things to me."

"You have no idea. So where's the judge?"

"Alright maggots!" that was when the judge showed himself, revealing a tall, bald, dark skinned figure in a tux, only to smirk rather sadistically when he saw Gwen "Well better you than the Mohawk I guess."

"Son of a- Chef?!"

"That's Hatchet to you right now one of the few contestants I wanted to throttle less than I did the others and one who actually completed the challenge."

"How in- What the hell are you doing in Vegas?"

"Moving up in the world, Chris is in jail for another half a year and a guy's gotta make a living right?"

"...My head hurts worse than trying to understand Adam's mindset."

"Oh yeah, the kid who f*cked history and nearly made Chris lose it. Tell me something Pasty, how's he doing?"

"He's… a lot stronger now than he was then."

"...I see, good for him. Now enough of that mushy stuff, you've got a challenge to suck at and I've got a tiger to make some use of."

"Wait, tiger?"

' _Pasty!'_ sure enough, a very familiar tiger in the form of Tony pounced on her and started licking her face ' _Well she doesn't know how to hit my sweet spot like Bridgette does but at least she tastes like blueberry!'_

"Holy shot Bridgette wasn't kidding, there actually was a tiger on crack." Kevin knelt down and started petting Tony.

' _And yet there is one that can hit it! There is still hope for the world! Nants ingonyama bagithi Baba- Wait I think that's the wrong movie reference.'_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

At the same time, DJ and Geoff had reached the sight of the dune buggy challenge "So it says here that we've gotta collect three flags in under a minute, one of us controls the buggy with the remote from that tower and the other one is in the buggy holding on and trying not to upchuck while collecting the flag."

"And try not to crash." Geoff noted "God this is so awesome!"

"And if the buggy crashes or loses its passenger then we've gotta start over. You go ahead and get in man, I'll control it from up there."

"You're letting me do the dangerous part? Best. Friend. EVER!"

"Yeah I know, but not just because of that either." DJ climbed his way up to the top of the watchtower.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _As the Bromigos, Artists and Reality TV Pros arrive to start their chosen challenges, the Best Friends, despite losing some valuable ground to a crappy taxi, have finally reached the Don Box."_

Devin pulled a tip out of the Don Box "It's an Either Or, either we do something with dune buggies or a Vegas style magic show."

Carrie nearly freaked when she heard this "Magic show, like for real? Oh man that would be so cool, we could do an actual magic trick on an actual Las Vegas stage! That would be so amazing!"

"Well who would've thought that you'd get so pumped up over this? You know I still remember when the two of us and Adam did that magic show for the talent show back when we were in eighth grade."

"Oh yeah and Carlos let us use his pet chinchilla since we didn't have a rabbit, but then Adam petted it in the wrong spot-" she blushed a deep shade of red "Oh man I think he still has the scar on his butt cheek."

"Yeah, scar…" Devin frowned in thought.

"Devin are you alright?"

"...Yeah, yeah sorry I just got distracted for a second there. Who knew a chinchilla would turn out to be so violent? So, magic show?"

"Oh yeah magic show big time." and she went on ahead.

Devin trailed behind slightly ' _I can't tell her about Adam's scars, no matter how much it may hurt me I won't betray his trust like that. Still though, the way that the sunlight reflects off of her hair makes me so-'_ he slammed into a cactus "Ow…"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point, DJ and Geoff were about to start the challenge "Hey are you ready to do this yet man?"

"You know it bro!" Geoff strapped himself "Drive it like Malibu Street Racer 5!"

"On it! GO GO GO!" and so he started darting Geoff around the course at full speed, sending him spinning all over the place like a top.

By this point Owen and Noah had arrived at the sight of the challenge "So which one of us is gonna drive?"

"I'll do it, I'm a hard core gamer as it is so I've got this." Noah assured him "And I'm not talking about consoles or any of that crap. No I'm talking the classics, good old fashioned arcade games."

"Wait you actually like those things?"

"Dude when it came to Pac Man and Donkey Kong I went from being a bookworm to being a total GOD. It's where used to hide from guys like Duncan every day after school, until I ended up on Total Drama and became a celebrity. Long story short, I'll drive."

"Done!" Geoff screeched to a halt with three flags in hand "Sweet driving DJ my main man, hey what's our time?"

"Looks like we got 18 seconds!" DJ climbed his way down from the tower.

"ALRIGHT! Man you know what I hate more than anything else, when those idiots say that people don't teach you any skills that you'll use in real life. Take that every teacher I never listened to."

"Which explains a lot." Noah pointed out dryly.

"You know it! To those people I say this, did you see how much we just killed that challenge just now?!"

"So we gonna head over to the Chill Zone?" asked DJ.

"Not yet, I've gotta do something first." Geoff leaned out of the dune buggy and started puking his guts out.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Tom straightened up his bow tie and looked over to where Jen came out in a sparkling purple dress with white gloves "Way to work it chica, so glad you get to keep that. So are you ready to start this-"

"Voila!" Jacques literally leapt out of the dressing room, earning a scream from Tom "Oh yes I know, I look great in this."

"That's not why I'm screaming!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jacques came off as increasingly smug "You know I have no problem being the assistant this time, whenever we skate I'm always the magicians."

"I'm sorry what the f*ck did you just say?" Josee shot him a dirty look like she was trying to glare holes through his skull.

"Think about it. I lift you and carry you and twirl you around, all you need to do is smile and not fall down."

"Oh wow I hope I do this trick right, I'd hate to watch you get EATEN BY A BRAIN DEAD TIGER!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point Jacques had been crammed into the cage and was literally shaking with fear as he received a look of hunger from Tony ' _Okay so maybe that wasn't one of my better ideas.'_

"Abraka-gold!" Josee pulled the lever to cover the cage, earning a scream from Jacques, and then moved it back, only to reveal Jacques cowering in terror "Oh come on!"

"The divider the Josee, could you please put the divider BACK!"

By this point, Tony was sucking on Jacques's foot like it was a bone ' _Hmm, polyester. Tastes a lot like chicken.'_

"Sorry maggots, not even close." Chef gave a simple thumbs down just as the Goths emerged from the changing room "And just give Tony your sock or something stuffed into a ball of cheese on the floor, you won't hear from him for about an hour and a half."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Josee let out a scream of frustration "Well that's just perfect, the worst part is that we have to let the other teams have a turn before we get to try again."

"Are you serious?!" Jacques on the other hand had his own thoughts, mainly due to the fact that his outfit was ripped to shreds and he was covered in Tony slobber "You're saying _that's_ the worst part? Really?!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Gwen was not keen on the outfit for the assistant "I'd just like to point out that I hate this challenge with a burning passion."

"And I'd just like to point out that I don't give a rat's ass." Kevin threw Gwen into the cage Uncle Phil style and moved the lever around until the trick was finished and Tony was dropped beneath the stage.

"I. Hate. All of you."

"Yeah yeah, get lost." Chef just gave them a thumbs up.

"Worst challenge ever."

And then Tony leapt up and pounced on Gwen again ' _Mmm, blueberry…'_

"I rest my case."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _While the Artists and Bromigos are rather stalled and the Fashion Bloggers, Reality TV Pros and Ice Dancers struggle to complete the challenge, Jacques more than the others, the Goths are about to take a crack at making some of their own magic happen."_

"Okay, stand back." Ennui pulled on the lever to lower the divider, to which Loki took the chance to hop into Tony's mouth, leaving Chef horrified.

Josee on the other hand burst out laughing, only to receive dirty looks from everyone present and death glares from the goths "Oh I mean, sorry for your loss."

"You wouldn't last in Vegas, or on Broadway for that matter." so with that in mind, Ennui went over to Tony and reached into his mouth, and he pulled out Loki alive and well, albeit covered in a little bit of Tony slobber "Well?"

"...Yeah works for me." Chef gave a rather stunned thumbs up.

At this, Josee let out a scream of frustration "That is IT!" and she even pulled out the garlic and the wooden stake.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"The judge said it was the greatest trick he'd ever seen." Ennui noted.

Crimson nodded "He offered us 8 shows a week, but we said no."

"Just wearing our happy faces for the cameras is exhausting, but we might reconsider depending on how the race turns out." Ennui looked back to where Gwen was still being tackled by Tony "I sense something strange from the tiger, his spirit is pure."

"Yeah I know, it's sickening but in a good way."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By now Tom and Jen were finally getting a crack at doing the magic trick "Alright chica let's do this, first place here we come!" and so he pulled the lever to cover the cage, only for nothing to happen, and so he tried it several mores, to no avail.

"What the hell are you doing?" asked Josee.

"Just give it a minute." this was followed by purring and then a thud, and Tom pulled up the curtain to reveal a slobbery Josee in the cage by herself.

"Fine I'll take it, if only to see the idiot in the dress get mauled even more." and so Chef gave them a thumbs up.

"Yes!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The only thing is, Tom had one last thing to do before they left for the Chill Zone, that being try on the dress "Yep it's official, we both know how to rock this outfit."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Noah found himself spinning in circles all across the track "This is the sixth time that we've done this, I'm gonna be sick!" and he hurled "You know that it's, Owen stop the buggy! We're switching drivers!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Josee pulled on the lever to reveal the cage, only to find Jacques with his head stuck in Tony's mouth "Are you kidding me?!"

"Dude buggies, please?!" Jacques was practically begging.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _The Ice Dancers have switched challenges, and also mixing things up are the Reality TV Pros, who have been making asses out of themselves this entire time, have finally done the smart thing and traded places since one of then can't really do much more than eating. As that's going on, the frontrunner teams, those being the Goths and Fashion Bloggers, are in a foot race to the Chill Zone."_

Don was waiting at the Chill Zone with a glass of water, only to end up doing an epic spit take when he noticed the Goths "How the hell is anyone that quiet?! You know what screw it, congratulations on coming in first again."

"Yay." and they walked off.

"I've gotta see if I can hang some bells around their necks or something." he looked over and saw the Fashion Bloggers arrive "Jennifer and Thomas well done, the two of you are in second place." this was met with squeals.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Both first and second place have been taken, and now teams are starting to finish up the challenges, but two more teams are still struggling and/ or starting with their respective challenges."_

Devin straightened his bow tie and adjusted his hat, his mind wandering ' _No come on Devin, you have to focus or you'll end up coming in last. Focus!'_

"How do I look?" that was when Carrie stepped out in the assistant's dress, catching Devin's eye in an instant.

"Wow, you look… amazing."

"Really?"

"Oh yeah for sure. Come on homie, we have a magic show to do and a race to win." and so they made their way out onto the stage.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By now Josee and Jacques had set up their positions at the dune buggy track "You take the tower while I take the buggy!" and she took off before Jacques could protest "Grabbing the flags is the most important part of this challenge, there's no way I'm just gonna stand back and let that waste of space and tiger bait screw it up!"

Jacques had his own thoughts about this "I have to admit I'm surprised she actually gave me the tire considering how much she enjoys looking down on people."

"I heard that!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

One by one teams started to arrive at the Chill Zone and were counted off by Don, starting with the Bromigos "Third place!"

The Artists.

"Fourth place!"

Then the Reality TV Pros.

"Fifth place! Only two teams are left, the Ice Dancers and the Best Friends. Who will make it to the Chill Zone next? The pressure is on."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Okay third time's the charm, fingers crossed." with a mighty gulp, Devin pulled on the lever to cover the cage "Tada!" and he moved it back, only to reveal that Tony was still there and Carrie was nowhere in sight "Carrie? Carrie?! Oh fu-"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Devin?" on the other hand, Carrie found herself stuck underneath the stage with a pack of tigers, and she let out a squeak of terror.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Josee screeched to a stop with all three flags in hand "Well are we done yet?" she looked over at the clock "5 second over, are you f*cking kidding me?!

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Chef downed another glass of water as he watched Devin freak out ' _And I thought screwing with the Goth was funny, this kid is a riot. Then again, he would never have lasted on Total Drama.'_

"Carrie?! Carrie! CARRIE!" Devin was searching around the stage for Carrie, his mind and heart both racing like the never had before "Oh god oh god what the hell have I done?! She's one of my best friends! She's like the- the most important person in my life and… and… AND I LOVE HER!" he froze, but then suddenly grinned "Yeah you heard me! I love Carrie and I just blurted that out on international TV! God I've been such an idiot, I've been so engrossed in my on again off again thing with Shelley but the girl for me has been by my side for my entire life! She's been putting up with that even longer than Adam has and I took advantage of her, but that ends here and now! Hang on Carrie, I'm coming baby!" and he continued his search with renewed vigor and determination.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point Carrie was fending off the literal copies of Tony with a chair "Okay face it Carrie, I think this counts as the sign that you need to get over Devin. It's obviously that it's never gonna happen, oh but I've wasted so many years. But you know what, maybe it is time that I stand up for myself! No more putting my needs aside for what he wants, no more trying to make him see how great we'd be together! I! Am! Moving! On!" but then the chair she was using was ripped apart by the tigers "Okay let me rephrase that, I'll be moving on if I survive." and then she proceeded to scream in terror.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Josee screeched to a stop in her dune buggy, three flags in hand, and she looked over at the nearby clock "59 seconds, yes we did it! Now move it to the Chill Zone!" and so the two of them bolted.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Devin continued desperately yanking the lever back and forth "Work, why won't you work for the love of god?! I'm begging you, WORK!" he finally managed to bring Carrie back up, along with some random lion "CARRIE!"

Lucky for both of them, Tony pounced on the lion ' _Remember this noble friend and ally of the one who scratches my sweet spot, though our paths may diverge our hearts will forever remain as one. Believe that the blades of our hearts and souls will never shatter, believe that our resolves will never waver! Even if the land itself shall break asunder, we shall all reunite alive and well!'_ and with that, Tony tackled the lion down into the trap door, both of them disappearing from view.

"Carrie!" Devin took this chance to get Carrie out of there, then he looked down the trap door and saluted Tony ' _Thank you noble tiger.'_

Carrie looked over at Chef once she recovered from her shell shock "So uh…"

"If you earn Tony's respect then you earn mine too." Chef gave them a thumbs up and a small smile that was barely noticeable "Now go on and get the hell out of here."

"Yes we did it!"

"Yeah!" Devin gently gripped Carrie by the shoulders "Hey Carrie listen, there's something that I have to-"

"No time Devin, we've gotta move!" and so she made a beeline for the changing room backstage.

' _God Carrie is so amazing, how could I have not seen this sooner. Adam, if you were seeing this now I wonder what you would say.'_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Next up: What Adam would say (AKA yet another Team Four Star reference)

"I AM GOING TO CASTRATE HIM!" Adam was pouncing towards the TV, only to be held back by the combined might of Cody, Bridgette and Alejandro.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _The final two teams are on their way in one final race to the Chill Zone, but only one of them will earn the title of the loser for today. The question still remains, which team is it going to turn out to be?"_

Don addressed the team that arrived at the Chill Zone first "Ice Dancers congratulations, you're in sixth and just barely miss out on coming in last."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Josee let out a scream of frustration "I can't believe the Goths came in first again, and if that wasn't bad enough the Artists finished in the top three!" she held up the wooden stake "I knew I should've used these when I had the chance!"

"For the last time they're not vampires, just be glad we didn't finish last." Jacques held up the assistant outfit "And they let me keep the outfit."

"Why would you want to keep that?"

"Because I look fantastic in it."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Carrie and Devin finally reached the Chill Zone "Did we make it?"

"Yes, you did make it. More or less." Don told her.

"Alright we did it!"

"The only downside is, you're in last place."

"Oh. Aw man."

"Carrie I'm so sorry, this is totally my fault." Devin gently gripped her by the shoulders "But I guess things happen for a reason, because it was thanks to this that I realized something extremely important."

And then Don ruined the moment "Did you realize that this is a non elimination round? Because that's exactly what this is."

"Wait what-"

"YES!" Carrie cheered and accidentally knocked Devin out with an uppercut to his jaw, much to her horror "Oh no Devin I'm so sorry!"

Don took this chance to sign off "So all of our final seven teams live to fight another day, some more than others I guess. But only one team can win the million dollar grand prize, which team will it be in the end? I guess the only way for you to find out is to tune back in to see the next episode of… the Ridonculous Race!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

And now to close the chapter, a continuation of What Adam would say.

"...WITH A BUTTER KNIFE YOU SON OF A BITCH!" Adam was still thrashing around while being held back "I SWEAR TO DIAGON, I'LL TIE YOU DOWN TO A CHAIR FIRST AND GAG YOU WITH YOU OWN SMALL INTESTINE!"

 **A/N:**

 **Okay this is EXTREMELY important to the story, since this entire fic is about the developing relationship between Devin and Carrie. Now we just have a few more chapters to go and then we get the best team into the finale.**

 **I made it so Geoff and DJ didn't screw around like Geoff and Brody did in canon, and with the Goths out of the race by this point it gave them a chance to get into the top 2, while the Reality TV Pros get another win under their belts.**

 **As a special bonus, I gave Chef from Total Drama and Tony (the tiger from chapters 21 and onwards of the Rise of an Underdog, the homage to Ted from A Codette World Tour) some screen time in place of the original judge and the lion. It's meant to be a tribute to the epilogue of A Codette World Tour where the two of them end up playing Vegas after Total Drama comes to an end.**

 **Those scenes with Adam throwing a tantrum over Devin's realization about his feelings for Carrie are based on Chichi's scenes from episode 59 of DBZ Abridged by Team Four Star. Expect more references to them in the future.**

 **As I'm sure all of you noticed, I deleted all of my original chapters (with the exception of the prologue) from this story and pasted them all into another story that I created called The Ridonculous Underdogs: Another Story. I actually got the idea from watching Phineas and Ferb and decided to do what they did sometimes, instead of cramming everything into one super long story they cut it up into two separate stories. The main reason why I did this is that I've noticed that this story is nowhere near as popular as the Rise of an Underdog, and I believe that the original chapters are the main reason why.**

 **Also, as I'm sure you're aware by now, I've rewritten and updated all of the other chapters in the story up to this point. It was a lot of grammar errors that I made, and in case it wasn't clear I brought the Goths back. I honestly was never sure about getting rid of them but I never thought the story would be hit so hard by it. And to be honest I do like them, and clearly almost everyone else does too. And as a bonus in that regard, next chapter is another divergence from the canon elimination order.**

 **Rankings:**

 **Goths: 1st**

 **Fashion Bloggers: 2nd**

 **Bromigos: 3rd**

 **Artists: 4th**

 **Reality TV Pros: 5th**

 **Ice Dancers: 6th**

 **Best Friends: 7th**

 **Elimination:**

 **Sisters: 8th**

 **Rockers: 9th**

 **Father & Son: 10th**

 **Stepbrothers: 11th**

 **Adversity Twins: 12th**

 **Mother & Daughter: 13th**

 **Ultimate Duo: 14th**

 **Vegans: 15th**

 **Geniuses: 16th**

 **Tennis Rivals: 17th**

 **LARPers: 18th**


	21. El Bunny Supremo

" _Last time on the Ridonculous Race: Lady Luck, or lack thereof really, took us all the way to Vegas baby! The Goths made some magic happen and just barely managed to snatch first place away from the Reality TV Pros. Devin on the other hand finally realized that he's in love with his best friend Carrie, took the idiot long enough. Too bad for him, this was after he accidentally fed her to a pack of lions tiger with some serious brain damage, which made Carrie decide that she was all done with loving Devin. They still ended up coming in last but when they found out it was a non elimination round, well Carrie could've knocked Devin out with a punch to the face, which she did. Who will get knocked out this week? Let's find out right here and right now, because the time has come for more of… the Ridonculous Race!"_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Like always, Don stood next to the Chill Zone from the day before, now equipped with a Don Box for the bus ahead "We're back in sunny Nevada and ironically still being crushed under the shadows of Las Vegas, where the just as shadowy Goths are preparing to receive the first tip of the day."

Sure enough, Crimson picked up the tip from the Don Box and read it out loud "It's time to go to Mexico, ole."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _I think she means, OLE! Yeah you'd better believe there's a great deal to get excited about in beautiful Mexico, where the salsa is just as hot as the sun if not even hotter. Our 7 remaining teams must take a form of local transit known as the Chicken Bus all the way to our next destination in the form of the beautiful cliffs of Acapulco for their next challenge. Man this race is gonna be muy caliente."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jen received the tip from the Don Box and looked over to the Chicken Bus "Okay that thing is a crime against man made transportation."

"Just remember our goals for why we're here." Tom assured her "It's for the blog, and it's for the million dollars."

"And yet I can't help but wonder if it's worth it."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Whoo hoo!" Owen hurled his shirt around in the air like he was Muscle Man from Regular Show, much to the horror "We're going to Mexico, chimichangas and hot peppers stay where you are cause Daddy's coming home!"

"...And add this to the list of reasons why Adam has saved my life." Noah pulled out a gas mask and strapped it on.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Josee on the other hand was growing more and more insane "From now on we're done underestimating the competition, those Gothic vampires got lucky in Indonesia and in Las Vegas but their luck is about to run out."

"But they're not stupid, they might see through any plans you come up with." Jacques pointed out.

"I told you not to interrupt me!"

"So what am I supposed to do then, just stand here like a mannequin and be the pretty one?"

"Of course not, you're supposed to stand there like a mannequin and SUPPORT the pretty one you imbecile!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Devin and Carrie are the last team to hit the Don Box, they've got some serious ground that they'll have to cover if they want to dig their way out of last place."_

Devin collected the tip from the Don Box "Looks like we're heading to Mexico, hey that was on your top five list of places right?"

Carrie blinked "Yeah it was a while ago, I'm kind of surprised that you remember." she snatched the tip and ran off.

"How could I not remember? You're one of my best friends, you're everything to me. _Okay so has anyone noticed that Carrie is like 5 million % amazing in every sense of the word? I've been too caught up with that Shelley stuff and the race and some stuff with my friend Adam to notice any of that, but now I can't stop thinking about her and I'm smiling so much that I think my cheeks are starting to bleed.'_ a little bit of blood poured out of his mouth "Ow…"

"Devin you coming?"

"Be there in a second!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _All 7 teams are now on the Chicken Bus and are heading to Acapulco, which is unfortunately a 12 hour bus ride."_

Jen was both surprised and somewhat horrified by what Carrie was telling her "So that's it, you're just giving up on him like that?"

Carrie gave a sad nod "Yeah, looking back maybe I should've done so sooner and then I wouldn't have wasted so many years trying to get him to notice me and nothing. It was all for nothing."

"Was it though? I mean-"

"CHICKENS!" Geoff started running around the bus like a maniac until he finally planted himself in DJ's lap "Chickens everywhere!"

"...And just like that this conversation is over, now if you'll excuse me I have to worry about dealing with the chicken droppings all over the place."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Geoff was still losing his shit "No wonder Tyler was always so terrified of chickens, one of them tried to peck my eyes out!"

"Oh come on, these little guys are harmless." DJ knelt down and patted one of the chickens on the head, only for it and several others to attack the two of them.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Owen on the other hand was preparing to gorge himself on a very greasy mexican buffet "Oh yeah baby, burritos and chimichangas come to papa!" and he started gorging himself, much to the disgust of everyone watching, with Noah just calmly reading a book while still wearing a gas mask.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

At the same time, Devin was trying and failing to make a move on Carrie "You know you could sit on my knee if you're not still mad about the whole thing with the tigers."

"I'm not mad really, it's okay." Carrie told him "But either way I'll find my own seat, it's fine really."

"Oh yeah totally cool but if you change your mind then me and my knees will be right here halfway down my legs and that's where I like to keep them and someone please slap me so that I stop talking."

"If you say so." Kevin promptly backhanded Devin across the face.

"Thank you."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point Owen had already eaten all of the burritos and chimichangas and he let out a loud satisfied burp "It's official, bus station food is one of the most delicious things I've ever eaten along with every other food I've ever eaten."

"I have no doubt of that." Noah's tone was oozing sarcasm.

"But this is my last one. Oh the heck with it!" Owen proceeded to down the entire burrito in one bite.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Josee looked back at Owen downing the burrito and smirked "That's one pair of pathetic weaklings down, give some cheese to a rat and he's like puddy in your hand."

"But what about the Goths?" asked Jacques "What are you going to do, turn them against each other?"

"No that won't work, they're stuck together like glue. Plus like you said they're smart, they'd see right through it."

"Maybe goths just don't have any weaknesses."

"Don't be ridiculous Jacques, _everyone_ has a weakness." she watched as Loki poked his head out of Ennui's shirt and climbed down onto his lap "Weakness!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _After being stuck on a bus with hundreds of extremely violent chickens for 18 hours, our final 7 teams have arrived at the beautiful cliffs of Acapulco and now they're all revved up and ready to rumble. Some worse off than others."_

"Great gobs of chudney where's el bano?!" Owen made a beeline for the bushes and let out a massive fart that left a crack in the cliffs, with the others trying not to suffocate as they made a beeline for the Don Box.

Josee on the other hand was trying to butter up the Goths so that she could enact her plan to get rid of them "So do you like, uh… stuff?"

"Not particularly no, stuff is so mainstream." Ennui told her flatly.

"Oh, oh gee whiz you're way too funny!"

"Didn't I tell you back in Australia not to pretend to be friendly because it's sickening? I guess you don't know when to quit."

"...Oh no look out, I have tripped and now I am falling." she pretended to trip and feel backwards on top of Ennui.

"Ouch."

"Oh I am so sorry, here let me help you up." she helped him up and grabbed a certain something from within his shirt and stuck it in her pocket "Who knew you could knock someone over when they're wearing such big chunky boots?"

"This coming from the one who wears a japanese style mini skirt made of polyester so that she looks like she's flashing other people?"

"...And just like that this conversation is over." and she walked off angrily.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Ennui pulled out a pair of red visored shades and checked off a few things on a notepad "Insult female Ice Dancer for pretending to be friendly just to sabotage other teams. Check. Let her steal away Loki when she tripped and fell on me so that she would get mauled. Check. Pick up Loki later on after we arrive at the Chill Zone. Still pending."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Nothing underneath my sleeve, but look at what I have HERE!" Josee reached behind Jacques' ear and pulled out Loki, only for her to start mauling him.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Come on let's move it already!" the Artists, Best Friends, Bromigos and Fashion Bloggers all made a beeline for the Don Box and quickly collected their tips "It's an All In, who loves peppers and who loves dip?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _For this All In, one member from each of the 7 teams must eat one hot pepper from this food cart and once eaten they'll have to wave the flag with the corresponding color. That will be the signal for the second team team member must make like an Acapulco cliff diver and dive off of the cliff. Eat the hottest red pepper and your partner will get to jump from the lowest ledge, eat the mid range green pepper and your partner will get to jump from the middle ledge, but if they eat the mildest yellow pepper and your partner is basically going to be jumping from the space station. The team members jumping from the cliffs will then find their next tips attached to canteens anchored along the bottom of the bay. The canteens are filled with just enough cold milk to soothe the burning mouth of the teammate who ate the pepper."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Gwen looked over at Kevin "So how exactly do you feel about spicy foods?"

"What are you kidding?" Kevin let out a loud snort "I live in a family of herbivores, I'll take this shit wherever and whenever I can. Besides I've followed the same training regimen that Adam has undergone, my stomach is like iron."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jen looked over at Tom "Looks like it's another eating challenge, you at the stew in Morocco so this one is my turn. Plus neither one of us do very well with heights so…"

"Expect the middle one, gotcha." Tom handed her his glasses "Wish me luck."

Geoff on the other hand let out a loud belch "Just made some room so I'm gonna go ahead and eat the pepper, DJ my bro this means you're up."

"...Wingman duty all over again, gotcha." and so DJ started to make his way to the cliff.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Owen was gripping his stomach in pain "Oh man I'm gonna need a new pair of shorts. And a new pair of underwear." he let out a loud belch "Oh look at that I just made some room in the old tank."

"And there's the fact that depriving you of food does more harm than good in the long run so yeah, I'm gonna jump." and so Noah bolted off.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Devin took the chance to make another attempt to impress Carrie "Don't worry homie, I'll jump off the cliff."

"You're afraid of heights, why would you volunteer for that?" asked Carrie.

"I don't know, just trying to take a few cues from Adam's book of chivalry and maybe show you that I can."

"I'm not scared of something like that, I'll jump. You go ahead and eat the pepper." and so she took off.

"I will Carrie and don't worry, I'll eat the hottest pepper they've got!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Carrie looked out at the beach from the cliff and let out a sigh "You know if Devin had been that sweet to me two days ago then I would've let myself believe that it meant something but now I know better, man it feels good to be free of that. It didn't mean anything right?"

"That's up to everyone around you rather than you." that was when Ennui showed up, climbing his way up the ladder "Do you mind? You're blocking the ladder."

"Oh sorry. But did it mean anything?"

"He's your partner, that's for you to decide."

"I never knew you could be so, well… social and talkative."

"Only to those we respect, and you and Devin are survivors."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _As the last of the teams arrive, the other teams have started to dig in."_

Devin picked up one of the red peppers and cringed "Oh boy…"

"Come on Devin, you can do it!" Carrie started cheering for him.

' _Yeah you got this Devin, you've gotta do it for the girl you love.'_ so Devin just touched the pepper to his tongue but that was all it took to literally light his tongue on fire, causing him to scream in pain.

"What's going on, Devin are you okay?"

He wasn't, he was screaming his head off underwater.

"Oh yeah you're a real knight in shining armor." Kevin pulled Devin's head back up "Some people just can't handle the heat."

"I can… I can do it… Thith ith nothing, I've totally got thith."

"Devin don't worry about it!" Carrie called out to him "I'll climb up a level, just go ahead and eat the green pepper instead okay?"

"Oh thank god…"

"Yeah cause that makes you look like a real life Hercules." Kevin yanked him out of the water and picked up a handful of hot peppers, and he stuck them in his mouth "Huh. Not bad." he either didn't notice or didn't care about the smoke coming out of his ears and just waved the red flag "Alright Pasty you're good to go." he looked down at Devin "If it's any consolation I bet you'd be doing better than Cody."

"Thankth… I think…"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Gwen looked down at Devin licking at the water like a dog "Yep it's official, poor guy is insanely whipped." and so she dove down into the water.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jacques looked around at a few of the peppers, along with Geoff, Owen, Jen and Crimson "There's no way the hottest one can be that bad right?"

"PAIN!" Devin was still rinsing out his mouth like a dog "FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING GOOD IN THE WORLD MAKE IT STOP, I'M BEGGING YOU!"

"...Yeah okay medium it is, and let that be another reason why the bravest decision is usually the dumbest one."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _As the Artists literally jump into the lead, the Goths, Bromigos Fashion Bloggers, Ice Dancers and Reality TV Pros are trying to catch up and Devin has finally recovered from the heat just enough to try a medium green pepper."_

"Okay, here goes attempt number two. You can do this man, for Carrie." so Devin proceeded to bite down on the medium pepper, only to end up crying from the pain.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Carrie nervously looked down at the bay below "Okay this doesn't look so bad, Olympic divers do it all the time in the Olympics. I mean sure they train first so they don't die while they're doing it but still…" her muttering was drowned out by Devin screaming "Devin? Jen how is he, is he okay?"

"Take my advice girlfriend, you might wanna start climbing." Jen prepared to pop a medium pepper in her mouth, only to pause at the sound of Owen screaming as a result of eating the entire bin of red peppers "Well at least I didn't choose that." and so she downed it and started literally breathing fire.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Tom cringed "Well that could've ended better, hey Carrie do you want me to stay here with you until he manages to get one down?"

"No you go ahead, I'll be fine on my own." Carrie assured him.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah really."

"Well if you say so, but one word of advice. True love never dies, don't try to fool yourself into believing that you're over someone when you're really not." and so he jumped down into the bay below, leaving Carrie to ponder what he said.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Devin on the other hand was recovering enough to take another shot at eating a middle green pepper "This… is… nothing… I… can… do this… for Carrie…" he forced it into his mouth but suddenly spat it out and began screaming in pure agony.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Devin it's okay, just eat the mild yellow pepper!" Carrie let out a heavy sigh and looked at the ladder "Looks like I've got a long way to go."

DJ observed this and looked down at the beach "Hey Geoff go ahead and eat the mild yellow one, there's something that I wanna check on!" he looked towards the camera "Don't get me wrong, I'm not pumped about jumping from that high up but Carrie and Devin are my friends and she shouldn't have to go through that alone." and so he followed Carrie up the ladder.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jacques downed the green middle pepper and started cursing in French "Oh please Josee for the love of the Mona Lisa just jump!"

Crimson on the other hand downed the red pepper in one bite "Ow." and so she waved the red flag.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Seeing this, Ennui reached into his shirt and pulled out a burrito, and he just started eating it ' _It shouldn't be long now until Loki snaps and rips them limb from limb.'_ and then he dove into the bay.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Kevin snatched the canteen of milk from a soaking wet Gwen and gulped down every last drop of milk "Oh thank the great god above finally."

"I thought you said spice foods didn't bother you." Gwen pointed out.

"They don't, I just get super dehydrated and it's hot as f*ck out here. So what's the tip say for the next challenge?"

"It's an All In with a crappy name called Burro-ed Alive."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _For this All In with a really cool name so Gwen doesn't know what she's talking about, each team must take two burros from an enclosure that's provided and then ride them two miles South to reach the Mayan temple, which happens to be today's Chill Zone. The last team to arrive may end up like the Mayans who onced lived here, not on television."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"BOOYAKASHA! Artists for the win any day and every day!" Kevin and Gwen took off for the enclosure with renewed spirit and determination.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

At the same time, Carrie was with DJ on the highest level "You're here too? I thought Geoff was fine with eating the middle pepper, and besides aren't you afraid of heights like Devin is?"

"You mean because I didn't jump off the cliff back at Wawanakwa?" DJ let out a chuckle and a small nostalgic smile "And I'm not so much afraid of heights as I am of falling, pushing other people over on the other hand is another story."

"You mean like you did with Owen?"

"Yeah we both got WAY too into that challenge." this earned a giggle from Carrie.

"Well it might take Devin awhile to eat a pepper so we can hang out until then if you want."

"Sure why not, sounds way more fun than jumping to my death from a place even higher than the plane during World Tour."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Ennui made his way out of the bay and held out the canteen to Crimson "Here."

"Thanks." she downed it fairly quickly "So how goes the plan?"

"Loki's plan is about to take action."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Owen on the other hand heard his stomach rumbling "Oh god el stomacho is shifting like it's Coachella and Disneyland rolled into one!"

"Alright alright, cool your jets for a second chubby buddy." Noah handed him the canteen of milk as he started reading the tip.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Geoff downed one of the mild yellow peppers and coughed up some fire, but he quickly recovered and waved the flag "Do for it bro!"

"PAIN!" Devin started waving the flag around like a maniac "CARRIE! JUMP! I feel… kind of… funny…" and then he keeled over.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

DJ blinked and looked over at Carrie "Well we've gotta do it sometime, what do you say we do this together?"

"Yeah sure, we might as well." Carrie gently took his hand "Ready, okay let's go on 3. 1… 2… 3!" and they jumped, screams sounding through the air, coming from DJ.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"All clear!" Jacques waved a green flag, which prompted Josee to gracefully dive into the bay and come back up with a canteen and a tip "Oh bravo Josee, you are perfection."

"Of course I am, who do you think-" she was cut off by DJ and Carrie landing on top of her, resulting in a mighty splash.

Devin noticed this from afar "Wait wait a thecond, wath Carrie holding handth with DJ?! What the hell?!" he rubbed his eyes and started screaming in pain "MY EYETH!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Carrie blinked "What do you mean holding hands? I was just helping DJ jump, what's the big deal?"

"Oh of courth you were." Devin let out a loud scoff, his eyes swelled shut "It'th jutht like you to be tho helpful, thometimeth too helpful, but for now we thould really focuth on the million okay?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Booyah to the Kasha mother f*ckers!" Kevin and Gwen held a sizeable lead over the other six teams "Oh hell to the yeah, faster big guy move it!"

"It's not a cheetah you idiot, it's a burro." Gwen pointed out dryly.

"I know that but for all we know these things might be dumber than Lindsay so we could manipulate them to our advantage. You've just gotta instill some confidence into it."

"What are you on crack, there's no way that's gonna-"

"Yeehaw!" Kevin's burro suddenly shot forward at full speed.

"...And just like that

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Geoff and DJ were making their way along the path on top of their burros "Man it's so hot out here, you'd think they'd give us a lemonade stand or something like that."

"Lemonade huh?" DJ let out a sigh "I'd kill for some of momma's homemade lemonade right about now."

"You haven't talked about her like at all in the race, everything okay?"

"Yeah I'm fine, it's just that since Cody gave me some of his prize money I bought her a brand new house and now everything is awesome so I don't need to worry about her as much as I did before."

"Huh. Good for you bro."

"Toodles morons!" Josee and Jacques bolted past them on top of their burros.

"What the- How did they-"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"You can thank the skater quads for that." explained Josee "These bad boys are excellent for horseback riding, a strong insistent squeeze to the thigh tells those fleabags to hurry the bloody hell up!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"It's only a matter of time before Loki destroys her for her actions." Ennui looked back and noticed Devin struggling due to his inability to see "He's in pain."

"You seem so invested in the Besties, it's written all over your face." Crimson noted.

"They're survivors like us, they may lack darkness but they do have honor, and I respect that about them. Besides, I feel a sort of kinship."

"Fine, then I do too. You gonna do it?"

"Yeah, go on without me and wait for Loki to rendezvous with you after the deed is done. I'll catch up."

"Fine, later." and so Crimson took off on one of the burros "Hee-haw."

With that in mind, Ennui made his way over to Carrie "Hey, need help?"

Carrie cringed "Well see the thing is, Devin can't see."

"Attempting to prove he's manly, it's gross."

"It'th not groth!" Devin on the other hand was riding a rock that he thought was a burro "I jutht got thome pepper juith in my eyeth, but I'm all good now! Giddy up!"

"...I think he's severely confused."

"No, he's just an idiot who's reeks of desperation. It's kind of cool." Ennui strapped Devin down onto the back of one of the burros and tied him on "There."

"Oh, well thanks Ennui."

"You're survivors, I feel a kinship. Let's just go before the Pros catch up."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point Owen was crawling his way out of the bushes with an empty roll of toilet paper in his hand "Noah… little buddy… pain… it's on fire… Mexico betrayed me… I can't go on… Go and save yourself…"

"Alright enough of that crap." Noah pimp slapped Owen across his chest "Listen and listen good chubby buddy, we started this race together and we're gonna finish it together. DJ once said a while back that Geoff had to be your hero, well now you've gotta be that for me." he held out his hand "Let's finish this together, if we go out then we go out in style."

"Noah…" Owen accepted the hand and started tearing up "That was SO BEAUTIFUL!" he pulled Noah into a bone crushing bear hug.

"And there goes my spine."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Another team wasa currently experiencing a form of road blockage.

Kevin was in the middle of a very one sided argument with his burro "Get the f*ck up you Winnie the Pooh reject, it's a bridge for crying out loud! This isn't Dora the Explorer, I'm not gonna give some bullshit magic word to make you cross. Oh is that how you wanna play it then fine, it's taser time."

"Wait a second, where the hell did you get a taser?" asked Gwen "And more importantly how the hell did you get that thing through customs?!"

"I highly doubt you'd want an answer to that." he looked over to see the burro sleeping "Oh for f*ck's sake!"

"Back it up Da Vinci rejects!" Josee and Jacques bolted past them on their burrows, with the former giving them what was not a thumbs up "See you at the finish, or not!"

"Oh that bitch is going down." Gwen dealt him a high five without even looking at him.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Josee suddenly stopped on the other side of the bridge "Hold on a minute Jacques, the stupid goth bunny is trying to squirm its way free and-" she was cut off when Loki suddenly burst out of her unitard and snarled at the burrows, which prompted them to throw Josee and Jacques off and run away, with Loki scampering off towards the Chill Zone.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don was waiting at the Chill Zone when he noticed Loki starting to sunbathe against a rock while wearing a pair of shades "Well he gets points for swagger."

"Until the Goths realize that it would ruin the whole goth thing." that was when Gwen showed up on her own burro "Hey Don, how's it going?"

"Okay I guess, although I can't help but notice that you're shy one loud, aggressive and potentially crack addicted partner."

"Yeah well I got tired of dealing with some annoying brain dead jackass, so I left him to deal with the burro."

"Oh. Huh."

"HEY!" that was when Josee and Jacques, the former being increasingly pissed off, stormed up to the carpet "There's only one of those rejects, the gold belongs to me!"

"Actually it doesn't, what does belong to you is a 30 minute penalty."

"What?! Why?!"

"Well two things. First of all, the two of you were supposed to arrive here on burrows not by foot. Second of all, you intentionally sabotaged two other teams!"

"What?! You don't have any proof of that!"

"You're on live reality TV, your every move is being watched by cameras. You can't even blink without us noticing."

"We didn't take the Goths' bunny and just because I gave burritos doused in laxatives to the Reality TV Pros doesn't mean that's sabotaging!"

"Well that's interesting, I never mentioned the Goths' bunny that happens to be sunbathing over there." he pointed to where Loki was sunbathing nearby "And for the record he also showed me the wrapper for a laxative does candy bar with your nail polish all over it. Plus I happened to be a member of the Toronto Sherlock Holmies association. But enough bragging about myself and referencing the Suite Life on Deck, 30 minute penalty and that's final."

"No!"

"Yes!" Gwen looked back "Kevin hurry up, you've got 30 minutes or we're gonna lose the lead to the Heather on ice skates!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Kevin looked up at the gigantic digital clock hovering over his head "So I've got 30 minutes then do I?" he looked down at his sleeping burro and ripped off his shirt and started beating on his chest like he was a blonde version of Tarzan.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

24 minutes and 10 seconds remained on the penalty timer.

Josee was growing increasingly impatient "Our 30 minutes has to be up by now!"

"Well believe it or not it isn't-" Don looked over and his eyes bulged "Oh. Wow."

Yeah it turns out Kevin was piggybacking the burrow instead of the other way around, and he wasn't even breathing hard "Push ups, sit ups and plenty of juice. Learn it, live it and love it bitches." he set the burrow down on the Carpet of Completion "Yeah that be how we do, Artists for the win mother f*ckers!"

"Profanities aside congratulations Artists, the two of you are in first place."

"Yeah!" Kevin dealt Gwen a swift high five "Take that you ice skating freaks, victory can be so damn sweet." he let out a belch "And kind of spicy, dammit now I want Doritos."

"Don't we all." Don quickly counted off Geoff and DJ as they arrived "Bromigos you're in second place."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"You know the best part about winning?" Gwen gave a smirk "It means that the Ice Dancers lose."

"You're damn right." Kevin started munching on some Doritos "Want some?"

"Cool Ranch?"

"Yep."

"...Alright, fork it over."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _As more and more teams start to near the Chill Zone, the Fashion Bloggers and Reality TV Pros are trailing far behind in a desperate attempt to catch up."_

Don was surprised to see Crimson arrive at the Chill Zone on her own "Crimson what the, where's Ennui?"

"Helping out fellow survivors." was all Crimson said.

"So you let him help another team stay in the race and potentially win the million instead of you?"

"Yep."

"...Just checking."

That was when Ennui showed up with Carrie and Devin and their burros "And that's why I became a goth."

Carrie blinked "Wow, I'm sorry about your dad."

"Oh don't even get me started again. Really it's my uncle's fault, pissing and moaning that he didn't have what my father did. And didn't he just ramble on, no wonder he was planted into a dumbass tree."

"...I'm not sure how to respond to that."

"You say that like any normal person could respond to that." Don cut into the conversation "And for the record you guys are on a TV show. Crimson and Ennui, Carrie and Devin you guys are tied for third ." this was met with a squeal from Carrie.

"Alright, we did it!"

"Yay…" Devin slowly lifted his head "Carrie, it's… I have to… you need to…"

"Devin, we really need to get you seen by the doctor. I'll be back soon okay? Just hang in there for now." and she left.

"...Okay."

"Putting that aside." Don took this chance to count off Tom and Jen as they arrived "Fashion Bloggers, the team actually in an alliance with the Best Friends but were nowhere to be seen with them in this challenge, you're in 5th place!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Okay I'd just like to point something out." Jen held up a hand to the camera "I said back in Hawaii that I could tell when love was in the air and Devin has been oozing the stuff ever since Indonesia, we've just been respecting his wishes and letting him sort himself out like good friends should."

Tom nodded "That and we've been collecting new materials for our blog, sombreros are gonna happen thanks to yours truly."

"Damn right." they high fived.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Carrie let out a sigh "I spoke with the doctor but he said that it could be at least a day or more before Devin will be able to see clearly."

"That'th okay, it'th heightened all of my other thentheth. Check thith out." Devin swatted at a nearby butterfly, only to face plant into the ground "Ow…"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Only about 5 minutes remain in the Ice Dancers' penalty and there's only one other team left that still has to reach the Chill Zone."_

Noah and Owen were bolting across the path to the Chill Zone "Come on come on, dammit at this race we're never gonna make it!"

"You don't have to worry about that little buddy, I've got us covered! All of the chimichangas and burritos and peppers have been building up for the Thundercracker to end all Thundercrackers!" Owen's stomach started rumbling, much to Noah's horror.

"Oh no, no no no no no! Just… no."

"I'm just as unhappy about this as you are but if you wanna win it for Emma then we don't have a choice! Now are you with me or not?!"

"...Light this candle and crack that thunder."

"Sir yes sir!" and with a thunderous roar, Owen unleashed an earth shattering fart that launched him, Noah and their burros high into the air, turning the sand beneath them to glass as they rocketed out of sight.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don was still waiting with the Ice Dancers "Only 20 seconds to go until the Ice Dancer's penalty is up and the Reality TV Pros are still nowhere in sight. It all comes down to this, which team will be able to beat the Mexican heat?" he paused and sniffed the air "Is that them?"

"THUNDERCRACKER INCOMING!" sure enough, Owen and Noah burst down towards the ground like a meteor, hitting the ground with a massive crash that left a cartoon style mushroom cloud explosion. When the smoke cleared, the two of them had crashed in a heap… a mere few feet away from the Chill Zone.

"So close and so awesome yet still coming up short." Don made the call just as the Ice Dancers slipped onto the carpet "Your penalty has expired, Ice Dancers you're in sixth." this was met with cheering from Jacques and snarling from Josee.

"Ow…"

"Reality TV Pros, you raced hard and well and make a very thunderous last stand. I'm sorry to tell you this, but you're out of the race."

"Okay… Can we just get a few minutes?"

"Oh yeah take your time." Don took this chance to sign off "Do you want to find out who's gonna get sent home next? The only way to find out is for you to keep watching… the Ridonculous Race!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Owen let out a sigh as he and Noah walked their way down the beach "You know as far as reality shows go, that got about as real as reality shows can get."

Noah nodded "Yeah tell me about it, before it started I didn't have a girlfriend or some kickass sword that I got from Adam and now I have both so this is definitely in my top 5."

"Sorry I blew it in the end though."

"What are you kidding? You rocked it, I'm proud of you big guy and now I have a newfound respect for your stomach."

"Thanks little buddy, and you know the million would've been nice but money isn't everything and I already won a million."

"You mean you won a hundred thousand but blew it for a chance at a million that you ended up losing to Duncan."

"Yeah. Oh."

"Yeah. Plus I'm dating a lawyer now so I'll never have to work again."

"Oh I'm sure Emma's gonna love to hear that, she is watching this you know."

"...Oh crap."

"So what reality show should we do next?"

"Oh didn't I tell you? We were asked to do the next season of-" he was cut off as the screen went to static.

 **A/N:**

 **This was a chapter that I had honestly been dreading ever since I did the Finland chapter for the first time, since getting rid of the Goths so early meant that I would have to create an entirely new plot, but now that I've written that plot point out I got to keep them in.**

 **So with this chapter, the Reality TV Pros are out of the race. I figured that by this point they had outlived their usefulness in this story, and the Noah lovers would be satisfied, so I decided that this was the best place to cut them. Besides, I wasn't ready to get rid of any of the other teams just yet. The whole thing about the burritos being given to them by the Ice Dancers (mainly Josee) was something from this one Ridonculous Race fic that I glanced at awhile back, but this time it was part of a double whammy in getting rid of either them or the Goths, and Josee's plan partially succeeded, but at the cost of them getting a double penalty: 10 minutes for losing the burros and 20 minutes for screwing over another team, or at least trying to.**

 **Owen's last stand (the fart) was filled with references to Total Drama World Tour episodes 17 and 19, Sweden Sour and Niagara Brawls. I thought that was a good way to close out this chapter.**

 **Also, did anyone catch the Team Four Star references in this chapter?**

 **In order to emphasize that the Goths are not getting eliminated, I thought it would be really funny if they planned for the Ice Dancers to try and steal Loki in order to screw with Josee.**

 **I gave the Ryan and Carrie scenes to Carrie and DJ instead because they already know each other from Total Drama and DJ is just one of those characters you can't help but love. I also added in the scenes with the Best Friends and the Goths for two reasons: Firstly, it's a reference to their interactions in the canon version of Lord of the Ring Toss (episode 17). Second, it's meant to foreshadow a plan that I have for the two teams in the next few chapters.**

 **Rankings:**

 **Artists: 1st**

 **Bromigos: 2nd**

 **Goths: tied for 3rd**

 **Best Friends: tied for 3rdh**

 **Fashion Bloggers: 5th**

 **Ice Dancers: 6th**

 **Elimination:**

 **Reality TV Pros: 7th**

 **Sisters: 8th**

 **Rockers: 9th**

 **Father & Son: 10th**

 **Stepbrothers: 11th**

 **Adversity Twins: 12th**

 **Mother & Daughter: 13th**

 **Ultimate Duo: 14th**

 **Vegans: 15th**

 **Geniuses: 16th**

 **Tennis Rivals: 17th**

 **LARPers: 18th**


	22. Ca-Noodling

" _Last time on the Ridonculous Race: Things got super spicy in Mexico, and rhymey. Devin picked a potent pepper in an attempt to impress Carrie, but the pepper won. The Ice Dancers were headed for gold until in a surprising move Kevin's cartoony levels of upper body strength managed to get the job done. The Ice Dancers may have failed at grasping the gold and ousting the creepy Goths, but they did succeed in getting the Reality TV Pros cut from the race. Who's going to disappear this week? The only way to find out is to watch right here and right now. This is… the Ridonculous Race!"_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

As is the usual routine, Don stood next to the Chill Zone from the day before, now equipped with a new Don Box for the next leg of the race and some samba music "Hola compadres and welcome back to Mexico, where the Artists are the first to depart from the starting line of today's race and Kevin is the first to depart from whatever shame he may have as he taunts the 6th place by penalty Ice Dancers."

"This one is just for you ya Heather reject." Kevin started dabbing Power Ranger style, much to the amusement of the other teams.

"And scratch that, he has no shame."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"These last few legs of the race have been pretty average, but that ends now." Gwen's resolve seemed firm "From now on we stay in the winner's circle by any means necessary."

"Any means necessary, sounds like music to my ears." Kevin let out a wistful sigh "So does this mean that-"

"No, just no."

"You don't even know what I was gonna say."

"And I'm about 95% sure that I don't want to know."

"...I've taught you well young grasshopper."

"You've taught me absolutely nothing."

"And that means that I've taught you well."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Josee was foaming at the mouth for like the umpteenth time "We not only lost the gold but we ended up in the bottom two AGAIN, but the Goths are still in the race! Well at least we got rid of those annoying pros, now it's only a matter of time. We won the bronze medal for treachery, the silver will be getting rid of those Gothic vampires and then we'll finally get rid of the Artists for good!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Putting Josee's ever destabilizing sanity aside for the moment, Gwen picked up the first tip of the day from the Don Box "Looks like we're going to Can Tho Vietnam."

"That sounds like something out of a video game." Kevin noted.

"Or a movie."

"Or anime."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Can Tho is not only a great name for a Disney style movie villain, it's also the largest city in the thriving Mekong Delta of Vietnam. Each of our 6 remaining teams will find their next tip located along the infamous Mekong River, where the fish are as plentiful as they are pungent. No seriously, they smell like Owen."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Devin was the fourth one to collect a tip from the Don Box, but thanks to his pepper juice incident from the day before he couldn't read it "Uh… it says… you know what screw it." he handed it to Carrie "Here, you read it while I get us a taxi. Taxi!" he bolted off, only for it to be followed by a loud crash.

"The road is the other way." Carrie pointed out.

"I knew that!" he bolted the other way, followed by another crash "Ow…"

"...Yeah, this is gonna be a long day."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Devin let out a sigh "It turns out I'm violently allergic to hot peppers, especially when I accidentally rub some of them into my eyes so my vision is still kind of off right now. But just don't tell Carrie about that alright? I'm trying to impress her so that I can lay the land for when I tell her that I'm in love with her."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By now the 6 remaining teams were trying to hail taxis.

"Taxi, hey taxi over here!" believe it or not, despite his poor eyesight Devin was able to hail a taxi fairly easily, but then he grabbed Loki from where he was in Ennui's hand "Come on hurry up Carrie, there's no time to waste- Wow your hand is really hairy. Drive drive drive!" and so the taxi took off.

"...So." Carrie turned back to Crimson and Ennui "You guys wanna share a cab?"

"Fine." so Ennui hailed a taxi and the three of them set off "You realize that Devin probably won't survive that cab ride, Loki doesn't deal well with strangers."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Devin heard a snarling noise and rubbed his eyes just enough to be able to see the form of a clearly pissed off Loki glaring up at him "What the- Where the heck is Carrie? Oh man is she in a cab alone with the Goths?" he then proceeded to get mauled by Loki, which made for a very painful cab ride."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Loki doesn't like strangers." explained Ennui "Especially ones who reek of happiness and desperation."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Ennui, Crimson and Carrie all met up with Loki and a severely injured Devin at the airport and found the former holding the tickets for the Goths and the letter holding the tickets for both himself and Carrie "You have our tickets. Good job Loki. Come on, let's go already." and so the three of them took off.

"Oh good you got our tickets. Come on, let's hurry and get our seats." so Carrie grabbed the tickets from Devin and took off.

"R-Right, coming!" and so Devin took off in the wrong direction once again, resulting in another crash "Ow…"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _All 6 of our remaining teams have boarded the same flight to Vietnam, and when they land it will be a race to find taxis."_

Sure enough, the Best Friends, the Goths, the Ice Dancers and the Artists were able to secure taxis fairly easily. Unfortunately, this left the Bromigos and the Fashion Bloggers without any luck.

Jen let out a groan "Oh man there aren't any more cabs and we're the only teams left, now what are we gonna do?"

"Hey check these out." Geoff pointed to where some rickshaws were parked nearby "Tell you what, I'll drive the thing and you guys just kick back and enjoy the scenery."

"Wow, that's…"

"Chivalrous? Well I'm trying to take a few cues from another guy's book. Oh and Jen?"

"Yeah?"

"...Nevermind, just go ahead and kick back." he started pedaling once they were all on board the rickshaw "Let's move it, to the Can Tho river!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

DJ looked at Geoff and raised an eyebrow "You're really throwing me for a loop dude, why not just ask the girl out? She's right there and you're basically driving her white horse."

"Because I don't wanna take any chances of screwing this up with her." Geoff told him like it was obvious "I'm trying to wait for the right moment and that moment isn't when you're pulling a rickshaw in Vietnam and sweating like a pig while your cowboy hat is starting to slide off because your White Stallion Glue is being melted by the Vietnamese sun!"

"So then when is the right moment?"

"I don't have a freaking clue!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It wasn't long before the Ice Dancers and the Artists arrived at the Can Tho river and were making a beeline for the Don Box "Bye bye losers, see you at the finish line!"

"Not on your life ice bitch!" Kevin tackled both of them to the ground "Go for it Pasty, grab the tip!"

"I'm on it." Gwen picked up the tip from the Don Box "It says here that we're doing something called a Superteam challenge."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"Let me read it and I'll tell you, it says that three teams are gonna have to go catfish noodling together."

"Super noodle what now?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Catfish noodling is a local fishing technique in which people use their fingers as bait for the catfish that are as big as they are disgusting. In this superteam challenge, teams must work in groups of 6, counting people not teams, and collectively noodle six catfish in order to receive their next tip. And as an added bonus, if a superteam manages to catch the catfish branded for the Ridonculous Race then they'll receive what's referred to as a Zip It Ticket, which will allow all three of those teams to skip the next challenge and go straight to today's Chill Zone. And as always, the last team to arrive here may be cut from the race."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Josee looked like she was trying not to gag "Well then I guess we have no choice, we'll have to work… together." her voice sounded like it was filled to the bring with disgust." this was met with a gasp from Kevin and a hard glare from Gwen.

Jacques on the other hand shuddered "I cannot stand fish, they're so slimy and wiggly and they always try to slap me with their fins!"

"Yeah well I don't care, we need that branded fish in order to get back the gold that we rightfully deserve and I'll do anything that I have to in order to get it even if it means working with these rejects."

"You realize we're standing right here." Gwen pointed out.

"Yeah I know."

"Just checking. So anyway it looks like it's gonna be you guys, the two of us and the next team that shows up. We might as well get a boat while we're waiting."

"I guess."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It wasn't long before the rest of the teams arrived and started to collect their tips.

Carrie was the first of the stragglers to grab a tip, due to Devin still having poor eyesight "It's a Superteam challenge!" she looked back to see the Goths show up "Hey maybe could work together with them."

"Which ones though?" asked Devin "I mean us and the Fashion Bloggers are in an alliance so that makes two teams."

"True, but as for the third team why not go with DJ and Geoff? I mean you've seen DJ's arms before, add his heart into that mix and he's basically a superhero."

"But then again the Goths helped us out yesterday so we owe them."

"Enough with the talking." Ennui stepped up to them "Let's just go, us and your alliance. Better than working with the Ice Dancers."

"True." he looked over at Carrie and let out a sigh when he thought she couldn't hear him "Man this sucks."

"Still making a fool out of yourself?

"Yeah, what's wrong with me? The more I try to tell her I'm in love with her the more that I screw it up, plus my eyes don't help that. I've gotta prove to her that I'm her knight in shining armor and then I'll tell her I'm in love with her, and then everything will be great. It's totally foolproof." he put some drops into his eyes.

"Proof that you're a fool."

"Yeah. Hey!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Not long after that, Geoff pulled up with DJ and the Fashion Bloggers while he was driving the rickshaw and sweating like crazy "Oh thank god… I can breathe again…"

"Hey don't sweat it, you pulled through like a champ." in a surprising move, Jen gave Geoff a quick kiss on the cheek before grabbing a tip from the Don Box "Well that's interesting, we've gotta work in teams of six."

"Oh cool so that means we get to work in a team with whoever else right?"

"Well…" she gestured to to where the Best Friends and the Goths were sitting in their own boat nearby, with Devin waving in the wrong direction, only to fall into the water.

"Oh. Well what are you gonna do right?" he seemed rather bittersweet about it as he proceeded to follow DJ into the boat with the Artists and the Ice Dancers "So… good luck then." and so the three teams of the yet to be formed Axis of Evil took off.

"Yeah, you too." so with that in mind, Jen and Tom made their way over to the boat that was housing the Best Friends and the Goths "Hey guys, what's up?"

"Hey." was the simultaneous chorus of Ennui and Crimson.

"So… how do you think the first team is holding up?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Josee was quick to lose her temper "For crying out loud Jacques, will you just get in here and noodle us some fish already?! For the love of gold this is just fish, and take off those stupid sparkly gloves you moron!"

"Not even when hell freezes over!" Jacques and his sparkly gloves remained firm in their position and resolve "I may be willing to stick my bare hand in a glove full of bullet ants but I would rather die than put my hands anywhere near the mouth of a fish, they're too cold and too slimy. It's like having your grandmother lick her own feet and then force you to give her a foot rub!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point, the second Superteam had already set sail.

Carrie watched as Devin looked out the bow of the boat and turned back to the Goths "You know it's kind of weird, Devin's been so sweet lately so if I didn't know any better then I might let myself think… No, I no longer read into every little thing that he says or does. Unless the two of you think that I should." this was met with a snarl from Loki "Alright sorry, unless the three of you think that I should." this was met with more snarling from Loki "Huh?"

Ennui was quick to translate "Loki says that you can do one of two things. Your first option is to just push those feelings deep down inside and ignore them until they're basically nonexistent."

"Okay…"

"Your second option is to let your feelings out and see where they might lead you on the path of life."

"Wow. And that all came from the rabbit?"

"He's smarter than most humans." this was met with chipering from Loki.

"Huh, well maybe I should-"

"Hey Carrie check it out, I found this bucket of chum to attract the fish to us!" and then the boat hit a rock, causing Devin to accidentally spill the chum all over Carrie.

"...Feelings being pushed down. Down. And now they're gone." this was met with a chirp of disapproval from Loki as he handed her a cloth "Thank you."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Loki usually doesn't deal well with strangers, but he does know hopeless romantic cases when he sees one." Ennui was met with a chipper from Loki

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The first team was progressing well, more or less.

Gwen was able to use the noodling technique to catch a fish on her hand "Alright it's gross but effective, I've got one!"

"Get the f*ck over here!" Kevin ripped one of the fish out of the water with his bare hands, which turned out to be extremely effective "And who says doing things like you're a blonde version of the Hulk doesn't work, I guess it's just my natural charisma."

"Oh and don't forget the face, personality and odor." Josee offered her two cents "You don't have the same breeding as someone like me."

"Hence why I don't lick myself in front of other people." this was met with a snarl, but other than that it shut her up.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point Jen was directing the rest of the Superteam on searching for fish "Alright guys listen up, chances are there's at least some fish right underneath us so let's take different areas for now. Crimson and Ennui, you guys go over to that side and try to scare the fish towards where me and Carrie at the bow so we can use the noodling thing to catch them. Devin and Tom will take them off of our hands, literally, and stick them in the boat."

"Fine." so Crimson and Ennui stepped out of the boat and sunk down into the water in a very ominous way.

Carrie and Jen took this chance to start searching for fish "Here fishy fishy."

"Okay ew ew ew!" Jen suddenly found a fish sucking on her hand "I got one, oh good god it feels so slimy and weird on my hand!"

"Hey I got one too!" Carrie found her own fish stuck to her hand "Oh man this feels so weird and not in a good way."

"Take them take them take them!"

"Please just take them!"

"I've got it!" so Devin leaned in to take the fish from Carrie's hand, only for it to start repeatedly slapping him "Ow ow ow-"

"Oops, sorry. Here Devin, try it this way." so Carrie turned it around, only for the fish to just up and blast Devin in the face with water.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Devin let out a sigh "Man I just can't do anything right today can I? I have to find some kind of way to show Carrie that I'm her knight in shining armor, her hero. Come on Devin, wake up and get a grip already!" he started slapping himself "Ow."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Others were having about as much luck as him.

Geoff had managed to catch a fish with his bare hands, only for it to slap them with its tail "Easy little fish, you don't wanna make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry." his response was the fish raising its tails and several more appearing before slapping him repeatedly, causing him to scream in pain and everyone watching to cringe.

DJ and Gwen on the other hand manage to bring up two of their own fish "Not to bad of a job so far teammate."

"Right back at you." Gwen shot him a small smile "Kind of brings back some memories of World Tour."

"Yeah- Hey where did Kevin and Josee go?"

"...Oh crap."

"GET OVER HERE!" somehow Josee had managed to tackle Kevin inside the boat and was trying to bludgeon him with a fish, and Kevin was attempting to do the same.

"Oh for f*ck's sake!" Gwen kicked both of them in the face and held Kevin back, with Jacques doing the same to Josee "Will you two get a hold of yourselves? In case you two haven't noticed, we're losing right now!" she pointed over to the other Superteam.

As it turns out, Jen had managed to catch the fourth fish "Nice work you guys, now we only have to more to go!"

"Do you see what they're doing that we're not?"

"They're…" Josee tried to bite back the bile "They're… cooperating. Well isn't that just perfect, I wasn't born with that gene!"

"Look I think it goes without saying that we hate each other and Kevin lacks the restraint necessary to hold back that hatred."

"Well of course, what's your point?"

"My point is that right now can we hate the thought of losing to them even more to the rest of those teams?"

"...I hate when goths make sense, and what's worse is that I think that you might be right about this. Fine, we'll call a truce but just until the other teams are gone."

"Agreed. So going back to what our strategy should be…"

"I have an idea." Josee pointed to where a crocodile was sleeping nearby "Anyone love a good little bit of sabotage?"

"If it means that I get to wrestle with a crocodile then I'm all for it." and so Kevin proceeded to make his way over to the crocodile.

Gwen on the other hand was left with a horrible realization "I think I just created some kind of Axis of Evil."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Devin was looking out at the Can Tho river, his eyes still very blurred ' _Oh god come on, where the heck is it?'_

"Oh wow look at that!" Josee pointed to the giant crocodile near the rocks "Did you see that absolutely massive catfish over by the rocks? I have to admit it would take quite the impressive man to catch a beast like that. I would be all over him!"

' _...And just like that Adam's not the only one who knows how to get the girl. All I have to do is catch the mega catfish, Carrie swoons over it, I tell her I'm in love with her and then we get our happily ever after.'_ so with that in mind, Devin made his way over to the rocks "Well they said over by the rocks so here goes." and so he grabbed the giant catfish (actually the crocodile) by the tail and dragged it over.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Ennui dropped the last catfish into the boat "There, that's all six."

"You guys wait here, Tom and I will go get the judge." and so Jen and Tom swam off to get the judge.

"Where did Devin go?"

"I've got one!" that was when Devin came back over "Oh man do I've got one, it's kind of a biter but man this oughta get us some major cred!"

"...Where to begin with what is wrong with this picture."

"What?"

"First of all, you're covered in bloody bite marks and not in a good way. Second of all, you're still having eye problems aren't you?"

"No. Maybe. Why do you ask?"

"Because that's not a catfish, that's a crocodile."

"What? No it's not! Is it?" this was met with a growl as the crocodile chomped onto Devin's arm and dragged him underwater.

"Devin!" Carrie let out a horrified gasp.

"Hold on, I've got him." Ennui slowly sunk underwater.

"Are they gonna be okay?"

"They'll be fine, and chances are he'll have some new boots." Crimson told her.

"...Okay."

"Here they are sir." that was when Tom and Jen came back over "We collected all six catfish just like we were instructed to and now they're ready for counting, you'd better be sure to have that tip ready- Why is the water red and black?"

That was when Ennui rose up from the water in an ominous way, now wearing a belt and vest made up of crocodile skin holding Devin by the wrist "Hey."

"Hey. Where did you get the croc skin stuff?"

"...Found it."

"Oh. Well… nice."

"Thanks." he dropped some of Devin's eyedrops into his eyes and slapped him once straight across the face.

Devin bolted upwards "Back off croc I saw every Karate Kid movie and I'm not afraid to imitate it- Oh hey I can see, thanks man."

"Sure."

Jen took this chance to receive the tip from the judge "Looks like it's an All In, something about getting lost and found underground."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _For this All In challenge, each of our six remaining teams must take taxis to the famous Vietnamese wartime tunnels. Somewhere in said tunnels we've placed a Don Box with their next tip containing directions to the Chill Zone. But they had better be sure to be careful, the tunnels are riddled with decades worth of traps, dead ends and more than a few spiders. With any luck a certain someone might get the chance he needs to be a hero. Hint hint."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Josee could not have been more pissed when she watched the other Superteam ride off towards the caves "What?! You mean to tell me that I… cooperated… for nothing!"

"I'm pretty sure sabotage doesn't count as cooperation." Gwen pointed out.

"Shut up you gothic vampire-" she was cut off by a shriek.

Jacques pointed to where the catfish with the Ridonculous Race logo could be seen in the distance "There's the branded catfish, I see it! Hurry, someone come over and-" the catfish chomped onto his hand, causing him to shriek in pure horror "GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF!" and yet this was still enough for the judge to hand them the Zip It Ticket.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _While team evil, if it could really be called that, collect their Zip It Ticket and cruise their way straight to the Chill Zone, the other three teams at the underground tunnels in order to start the second challenge."_

Jen and Tom poked their heads into the cavern and both of them cringed "Looks kind of creepy in there."

"Really? I haven't felt this happy in days." Ennui commented "This place reminds me a lot of those catacombs in France, it could be an amusement park or a camp for kids."

"...Yeah, anyway let's just hurry up and get this over with fast." and so the three teams rushed into the cavern, only to find three caves leading to three different paths.

"So does this mean that we're all on our own now?" asked Devin.

"Well we're in an alliance but…" she gestured to the Goths.

"Oh. Right. Wow, this is awkward-"

"Save the attempts to spare us from the awkwardness." Ennui cut him off "We'll just give you some kind of signal like a bird noise or something when we find the Don Box. Either that or we'll just have Loki signal you in some way."

"...Oh. Well okay then, come on homie let's go." Devin grabbed Carrie by the hand and led her down the tunnel to the left, with the Goths going down the tunnel to the right.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don on the other hand was standing with the Ice Dancers, the Artists and the Bromigos at the Chill Zone "While the three teams tied for last place all split up and two of them are being consumed by awkward temptations to betray the third one, our Axis of Corruption is in a three way tie for first place. Congratulations you three."

"Wait we're called what now?" DJ and Geoff chorused.

"Say what you will but it doesn't have that terrible of a sound to it." Jacques pointed out "I know this might not seem ideal to any of you, but what would you say if we kept this alliance for the time being, at least until the final three?"

"...Fine, put her there partner." and so Josee shook hands with both Gwen and Kevin, snarling at them as she did.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Geoff cringed at the thought "I don't know about this man, Jen and me have sort of hooked up. I think. I just don't really feel right about joining an alliance without her."

"Yeah I get you." DJ put a hand on his shoulder "And frankly as tight as me and Gwen are I don't trust the Ice Dancers, and knowing what that chick's kind can be like I say we steer clear of them."

"Thanks man, and you know I think that now I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna go and ask Jen out when she gets here."

"Good for you man, good for you." and so they bro hugged.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Josee let out a scoff, a venomous smirk plastered across her face "Of course this isn't a real alliance, we're just playing with the Artists. All we have to do is let them think that they're safe and when their guard is down-"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"We take this to their throats." Kevin held up Gwen's Dragonfang "And then it's a one way ticket through the Drop of Shame."

"Okay when we get home I'm sending you to therapy. And give me that back." Gwen snatched the Dragonfang away from him "And stop using magic tricks to steal that thing out of my pocket!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _The race for first place is over, as is the race for the top three, and now the three sub teams of the Superteam are battling it out to not come in last. And getting caught by booby traps in every direction. And making fools out of themselves by trying to act mocho. And some are doing other things."_

Crimson, Ennui and Loki slowly walked down their path, taking in the darkness, until they stopped at a dead end "It's a dead end."

"Maybe. Or…" Ennui sat Loki down on the ground and watched him go to work on the wall.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Devin looked up as he saw the cavern roof shaking slightly as a result of Loki going to work on the wall ' _Okay Devin you've gotta take that as a sign, you've gotta tell Carrie how you feel just in case you end up buried alive._ Hey Carrie, we need to talk."

"What's up?" asked Carrie.

"There's something that I've been wanting to tell you for awhile. I know you're probably still mad about the tiger thing in Vegas but it was thanks to that incident that I realized something really important."

"What's that?"

"Carrie… I-" he was cut off when the ground beneath Carrie suddenly crumbled, leaving her dangling over a pit of spikes "Carrie!"

"Devin help, pull me up! Please!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point, Jen and Tom were both wandering in complete darkness "Eesh, who the heck turned out the lights?"

"I know right? Oh wait hang on, I have matches." Tom lit one, only to shriek in terror when he saw that he was covered in spiders, causing him to drop the match.

Jen lit another one and used it to light a torch "Okay Tom it looks like all of the spiders are gone so you can stop clinging to my leg now."

"...I'm not clinging onto your leg, I'm just making sure that there aren't any spiders crawling up your legs."

"You're a terrible liar." Jen pulled Tom to his feet "Come on, let's just go and keep looking for the Don Box."

"Right." the two of them started walking "So… You gonna ask out Geoff or not?"

"I did tell you before that I didn't want to get involved with anything like that until after the race was over, but then again after watching Devin spend the past two days trying to make a fool out of himself for Carrie I think that as much as I do like Geoff I think it's best if I spare him from the same fate."

"And how much he made a fool of himself for the blonde surfer girl during Total Drama Island a few years ago."

"...For the surfer girl, right."

"Hey easy, she's already been dating that friend of Devin and Carrie for a year so I don't think you have anything to worry about-"

"Oh look there's the Don Box." Jen gestured to the Don Box in the middle of the large cave area, only for this to be followed by a very loud scream "Hey Tom?"

"Yeah?"

"Did that sound to you like it was a good scream or a bad scream?"

"That was a bad scream, definitely a bad scream."

"...You think it was Devin?"

"No, I mean he's not exactly Hercules but he's also not, well me. That was definitely Carrie that was screaming."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Devin was trying, and failing, to pull Carrie out of the hole "Don't worry Carrie I'll pull you out in a second, just hang on for a little bit longer!"

"I'm holding on as much as I can but I'm slipping!" by this point Carrie was coming off as pretty much hysterical "Please just don't let go!"

"I'll never let go, no matter what happens I'll never let go!" and then he started slipping and nearly fell into the hole with her, until he felt something grab onto his leg, which allowed him to get a grip and pull Carrie out of the hole to relative safety "Oh man that was close." he looked back.

As it turns out it was Ennui and Crimson pulling on him by the back of his shirt "Hey, you guys alright?"

"Yeah, thanks to you." he glanced over to the now clearly visible hole in the wall "Did you guys bust through that wall?"

"No, Loki ate our way through." this was followed by a snarl as Loki spat out a few chunks of rubble.

"...Cool. So about the whole alliance thing-"

"We usually don't do alliances, you guys aren't dark enough to meet our normal standards. But still, you have honor."

"So is that a yes or a no?"

"More like, let's wait and see how things play out." this was followed by squawking noises sounding in the distance "Is that the signal?"

"I don't think we ever agreed on a signal."

"...Oh yeah." and yet they still took off in that direction regardless.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jen slapped a hand over Tom's mouth "What the heck are you doing? I just asked if we should signal the other teams, I never said to do it!"

"What are we supposed to do, just leave them down here?" Tom protested.

"...Alright you got me there." this was followed by the other teams showing up "And it's too late now."

Ennui was the first one to pull out a tip from the Don Box "It's a map to the Chill Zone. Come on, let's go." and so he, Crimson and Loki all took off running, with Carrie and the Fashion Bloggers following right behind him.

Devin, now covered in both sweat and shame, looked at the camera and let out a sigh filled with shame, humiliation and remorse "And just like that I'm an idiot all over again, the more I try to impress her the more I come off as a grand f*ck up-"

"Devin come on, hurry up!" Carrie's voice rang throughout the cavern.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _It's one final dash to the Chill Zone and to not come in last, I can't wait to see who it's gonna turn out to be!"_

Tom and Jen found themselves pulling ahead of Devin and Carrie "Do you think we should let them pass us?"

Jen looked back at the Best Friends, then back at Tom "Well Devin is gonna need a lot of time to work out telling Carrie how he feels and I don't wanna ask Geoff out until after the race is over anyway, so they need it more than we do. Let's do it."

"Alright. 1… 2… 3!" and so they suddenly slowed their pace, allowing the Best Friends to overtake them.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don was quick to count off the Goths once they arrived at the Chill Zone, with the Best Friends following not long after "Goths you're in fourth place and that means it's fifth place for the Best Friends, you guys are still in the race!"

"YES!" Devin and Carrie wrapped each other in a sweaty hug "I actually did it, I didn't screw it up! Well not too bad anyway."

"Uh, Devin?" Carrie pulled away from him due to the fact that he was sweating like a dirty pig in the middle of August.

"Oh yeah right, sorry. I guess I'm kind of sweaty."

"Not really. Hey homie, back in the tunnels I think you were gonna say something? Trying to tell me something that sounded important?"

"...Yeah you know what, I think that can wait. I mean Tom and Jen just let us pass them so that means…"

"That they just sacrificed themselves so that we could stay in the race."

"Yeah."

"...You're right, whatever is going on between us can wait." and yet she let out a sigh as her thoughts began drifting with the wind ' _Devin nearly cost us the race today, what's been going on with him lately? It's like the longer we're in this race the less I actually know him. I want to win the million but with my best friends, not some total stranger.'_

Sure enough, Don took the chance to address the Fashion Bloggers "I'm sorry you two, but you're out of the race. You can take a moment to say your goodbyes." and so he walked off.

Jen held out a hand to stop Devin and Carrie before either of them could say anything "Don't bother guys, it's okay. We made the choice on our own and you need this race right now way more than we do. Just make sure you win it, for our sake."

Devin and Carrie shared a look and nodded "Yeah, for sure."

"And one other thing, just make sure that whatever happens you don't give up on your true feelings." she glanced over to see the Bromigos and the Artists standing a few feet away, having come to see her and Tom off "Just like how I can't give up on mine."

That was when Geoff made his way over to her "So this is it then."

"I guess so."

"I'm really gonna miss you."

"I'm gonna miss you too."

"You know I would never be part of screwing over you guys like that Ice Dancer chick did. I would never do that babe, you're the girl for me."

"Aww aren't you sweet." she wrapped her arms around his neck and gave him a quick kiss on the lips while leaving a card in his hand "Call that a little goodbye present, why don't you give me a call once the race is over?"

"...Okay." and then he fainted.

"Kiss of death, works every time." and so with that, the Fashion Bloggers took their leave from the race in style.

"And so does this." Don took this chance to sign off "So five teams move on to the next round but the question remains, who will survive the set of challenges that have still yet to come? The only way to find out is to keep on watching… the Ridonculous Race!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Tom let out a sigh "You know I wouldn't call this a failure in any way, we made it all the way to the top six and we kicked butt while we did it."

Jen nodded "Oh yeah totally, we nearly died so many times on that skywalk and in the geyser field and on that vine and everything else up to this point. But regardless of that we did it, and we looked good while we did it and we even made some new friends along the way. Plus I got a new boyfriend out of it."

"Yeah you got that right, yay us!"

"Doing a race like this is a huge test of how strong your friendship is and I think we did pretty great."

"Greater than great."

"Now come on, let's go home. We've got a blog to update." and with that, Tom and Jen walked off into the sunset in style.

 **A/N:**

 **And with this chapter, the Best Friends are once again on their own. I originally planned for the Fashion Bloggers to make it to at least the final four, but after I wrote the Goths back into the story I shuffled my plan around and now I decided that it was best if the Fashion Bloggers went now. Besides, there was no way I was gonna axe the Bromigos like they did the Surfers just to bring them back later.**

 **Okay to be completely honest, the Ice Dancers are the only team with any evil competitors (Josee) left, so choosing teams for the temporary Axis of Evil was pretty hard. But in the end, I decided to stick the Bromigos and the Artists in because, as a wise man once said, you have to keep your friends close and keep your enemies closer. Plus I didn't want to get rid of either of those teams just yet.**

 **Geoff getting slapped by the fish off screen is a reference to Total Drama Island episode 20, Wawanakwa Gone Wild, when he gets attacked by the beavers.**

 **Geoff's goodbye with Jen is based on his goodbye with Bridgette in Total Drama Island. The main reason why I'm including all of these references to the earlier seasons of Total Drama is, well it's kind of complicated. See I was looking over a few episode of Total Drama All Stars since I plan to do that for another fic later on, and I looked over a few things like people complaining about the character derailment. At first it was mainly the big things like certain specific episodes (Mood Madness, You Regatta Be Kidding Me, Sundae Muddy Sundae), but there were a bunch of little things like Lindsay being weak during the first episode and Courtney not being able to handle gross foods and other stuff. I realized just how easy it can be to lose track of hardcore Total Drama facts like Lindsay actually being super strong from shopping (which isn't really that important in my opinion), or Lindsay being dumbed down to what would be the albino daughter of Peter Griffin, Cosmo from the Fairly Oddparents and modern day Patrick Star and everything bad about the two of them combined, or even with things like Courtney having a super strong stomach (Chinese Fake Out), or her being lactose intolerant (Dial M for Merger). I know a lot of you will undoubtedly disagree with this, but now I kind of understand at least some of those writers on some level. Now I get it on some level, if you wanna be successful with these things then you've gotta make sure you know these things by heart. That was the mistake that Ed MacDonald made, and I want to make sure that I don't make the same mistake.**

 **As a heads up, next chapter one of the five remaining teams WILL be eliminated from the race, thus making Darjeeling a non elimination round. I have a plan for that which mainly revolves around character development for a few specific characters.**

 **Just so you know, this is the last update for this story (and my second to last update in general) before Thanksgiving, so in that case, happy thanksgiving guys.**

 **Rankings:**

 **Ice Dancers: tied for 1st**

 **Artists: tied for 1st**

 **Bromigos: tied for 1st**

 **Goths: 4th**

 **Best Friends: 5th**

 **Elimination:**

 **Fashion Bloggers: 6th**

 **Reality TV Pros: 7th**

 **Sisters: 8th**

 **Rockers: 9th**

 **Father & Son: 10th**

 **Stepbrothers: 11th**

 **Adversity Twins: 12th**

 **Mother & Daughter: 13th**

 **Ultimate Duo: 14th**

 **Vegans: 15th**

 **Geniuses: 16th**

 **Tennis Rivals: 17th**

 **LARPers: 18th**


	23. How Deep is Your Love?

" _Last time on the Ridonculous Race: There are plenty of fish in the sea, but none of them were as ugly as the ones we saw last week in Vietnam. Devin's eye problems gave his team a real disadvantage, but it actually worked out for them in the most grotesque way that we could allow on television. A temporary three way alliance tied the Axis of Semi Evil, those being the Ice Dancers, the Bromigos and the Artists for first place, while the other three team alliance, those being the Best Friends, the Fashion Bloggers and Goths, was forced to head underground. In the end we had to say goodbye to the Fashion Bloggers, I will never be able to look at a fez the same way again. Anyway hopefully this week I get to kick off a team that I don't like. You'd better stick around, the time has come for more of… the Ridonculous Race!"_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Like always, Don stood at the Chill Zone from the day before, now equipped with a Don Box for the race ahead "Welcome back to Vietnam, the Chill Zone from yesterday and the starting line for today. Only five teams remain in our race around the world for one million dollars and our teams in the Axis of Corruption have the advantage in numbers and in order of receiving their tips." he looked to see the Ice Dancers, the Artists and DJ waiting at the Don Box "Only one of them is missing." this was followed by wails of sorrow in the distance.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Let me just say for the record that this alliance is not us being buddy buddy with the Ice Dancers now." explained Gwen "All we're doing is begrudgingly agreeing to put up with people that we hate."

Kevin nodded "Yeah you got that right, like the fact that Cody helped you hook up with Trent back in season 1 only for him to get mauled by a bear in return."

"Don't remind me, he still has the scars on his butt."

"Is that so?" Kevin's shit eating grin widened "And you would know that how?"

"Are you trying to get me to admit to that on international TV?"

"Yep."

"...I hate you."

"I bask in your hate."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Josee opened up another confessional, her expression increasingly smug "If I get a chance to eliminate the Bromigos or those worthless freaky Goths then we'll take it, and now that the Fashion Bloggers are gone the Best Friends are all on their own so everything will probably just blow up in their faces."

"So what about the Artists?" asked Jacques "At least they didn't back out on the Axis of Corruption alliance like the Bromigos did."

"Does it look like I care? Those two are even worse than the Goths, as far as I'm concerned if we get the chance to eliminate them then we make it look like an accident. Oh what just happened, how did she end up so disfigured? Oh wait, that's the face of defeat!" she started cackling in a maniacal way.

"...Oh joy."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

DJ cringed as he listened to Geoff wailing in the distance "Yeah Geoff has been having a pretty rough time accepting the fact that the Fashion Bloggers, poor guy doesn't handle these things very well."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Sure enough, Geoff was standing in the middle of the lake for no good reason singing some crappily done song like an idiot " **Baby come back! Any kind of fool can see…** something and something, uh… **About you! Hey Jen, sending out mutual love to…** uh… **Wherever it is that elimination takes you!"**

"CHÀO!" some angry vietnamese guy that was in the middle of catfish noodling stormed his way over to Geoff and slapped him across the face with a catfish "Im đi đằng kia! Chúng tôi đang cố gắng làm việc cho bạn thằng ngốc!"

"Ow… Sorry sir."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

So once that whole mess was out of the way, Gwen was the first one to pick up a tip from the Don Box, with Josee and DJ right behind them "Looks like we have to catch the next flight to Siberia."

"You mean that Dutch comedy movie from the 90's?" asked Kevin, earning a number of weirded out looks "What? I know stuff."

"It's the province in Russia you crack addict."

"Oh cool, I hear they're building the world's largest cake."

"Oh really, what flavor?"

"It's cake, does it really matter?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Well then Kevin also knows this, Siberia is a massive province of Russia that's home to the siberian tiger, the siberian husky and probably anything else prefaced with the word Siberia in front of it. According to Wikipedia anyway. Now then, teams must travel to a certain Russian airport and find the Don Box dressed in the ushanka, the furry Russian hat, in order to retrieve their next travel tips."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By now all five of the remaining teams had gotten into taxis and were racing their way to the airport.

Kevin and Gwen took this chance to try and plan out some strategies "I say we try and go after the Goths, knowing how unnaturally kickass the three of them are they've got the best chance at winning the race right now."

"Or we could go after the Ice Dancers." Gwen suggested "They wouldn't be expecting it because of this new alliance which we all know is obviously fake, we can just grab that scrawny little bitch by her-"

"Yeah I know, I've been dreaming about that since the race started. But we've gotta play this one step at a time, this whole race is like a game of chess. A good number of the pawns have been taken out, now all that's left is the king in the form of the Ice Dancers and three knights in the form of the Best Friends, the Goths and the Bromigos. I say the Ice Dancers go next and we take the other three teams to the final four."

"And who do we take to the finale?"

"Best Friends, calling it now. First we off the Fairy Tail style ice demons, then we off the two big dog teams, give Devin and Carrie enough time to hook up out of respect for them and for Adam, and then we collect our winnings."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Crimson looked over at Ennui as they rode in their own cab "You've been so friendly with the Best Friends, you almost smiled."

"Like I said, they're survivors." Ennui pointed out "And Devin is a moron and he's hopelessly in love with Carrie, left to their own devices they'll never survive."

"Should we try to form an alliance with them then?"

"...Maybe."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Another cab was filled with awkward silence.

Devin was sparing an occasional glance at Carrie, his mind racing ' _Come on Devin you have to tell her, it's not that hard. All you have to do is tell her that you're in love with her and that's all there is to it._ Hey Carrie?"

"Yes?" Carrie turned to face him.

"I… have something to tell you."

"What is it?"

"Carrie… I love you… nibrows. Unibrows."

"You love… unibrows? Like Duncan style unibrows?"

"Oh yeah, they're totally hot. _Stupid stupid stupid!'_ and to add insult to injury the cab driver started making kissing noises directed at him "Okay…"

"It's kind of weird though."

"Not having Tom and Jen around anymore? Yeah I know, I didn't think they would sacrifice themselves for us. I guess that just means that we have to win this for them too."

"I guess so."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point two of the three teams from the Axis of Corruption, those being the Artists and the Ice Dancers, were the first ones to reach the airport and make a beeline for the plane "Come on, move it move it move it!"

"Come on we've gotta hurry before the gate closes!" Gwen urged "We've gotta make this flight, the next one isn't for eight hours!"

"Use your head pasty!" Josee let out a scoff "This plays perfectly to our advantage, if the Best Friends and the Goths miss it then they're toast for sure!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It didn't take very long for the first three teams to get settled.

" _Welcome uh… aboard everyone, uh… We're going to be, uh… closing the, uh… doors to the cabin any, uh… second now."_

"JUST CLOSE THE DOORS ALREADY!" Josee pretty much exploded, her outburst being followed by a loud clanging noise as the door shut, causing her to breath a sigh of contentment and relief "Okay that's better."

"Oh thank god we made it!" Devin and Carrie made their way into some nearby, seats, with the Goths doing the same "That was way too close, we literally had to jump through the door like those two schmucks from Weekend at Bernie's." this earned a scream of pure rage and frustration from Josee.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _All of our five remaining teams have taken off on the same flight, some of them being happier than others whose names rhyme with Josee."_

Sure enough, Josee was foaming at the mouth "Well that's just perfect, now we're all on the same flight and it's all because of that damn pilot!"

"Why bother blaming the pilot?" asked Jacques "He was just doing his job, it's not his fault he speaks so slow-" he received a fist to the nose "Ow."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point, Devin was trying to strategize with Carrie "Okay I think we still have a fight on our hands, the rest of the teams are pretty tough so we're gonna have to try and strategize if we wanna come out on top."

"So what then, we work with Geoff and DJ?" asked Carrie "They did help out before back in Mexico."

"Yeah but the Goths are probably the toughest team out there right now, frankly I'd rather be with them than against them. Plus we do owe Ennui for helping us get to the Chill Zone back then."

"And to turn on them after that would be really mean."

"So it's settled then, let's try and approach the Goths for some kind of alliance."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

After a flight that lasted for several hours, the plane landed and the teams made a beeline for the Don Box outside, dressed with a traditional Russian ushanka.

Devin was the first one to grab a tip from the Don Box "Looks like we have to ice yacht to that super deep Kola Borehole in nothing but our swimsuits."

Jacques was particularly excited by this "Oh yay, I look magnifique in my swimsuit."

"Wait, what the heck is an ice yacht?" asked Gwen.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Each of our five remaining teams must take one of the five ridonculous ice yachts that we have provided and sail due north while wearing nothing but their swimsuits, that's how the Russians used to do winter sports to show how tough they were to anyone who gave a damn. Teams will find the next ushanka covered Don Box located at the Kola Borehole, where there are oddly no soft drinks for sale. But that is where the racers will get their regular clothes back, now if you'll excuse me I'm going to see if I can get a cream soda."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It was in almost no time at all that before the five teams had acquired taxis, arrived at the next destination, with the Best Friends, the Bromigos and the Goths being the first three teams to claim an ice yacht and take off.

Already clad in her swimsuit with her Dragonfang katana strapped to her side, Gwen was impatiently waiting for Kevin to get into his own swimsuit "For crying out loud Kevin will you hurry up, I can feel that thing Adam gave me freezing to my thigh!"

"Yeah sorry Pasty but you can't rush perfection." Kevin didn't even bother looking at her when he said this."

"I'm not rushing perfection, I'm rushing a potential crack addict."

"I'm gonna choose to ignore that, and besides you can never be cold when you look as hot as yours truly." Kevin stepped out of the changing booth clad in a pair of dark blue polka dot swim trunks.

"Oh yeah you look like a blonde Adonis with the polka dots on your shorts."

"God dammit that guy said they were bullet holes, I swear to god when we get home I'm gonna do to him ten times what Peter does to that giant chicken combined."

"Enough with the Family Guy references, let's just go."

"You're damn right, first place here we-"

"Oops!" Josee shoved Kevin to the ground "Oh wow I'm so sorry about that, it's so slippery out here."

Gwen started glaring holes into her skull ' _Bitch is so going down.'_

"Ahem." Kevin gestured to where his tongue was stuck to a nearby trash can.

"You're on your own."

"F*ck you."

"Nope, that's Cody's thing."

"...I'm proud of you."

"That was just to mess with you."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Josee gave a simple shrug "Yeah I saw the Artists, saw where they were standing, saw the opportunity present itself and then there it was. Besides they've been riding our coattails way too much for my liking, I think a little nudge into last place will help." she held up a hand in order to silence Jacques "Yeah I know you love it when I talk evil."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Kevin was still in a predicament "My tongue is frozen to the can, oh that bitch is gonna pay for this!"

"How is it that you can still speak so clearly despite that?" asked Gwen.

"You think this is the first time this has happened to me?"

"...You know what, I don't wanna know."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point, the Best Friends, Goths and Bromigos were all battling it out for first place in the race on their ice yachts, which got really weird when a siberian version of Sasquatchanakwa started ice skiing behind the Goths, only to hit a rock and end up soaring through the air and ended up clinging onto the Bromigos' mast.

DJ looked over at Geoff "So dude do you wanna take care of this one or should I just start running around screaming until I end up falling into the frozen lake?"

5 minutes later…

DJ waved to the yeti as it sent them on their way by giving them a quick push "Thanks a ton man!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Turns out the yeti a pretty chill dude." Geoff commented "He even invited us to join his bowling league if the whole race thing doesn't turn out well."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jacques was growing restless with Josee's latest attempt at sabotage, mainly because it meant that the Artists were getting a chance to catch up "Josee what are you doing? The other teams are already ahead of us!"

"Quiet." Josee pulled a screw out of one of the ice yachts "All you need to know is that the Artists can't catch a break."

"Wait what? I don't get it."

"...You know what maybe you're the one with the screw loose, just come on and help me pick one of the other boats." so they did and they set off in the ice yacht, one of them struggling to hide his reluctance.

"You little bitch, no way I'm letting you get a way with defiling my tongue! There's only one woman who gets that right and that is Mila Kunis!" Kevin lunged at Josee and hit her in the face with his trash can, sending both of them rolling and spinning down the icy way.

Gwen and Jacques shared a look, shrugged, and took off after the two of them in their respective ice yachts, both of them thinking exact the same thing in their minds ' _My partner is a complete lunatic.'_

Yes, yes they were.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Right now the Best Friends are keeping a short lead over the rest, but with the Bromigos and the Goths right on their tails I doubt they'll be able to hold onto it for long."_

Sure enough, Geoff and DJ managed to take the lead "Hurry Deej, cut them off before they can get ahead of us!"

Devin had his own idea "Hurry Carrie, ram them before they can cut us off!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

At the same time, Ennui had linked with Loki and turned to Crimson "Loki wants us to try and let the Best Friends pass us by blocking the Bromigos."

"Fine." so Crimson ricocheted the ice yacht around and rammed into the Bromigos, which gave the Best Friends a chance to pass them.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point Kevin, having thrown Josee into her ice yacht and rendezvoused with Gwen, still with his tongue stuck to the trash can "Yeah you'd better run you little C**T!"

"Dude!" Gwen smacked him on the back of the head "We're on TV, I'll put up with a lot of crap from you but that's crossing the line."

"Alright alright, you gotta get laid again Pasty." Kevin lifted up the entire trash can with his tongue alone "Alright let's get going, regardless of whatever happens today if we're going out then we're going out in style."

"...Yeah okay."

"What's got you so brain f*cked, the fact that you acknowledge that you have to get laid or the fact that I'm lifting a trash can with my tongue?"

"To be honest a little bit of both."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Ennui looked out and saw the Kola borehole coming up in front of them "Crimson, Loki, pull the break."

"Right." so Crimson started pulling on the break, but only when Loki started helping her did she manage to stop the ice yacht just in time, mere seconds from falling into the Kola borehole, earning a sigh of relief from Loki.

"Nice." so Ennui grabbed the tip from the Don Box "Who's Ready To Go Deep? Sounds interesting, and kind of tacky."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _After losing the race to the moon to the US, or Neil Armstrong to be more specific, the Russians decided to try and win the race to the center of the Earth. But then they realized that no one was going to even try and so they stopped at the 7 mile mark. Today one member from each of our five remaining teams, I just love the fact that we're already into the final five teams of this entire race, must lower their harnessed partner all the way to the bottom and find one of the balls that we've provided before they get cranked up all the way back up to the top by their partner. Once they're back up to the top it's a foot race to the Chill Zone located at a local Russian steam bath house. The last team to arrive with their ball in hand, you get the idea now, may be cut from the race entirely. I personally hope they all take their time because I booked a rejuvenating caviar body scrub done by hot Russian women."_

" _Nривет, красивый."_

" _Yeah it's a good life."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Ennui looked back to see Carrie and DJ pull up in their ice yachts "Aren't you missing two idiots with good fashion sense?"

Carrie and DJ shared an awkward look "Well…"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

About ½ mile back…

"WHAT THE HELL GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO TALK?!" Geoff slugged Devin clear across the face, sending him crashing to the ground "You think you're a screw up with the girl you think is the one for you?! LOOK AT ME for the love of god! I'm the one who made a complete ass out of myself on international TV and totally humiliated Bridgette too! I lost what could've been the most amazing girl that I ever met, and now that I finally like another girl in the form of Jen it turns out it's history repeating itself! THE CYCLE NEVER ENDS!"

"Welcome to the club Cowboy Bebop!" Devin dealt Geoff a sharp uppercut kick to the jaw, sending him crashing into a nearby boulder "I'm the one who's been making a complete ass out of myself since day one in front of a girl that I should've been going after instead of the bitch that treated me like a slave! Literally everyone I care about hated her, my parents, Carrie, her family, and don't even get me started on Adam! He's got enough on his plate as it is and look at me just making it even worse by making an ass out of myself every single day without even realizing it!"

"How the hell does it come back to Adam?! What is it about the guy that makes him so special?!"

"I DON'T KNOW! All I know is that I don't need to know what he's been through to know that he's suffered more than anyone else I know all combined! He's been holding inside of him so much pain that I would've tried to kill myself! He's strong man, his spirit is so strong that it's what keeps inspiring me to keep going, to keep forcing myself to find the courage to tell my best friend that I'm in love with her. What else can you say to that?"

"...I don't know what else there is that I can say." they both sat down in the snow, now covered in bruises "You know DJ said that Adam told him, Gwen and Noah something pretty heavy in Australia but he couldn't way what it was."

"Yeah I figured."

"Do you know what it is?"

"I wish, all I know is that it's tearing Adam apart inside to have to deal with whatever this burden is."

"Why don't you just ask him to tell you?"

"Geoff, when I first met Adam he was an emotional mess boiling beneath the surface and about to erupt like a volcano. He trusted almost no one and how much he may or may not trust me didn't happen overnight, I took my time and I earned his trust. The fact that he hasn't told me just means that he's not ready but that doesn't bother me, being a good friend means giving people the time they need to trust you."

"...You know you're alright Devin."

"You too man."

"YES!" Josee and Jacques bolted past the two of them in their ice yacht "Second place, now all we have to do is shove those worthless Goths out of our way while the Artists come in last and get eliminated entirely! They must be in a total panic!"

"...Oh shit!" Geoff and Devin took off running, or I should say sliding and repeatedly falling like a couple of jackasses.

"Just like those two idiots."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Gwen was trying to come up with a solution for hers and Kevin's dirty problem that had yet to be resolved "The weight of the stupid trash can is slowing us down way too much, we've gotta pry this thing off of your tongue somehow."

"You try and get it off with my spit and I throw you head first into the frozen lake sitting beneath us." Kevin's warning was flat and filled with venom.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"And we don't even know how that whole thing started, they just started yelling at each other and punching each other." Carrie finished explaining the random and spontaneous confrontation between Devin and Geoff.

"Guys need to let out their stupid through physical confrontation, it's just part of what makes them who they are." by this point, Crimson had already strapped herself into a harness "So who's going for you two?"

"Well Devin has more upper body strength so-"

"I'll do it!" Devin and Geoff suddenly rolled onto the scene while trapped in a gigantic snowball for some reason, and they dog piled out of it "Yeah this is kind of a tough one, sorry Carrie but I have more upper body strength between the two of us so-"

"Hey easy it's okay." she strapped herself into a harness and put on a helmet with a light fixated to the top "You just be sure to crank."

"Got it. And Carrie?"

"Yeah?"

"I… Just be careful down there."

"Sure thing." and she gave him a thumbs up as she was lowered down into the hole.

' _Way to go Devin, you blew it yet again only this time you might end up burying the girl of your dreams alive.'_

Ennui saw this as he lowered Crimson down into the hole "Keep an eye out for Carrie while I deal with damage control up here." so with that in mind he turned to Devin "Hey."

"Hey." then he looked over and saw Josee and Jacques arrive on the scene and start blowing kisses in their creepy way "Okay seriously enough with that move already, you've already driven it into the ground. We get it, you're Ice Dancers and you're showing off for literally no one else here."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Josee gained a devious smirk "Oh that is it, I'm going to make sure his little girlfriend never comes out of that hole." this caused Jacques to cringe.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jacques ran into a problem regarding who would go where "You know that have to put on the harness right?"

"What?!" Josee let out a horrified gasp "You know damn well that I don't do well in any sort of tight spaces!"

"But the cranking requires upper body strength and you have the strength of a pencil, you would never manage to get me back to the top."

"But I can't-"

"Listen to me Josee, if you feel your claustrophobia getting to you then I promise I will pull you back to the top."

"...Alright fine just give me the damn thing." so she strapped herself into the harness and prepared to get lowered down into the hole "Okay I'm ready."

"Here goes." so Jacques started to crank, until…

"PULL ME UP!" Josee almost immediately freaked out, which quickly prompted Jacques to stop cranking "I'm sorry that was super unprofessional of me."

"You passed that line after your tantrum in Morocco." Ennui pointed out, with Loki chittering in agreement.

"...Ignoring that, put me back down."

"Alright, here goes." so Jacques started to crank again, until…

"Back up! BACK UP!" the cranking stopped "No get a grip Josee, you can do this. Get a move on!" and she went back down.

Jacques breathed a sigh of relief "Say what you will but at least the constant cranking is keeping me warm and it helps to improve my physique, which you need in order to survive when partnered with someone like-"

" _PULL ME BACK UP! PULL ME BACK UP!"_

"...Like that, with someone like that."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

At the same time, Carrie and Crimson both reached the bottom of the hole and the two of them looked around "Huh, you know it's actually kind of warm down here."

"That's not a good thing." Crimson pointed out "You never know what kind of dark twisted creatures could be lurking down here. Well it's good for me at least, but you wouldn't last a minute."

"Well thanks for the boat of confidence."

"Would you rather that I lie to you?"

"...Fair enough." she managed to find her ball "Oh hey check it out, I found one. Do you want me to stay down here with you?"

"More like you should go before Josee tries something underhanded, you're not exactly cut throat."

"Uh… okay then, Devin pull me back up." and so she was promptly pulled back up towards the top.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _The Best Friends secure their first place position, with the Goths not far behind them, with the Ice Dancers and the Bromigos still struggling to get into the hole. On the other hand, the Artists were still bolting across the ice, albeit with a bit of a trashy problem. Okay I realize that that pun was weak."_

"Okay, 1… 2… 3!" Kevin finally yanked the trash can off of his tongue "OW!"

"HOLE!" Gwen yanked on the break as hard as she could, resulting in the two of them, along with their ice yacht, slamming into the changing booths, demolishing them "Ow…"

"MY BATHING SUIT!" Jacques made a beeline to get his bathing suit out of the only changing booth that was still intact, letting go of the crank in the process.

" _JACQUES!"_

"Oops." he grabbed it just in the nick of time "Sorry about that, you okay?"

" _Yeah, yeah I think so. I'm okay… I'm okay! No I'm not, PULL ME THE BLOODY HELL BACK UP!"_

"Hold it hold on a minute, just listen to me mon petit chou. We're only in third place right now but the Artists just crashed onto the scene, Crimson is still at the bottom."

"Scratch that." Ennui was still cranking and didn't even bother to look at him, which made his point even more clear.

"...Scratch that, Crimson is already on her way back up and Carrie is almost at the top. You need to focus! Breathe woman breathe! Now I want you to imagine yourself doing something that you love."

" _Yeah, yeah you're right. And you know what I love?"_

"Dancing like the wind across the ice?"

" _Nope, cheating against other teams without any hint of shame! Wait you never mentioned what the Bromigos are doing right now."_

"Oh. Well…"

"CANNONBALL!" Geoff did a cannonball into the hole, only something seemed very wrong as he did so.

"Uh oh."

DJ looked down and noticed that Geoff had forgotten to strap on the harness "Uh oh." this was followed by very loud screaming.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

So with her plan in mind, Josee met Crimson as the two of them were going in opposite directions, the form going down and the latter going up "Hey girlfriend so quick question, are the balls in plain sight?"

"You can have this is you stop trying to pretend to be friendly, it makes me wanna vomit worse than anything else." Crimson handed her the ball and sunk back down into the hole in a very ominous way.

"...Yeah okay that's disturbing, Jacques pull me back up before I start to have another stroke okay?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"It's simple logic." explained Crimson "The banshee whose name I don't bother to remember is volatile, it's for the best interest of everyone to just give her what she wants or else people might get hurt. I might be goth, but I'm not heartless. It's just shrouded by darkness. I mean, like, whatever."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Other things were in development back on the surface.

Ennui was quick to just get down to business "So you wanna form an alliance?"

Devin blinked "I didn't think you guys were the kind of people who into an alliance."

"Normally no, you and Carrie aren't dark enough for our tastes but what you lack in darkness you make up for in honor. Besides, the Ice Dancers are growing restless and she will try anything and everything to destroy us both."

"Well-"

"That we will!" Josee gracefully landed on the ground with ball in hand "That was both creepier and easier than taking candy from a baby that you despise with every single fiber of your entire being." and she took off, with a reluctant Jacques following.

"...Well she's quite the character."

"I've noticed." Ennui's tone was as dry as ever "So are you in or not?"

"Uh… yeah what the heck, we need a new alliance now that Tom and Jen are gone." he kept on cranking.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Josee and Jacques landed on the Carpet of Completion in style, only to find that Don was nowhere in sight "Hello? Don?"

"Hey guys, listen." that was when Don showed up in nothing but a towel "I've got some bad news, for you at least. See because you didn't go to the bottom of the bore hole to collect the ball as the tip instructed I have to give the two of you a 30 minute penalty."

"Oh come on you can't be serious, that is so unfair!"

"Well considering that you're a horrible person and the two of you have taken more penalties than all of the other four teams combined, I think the two of you are getting off quite easy. Now then, over there please." he gestured to one of the benches nearby.

"...God dammit." so she reluctantly sat down on one of the benches, with Jacques following her lead "You know what screw it, I'm not worried. We'll still be in first place when the penalty is up."

"And besides, when is a free 30 minute steam bath a punishment in any way?" Jacques just nonchalantly leaned back.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

After finally recovering from the crash, Kevin let out a heavy sounding sigh "Oh that skinny little bitch is gonna get what's coming to her whether I dish it out or not, either way someone's gonna take those winnings, convert it into rolls of nickels, bend her over and-" his sentence was finished by a raccoon poking its head out of the trash can "Yeah you tell him little buddy." he dealt the raccoon a fist bump.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Gwen was quick to point out a problem "Yeah there's no way in hell I'm going down there in that thing."

"What you think you have the upper strength to pull me back up?"

"I don't care, you know about my phobia of being buried alive! This is a 7 mile drop and if I were to go down there then not only would I be faced with being potentially buried alive but my life would be in the hands of a crack addict minus the crack! There is no way I'm going down that god forsaken hole and there's nothing that you can say or do to change my mind."

Devin looked over to Carrie "Yeah I think this is gonna get ugly, we should probably get going now."

"He's not gonna do anything super reckless is he?" asked Carrie.

"I have no doubt in my mind that he will." and so the two of them took off running towards the Chill Zone.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Other teams were still looking for their balls, with a faint screaming sounding from up top.

Crimson looked down at Geoff on the ground "Are you dead?" she received a muffled groan in reply "You want help getting the ball?" she received another groan "That's what I thought you would-" she was cut off by screaming.

As it turns out, Gwen had been free falling for about 6.7 miles, only to just barely stop herself from hitting the ground at the bottom of the hole by driving her Dragonfang katana into the side of the hole "KEVIN YOU INSANE LITTLE (bleep) YOU SON OF A (bleep) (bleep) (bleep) "I WILL TEAR OFF YOUR (bleep) AND SHOVE THEM RIGHT UP YOUR (bleep) (bleep) (bleep) (bleep) WITH (bleep) (bleep) (bleep) (bleep) (bleep) (bleep) AND (bleep) (bleep) (bleep) (bleep) (bleep) IN THE (bleep) (bleep) AND (bleep) (bleep) (bleep) (bleep) YOUR (bleep) (bleep) (bleep) (bleep) SO THEN YOU'LL HAVE TO (bleep) SIDEWAYS! (Bleep)!" she received a jaw dropped look from Geoff and a raised eyebrow from Crimson "What?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

3 minutes and 26 seconds left on the penalty clock.

Don looked over just in time to see Devin and Carrie step onto the Carpet of Completion, much to his relief "Oh thank god, I thought I would have to give the win to the Ice Dancers. Best Friends congratulations, you're in first place which proves that cheating never pays."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"That felt good, that felt really good." Devin noted, with Carrie nodding in agreement over the events of the day.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don then proceeded to count off the Ice Dancers once the penalty timer was up "Your penalty has expired, Ice Dancers you're in second place which proves that sometimes cheating does pay to a certain extent."

"...Yeah I'm out." Josee started walking away.

"Where are you going?"

"To throw something very big and heavy."

"You do that." Don took the chance to address the Goths once they arrived at the Chill Zone with ball in hand "Goths congratulations you're the third team to arrive."

"The pain in my arms feels good." and so the three of them walked off.

"Now only two teams are left for today's race, the Bromigos and the Artists. The last dash to the Chill Zone is on."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Kevin started playing a harmonica that he had pulled out of his ass as he watched the Bromigos take off for the Chill Zone " **My butler is black, my butler is blue, cause his honey's got green coming out of her wazoo!"**

" _KEVIN!"_

"Oh hey Pasty, did you find the ball yet?"

" _Are you kidding me?! You dislocated my shoulder with that little stunt you psycho!"_

"Hey that's certified psycho to you, I have the card up here."

" _Don't give me that spiel about- Wait are you serious?"_

"Yeah, I'm legally certified to be psychotic in 19 different countries excluding Canada. Why do you think I've been cutting loose so much during this race? I've gotta get those credits in while I can."

" _...I don't know how to respond to that. Well anyway I've got the ball and I think I might have some internal bleeding, just pull me up so I can go to a hospital or something."_

"Yeah alright I gotcha." he started pulling Gwen back up.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don met with Geoff and DJ once they arrived at the Chill Zone "Geoff and DJ well done, the two of you are in fourth place."

"YES!" Geoff dealt DJ a high five and blew a kiss towards the camera "Jen babe, that one was for you!"

"Well that's not creepy at all."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Kevin and Gwen were making their way into the steam bath, the tone rather melancholy as to be expected due to the latter having her arm in a cast "It's kind of my fault, I let myself get way too carried away. My dad always said that only losers don't win so if I don't score that game winner, pin the tail on that donkey or be the first one to scarf down that mountain of buffalo wings then you're nothing but a loser. I come from a weird family."

"You come from Bridgette's family." Gwen pointed out "The only thing about her that people might consider weird is that she's a vegetarian."

"Uh huh. And?"

"...Alright I'll give you that one. But you know maybe I have been a little bit hard on you during this race, I mean you did help me to realize that I'm in love with Cody and I guess you taught me that it's okay to loosen up a little bit every once in a while."

"And?"

"And that not all reality TV is terrible to be on, just Total Drama under Chris McLean the spawn of the devil."

"And with that my goal has been accomplished." and then they finally reached the Carpet of Completion.

Don was quick to address the two of them "Gwen, Kevin, I'm sorry to have to say this but the two of you are the last team to arrive. You raced hard and you raced well and I honestly hoped that I wouldn't have to say, this, but you've been cut from the competition."

"Yeah we figured as much." Kevin wrapped an arm around Gwen and pulled her into a tight hug, putting pressure on her broken arm, earning a yelp of pain "Oh yeah, sorry."

"Forget it, I'm used to it now. Come on, let's go." Gwen told him.

"Fine by me, later Don and good luck with the rest of the race." and so the two of them took their leave.

Don took this chance to sign off of the episode "Now only four teams remain in the race around the world for one million dollars. Who will go home next? The only way to find out is to keep an eye out for more of… the Ridonculous Race!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"You know to be honest, I'm not really that upset about losing." Gwen commented "I mean 18 teams started this race and we made it all the way to the final five, that could be a lot worse right?"

"The hell it does, that only makes it suck." Kevin muttered.

"Hey we faced adversity and we fought our way through it and we learned a lot of stuff along the way."

"I learned that this was heaps of pain all for nothing." Kevin let out a sigh "Alright I guess I learned more than that, like you're pretty tolerant of me being a certifiably psychotic son of a bitch."

"Hey it's part of your charm."

"And your pain threshold is high as f*ck. No seriously, you're a goddamn machine when it comes to this stuff. You're invincible, you're untouchable, you're f*cking unstoppable. You be a beast Pasty."

"Watch it crazy. So where do we go from here?"

"I say we stop off in Russia and see that gigantic cake that I was telling you about?"

"Remind me again, what kind of cake is it?"

"Who gives a rat's ass, it's cake."

"...Yeah okay fair enough." and they walked off into the sunset.

 **A/N:**

 **Yeah, like I was gonna let the Ice Dancers come in first after screwing over another team like that, and I figured why not let the Best Friends take the win? They haven't gotten one in awhile, not a solo win at least.**

 **I'm gonna be real with you, I loved doing the Artists but I had to axe someone before next chapter and I didn't want to get rid of the Bromigos or the Goths just yet, so like with Gwen and DJ's eliminations in the Rise of an Underdog it came down to the process of elimination. But hey, Gwen made it to the final five which makes up for her not making the merge in the last story so that helps right?**

 **Now that the Fashion Bloggers are gone I figured that the Best Friends and the Goths both need a new alliance in order to fight off the advances of the Ice Dancers, considering how much a certain someone (Josee) hates them with a burning passion. That, and it gives me a chance to give the Goths some character development inspired by the interactions between them and the Best Friends in the episode Lord of the Ring Toss in canon.**

 **The vietnamese guy that slapped Geoff with the catfish said "HEY! Shut up over there, we're trying to work you idiot!" Or at least that's what it said in Google Translate. That's a reference to a video by Joey Turner on YouTube, if you've seen his stuff then I salute you.**

 **In regards to Crimson giving Josee her ball. it's like she said. Josee is volatile and is less likely to lose her shit if she gets her way, which in Crimson's eyes is better in the long run.**

 **Geoff mourning over Jen's elimination is a callback to what he did in Total Drama Island after Bridgette's elimination.**

 **Kevin talking about that gigantic cake in Russia is a callback to Owen talking about it in Total Drama World Tour episode 4, the episode with the Yukon.**

 **Rankings:**

 **Best Friends: 1st**

 **Ice Dancers: 2nd**

 **Goths: 3rd**

 **Bromigos: 4th**

 **Elimination:**

 **Artists: 5th**

 **Fashion Bloggers: 6th**

 **Reality TV Pros: 7th**

 **Sisters: 8th**

 **Rockers: 9th**

 **Father & Son: 10th**

 **Stepbrothers: 11th**

 **Adversity Twins: 12th**

 **Mother & Daughter: 13th**

 **Ultimate Duo: 14th**

 **Vegans: 15th**

 **Geniuses: 16th**

 **Tennis Rivals: 17th**

 **LARPers: 18th**


	24. Darjeel With It

" _Last time on the Ridonculous Race: Our teams got down and dirty, and when I say dirty I mean DIRTY! A good number of the teams rose to the occasion, but just when she finally managed to get a semi grip on her fear of being buried alive, and by that I mean she got thrown into the hole like she was a human cannonball, Gwen ended up plummeting 7 full miles into the Earth thanks to some sabotage by Josee. Gwen's arm was severely broken and as a result the same went for her and Kevin's chances of winning the million, because they got cut from the race. We're down to the final four teams, now we have to wait and see who will survive on… the Ridonculous Race!"_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Like always, Don stood at the Chill Zone from the day before, now equipped with a new Don Box for the day of racing ahead "Welcome back to Siberia where yesterday's winners, the Best Friends, who are now drowning in their own awkwardness, are about to collect the first travel tip of the day."

Sure enough, Devin took the chance to grab the first tip from the Don Box and quickly read it out loud "It says here that we're going to Darjeeling India." he munched on a piece of cake that he was holding.

"Where did you get the cake?"

"Oh Kevin left us this gigantic piece of that world's largest cake before he and Gwen caught their flight back home."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _...Well moving on from that, the lovestruck moron spoke the truth. We're going to be heading to Darjeeling India, where the finest teas the world has to offer are grown such as Assam, Nilgiri and a bunch of others that nobody that isn't from India can pronounce. Our four remaining teams must fly to Bagdogra India and then take taxis to the mountains of Darjeeling to find the Don Box with their next travel tips. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go and see if I can get some of that cake."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Alright man, India here we come! TAXI!" Geoff suddenly dog piled onto the front of one of the taxis just as the Best Friends had already taken off "We call dibs on this so don't try to make me angry, you wouldn't like me when I'm angry!"

"The beavers would beg to differ." DJ pulled him into the cab and shot him a "What the f*ck" sort of look.

"What? Dude we're both in the final four for the first time, every second counts at this stage of the game."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _For once the party dude is right about something, we're down to the final four and every second does count. Or rather it would if it wasn't for the fact that all four teams are on the same flight, but let's just give him credit where credit is due."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Devin on the other hand was letting his thoughts drift with the wind in regards to a certain blonde that was in a painful amount of denial about her true feelings ' _Alright Devin now's the time for you to do it, this leg of the race you've gotta tell her that you're in love with her. The worst that can happen is that she doesn't feel the same way, as long as she doesn't kick me in the kiwis I'm cool with anything._ Hey Carrie listen, there's something that I've gotta tell you."

"What is it?" asked Carrie.

"I love you… tensils. Utensils, yeah that's totally what I meant to say the entire time and nothing else."

"Um… yeah that's cool, I'll be right back." and then she walked away.

Devin just slapped his face "How the hell does Adam made this look so easy? What is it about him that lets him beat the crap out of the son of a diplomat and only like a week later fight off a bunch of cultists, kill an evil monkey god and then save the girl he loves from falling off a cliff to her inevitable death?" he heard a sigh and glanced over to see Jacques sitting where Carrie had once been "You have your own problems too huh?"

"Yep." Jacques muttered "I got tired of listening to Josee and the Goths' rabbit growling at each other in some kind of medieval staring contest."

"Uh huh." Devin glanced back to see Josee and Loki glaring daggers at each other, along with some sort of tiny scoreboard on the side of the plane, along with crowds of random passengers supporting each of them "And how long has that been going on for exactly?"

"About an hour and a half, she was glaring at the Goths and the rabbit started doing it right back to her. I think its eyes literally turned red too."

"And the scoreboard?"

"Crimson and Ennui built it so that they could keep track of who was winning."

"And the audience who I didn't even know were on this plane?"

"The random passengers who currently seem torn between what they refer to as "Loyalty to the Darkness" and admiration for Josee's skill and unwavering ferocity, hench the crowd on each side. In fact she blew on some random fly to keep it from landing on her nose but that caused her to blink which cost her one point, but on the plus side she did gain half of the passengers as her supporters for using the precise amount of force needed to deal with that distraction."

"...Good to know."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _The plane has at last landed in Bagdogra and now it's a mad dash to grab a taxi and start the race to Darjeeling."_

"GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO!" sure enough, the Ice Dancers, the Best Friends, the Goths and the Bromigos all bolted out of the airport and grabbed taxis, and thus the race to Darjeeling was on.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

2 hours and 32 minutes of taxi ride later (I actually looked it up so I know it's accurate)...

"First place here we come!" Josee bolted out of her taxi, with Jacques right behind her, only for the two of them to almost instantly fall to their knees due to the heat "Oh god… too hot… can't move…"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

With another team…

"Man this stuff is not good for the hair." an extremely puffy haired Geoff took off his hat and sniffed his pits "Man it's so hot and sweaty I feel like I could cook rice in my pits which is about how it smells, man is that pungent."

"Please don't tell me anymore dude." DJ wiped some sweat off of his brow, which really didn't do much good.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

With our other two teams…

"Come on, gotta make it…" Devin tried to crawl his way towards the Don Box, only to notice something that made his eyes widen "Huh."

As it turns out, Ennui, Crimson and Loki were all just walking as calmly as they could, not even sweating, the former holding out hands to help Devin and Carrie to their feet "Let me guess, you're wondering how and why we're not sweating and/ or melting like the Wicked Witch of the West from the Wizard of Oz, or that weird Muppets remake version?"

"Uh… pretty much yeah."

"After we re-gothed ourselves back in Finland during the air guitar challenge we made sure that our goth skins as we call them are far more resistant to heat than they were before. All in all it's just a matter of being prepared for anything."

"...Good to know." Devin grabbed two tips and handed one of them to Ennui as he read his out loud "It's an All In called Tea Time, oh please for the love of god let it be iced tea or at least just the ice."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _You would think that would be nice but no, no iced tea for this challenge. Well maybe at the Chill Zone but that's not the point. Each racer from our four teams must strap one of the baskets that we've provided and fill it to the absolute brim with a massive amount of tea leaves, and once both of their baskets are full each team must bring both of them to the local that we're paying way more than we should to do this, and if she approves of their haul then she'll give them their next tip."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Geoff was quickly starting to feel the effects of the Indian heat as he wrung his cowboy hat like a sweat covered towel "You'd think that the cowboy hat would help but now, all it does is make the sun beat down on you even harder!"

"Take it easy man, the more you think about it the worse it's gonna get." DJ on the other hand was dealing with the heat rather well, despite having some major sweat stains himself "Just focus on the challenge and try not to think about it."

"You say that like it's easy, god it feels like I'm about to explode inside of that volcano in Hawaii all over again!"

"Hey man take it easy, you remember that animal charity race that massive cooking contest against Gordon Ramsay that you signed me up for for literally no good reason? I almost gave up on it when he blew out one of my eardrums with his constant screaming, but what did you say to me?"

"Take it one step at a time, and then I handed you that pair of ear plugs that allowed you to block him out and made the dude shrink and then melt like the Miss Piggy witch from thar Wizards of Oz remake with the Muppets."

"Exactly, and then I ended up becoming one of the most famous cooks in all of Canada and that got me into that awesome culinary school with Owen, not to mention I'm one of the few that was recognized by Gordon Ramsay. My point is that you didn't let me quit before so I'm not letting you quit now, we'll win this race and we'll do it one leaf at a time."

"That's the right attitude." that was when Josee and Jacques approached them "Listen up you guys, the time to get rid of the Best Friends and the Goths is just about upon us. It would've been the last round if the Artists hadn't had their little accident. Touch break really." she received dirty looks from both Geoff and DJ "What too soon?" and yet she opened the bottoms of their baskets while they weren't looking directly at her.

"Way too soon, and we don't cheat. Period. Go mess with someone else, you'll get penalized for it anyway."

"Well that's fine by me you worthless cowards, that means that the two of you are on my shit list now." she pointed to where their leaves were being blown away, cackling as she triumphantly ran away.

"We hate you so much!"

"She has her reasons, I know this might not help but it's better than nothing." Jacques pulled out a bunch of leaves from his basket.

"Thanks I guess, but why do you put up with that?" Geoff stuck the leaves into his basket and ripped of an entire branch "Why do you put up with all of the stuff that she does and the way that she's treating you? You're better than that dude, we all know it."

"...My reasons are personal okay? Just please try to respect that." and so he rushed off.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don was waiting at the check in point for the first challenge with the local, and he glanced over at the doorway "We've only got three more rounds in the race after this, how long are you going to keep making these little impromptu appearances?"

"You don't have to worry about that." that was when Adam appeared on the scene, having donned his Hurricane Gauntlets, his Wind Stormer boots, his Dragon's Cloak and his Starlight Armor, with Ascalon having been strapped to his side "This is the last one, I promise. I already agreed that I wouldn't screw with the race and I've done enough leisurely chat, this one is all business."

"What are you gonna do?"

"Tell Devin the truth about something that I should've told him about six years ago, I'm gonna head to the Chill Zone so that I can meet him there but just don't tell him about me showing up before then." and then he suddenly disappeared before he could get a reply.

"...Wait is it that time again? Oh shit!" and then Don started narrating the race again "All four of our remaining teams are scrambling to be the first to finish the first challenge, who is it going to be? Whose drive and determination clearly match those of our surprise guest who blew up plane on reality TV and will use it to launch themselves into first place ahead of all of the other teams by-" he was cut off when the Ice Dancers appeared before him, much to his dismay "Oh come on why does it have to be you guys again, why can't you just go and get eliminated already?"

"Oh please." Josee let out a loud scoff "In your dreams."

"Yes I do dream about it, it's the only thing that lets me stomach the thought that you two are still in the race after everything you specifically have done. Anyway the local is right there so let her count your leaves and then you'll get your tip."

"Fine, it's all there anyway." so Josee handed their baskets to the local and received their next travel tip as a result "It's a poorly done rhyme, something about us having to get sent reeling on the Darjeeling."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _We're referring to the Darjeeling Express, the cars on this train are known for alternating between people, animal, people, animal and so on. Each of these teams will be assigned to one of the passenger cars based on the order in which they arrive at the checkpoint for the first challenge. But this is where things get rather complicated, before the train reaches the station where the Chill Zone is located each team will have to fight their way through the train all the way to the front car in order to exit the train."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _As the Best Friends and the Goths turn in their tea leaves and receive their travel tips, our resident Bromigos Geoff and DJ are lagging far behind the rest of them.'"_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Devin breathed out a sigh "Okay we've got a fight on our hands but we still have a shot, all we have to do is work with the Goths and we've got a shot at this."

Carrie nodded, looking a little bit forlorn "Yeah…"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don seemed rather put out when he saw Geoff and DJ arrive with their baskets, but still holding an entire branch of tea leaves "No offense guys but I'm pretty sure that the leaves are supposed to be in the basket."

"Fine then." DJ grabbed the branch and shoved the leaves directly into the basket, his expression being that which showed that he was tired of that bullshit.

"Yeah okay that's good enough for me and not just because I'm incredibly intimidated by your size and your look that says that you're done with this crap."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _The train has now departed from the station with the Ice Dancers being in the front car, which is followed by the Best Friends, the Goths and the Bromigos."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Attention racers in cars 2-5, you are free to begin the process of making your way up to the first cabin… now!"_

"Well I suppose there's nothing we can do for now." Jacques leaned back in his seat and pulled out a book from within his uniform "There really isn't anything we can do at the moment now is there? All we can do is try and beat the other teams to the Chill Zone once the train arrives at the station."

"Yeah I guess we could do that, or we could try my plan." Josee stomped her way towards the second car "We can bury those creepy Goths and all of the other rejects along with them!" she gestured to the coupling between "After all they can't get to the car if the other cars aren't attached to it!"

"...Is this one of those plans where you come up with the plan but I'm the one who has to actually do your plan?"

"Yep."

"That's what I thought."

"You got a problem with that?"

"Do you honestly care?"

"Not even a little bit."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Carrie and Devin made their way to the entrance of the animal car in front of them "Okay let's be sure to stay focused, we only have one car to get through. We can do this as long as we stick together."

"Actually Carrie, maybe we should hang back for a second." Devin shut both doors to both of the train cars, leaving them outside "While you and I are still alone out here there's something really important that I have to say."

"What is it?"

"Carrie… I…" they locked eyes and he moved in, only for the moment to be shattered when a goat rammed him in the crotch, sending him crashing straight through the door to the second car, leaving him in a high pitched world of pain "Ow… You know I thought I might get hit in the kiwis at some point but the goat was a surprise."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Geoff and DJ found themselves faced with a dilemma in the form of having to go through the chicken car "Well man I hope you like chickens?"

"Well it's now or never, what do you say we go on three?" DJ told him.

"Sounds good to me, let's do this. 1… 2… 3!" they high fived and charged head first into the chicken car, only for the two of them to crash head first through the wall of said car approximately 17.382 seconds later and landed in the bushes head first "Ow… man, who knew chickens could turn out to be so tough."

"I think I swallowed one of them."

"Better that than letting it peck your eyes out like something out of Family Guy. Or Robot Chicken."

"I guess. So what do we do now?"

"Start hitchhiking I guess."

"...Yeah okay." and so the two idiots then proceeded to start hitchhiking their way towards the train station.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Ennui, Crimson and Loki made their way into the animal car between the second car and the third car, and they found a bull waiting for them "You wanna go through it or do we go over across the roof of the car?"

"...Roof of the car." was all Crimson said, which was followed by Loki chittering in agreement and pointing.

"Whatever." the three of them made their way up to the roof of the car and started making their way across it.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Devin was still on the ground of the train car, writing in agony "Pain… so much pain… You will never know how bad this is…"

Carrie looked out at the goat that was holding up a "F*ck You" sign pointed at Devin, and then nervously looked down at him "Okay so do you think you're ready to give it another try and get into the second car?"

"Um… not not just yet… Do you hear thumping?"

"I think it's coming from outside." she helped Devin to his feet and led him out of the train car, only to find the source of the noise "Ennui! Crimson!"

Sure enough, it was Ennui and the rest of the Goth team making their way across the roof of the train cars "Hey, you guys okay?"

"No not really, we kind of ran into a problem. Devin took a goat to the crotch, you think we could follow you guys?"

"Sure let's all die, you need some help getting up here?"

"That'd be nice."

"Fine." so Ennui floated down in a Twilight style fashion (I have never seen Twilight so I'm just guessing), slung Devin over his shoulder, and then floated back up to the roof of the car.

"Thanks!"

Crimson then proceeded to help Carrie to the roof of the train car "So how are you and the moron doing with-" she was cut off when Carrie started weeping "So bad then?"

"Devin hardly talks to me anymore, and even when he does it's just about the race or some creepy awkward small talk, and I know that I said back in Vegas that I was over him for good but… BUT I STILL LOVE HIM!" and she broke down in tears.

' _...Yeah this is gonna be fun. Note to self, don't let Ennui be friendly with anymore contestants lest we get dragged into it.'_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Oh for god's sake, enough with your whining about getting a hemorrhoid!" finally losing her patience with Jacque failing to unhook the train, Josee just pulled on the lever sitting directly next to her, unhooking the two cars "Okay now let's go already, leave these suckers to their inevitable elimination!" and so she stomped off.

Jacques on the other hand had stayed behind "For the record this was her idea and I want no part in it, but if it helps you might be able to jump."

"Fine." and so Ennui proceeded to jump onto the roof of that train car, with Crimson and Loki managing to do the same.

Carrie managed to do it, though she had to be pulled back onto the roof when she nearly lost her balance "Devin come on, it's now or never!"

"O-Okay, I can do this!" so Devin leapt forward as far as he could, only for him to narrowly miss it and end up hurting his crotch on the coupling, causing him to squeal from the pure pain and agony.

"Devin!"

"Not again…" and with the squeak high pitched voice completing the picture, he fell forward with his tongue sticking out of his mouth (think about Po from Kung Fu Panda after Mantis accidentally tweaked his facial nerve).

"Hang on a second." Jacques helped Devin to his feet and slapped him a few times to get him back to his senses "Listen I've been hearing about your dilemma and you have to just tell her that-"

"JACQUES WHAT IN THE NAME OF HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?! NO SOCIALIZING WITH THE ENEMY!" without bothering to listen to his protests, Josee yanked him inside and shut the door, and then she locked it just to piss the others off.

"...Well that sucks." Devin climbed up to the roof and found Ennui, Crimson and Loki all glaring at him in their usual stoic way that they save for the Ice Dancers "Josee locked the door and now there's no way for us to get inside. What about Carrie, where is she?"

"Can't you pick the lock or something?" asked Ennui.

"I don't know how to pick a lock."

"Adam never taught you how to do that?"

"No he said that he didn't want me to do anything illegal or get suckered into something illegal or- Wait how do you know Adam?"

"Australia."

"Oh yeah right. Anyway what's Carrie doing, is she okay?"

"Do you really care?"

"What kind of question is that? She's my best friend, of course I care!"

"And yet you've been neglecting her ever since what happened in Las Vegas, when you nearly fed her to a pack of brain damaged tigers."

"That… That was an accident!"

"Regardless of that point, you make it seem like you don't care."

"What are you talking about? I do care!"

"That's not what she thinks, at least Crimson and I show that we care about each other."

"Well I do care okay? I'm… I'M IN LOVE WITH HER!" this was met with raised eyebrows from the Goths.

"...Oh you can't be serious. Loki, sic him." so with Ennui giving the command, Loki suddenly latched onto Devin's shirt and slapping him repeatedly (think what Ted did to John during the Motel fight scene in the first Ted movie).

"Ow ow ow ow ow! What the heck was that for?"

"Because you're a moron." Ennui gripped Devin on his shoulder and pointed at Carrie "What I mean is that- (insert incredibly long rant that was drowned out by the train whistle)- with you you dolt. Come on Crimson, let's go try to get the door open." and he walked away with Crimson and Loki.

Devin was left incredibly stunned, but then his face suddenly lit up with the biggest smile he had shown on reality TV since he and Carrie had hosted the aftermath for Total Drama World Tour over a year ago "Carrie is in love with me and she always has been? Oh man this is great, all I have to do is tell her that I love her and then boom, the relationship is a go. That's a moment that we're going to remember for the rest of our lives. Adam you clever bastard, you knew this the entire time didn't you?" and so with his confidence restored he made his way over towards where Carrie was standing on the edge of the roof "Hey Carrie!"

Slowly, Carrie turned to face him "Hey!"

"Hey listen I was gonna wait for this since it didn't seem like the right time but…"

"Wait, what for what?"

"Carrie… I-" he was cut off by the train blowing smoke all over them "Oh come on, you've gotta be kidding me!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point DJ and Geoff were making their way along the railroad path after the train, panting and gasping for air "The other teams must've gone over the cars instead of through them, that's actually a pretty good idea."

"How can you tell that?" asked Geoff.

"Because I know those guys don't have the moxy to get past a pack of angry and probably rabid chickens like those."

"...Oh yeah. But what if all of the teams did that, what if that means that you and I are in last place?"

"With no way to catch up after the chicken fiasco we'd be toast."

"And now I want toast, curse you my obsession with carbs- Hey cool a bull." Geoff's short attention span saved them by drawing his attention to a nearby bull "Hey DJ are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"I hope not."

"I'm thinking that we should ride the bull to the train station and hopefully not come in last or at least come in last in style."

"...Oh good, I have no idea what you to think of your mindset."

"Well enough of that bro, let's just go."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point, Devin finally managed to get all of the black smoke out of his lungs "Okay you know what, maybe right here and right now isn't exactly the best time or place to say what I need to say."

"Please just tell me already, I can take whatever this is that you have to say." Carrie told him, her tone sounding rather desperate.

"Okay, here goes… Carrie, in the last three days I've told you that I love unibrows and that I love utensils. Those were both lies, I just said them because I was too scared to say what I needed to say."

"Okay…?"

"The thing, or rather the person, that I really and truly love is-" he was cut off when he train hit a bump and it sent him flying off of the train and into a nearby bush with a very loud and noticeable thud.

"DEVIN!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Adam and Don both shared a look and cringed "Oh man you can tell that that's gonna be the most popular epic fail of the year on YouTube."

Don nodded "Yep, especially if they don't make it before the Ice Dancers' penalty expires when they do get here."

"And the train is coming now." this was followed by what was left of the train arriving at the station, with the Goths, Carrie and the Ice Dancers arriving along with it.

"Homie hang on, I'm coming!" Carrie took off running in the opposite direction just as the Goths continued making their way across the rooftop of the train.

"First place, Ice Dancers rule and everyone else is a worthless loser!" Josee bolted off of the train and towards the Chill Zone, with a reluctant Jacques following quietly behind her.

Don was quick to address the two of them "Ice Dancers the two of you are in first place, or rather you will be if none of the other teams make it to the Chill Zone in the next hour. The two of you have a one hour penalty, and I cannot even begin to describe how happy I am to say that to the two of you."

"WHAT?! What the hell did we do?"

"You're kidding right? Did you seriously think that I wouldn't notice that the rest of the train is missing?"

"...Oh. That."

"Oh crap." Jacques muttered.

"Well it's not like it matters, the other teams are miles away so there's no chance of-" she was cut off when the Goths.

"You were saying? Anyway first place goes to the Goths."

"Yay." their joy was as dry as ever.

"That makes for horrible television you know."

"Yeah we know."

"Just checking."

Josee let out a scream of frustration "What do you have against us? What am I too talented, too attractive, too all of the above?"

"No no and god no, you're too sadistic, dishonorable, you have no integrity or shame, the list goes on really."

"I'm not gonna stand here and listen to this, come on Jacques let's-" she whipped around to storm off, only to see that Jacques was gone "WHERE THE HELL IS JACQUES?!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

At the same time, Carrie had found Devin limping his way along the path "Devin you're alive, oh thank god!"

"I just hurt my ankle, it's not that bad-" Devin was promptly cut off when Geoff and DJ trampled over him on top of their bull, granted it was unintentional but still, he got trampled pretty badly, much to the horror of Carrie "Okay that on the other hand…"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don took the chance to count off DJ and Geoff once the two of them had arrived at the Chill Zone in style "And it looks like our resident Bromigos take second place, which leaves only the Best Friends and the Ice Dancers with still about half of your penalty remaining. Tell me something missy, how are you feeling about your chances right now?"

"I've never felt better." Josee tried to play it off by acting increasingly smug, but her nervousness was showing through fairly easily.

"You realize that even if your penalty expires you can't be counted off unless both team members are present right?" this was met with a scream of pure frustration.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Devin opened his eyes and tried to contain the passion radiating in his eyes ' _So this is what it felt like for Adam to find his golden goddess.'_

Sure enough, it was Carrie looking over him with eyes laced with concern and a gentle sense of compassion "Are you okay Devin, is there anything broken?"

"Uh… no I don't think so-" he was suddenly hoisted onto his feet.

"Good now come on, we've gotta get to the carpet."

"No need to rush, let me help." that was when Jacques suddenly appeared on the scene and grabbed onto Devin and slung his arm over his shoulder "This is what I believe that you would refer to as my B, let me make this right at least this once. Besides if you would be so kind Mademoiselle, I wish to have a word with Devin in private. You go on ahead, I will be along with him in a mere moment."

"...Alright I guess, just be careful with him okay?" and so she went on ahead, albeit with clear reluctance.

With that in mind, Jacques turned to Devin "So do you plan to tell her about your feelings for her or not?"

Devin let out a bitter sounding snort "Don't you think I've tried man? I've been trying to for days but something keeps getting in the way literally every single time, whether it be me getting nervous or me hurting myself or something else interrupting me but it's like the universe just doesn't want me to do it."

"Or maybe it's just your own self doubt. I've been there myself loads of times but doubting everything is like a poison, you have to have faith that she will return your feelings. You have to have the faith in yourself that I couldn't have in myself, or in Josee."

"That's something else I've been dying to know. Why do you let Josee push you around like that? You're better than that Jacques, we all know you are."

"...It's not something I'm proud of by any means but I have a promise to keep and I'd rather die than break it."

"To who?"

"To… Josee's mother. Josee and I were partners in dancing ever since we were children, around the same age that you and Carrie were when you met actually. Competing meant nothing to us, we loved the sport and that was enough for the both of us. Her mother saw differently, when we entered high school she pushed Josee endlessly until any love inside of her was gone and she became, as I'm sure everyone will say, a gold hungry monster with a heart as black as the night itself. I hated that woman with every fiber of my being, but I hated the thought of losing Josee far more so I bared with it for years. But then her mother became sick with an illness for which there was no cure, and during her last moments she begged me to look after Josee and make sure she was happy. Those were her last words."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don looked up at the penalty timer and down smugly at Josee "Looks like we have a minute left to go until we reach the end of your penalty and here come Devin and Jacques are two stragglers, pump your legs to victory my friend!"

Sure enough, Jacques was still dragging Devin towards the Chill Zone while finishing up his story about Josee "I never even wanted to win this stupid race, all I wanted was to get my friend back. But now I doubt if I can ever get her back, she may be gone forever and there's nothing I can do about it."

Devin let out a sigh "Jacques… my friend Adam always said that even when you're shrouded in darkness, as long as you have faith you can find your way to where you wanna go. If there's one thing that I've learned to believe from him it's to believe in people, and I choose to believe in you."

"...You know your friend really does seem like a good guy, you must be proud of him."

"More than you could ever know." the two of them finally reached the Chill Zone and Devin was the first one to reach it when he fell forward.

Don made the call just as the buzzer sounded "And the the Best Friends take third place, and just as your penalty ends too. Ice Dancers you're in last place, sending you home… as much as I would love to it's something that I just can't do because the producers are forcing me to make this a non elimination round. You guys are safe. For now."

"...This means war." Josee was disturbingly calm and gave pretty much everyone present a cut throat gesture before storming off.

Devin just rolled over and let out a groan "Yay, top three twice in a row but with pretty much every bone in my body broken."

"Just call this one a hollow victory." Adam knelt down in front of him "But a win is a win so I say take it."

"Hey Adam, what's the occasion this time?"

"Not just any occasion, this is _the_ occasion. Devin my friend, the time has come for me to do something that I should've done six years ago."

"...You mean-"

"I've been going through a lot of stuff over the course of the past few weeks, and I've done even more thinking. You've known about my scars longer than almost everyone else in my life and you know about how hard it used to be for me to trust people, yet you're remained patient with me and you've respected my privacy and my fragile trust in people. You know that I wasn't ready to tell you so you've been waiting patiently, and you have been for nearly 6 long years. But now the time, I finally have the courage and the confidence I need to tell you the whole story about the demon that plagues me. Come on, let's do this in private so that Don can sign off of the show." he helped Devin to his feet and slowly walked away.

"Nice kid, too bad he seems like his heart is full of so much pain." despite having these musings of his, Don took the chance to sign off "But the question still remains, which of our four teams will be able to survive the next set of challenges? There's only one way for you to find out and that is to keep on watching… the Ridonculous Race!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 **(Bonus clip- The moment that I've been waiting to write out, the lead up for this entire story)**

30 minutes had passed.

Adam had sat down with Devin somewhere along the path of the train tracks and, with a lot of courage, he finally managed to tell Devin everything that happened between him, Mike and Mal, as well as everything that had happened with his Cosmic Elemental powers, his armor, telling the truth to Bridgette and Alejandro, meeting various characters throughout the 10 dimensions such as the Ninja Turtles, Ben 10, the kung fu masters from the Valley of Peace (which was more of a Cody thing), meeting Sir George and being mentored by him, fighting Metallum for the first time, awakening his self-dubbed Cosmic Knight form, and even fighting Animus alongside three of the seven Dragon Slayers from the Fairy Tail dimension "And that's about everything that I've been through up to this point."

Devin sat in a stunned silence for a good few minutes, and after taking a few more minutes to process what he had been told he finally found his voice again "Adam… all this time you've been dealing with this on your own? For as long as we've known you? I knew whatever it was was bad but I never thought it would be something as insane as this."

"Yeah. Devin you understand better than anyone else alive just how fragile my trust in people has been for so long, you know better than any of them why I couldn't bring myself to tell you the truth about Mal. That and the fact that if I had gotten the two of you involved then you could've been killed, I already lost my parents and Carlos so if anything happened to you two because of me then I'd never be able to forgive myself. I'd be right back where I had started when we first met."

"You think Carrie and I don't feel the same way? Adam you're always rushing off on these crazy adventures without a second thought and every time I see you walk out of my sight I always get the feeling that you might not come back, every time you walk away I could lose one of my best friends. I'm not gonna pretend I understand the magnitude of your pain but I do know this, if you're gonna take this guy down and save your friend then you have a better chance of pulling it off with some help, with someone watching your back. Just don't forget, you're not alone anymore and you never will be again. I'll make sure of it if no one else does."

"...Thanks Devin, that means a lot more to be than you'll ever know." the two of them shared a brother-like hug "You know I learned a lot of stuff over the past few months and I realize all of that now. But think of this for a minute, if I had the guts to tell you my deepest darkest secret then it shouldn't be that hard for you to tell Carrie how you feel right?"

"Huh. Leave it to you to put a twist on stuff like this."

"It's both a blessing and a curse." Adam stood up "Well I should get going, I've got one more adventure to go on before I fight Metallum for one final battle. But I guarantee you this, by the time you and Carrie are a couple and get back home with your winnings the entire universe will be a much safer place."

"Of that I have no doubt."

"But seriously, I expect you to win so don't let my hopes be in vain. Until we meet again… my king." and with that, Adam disappeared in a flash of electricity.

"Until we meet again Sir Cosmic Knight… my truest friend." with no more business to deal with there, Devin quietly took his leave.

 **A/N:**

 **And with this chapter we begin the wrap up of Adam's story arc in this fic, now all that's left is for him and the others to fight the final battle. I was going to have Adam tell Devin and Carrie the truth about Mal after the race in Australia but I decided that would be too soon, so I pushed it back to here. It's also going to have an impact on Devin's confession to Carrie.**

 **Also, I like to think of this chapter as a way of celebrating. I just got through my first semester of college with a 3.06 GPA! Celebration time! For the next month and a half I have all the free time that I want to write as much as I want, and during that time I plan to finish the Ridonculous Underdogs and maybe even finish my Cosmic Underdog story, which will pave the path for the fourth and final story in my Total Drama series, An Underdog's Destiny.**

 **Geoff's line about making him angry, aside from it being an Incredible Hulk reference, is also a reference to TDI episode 20, Wawanakwa Gone Wild. Like I said, I'm keeping with the early Total Drama references so that I don't lose sight of the smaller details of the show.**

 **The little thing between Josee and Loki on the plane is based on a Naruto fanfic I found a while back, I just thought it would be funny and it ups the word count a little bit. It's called Glaring Problems, in case you wanna check it out.**

 **Also, in regards to the Goths revealing Carrie's feelings for Devin to him, the scene with Loki grabbing Devin by the shirt and slapping him repeatedly is actually a reference to the Seth MacFarlane movie Ted. Plus the thought of the Goths being matchmakers is something that I find absolutely hilarious.**

 **This chapter showed another side to Jacques, one I've been waiting to unveil for awhile. Like I said, he's the good cop and Josee is the bad cop, but I needed to give him a reason for going along with the things that Josee's done up to this point. Seriously though, if you look closely then you'll see that Josee is the only one who's done anything bad to the other teams in this fic.**

 **Just so you know, I'm putting my Cosmic Underdog story on hold for the time being until I finish the actual Ridonculous Underdogs story. Now that Devin has been told the truth about Mal the tie ins to the timeline of the two stories isn't really necessary anymore, so I'm gonna go ahead and wrap this story up before I get back to that one.**

 **Rankings:**

 **Goths: 1st**

 **Bromigos: 2nd**

 **Best Friends: 3rd**

 **Ice Dancers: 4th**

 **Elimination:**

 **Artists: 5th**

 **Fashion Bloggers: 6th**

 **Reality TV Pros: 7th**

 **Sisters: 8th**

 **Rockers: 9th**

 **Father & Son: 10th**

 **Stepbrothers: 11th**

 **Adversity Twins: 12th**

 **Mother & Daughter: 13th**

 **Ultimate Duo: 14th**

 **Vegans: 15th**

 **Geniuses: 16th**

 **Tennis Rivals: 17th**

 **LARPers: 18th**


	25. Last Tango in Buenos Aires

" _Last time on the Ridonculous Race: Things got hot, and by hot I mean both dramatic and scorching as our teams headed for Darjeeling, India. Devin confessed to the Goths the truth about him being in love with Carrie, emphasizing the point that sometimes the truth hurts a lot more than people think and that next time he should tell Carrie herself, and Jacques told Devin the truth about his secret promise regarding Josee and why he puts up with her crap. I almost feel sorry for him because of that. Almost. In the end this lead to the Ice Dancers coming in last, but lucky for them and lucky for Jacques it turned out to be a non elimination round. We're still dealing with our final four teams battling it out for our grand prize of one million dollars. The question still remains, who will survive the next set of challenges? There's only one way to find out and that is to watch right here and right now on… the Ridonculous Race!"_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

As you probably can imagine by now, Don was waiting at the Chill Zone from the previous leg of the race, now equipped with a Don Box for the next race to commence "Welcome back to Darjeeling India where the winners from yesterday's race, Crimson, Ennui and Loki, are about to receive the first travel tip of the day."

Sure enough, Ennui picked up the tip and read it out loud "It says that we're gonna be going to Argentina."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Or to be more specific it's the capital of Argentina in the form of Buenos Aires, which happens to be a world class city which is famous for its love of football (or soccer or whatever people wanna call it), theater and various forms of delicious red meat. I've actually been able to try some and it's not bad, anyway once our four teams land they'll find the Don Box outside of the airport with their next tip."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _With their tips in hand, all four remaining teams are now in a taxi race to the airport to get seats on the next flight out."_

"Looks like the Goths are in the lead right now." DJ noted "Plus there's Devin and Carrie and they're working together so they're tough, but right now we've gotta focus on getting rid of the Ice Dancers."

Geoff nodded "Yeah no kidding, that chick as bad as Heather and she's the reason why Jen is out of the race now."

"Along with who knows how many other teams."

"Yeah that too."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Carrie and Devin were riding in their own cab "So how's your ankle? It must've gotten pretty banged up after what happened with the train yesterday."

"Oh it's totally fine now." Devin leaned back "Man everything's coming up for us, I bet that today nothing is gonna go wrong."

"Oh no don't say that, great now something is bound to go wrong!" this was followed by their taxi hitting an elephant, which then proceeded to sit on what was left of their cab.

"That's just a coincidence."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Josee let out a scream of frustration "You need to drive this thing faster, FASTER! I swear if the other teams catch an earlier flight then I'm going to do something really bad that defies the laws of physics!"

"You do know that you can't crash airplanes with your mind right?" Jacques pointed out rather nervously.

"No Jacques I don't know that, DO YOU?!"

"...I'll shut up now."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

One excruciating cab ride later, at the airport…

"GET OUT OF MY WAY!" Josee stormed her way into the line at the airport, only to find a long lineup waiting for them "Well that's just great, a lineup is exactly what I need right now! This is just perfect, WILL YOU HURRY UP?! GET US IN THE SKY BEFORE I DO SOMETHING VERY BAD!"

DJ and Geoff noticed this and got a very devious and hysterical idea "Oh don't worry about those two, they're some friends of ours, using that term very loosely, and they're just worried that they won't get their favorite seats at the very back of the plane near the bathrooms that the fat guys use. Do you think you could save those seats for them?" he received a thumbs up from the clerk "Awesome thanks."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _All four of our remaining teams are now on the same flight to Buenos Aires, but one team almost wishes that they weren't and yet none of us feel sorry for one of them."_

Josee was less than thrilled, even more so than usual, about her and Jacques being stuck sitting near the bathroom used by the fat guys "This is just unbelievable, that party boy and the BFG (Big Friendly Giant) reject deliberately got the ticket guy to stick us with the worst seats on the entire plane!"

"So remind me again, how long does this flight last for again?" asked Jacques.

"It's supposed to last for a full 24 hours at the very least, those two rejects are going to suffer for this."

"...Yeah I'm out." and then he walked off.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Carrie raised an eyebrow when she saw Devin drinking a hot cup of tea "Well that's kind of unusual, I don't think I've ever seen you drink tea."

"Well I figured that maybe while we're doing this race I should try and expand my horizons at least a little bit." he downed another sip ' _I fell in love with Carrie during the whole tiger incident when we were in Vegas but every time I try to tell her I end up screwing it up or get screwed over in some way. No Devin that's it, no more stalling and making excuses. Adam had the courage to tell you a secret that's been plaguing him for more than ten years so you should have the courage to tell Carrie how you feel. Today is the day, for Adam's sake at least._ Anyway Carrie there's actually something that I've been trying to tell you for a good long while now."

"There is?"

"Yeah there really is, I'm just kind of nervous about it and-" and then his cup of tea slipped out of his hand and spilled all over his crotch "Hot hot hot hot hot!"

"Hold on!" Carrie poured her cup of ice water over it, which only ended up making it that much worse.

"Cold cold cold cold cold!" and then he ran away.

"Oh my god I'm so sorry!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Devin wiped off some of the liquids from his pants "It's times like this I'm really glad I'm not on camera."

"I do not have such a privilege." that was when Jacques came over to him "So have you told her yet?"

"I wanted to but I got nervous and-"

"And then you peed yourself? Even if we're not on TV that's just wrong, and that's coming from a guy who hasn't washed his underwear since the race started (reference to what he said in episode 8)."

"No I didn't pee myself, I tea'd myself."

"Meaning?"

"I spilled some hot tea on my crotch and then she threw her ice water on it, it still burns like it's on the sun."

"Oh, well that's somewhat comforting. Devin look-"

"I know what you're going to say Jacques, I have to tell Carrie how I feel or I might as well spend the rest of my life wondering what might have been. It's not just about how she and I feel about each other either, I've got a lot more riding on this than just that. See after Carrie and I checked into the Chill Zone yesterday my friend Adam showed up and he told me his deepest darkest secret, one that he had been keeping from the world for years. Adam and I have been friends since middle school, when we met back then I knew that he was pretty emotionally fragile because he had lost pretty much everyone he loved in just one night and he didn't trust anyone else. I only knew that much but yesterday he told me everything, and now I feel like if he had the courage to tell me the truth about his past then I should have the courage to tell Carrie how I feel about her, and if I don't then I feel like I'm betraying one of my closest friends. You don't have to say it Jacques because I know, I have to tell her. Not just for her sake or for my sake, but for Adam's sake too."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _After a 24 hour flight our final four teams finally land in Buenos Aires and the Goths are able to take an early lead."_

"There's the Don Box." Ennui pulled the tip out of the Don Box "It's an All In and it's called Tango Takedown."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _For out next All In challenge each of our four teams must journey to the National Academy of Tango to learn and then perform the famous and passionate Argentinian dance, be warned that one misstep means starting over but if the teams get a thumbs up from the local tango instructor whose name I never bothered to learn then it's another race by cab to a local Argentinian ranch where they'll find the Don Box with their next tip dressed up like some kind of cowboy. You know it's kind of weird, normally I hate it when they dress these things up but this one I love for some reason. I don't know why but I do."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"A tango challenge? Well it's about time we got something good!" Josee let out a loud scoff from where she and Jacques were riding in a cab "I mean we're ice dancers for crying out loud, take away the ice and what do you get? Dancers, any halfwhit that wasn't on Total Drama would know that, at this rate they might as well just come over here and hand us the million dollars on a gold platter.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Geoff seemed rather concerned "I don't know about this one DJ, I think my history speaks for itself when I say that I'm not much of a dancer. For all we know I might be the worst dancer ever."

DJ let out a chuckle "Not possible dude, we've already seen the worst dancer ever. Leshawna, or as she claims they call her, Le-Shaking-It."

"But didn't you say that that's not what-"

"Dude I was just kidding when I said that they called her Le-Bomba, but it's not like it's inaccurate."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It wasn't long before all four teams had arrived at the National Academy of Tango and found the instructor demonstrating how the dance was supposed to do.

Devin let out a huge grin "The Tango huh, correct me if I'm wrong but isn't that supposed to be a super romantic dance?" he received a nod from the instructor "Yeah that's what I thought. _My ex girlfriend Shelley used to make me take these crazy hard dance lessons with her and we got pretty good at the Tango, at the end the dance always features a dip and that's the perfect time for me to make my move. The grand gesture, the kiss, the anime levels of romantic confession of love, the-'_

"Are you done monologuing to yourself?" Ennui asked dryly.

"Uh… maybe?"

"Are you gonna do it?"

"You bet, today is the day."

"About time."

"...Shut up."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Okay, here we go." DJ and Geoff had lined up to take the first crack at the challenge "Ready, let's do this." they started to do it, only for Geoff to accidentally step on DJ's foot, causing them to get a thumbs down from the instructor.

"Step aside and let the real pros have a crack at it." so Josee and Jacques went next and in a dazzling display of grace and natural swiftness they completed the challenge with ease, earning and applause from the instructor, much to the dismay of the other three teams "Good luck catching up yee who don't have the gold!" and so the two of them took off.

"We won't need it." Ennui and Crimson went onto the dance floor next and despite it seeming rather disturbing at some points, they held nearly as much grace as the Ice Dancers, earning the approval of the instructor and allowing them to proceed.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"My cousin is a dance instructor." explained Crimson flatly "I had to help her out with some of her classes and I picked up a few things so, whatever."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Devin and Carrie were the next team to have a turn at it "Okay listen up Carrie, I need you to to just maintain eye contact and follow my lead."

Carrie let out a slight giggle "Whatever you say homie."

"Alright, let's do this." so they took a few steps forward and he spun her around as he rushed over to get a rose and caught her in the dip, only to accidentally headbutt her, earning them a thumbs down "Oh crap, Carrie I am so sorry!"

Geoff and DJ cringed "Oh man right in the old sniffer too."

"Hang on I'll get some tissues." Devin quickly rushed off ' _Dammit I'm nervous and whenever I get nervous I screw things up, I've gotta focus if I'm gonna do this right.'_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point, Jacques and Josee arrived at the ranch and collected the tip from the hilariously dressed Don Box "It's another Botch or Watch called Ride em Gaucho."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _For this Botch or Watch challenge, the member of each team didn't play the narwhal Ring Toss game in the Arctic Circle gets to ride a horse and use a set of traditional boleadoras to tie up the designated emu for their team. Once they've managed to wrap up their emu they must bring it by taxi to the Chill Zone for today's race, which we've located on the top of Mount Aconcagua in the Andes. But they had better hurry because the same rule applies, the last team to arrive at the Chill Zone may be cut from the race."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Back at the National Academy of Tango, the Best Friends have suffered a setback but they're not letting something as small as a nosebleed stop their drive to win. Devin's clumsiness on the other hand…"_

Devin failed to grab Carrie for the dip, causing her to fall to the ground "Oh crap Carrie I'm so sorry! Again. _God dammit this is ridiculous, I can't think of anyone else in the world who had this much trouble telling their best friend that they're in love with them.'_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

At the same time, Josee was quick to sabotage the Bromigos and their emu by squirting vegetable oil all over it, freaking it out and causing it to shake some all over her, but she didn't notice "Oh my how awful, I semi accidentally got vegetable oil all over the Bromigos' emu. Oh that is just terrible, I hope that doesn't make the challenge harder for them." and then she slipped on some of her own oil "Ow."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

DJ was spinning Geoff on their next attempt at doing the tango "Okay easy, easy…" he dipped him and earned a thumbs up from the instructor "Yes we did it!" the two of them high fived and then took off.

Devin and Carrie shared a look and let out a sigh "Yeah okay this isn't looking good, but there's no way that we're giving up now."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Geoff noticed DJ looking rather down during the cab ride "Why the long face dude, we got the tip didn't we? And we even picked up some of that awesome red meat." he munched on some of the red meat.

DJ let out a sigh "I just don't want the Ice Dancers to win after everything that they've done, that's all."

"Hey don't worry about it, they'll get what they deserve sooner or later. We've just gotta bide our time until they do."

"...Yeah I guess you're right." the two of them reached the ranch and picked up a tip from the Don Box.

"Looks like it's a Botch or Watch and it's your turn to botch it."

"On it, so which emu is ours?"

"I think I just found it." Geoff pointed to the emu that was covered in oil "Okay I know I'm no Einstein or anything but are emus supposed to be covered in what I think is tanning oil or something?"

"No dude, no they are not."

"Oh my whatever happened to your emu?" Josee let out a cackle from on top of her horse, still drenched on vegetable oil.

"Okay yeah that makes sense."

"Why whatever do you mean? Are you trying to suggest that we did such a thing? Come back when you actually have some decent evidence in order to back up your talk." she slid off of her horse and fell to the ground "Ow. That evidence is circumstantial at best Big Friendly Giant reject. Oh yeah and thank you for selecting our seats on the flight over here, that was oh so kind of you."

"It's a little something called Karma." DJ hopped on top of his horse "And no need for you to worry about that one Heather on ice skates, there's plenty more DJ style karma where that came from coming your way!" and then he took off on his horse.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Not long after that whole shabang started, Ennui, Crimson and Loki showed up on the scene and collected a tip from the Don Box "Botch or Watch on a horse, you're up."

"Woo hoo, whatever." Crimson hopped onto the back of her horse "Giddy up." and then she took off on her horse.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

DJ was riding on the back of his horse and threw his boleadoras at his and Geoff's emu, only for them to slide right off because of the oil "Yeah okay this is gonna be a little bit tougher than I thought."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _While Geoff and DJ find themselves in a slippery situation and the Goths are beginning to catch up, the Best Friends Devin and Carrie are still at the National Academy of Tango and having to dance like no one is watching, mainly because nobody wants to watch a train wreck like that."_

Devin was beginning to get frustrated "Oh come on, we've done this 17 times so why can't I get this right?!"

"I don't know but I think I have a better question." Carrie picked herself off of the ground, now with a bloody nose "Is there a way for you to get this wrong without hurting me like we're in some kind of cartoon?"

"Look I know how to do this, I just need you to bare with me for a little bit. Shelley used to always make me-"

"I don't care what you and Shelley used to do alright?!" Carrie finally lost her temper "No more following your lead, now we're doing this my way!"

"...Yeah okay works for me." and so with Carrie taking charge in a rather scary fashion, the two of them walked each other through the steps of the Tango until the spin came.

"Okay just gotta pace this right, and… now!" Devin managed to dip her just in the nick of time, earning a shrug and a thumbs up from the instructor "YES!" and then he dropped her for like the umpteenth time "Oh crap!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The showdown of the Botch or Watch raged onwards, with each team having a great deal of trouble due to varying circumstances.

DJ made yet another attempt to catch his and Geoff's emu using the boleadoras, only for it to slide off again "Oh come on!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Josee on the other hand was struggling to just hold onto her horse due to being splashed with vegetable oil previously "So… slippery! Must… hold on!" and then she slid right off.

So yeah, those two teams could be going better.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _By this point the Best Friends have finally arrived at the ranch and have now joined the other three teams struggling with this Botch or Watch. Well, most of them are struggling."_

"I GOT YOU NOW YOU STUPID PIGEON FROM HELL!" Josee chucked her boleadoras, only for them to wind up getting stuck to her own face "I HATE THIS CHALLENGE SO MUCH!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Okay this one is mine, I've got this." Devin hopped onto the back of his horse, his appearance glistening in the sunlight like a knight in shining armor.

At least that's what Carrie saw when she laid eyes on him, blushing heavily and trying not to swoon ' _Woah…'_

"Carrie? Carrie? Hey look free cinnamon lattes!"

"What where?!" she snapped out of her daydream (callback to episode 2 in Morocco) "Oh sorry you say something?"

"I just wanna say that I'm really sorry about what happened back at the academy with the whole Tango thing."

"Oh. Forget about that right now, we've gotta catch up to the other teams!" she slapped the horse on its ass, only for it to kick her in the face and take off running.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

As for our final team that I've been neglecting this chapter…

"Giddy up." with a simple pat on the side of its leg, Crimson managed to catch her team's emu with one swift movement, prompting her, Ennui and Loki to grab a taxi and take off towards the Chill Zone.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Josee was having some major problems with their own batch of vegetable oil "My shirt won't absorb the stupid oil, it's the only downfall of polyester." she received a "What the f*ck" sort of look from the horse "What? Polyester is the only fabris in the world that moves as beautifully as I do, having you ever tried doing a triple lutz while wearing a uniform made of cotton? Of course you haven't, because it would be impossible!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

DJ was still struggling with his and Geoff's minor setback "The thing won't stay on our emu, it's just way too greasy!"

"Yeah I kind of noticed that but can't give up on me now bro." Geoff told him "You keep on trying while I try to think of something."

"Alright, let me give this another shot." DJ tried again with the boleadoras, only for it to fail and for him to snap "Oh that is it!" he charged at the emu in a blind rage, sending both him and the emu sliding down the slope.

"DJ!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Josee was running out of patience "This isn't working, I need something to absorb all of this stupid oil off of my hands or I'll never be able to-"

"Here." Jacques got down on one knee before her.

"...You're not gonna propose to me are you?"

"Of course not! Unless you'd-"

"No."

"Okay Plan A it is then." he lowered his head and rubbed her hands all over his hair, cleaning them while leaving his hair insanely greasy, much to Josee's disbelief "Your hands are dry now mademoiselle."

"Oh my god, I can't believe you just sacrificed your hair for-"

"Please just don't talk about it, just go and get us into the top three."

"The hell with that, I'm going for my gold!" Josee made a mad dash on her bare feet for the emu and managed to tie it up in one swift go "Yes!" she made a beeline for Jacques and threw her arms around him "You're my hero, you're everyone's hero!" and then she slid to the ground with a thud "Ow."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _The race for first place is underway with the Goths having a substantial lead over the Ice Dancers, but for our Bromigos Geoff and DJ things are still going pretty downhill. And I mean literally."_

"MOMMA!" DJ and the emu slid all the way down the mountain until they slammed straight into a tree "Ow… Well we're both still alive, now I just have to find a way to get you back up to the top."

"LOOK OUT BELOW!" that was when Geoff suddenly came sliding down the path and hit the tree at the bottom of the mountain path with a loud thud "Ow."

"Geoff what the heck are you doing down here? You could've gotten yourself killed, are you insane?"

"One of my best friends just got thrown down a mountain and I got worried about you man, are you okay?"

"Well my shoulder got popped out of its socket and we're stuck down here with a flightless bird that smells like expired cheese from Chef's fridge." this was met with angry squawking and snarling as the emu started chasing them.

"Did you have to piss off the bird that could and is trying to peck our eyes out?"

"Hey the truth hurts sometimes man and I made a promise to my momma a long time ago that I was never gonna lie again!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

On another hand…

"Get over here you stupid bird!" Devin threw his boleadoras at his emu, only for them to miss, much to his dismay "Come on Devin you've gotta get your head in the game or you're gonna get screwed!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don was waiting at the Chill Zone on top of Mount Aconcagua for the Ice Dancers and the Goths to finish their race for first place "The Ice Dancers and the Goths are racing into the area of the Chill Zone, these two teams are the contenders for the last ditch foot race to the finish line! It looks like the Goths are- No way the Ice Dancers are taking it but now the Goths are pulling ahead of them! Who's it going to be?!" this was followed by the Goths narrowly beating the Ice Dancers to the Carpet of Completion "And the Goths take first place, the Goths have grabbed the gold! And the Ice Dancers take second place. Or they will if the other teams don't show up before the 10 minute penalty is up."

"What?!" Josee was outright snarling at him "What the hell did we do?!"

"What do you think? We saw you shamelessly squirt vegetable oil all over Geoff and DJ's emu with a smile on your face, now stand over there." this was met with angry snarling as she reluctantly complied.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _One team is waiting for a penalty to end while the other team is now one step closer to the grand prize of one million dollars, and the other two teams are in a last ditch battle to avoid potential elimination."_

Carrie could do little more than watch Devin struggle with the Botch or Watch, but she still tried to be supportive "Come on Devin, you can do it! Wait where did Geoff and DJ go? Oh no, don't tell me we're in last place right now! Hurry Devin!"

"Alright enough of this! This game ends right here, right now!" using every ounce of his strength and focus, Devin threw his boleadoras at the emu, causing it to screech to a halt and land in a puddle of mud, splashing Carrie in the process "Oops."

"Nevermind me, just grab the bird!" Carrie spat out some mud.

"I GOT HIM!" Devin managed to grab the bird "Yes finally we're done, wait are we the last team here?"

"Yeah I think so, we had a good run but it's come to an end. Come on, let's just go get eliminated already."

"...No."

"What?"

"There's something that I need to say. Carrie, I need to tell you that… I'm in love with you, like anime levels of in love with you. I'm talking like Inuyasha, that Naruto movie The Last, Clannad, best romance anime of all time levels of in love with you. And I can't even begin to describe how sorry I am that it took me so long to see where my heart truly lies, to see just how amazing you are in every sense of the word. You're the most important person in my life and somewhere along the way I lost sight of that, but now my mind is clear and I know where it is that my true feelings lie, and if there's any chance at all that you feel the same way about me that I do for you then-" he was cut off by her wrapping her arms around his neck and putting her lips to his in a gentle kiss, to which he wrapped his arms around her waist and returned the kiss in full, only for the moment to be ruined when they noticed Geoff and DJ running and screaming up the side of the mountain being chased by their pissed off emu.

"Wait is that Geoff and DJ? That means that we're still in the race!" she quickly pecked Devin on the cheek "Okay grab the bird, we've gotta move!"

"Right, we're gonna win this thing!"

"For true love!"

"And for Adam!" they grabbed the bird and took off for the road to pick up a taxi to take them to the Chill Zone.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point DJ and Geoff were stuck in a tree to avoid their emu attacking them and pecking out their eyeballs "Wait that's Carrie and Devin, and they're leaving! Oh man we've gotta do something fast or we're toast!"

"Hold the ball things, I'm throwing myself into the fire!" Geoff suddenly dropped down and grabbed onto the emu.

"Geoff what the heck are you doing?!"

"Helping us finish this challenge, now get it before it starts biting my butt to the point where it starts bleeding!"

"Gotcha!" DJ jumped down and tied up the bird, along with Geoff, using his oil covered pair of boleadoras "So are you okay or-"

"Yeah I'm good now let's just go!" and so they made a beeline and caught a taxi, allowing them to get in.

Carrie seemed concerned by this "Geoff and DJ are catching up, we've gotta hurry or they're gonna pass us!"

"Not to worry, I've got this!" Devin quickly hailed a taxi and ushered Carrie inside, receiving a peck on the cheek "Whatever you do, don't let that other taxi pass us no matter what may happen!"

" _The last two teams are on their way to the Chill Zone, if they wanna win this thing then they're gonna have to put their friendship aside, especially if they wanna make it before the Ice Dancers' penalty expires_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Only 1 minute left in the penalty.

Don was waiting at the Chill Zone with the Ice Dancers "There's only a minute left in the penalty and here come the other two teams, it's gonna be another close one. And second place is gonna go to…"

"FOR TRUE LOVE!" Devin and Carrie dove onto the Carpet of Completion a split second before the Bromigos made it, mere seconds before the timer went off.

"The Best Friends take second plane and the Bromigos are left with third place by very narrow margin!" then he smugly turned to the Ice Dancers "Well Ice Dancers last place for the third time in a row, you would think that it would be it… and as much as I would love to cut you from the race, no offense to Jacques, I'm obligated to inform you that this is a non elimination round." he was met with groans from the other three teams "Hey I'm no happier about it than any of you guys are."

"...You will all suffer, that much I can promise you." and Josee calmly walked away, leaving them all greatly unnerved.

Don took this chance to sign off "Well that was all kinds of wrong, but we still have a show to do you know. Anyway we still have four teams vying for the million dollar grand prize. Who is going to win it all? There's only one way to find out and that is for you to keep on watching… the Ridonculous Race!"

 **A/N:**

 **As if it wasn't obvious, this chapter is by far the most important chapter in this entire fic since Devin and Carrie finally get together. And even better, they don't get eliminated this chapter unfairy like they did in canon. They're moving on with the Ice Dancers, Goths and Bromigos to the final four! Oh and by the way, I got this chapter out way faster than I thought it would. Seriously, I wrote this entire chapter in one full day.**

 **I had the Ice Dancers get penalized for sabotaging the Bromigos like they should've been for sabotaging the Sisters, which let the Goths take the win for this leg of the race. Again. Now it's a tie in terms of number of wins between the Best Friends (Morocco, Beijing, Australia, Arctic Circle and Siberia) and the Goths (Iceland, Indonesia, Vegas, Darjeeling and Buenos Aires), the other two being the Bromigos with (Hawaii, Alberta, and a tie in Vietnam) and the Ice Dancers (Transylvania, New Zealand and a tie in Vietnam).**

 **For the record, I had Josee do this Botch or Watch since she and Jacques got Boomeranged in the Arctic Circle and Jacques had to do the Botch or Watch there, so by that logic Josee would have to do the emu challenge.**

 **Just so you know, this is the last update to this story before New Years so this story will return in January of 2019. Until then my fellow Total Drama fans, Happy New Year!**

 **Rankings:**

 **Goths: 1st**

 **Best Friends: 2nd**

 **Bromigos: 3rd**

 **Ice Dancers: 4th**

 **Elimination:**

 **Artists: 5th**

 **Fashion Bloggers: 6th**

 **Reality TV Pros: 7th**

 **Sisters: 8th**

 **Rockers: 9th**

 **Father & Son: 10th**

 **Stepbrothers: 11th**

 **Adversity Twins: 12th**

 **Mother & Daughter: 13th**

 **Ultimate Duo: 14th**

 **Vegans: 15th**

 **Geniuses: 16th**

 **Tennis Rivals: 17th**

 **LARPers: 18th**


	26. Bahamarama

" _Last time on the Ridonculous Race: the final four teams hit Argentina. The Fashion Bloggers were targeted by the Ice Dancers, who tried to cheat their way back to the non existent gold but got penalized, which gave the win to the Bromigos. And on another note, thanks to a shocking revelation from a close friend, Devin finally worked up the guts to tell Carrie that he had fallen in love with her, so it's a win on both accounts. The Goths, the Bromigos, the Ice Dancers and the Best Friends. These final four teams have battled it out in 21 different countries and crossed through 111 time zones so far, but now is where the real challenge begins. From this moment onwards it's a non stop race to the finish line, if any of the teams slow down then they WILL get left behind. Welcome to the first part of the grand finale of the most stupendous show in the history of television, suck on it Total Drama and Chris McLean! That'll teach you to steal my girlfriend in college! This is… the Ridonculous Race!"_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

As one should come to expect by now, Don stood at the location of the Chill Zone from the day before, now equipped with one final Don Box for the non stop race to the final Chill Zone in New York City "We're back in Argentina where yesterday's winners, the Goths, are about to grab the first travel tip of the day."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"The final four, how exciting." Ennui noted.

Crimson nodded "I can barely contain my excitement."

"We're practically fountains of joy."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

(But before that we can always use some insanity from Josee, cause who doesn't need that?)

Josee let out a smirk filled with malice "We've taken the gold three times, one for each of those other teams that we're gonna make suffer! It's just laughable, I mean who in the world could possibly stop us from getting the gold that I deserve? The Goths?" she let out a scoff "The Bromigos?" a malicious chuckle "The Best Friends?" she let out a full on psychotic laughter and walked away.

Jacques was left alone, his expression solemn "I knew Josee would be determined to win this by any means necessary but I never thought she would stoop as low as she did as many time as she did. I'm not sure what else there is that I can say but there is one thing clear as day, she's not the same Josee that I grew up with, and I fear that that person may even be gone forever."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

So with Josee's ever decreasing sanity out of the way, Ennui grabbed the tip from the Don Box and read it out loud "We're going to the Bahamas."

"Oh joy." Crimson muttered, her tone laced with dry sarcasm.

"Oh crap."

Loki chittered in agreement.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Yep you heard the Goths and the rabbit, we're talking about the Bahamas, which happen to be known for its pirate history, stunning caribbean beaches and unbelievably fluorescent pink flamingos. Our final four teams must take a flight to Nassau and outside the airport they'll find a Don Box dressed like a pirate with their next travel tip."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Devin leaned back in his seat in their taxi, with Carrie leaning in against his chest "Man things could not be better, now that our feelings for each other are out in the open it's like we're in perfect sync now."

Carrie nodded "No more secrets, no more awkwardness, no more accidentally hurting each other with use of flowers or animals, it's absolute pure bliss. I don't think I've ever felt so at peace in my life."

"I think this is what people call the honeymoon phase, which means that things might get harder down the road so we just have to win this race before that happens, and regardless of the outcome we won't regret a thing."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Man this rules, come on bro!" Geoff and DJ bolted into their own taxi "You know yesterday got pretty hectic but when we found out about Carrie and Devin finally hooking up the anger and the tension just kind of melted away."

DJ nodded "Yeah I know, I guess love really will keep us together. It was so beautiful!" and then he randomly broke down sobbing.

Geoff could do little more than awkwardly comfort him "There there dude, you'll find mr or mrs right eventually. It's your call man, I don't judge. Either way let's use that passion today and turn the Bahamas into the Brohamas!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Later, at the airport (Note that this was typed in the same fashion with which the french narrator from Spongebob speaks)...

"HEY!" a pissed off Josee stormed up to the clerk at the airport, scaring him into nearly soiling himself "Two tickets to Nassau, now! There are three teams that are gonna be coming and you are gonna put them on a later flight! GOT IT?!"

"Ahem." it turns out that the Best Friends, the Bromigos and the Goths had already gotten their tips "Well well well it looks like it's true, Ice guys do finish last. No offense Jacques." he received a shrug from Jacques and a giggle from Carrie "And as Adam says, Booyah to the Kasha."

"Does he really say that?" asked Jacques.

"Oh yeah he spent our freshman and sophomore years trying to get that started but it only got popular in Jamaica for some reason." they then proceeded to ignore Josee throwing another massive tantrum and got to another serious topic "So what are you gonna do about… you know?"

"I… I don't have a clue to be honest." the two of them sat down a fair distance away from the others while they went to get pretzels "I can't just up and abandon her or not only will I be breaking my promise to her mother, but I would be abandoning my dearest friend. But if I don't do anything then I might lose her forever."

"Hey remember what I said, sometimes all you can do is have faith that you're making the right decision."

"I hope I can, I really really do. Oh and by the way, congratulations on your wonderful success yesterday."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _All four teams are now on the same flight to Nassau and once that flight lands the non stop race to the finish line is about to begin, from this point onwards every single move that they make will be critical."_

"GO GO GO GO GO GO GO GO!" once the flight landed, Devin and Carrie were the first team to hit the Don Box "Looks like we've got ourselves another All In."

"Aw." Carrie leaned into his embrace "I love it when we get to do things together."

"You and me both beautiful." he read the tip "Arr matey, this way be treasure maps. God it's like the time Adam dragged me to that Pirates of the Caribbean cosplay party." this was followed by a bolt of lightning striking the ground in front of them and spelling out words, which he then read out loud "That was your idea jackass. Okay fine it was, but what's the challenge?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Now we get to get a glimpse of the pirate museum of Nassau, our four teams will travel to said location by ridonculous taxi and search the museum's grand display of petty theft for one of the four provided Ridonculous Race treasure maps that we've hidden somewhere in the display for them to find just like a good old fashioned treasure hunt. Once they find a map they must change into their swimsuits and then travel by jet ski to the coast of Abaco Island where they'll find a normally dressed Don Box with their next tip as well as equipment that they'll need in order to complete the next challenge."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Go go go go!" without bothering to waste any more time than they already had, each of the four teams bolted into taxis and took off, with the Best Friends in the lead, followed by the Bromigos, the Goths, and the Ice Dancers.

Despite being in the bottom two, Jacques and Josee remained calm under the pressure, at least for the most part "It's times like this that being an athlete really does benefit, it grants us the unique ability to stay calm under pressure." this was followed by the Goths passing them in their taxi.

And then Josee started to lose her shit "There go the Goths and now we're in last place, I won't accept this! Would it kill you to hurry, we're in a race! You need to drive this thing faster you hear me?! FASTER!" this was followed by the cab driver ignoring her by turning up some samba music.

"You know I'm actually surprised that it doesn't happen more often!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Geoff and DJ were the first team to arrive at the museum "You know it's kind of weird, why the heck would they have a whole museum just for fictional dudes?"

"What the heck are you talking about dude?" asked DJ "Pirates are totally real, or at least they were hundreds of years ago."

"Then why do we never see pirates outside of One Piece?"

"...I can't begin to fathom your mindset."

"You say that like anyone can." and then they rushed inside just as the other teams began to arrive.

"Yeah it's go time, Eiichiro Oda (the guy who created One Piece) eat your heart out you magnificent bastard!" Devin and Carrie were the next team to rush in.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"This oughta be like a piece of momma's cake!" DJ and Geoff rushed into the grand display of petty theft, only to find a huge number of maps covering the area "Oh come on you've gotta be kidding me!"

"You search on the left side and I'll search on the right!"

"Got it!" and so the two of the split up.

"Let's do this!" Devin and Carrie rushed into the display and started separately searching for maps.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Ennui and Crimson made their way towards the opening of the museum "Okay let's get this over with so we can get out of this sunshine covered island of hell."

"GET OUT OF MY WAY!" Josee shoved them out of her way as she bolted into the pirate museum.

"Ow. You suck."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Oh come on, I so do not suck." Josee protested "I'm little more than a dedicated competitor who has no intention of stopping at anything when it comes to winning any type of competition and I'm a hell of a lot more than willing to ruin the lives of anyone and everyone who dares to get in my way."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point, three of the four teams had started searching for the hidden ridonculous treasure maps.

Ennui, Crimson and Loki quickly rushed into the display room "Split up and search for one of the maps." and so the three of them split up and joined the search.

Carrie suddenly managed to pull one out from behind a picture "Got one!"

"Yes!" Devin grabbed her by the waist and pulled her into a quick yet heated kiss "First place here we come, so long suckers!" and so the two of them took off out the door.

Geoff let out a laugh as he pulled his face out of the cannon, his face now black "Yeah he called you guys suckers. Wait… Hey!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Carrie let out a chuckle "Yeah I know I shouldn't approve of behavior like that but I'm gonna be honest, hearing him say that felt really good."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _The Best Friends have leapt up from fourth place to first place, and from the looks of things I would say that the Goths aren't far behind them."_

Sure enough, Ennui glanced over to see Loki pull out a map from one of the hiding places "Good job Loki now come on, let's go." and so the three members of their team made a quick beeline out of the room.

"Oh come on, I feel as pissed off as Benson from Regular Show in pretty much every single episode that he's in!" Geoff's cries went ignored.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _The Best Friends and the Goths are already headed into the second challenge but the question still remains, will the Ice Dancers and the Goths be able to catch up in time to make any sort of significant difference?"_

"There's the island!" Devin and Carrie reached the island and picked up the first tip from the Don Box "Oh boy we've got a Random Botch called Dive to Survive. Yeah that sounds promising. Whoever is holding this tip-"

"Oh thank god." Carrie muttered.

"Carrie!"

"Sorry!"

"Anyway now I apparently have to search for sunken treasure like in that episode of Fairy Tail Zero, only I probably won't find an ancient civilization underwater that I'll end up destroying like they did."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _In this challenge, which is beyond dangerous by the way, the teammates who pulled the tip from the Don Box must navigate a series of underwater tunnels in search of gold doubloons armed only with their ridonculous maps, a single flashlight and a small tank of oxygen. If they take too long to complete this challenge then they'll run out of air and you kind of need that stuff in order to live, so they'll have to find the cavern in the tunnels, grab one of the provided bags of gold coins and then swim back up to the pier, race their jet skis back to the shore, get back into their normal clothes and then run along to beach to the first midpoint Chill Zone of our two part grand finale. Three of the four teams will race on but the last team to arrive may never be able to look at a beach again without crying. No wait that sounds too mean, but anyway they'll be cut from the race with no exceptions."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Geoff was beginning to lose patience "Oh come on, this is taking forever! You know what screw doing it logically, I'm doing this MCU style!" and then to prove his point he lifted up a gigantic barrel, only for it to reveal a ridonculous map on the bottom "Yes!"

"You feel better now?" asked DJ.

"A lot actually thanks, now let's get-"

"Nope!" Josee prepared to snatch it, only for her to have the barrel dropped on her head "What the hell?!"

"Hands off chica!" Geoff grabbed the map, with Josee doing the same from the other side which resulted in a tug of war "I said drop it!"

"Dude let the map go." DJ told him.

"Hey there's no way I'm gonna let Heather on ice skates-" he let it go, sending her flying into a wall "Oh. Nice work dude, no wonder we usually follow your lead." and so the two of them grabbed the map and took off.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Geoff and DJ our Bromigos leap into third place but the question still remains, will they be able to hold it?"_

"Back it up dude, it's go time! Jen this one is for you babe!" Geoff took charge of driving the jet ski, sending them hurtling across the coast of the Bahamas to the island.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _As the Ice Dancers finally find their map and hustle to get out of last place, Carrie is the first contestant to get into the water and make her way towards the tunnels with Devin on the com link."_

Sure enough, Carrie was still on the island and glanced over to see Ennui, Crimson and Loki all arrive, still in their normal clothes "You know the tip said that we all had to get into our swimsuits."

"These are our swimsuits, we swim as we are." Ennui told him.

"...Okay then. Hey Devin the Goths just showed up, how are you holding up down there? Are you okay?"

" _Yeah I'm fine, okay I think the tunnel entrance is right- Oh wow, it looks like your sister after pilates or Adam before he's had his morning coffee. I'm not sure I can do this."_

"Of course you can do this Devin, you're one of the strongest and kindest people that I've ever known. I believe in you and you believe in almost everyone that you meet, and it's why I fell in love with you. Oh and you might wanna hurry, Ennui is coming and he's sinking like he's the devil from some horror movie or Nosferatu."

" _You mean the guy from the Spongebob episode?"_

"And now the Ice Dancers are here."

" _Oh crap, gotta sign off for now."_

Sure enough, Josee pulled out the tip and was almost instantly horrified by what she had been reading "I-I have to swim in… tunnels and… caves?! I'm not a fan of small spaces Jacques and you know that!"

Jacques thought back to the incidents in Australia and in Siberia "Yeah I'm pretty sure that they already know." he stuck the diver's helmet on her and strapped the oxygen tank to it "You can do this right Josee?"

"Absolutely, of course I can. Unless you want to, please for the love of god tell me that you want to!"

"No I can't Josee, you know that." this was met with a scream of frustration "Yes that's it, that's the way Josee. Use your anger and turn it into strength."

"Yes, yes that's perfect. All I have to do is channel my anger and use it to sabotage the rest of the teams!"

"Oh for god's sake enough with the sabotage, a penalty nearly got us sent home in India and yesterday in Argentina!"

"But it didn't did it? You know something Jacques you're way too soft, my mother was right when she said that you didn't have the heart of a lion like I do-"

"THAT IS IT!" Jacques finally lost his temper, taking Josee by surprise, as well as Carrie and even earning raised eyebrows from the Goths "I have had it!"

"What's up your butt?"

"You that's what! I've had to spend years watching you become some horrible monster and I was helpless to do anything to stop it!"

"Well it's not like you tried to stop me from reaching the gold that I'm entitled to!"

"Because it was your mother's dying wish! I promised her on her deathbed that I would look after you and I've gone through hell trying to keep that promise, but I never would've even tried if it meant that I had to see my best friend for my entire life since I was four become such a horrible monster! I've sacrificed everything up to this point to see that you're happy but the you that I grew up with is clearly gone forever so you know what, maybe I should give up even trying."

"What are you saying Jacques?"

"I'm saying that I'm done with the race and I'm done with ice dancing, I don't even want to go pro with you anymore."

"What?!"

"There are things that I want to do with my life that don't involve trying to crush anything and everything that stands in my path like I'm a villain from anime!"

"And you're telling me this now?"

"Well now I'm done with it! So you know what, I don't care anymore! Do whatever you want, cheat your way to the top, hurt anyone that you like but it doesn't matter to me anymore because I give up on you. So just go!" and he shoved her into the water, receiving wide eyed stares from the Bromigos and Carrie, as well as raised eyebrows from Loki and Crimson "Oh come on, she would've done the same." this was followed by Josee screaming into his mic at the top of her lungs, causing everyone to cringe.

"Well we know her mic works." Crimson noted, with Loki nodding in agreement just as Geoff and DJ showed up on the scene.

"Oh trust me, that's nothing compared to what she's capable of when she's really mad. I know from experience."

"Yeah about that, are you sure that that was the right choice?" asked Carrie.

"Well it was the choice that I made.

"I guess but…"

" _Hey Carrie what was that?"_

"That was just Josee freaking out, I'm kind of worried about Jacques though."

" _I'll see if I can talk to him later, but for now we've gotta focus on the challenge."_

"Alright I guess so."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Three out of the four teams have made it into the water but only two of those three teams have made it into the tunnels."_

Josee sank down until she was in front of the entrance to the tunnel and was met with dead silence from her com "Oh yeah no need to offer unwanted emotional support or anything, just let me whimper in peace like I'm all alone in the world!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"MOMMA!" DJ leapt into the tunnel with his diver's helmet and a single tank of oxygen backing him up in a certain sense.

Jacques on the other hand was just sitting in a rather bizarre way, as in he was sitting in a lounge chair reading a book and eating a sandwich (and for How I Met Your Mother fans, I mean an actual sandwich) without a care in the world "You know I wonder what would happen in someone wrote a sequel to the Great Gatsby."

" _Shut the hell up you worthless sack of meat, I don't take orders from traitors who would dare to abandon me! Oh god I can't breathe! Oh god my oxygen tank is down to 60%!"_ and cue the blood curdling scream.

"Oh crud."

"I feel your pain." Geoff muttered.

"Oh trust me you have no idea. How is DJ doing?"

"He's in third place right now, he just made it into the tunnels."

"Oh, good for him."

" _HELL NO!"_ and cue the blood curdling scream from Josee " _There is absolutely no way I'm letting that happen!"_ and insert the terrified whimper from her trying to force herself to get into the tunnels.

"Yeah this is gonna be fun." Jacques took another bite of his sandwich.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _The botchers from all four teams, some of them moving a little bit slower than the rest of the lot of them."_

Josee was slowly inching her way through the tunnels, trying and failing to stop her clearly bad claustrophobia from getting to her "I can't do it… I can't…" she saw a fish in front of her and pretty much exploded "WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?!" and that scared it off which allowed her to give herself a pep talk "No wake up Josee, you have to get a grip. Don't forget what mama said, you're a winner and winners never lose and they definitely never quit over something like this! Are you a quitter? You're PATHETIC! If mama could see you now then she would be rolling over in her grave! DO YOU HEAR ME?!"

" _Oh we're hearing it we just don't want to."_ Geoff's voice sounded through the com link " _Hey can someone disconnect her mic or at least mute it so we don't have to hear this? No I'm totally serious, I think one of my eardrums started bleeding."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Carrie glanced over at Jacques "This is getting kind of out of hand, don't you think you should try to calm her down a little bit?"

"What are you kidding?" Jacques let out a scoff "I've taken this kind of cram from that she beast for fourteen years, as far as I'm concerned it's about time she got a taste of her own medicine. I dare Mary Poppins to try and give her as many spoonfuls of sugar as she needs to get that stuff down."

"...Was that reference really necessary?"

"Not in the least."

"Just checking."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point Devin had reached the innermost part of the cavern "Alright Carrie I'm inside the main part of the cavern and I think I see something gold- Yeah there they are, I found the sunken treasure!"

" _Alright way to go Devin, now meet me back up here so we can get to the Chill Zone! But be careful okay?"_

"Come on Carrie when have you ever known me not to be careful?" and then he got started by an angel fish which swallowed his flashlight, which led to him getting dragged around "Hey un swallow my flashlight and give it back, I've got a beautiful girlfriend and a million bucks waiting for me up top!" and yet despite that awkward revelation he still got dragged away by the angel fish.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _With Devin stuck between a rock and a glowing fish, the Best Friends are quickly falling out of first place."_

DJ on the other hand had just made his way into the cavern "Alright so far so good, come on man you've got this."

" _Hey DJ how are you holding up?"_

"I already made it to the cavern dude, now I just gotta find the treasure." he looked around until he saw the chest and grabbed a sack of coins "I've got them!"

" _Way to go dude, now we're totally in second place! Hey do you see Devin down there anywhere? I think Carrie's about to freak out."_

"Hang on a second, I'm gonna look around for the guy a little bit before I come back up to meet you." DJ looked around through a few caves until he noticed something "Okay I've got some good news and I've got some bad news. The good news is I found Devin."

" _What's the bad news?"_

"He's wedged in there pretty tight. Hold on a minute, I'm gonna give him a hand."

Devin glanced back as far as he could, which wasn't really very much "DJ what the heck are you doing here?"

"I'm gonna help you get out of here."

"Dude you really don't have to-"

"Devin if you stay down here for too long then you could die, and then how could I explain something like that to Adam after he trusted me enough to tell me his darkest secret." so without any more arguments DJ got to work, and with a few great tugs he managed to get Devin out of the hole that he had been stuck in.

"Thanks man, I really do owe you one."

"No problem now come on, let's go see who can win this race." and so the two of them quickly swam off.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Now that Devin is out of his tight squeeze between a rock and, well, a rock, he and DJ are able to rise up to the occasion."_

"Alright first one back bro, you rule!" Geoff hopped onto the jetski and he and DJ made a mad dash for the Chill Zone.

"Don't ever scare me like that again!" Carrie pulled Devin into an angry yet heated kiss, earning a thumbs up from Loki for some reason, and then pulled him onto their jet ski as she took the controls and they took off.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

At the same time, Josee finally made her way into the cavern "Okay you did it Josee, now you're in the cavern. Now to find the- Okay there it is." she snatched up a bag of sunken treasure from within the chest "And just like that Josee takes her entitled gold, no thanks to a certain traitor whose name shall not be mentioned. As if there was ever any doubt." and then shit hit the fan when she noticed something very bad "My oxygen is down to 2%! No… air! No Josee you've gotta get a grip, no one's coming to help you so you've gotta find a way to save yourself. You've gotta… look for an air pocket! Yes I see it!" she swam up as fast as she could and entered the air pocket "Okay I'm in so… what the hell do I do now? Hello? Anybody? Oh crap."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don was quick to address the Bromigos along with the Best Friends when they arrived at the first midpoint Chill Zone "Geoff and DJ congratulations you're in first place, Carrie and Devin you two are in second place so well done to all of you." he dodged a hug attempt by Geoff "Hey I'm all for you guys but as the host I have to remain impartial, anyway here are your next tips." he handed them their next tips.

DJ took the chance to read it out loud while Geoff took a chance to recover "Now we've gotta take the water taxis to the airport and fly to New York City! Come on you guys let's get moving, we've got a race to win!" and so the four of them took off in the direction of the water taxis, only one thing on their minds.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _With two of our teams already on their way to the airport, the other two are still anxious to get to the Chill Zone."_

Crimson glanced over at Jacques "You can get divers to get her out but if you do then you'll get cut from the race."

"Fine by me." Jacques just turned the page in his book.

"Ennui where are you right now?"

"Right here." Ennui suddenly popped up with a sack of doubloons and shot a quick glance over towards Jacques "Don't forget what Devin said, you don't give up on people."

"And why should I bother?" asked Jacques.

"Because if she dies down there and comes back from hell to haunt you then you'll have to spend the rest of your life knowing that it was your fault. Could you really be able to confront her mother knowing that?" and so the two of them took off.

"...I can't believe that I'm doing this." so Jacques put down his sandwich and his book and picked up his mic "Josee listen to me very carefully."

" _You can't tell me what to do you traitor, you yourself said that I'm on my own now! Those were your exact words!"_

"Just listen to me! Look the tip said that we can send in a diver to help you get out but if we do then we'll get cut from the race."

" _Oh you just love to quit don't you?"_

"You can think whatever you want and curse me out to your heart's content but your life is more important to me than this race."

" _Oh great."_ the sarcasm in her tone melted away with what she said next " _Did you really make that promise to my mother?"_

"Yes, look I think it goes without saying that your mother and I hated each other but the woman told me with her dying breath to take care of you. It was fine until what happened last year at the Olympics, which was honestly my fault to begin with. I think that was when I really started to lose any sense of the real you in there, so I signed us up for this race in some hope of getting you back. But now I'm rambling, the point that I'm trying to make is here is… It doesn't matter what you think of me, your life is more important to me than this race.

" _...Just send the stupid diver in before the lack of air ends up getting to me and I realize just what the hell I'm doing. You've got about 3 minutes before that happens… mon ami."_

"That's all that I needed to hear."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Now that one team is out of the picture it would seem that everything is set for the end of this part of our grand finale."_

Don was quick to address the Goths once they arrived at the mid point Chill Zone "Goths well done, you're in third place and here's your next tip. And I think it goes without saying but this means that the Ice Dancers are cut from the competition. Man I wish I could've said that way sooner."

"At least give Jacques credit where it's due." Ennui told him.

"Oh believe me I will, and if it's any consolation to them I think he did the right thing. Good people can just make some pretty poor choices in life."

"Yeah." and then the three of them rushed off for the water taxis.

Don took the chance to sign off of the episode "Now the Ice Dancers are out and I bet a lot of you are jumping for joy, but don't forget that they left of their own free will instead of just losing out. Anyway three teams remain, and now the Best Friends, the Goths and the Bromigos are heading to the final location of the season. But the question still remains, which of those three teams will win it all? There's only one way to find out and that is for you to tune in next time and watch the final installment of the greatest adventure on television since the host of Total Drama got arrested, which you know as… the Ridonculous Race!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jacques let out a sigh as he watched a diver pull Josee back up to the surface "I wish that I could leave with my head held high and say that I'm proud of the things that we did but, as ashamed as I am, I do not have such a right."

"We took fourth place, of all the humiliations we didn't even make the podium." Josee got onto the back of their jet ski "And combine that with the way that we behave, maybe we didn't deserve to be champions."

"But maybe we can learn from this, maybe we can try to be better people."

"And by we you mean me right?"

"...I can neither confirm nor deny."

"That's what I thought." and then they rode their jet ski off into the sunset to see what future awaited them…

 **A/N:**

 **Happy New Year people, first chapter of 2019! I finished all of my other stuff for the end of 2018 so fast that I had time to finish this early, along with the finale and an epilogue, which will wrap up the Ridonculous Race portion of this story.**

 **So yeah, Jacques had enough and pulled himself and Josee out of the race, leaving them to rank fourth. I figured that wraps up his character arc nicely. Now the Best Friends, the Goths and the Bromigos are all in the final three.**

 **I always was curious about the diver option that they constantly mention but I never was able to find a fic that used it.**

 **Let's be real for a minute, the Ice Dancers should've been eliminated here instead of in New York. They did not deserve to go to the finale after what they did to the Police Cadets.**

 **Rankings:**

 **Bromigos: 1st**

 **Best Friends: 2nd**

 **Goths: 3rd**

 **Elimination:**

 **Ice Dancers: 4th**

 **Artists: 5th**

 **Fashion Bloggers: 6th**

 **Reality TV Pros: 7th**

 **Sisters: 8th**

 **Rockers: 9th**

 **Father & Son: 10th**

 **Stepbrothers: 11th**

 **Adversity Twins: 12th**

 **Mother & Daughter: 13th**

 **Ultimate Duo: 14th**

 **Vegans: 15th**

 **Geniuses: 16th**

 **Tennis Rivals: 17th**

 **LARPers: 18th**


	27. A Million Ways to Lose a Million Dollars

" _Last time on the first part of the grand finale of the Ridonculous Race: Our four remaining team found maps and then searched for underwater treasure, a challenge that Josee found pretty much impossible to finish. It came off as another photo finish at the carpet in a close race for first place but in the end the Bromigos pulled ahead of the Best Friends my a narrow margin for the win, but due to certain issues with equipment and team drama the Ice Dancers had to be disqualified from the race, which stopped them even reaching their precious podium. And there was no rest for the weary either as our final three teams raced right on. The big question still remains, who has what it takes to win the grand prize of one million dollars? The only way to find out is to watch right here and right now on the explosive grand finale of… the Ridonculous Race!"_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _We last left you our loyal viewers in the Bahamas, or Nassau to be more specific. The Ice Dancers have been eliminated, god I just love saying that, and our final three teams have received their final travel tips and taken water taxis and now they're all on board the same plane for one final flight to our final destination. That location is New York City, the playground of nature for capitalists wolves and jazz handed stars on Broadway alike, and it happens to be home to 8.4 million people and twice as many rats living in the sewers who happen to be smarter than about 85% of those people. When our three teams land at the famous JFK airport they'll have to find the provided Don Box and collect their next tip. But in the meantime the final three teams have boarded the same plane for one final flight and at this point it really is anyone's game."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Geoff gave a huge grin "Could we win this race and that sweet mula? At this point I don't see why not."

DJ nodded "Yeah we've definitely got luck on our side, we were luck to get this far as it is up until now but to make it to the finale?"

"Now that's just awesome!" they high fived.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Man I can't believe we made it all the way to the finale!" Carrie cheered.

Devin let out a chuckle "How could we not? We've got an awesome team, part of which happens to be you."

"Aw aren't you sweet. But seriously though, it was hard but it really paid off and now we wanna go all the way to the top."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Ennui, Crimson and Loki didn't seem as enthusiastic, which at this point really wasn't that much of a surprise anymore "We made it to the finale. I'm so excited I think I might even end up peeing myself."

"You just did." Crimson pointed out.

"Oh. Gross." this was met with a chitter from Loki.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Our three teams have at last arrived and now it's a race to take the first tip and an early lead by extension."_

"Got it!" DJ was the first one to manage to grab a tip "It's an All In challenge and it's called Who's Ready to Face the Traffic?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _For this All In challenger our three teams must take one of the ridonculous taxi cabs that we've provided and then drive themselves all the way to to the most famous building in the entirety of New York City, the Empire State Building. Once the teams arrive the three teams will have to climb a measly 86 flights of stairs, which is only about 60% of the stairs that they had to climb in the CN tower from the first part of the race, in order to reach a certain observation deck and then collect their next tip attach to three suitcases that we've provided, which will bring them one step closer to the final Chill Zone and the million dollar prize. Oh and as a fun fact meant to scare the crap out of them, the last team to arrive is pretty much doomed so now all I can do is wish the teams luck."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Taxis! Go go go go go go!" so with that in mind, the three teams all made a beeline for the taxis at full speed.

Geoff and DJ were quick to take an early lead "Oh man this is so totally wicked, the Umpire State Building is where that huge gorilla went nuts and abducted that insanely hot old chick back in like the 30's right?"

"Oh boy." DJ let out a sigh "You know I'm starting to realize why you flunked history like three times."

"Hey man history is super important because without it we would be like "Have we met?" and all that junk forever."

"...Your logic and mindset continues to astound me."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Crimson, Loki and Ennui were driving their way through the streets of New York City, the former reading the map for the directions "Take the next right from here."

"On it." and so Ennui turned their taxi into that road.

"Nice driving."

"I learn from the master."

"You're damn right you do." this was all said with totally emotionless faces like they've always had throughout the entire, and it was followed by another taxi passing them "It's the Best Friends."

"Let's pick up the pace." and so they sped up.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" **Shot through the heart, and you're to blame! Darling you give love a bad name!"** yeah by this point Geoff and DJ were both karaoking to You Give Love A Bad Name by Bon Jovi. No it wasn't because they were sure of themselves, the former is just an idiot and who doesn't love music by Bon Jovi "We're halfway there bro, we've just gotta keep on going straight and then we're-" and then they hit a patch of oil in the road sending them spinning around in a crazy frenzy, which allowed the Best Friends to pass them.

" _So that's happening, Carrie and Devin have take the lead and now the Bromigos are about to take out a good majority of 81st and 3rd."_

And then the taxi crashed into a light post, and Geoff pulled himself out of it and towards a nearby trash can and then proceeded to puke his guts out "Oh god, when the heck did I have any sushi? No wait I think that's the sheep head and eyeballs from Iceland. Hey DJ how are you holding up?"

"I'm alright." DJ spat out a piece of his air bag "The taxi on the other hand is toast, what are we gonna do now?"

"Well there's a subway entrance over there."

"Dude the subway is always a nightmare and unless we wanna see Maury Povich everywhere we turn like in How I Met Your Mother-"

"You guys look like some idiots who could use a lift." a new voice got their attention.

The two of them whipped around and then they nearly freaked "What the- Duncan?"

Sure enough, standing before them was Total Drama's favorite juvenile delinquent Duncan in all of his glory, along with a large grey car "Sup guys, been awhile."

"What the heck are you doing man?"

"What do you think, I'm driving an Uber. You think renting an apartment in New York City is cheap? I figured that I might as well pick up a few fares from whatever suckers need a ride and can pay for it."

"Okay… But listen man we don't have a lot of time to talk, we're kind of in a race and our cab just got totalled."

"Why do you think I stopped for you two schmucks when I saw you crash? As long as you can pay me for it I'll give you guys a lift to wherever you've gotta go."

"...Well in that case." they bolted into the car "Book it dude, to the Empire State Building and at full speed!"

"Remember that I do this for money friends or not!" and so the three of them took off for the Empire State Building in Duncan's Uber.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Ennui, Crimson and Loki were driving towards the Empire State Building when the former suddenly slammed on the brakes, his look one of pure horror "Oh no."

"What is it?" asked Crimson.

"The one thing that even we fear aside from cute and fluffy animals. Crimson… we're in… a New York City Traffic Jam."

"Oh the horror."

"Oh the humanity."

Loki looked between them, his thoughts speaking for all of the viewers of the race ' _What the f*ck?'_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Devin and Carrie found themselves stuck in a similar predicament, just further back in the same jam, much to their dismay "Well this just plain sucks, now what are we supposed to do?"

"Let's just try to think of this from a more positive perspective." Carrie told him "At least if we're stuck in a traffic jam like this then the other teams have to be too right?"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

At the same time, Geoff and DJ were still riding with Duncan towards the Empire State Building in his Uber "You know this is a lot cleaner than I expected, now I'm starting to think we won't even get mugged."

"I try not to let my car be like every single subway in this city." Duncan told them flatly "Just be ready to jump out like a couple of brain dead cannonballs guys, the Empire State Building is gonna be up in a few minutes."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By now Devin was really beginning to lose his patience "Okay now this is getting to the point where it's just totally ridiculous!"

"Hang on a second, let me try something." Carrie poked her head out the window of their taxi and started making sounds like a police siren, which cleared the way in the street so that they could move forward.

"Where the heck did you learn to do that?"

"I've actually been practicing since that talent show in 10th grade just in case we'd need my impressions, I guess rehearsing it to clips of Joey from Full House has finally paid off! That's just one of the things I did during this race that I'd never thought I'd be able to do."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Elsewhere, with our trio of morons…

Duncan pulled up next to the Empire State Building and pulled over to let Geoff and DJ out of the car "Alright guys here it is, Empire State Building. So are you guys gonna go ahead and pay up or do I have to be your chauffeur again later?"

"Yeah you might wanna wait out here bro, and take my advice and watch out for falling gorilla poop." and then Geoff rushed inside, with DJ following right behind him without being able to utter a single word.

"...My mind is just totally blown at his mindset."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _The Bromigos Geoff and DJ are the first to arrive at the Empire State Building and begin the climb up the 86 flights of stairs, but they may not have the place to themselves or their lead for very long since the other teams are getting sick of the traffic jams."_

Ennui glanced back when they heard the sounds of sirens in the distance "Did someone get into a fist fight over a hot dog again?"

"Nope, it's just Carrie and Devin." Crimson pointed to Carrie and Devin as they rolled right past them "We'd better follow them, that will probably be the fastest way out of this jam and to the Empire State Building."

"Right." and so the two of them, along with Loki, took off after the Best Friends through the traffic, and the race to the Empire State Building continued on like it had before, as if nothing had happened.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

By this point, Geoff and DJ had finished the long climb up the stairs and reached the observation deck "Oh thank god we finally made it."

"And there's three briefcases, we've gotta be the first team here!" DJ picked up the tip off of the first suitcase "Okay now we've gotta take this briefcase and the tip, all of that is spelled in all caps, to the midpoint Chill Zone in Central Park!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Yeah that's right, you heard the first half of the idiot duo! Our three teams will have to race all the way to the midpoint Chill Zone in Central Park and then hand me their tips in order to continue on to the next challenges with their suitcases in hand as well. But they had better hurry because if they're the last team to arrive then that means that they're done, they'll be cut from the race. Man whoever that happens to is going to lose it, we're gonna need some extra cameras in order to catch that epic footage."_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Alright man, Central Park here we come!" Geoff and DJ took off down the stairs from the observation deck, their eyes and hearts filled with determination to win the race and the million dollar prize.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Devin and Carrie pulled up in their taxi outside of the Empire State Building "I don't see any other taxis here, that means that we've gotta be in first place!" and so they bolted into the building.

"Hey guys how's it going? Can't talk, we've got a race to win!" Geoff and DJ suddenly bolted past them in the opposite direction.

"...No time to process their gigantic lead, let's just hurry up the stairs before the Goths show up and we fall into last place!" and so despite that surprise, Devin and Carrie continued onwards as they began their climb up the 86 flights of stairs.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Come on Duncan we can't afford to waste anytime, to Central Park and step on it like your life depends on it!" Geoff and DJ literally jumped into the Uber.

"You realize that you both still have to pay me after this is over right?" and yet Duncan took off regardless.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Ennui, Loki and Crimson rushed into the Empire State Building and began the climb up the stairs themselves "Geoff and DJ are pretty far ahead of us, it'll be hard to catch up to them if we manage to beat Carrie and Devin to the Chill Zone."

"You say that like you're not sure we can win." Crimson pointed out.

"Do we need to? We have Loki, we have each other, we outlasted the Ice Dancers and we found more survivors like us. What else do we need from this race?"

"Fair point, but do you want to go down without a fight?"

"Of course not, we'll be sure to give Carrie and Devin a workout and make sure that they really earn that million.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Devin quickly picked up the suitcase and the tip "Midpoint Chill Zone in Central Park, come on let's move it before the Goths get here!" and so he and Carrie took off back down the stairs just as the Goths showed up.

Ennui picked up the suitcase and the tip "Last team to arrive is cut from the race. They'll definitely need that workout."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"I'm not kidding about getting paid for that you guys!" Duncan pulled up to the road near Central Park.

"No worries dude, we can see Don from here. We'll pay you back later." and so Geoff and DJ made a beeline for the midpoint Chill Zone.

Don was quick to take their tip and confirm their placement "Geoff and DJ well done, the two of you are the first team to arrive at the midpoint!"

"DUDE!" Geoff pulled him into a tight bone crushing hug.

"Too tight… can't breathe…"

"Oh sorry man." he let go "So what do we do now?"

"Well now that you're in the true final leg of the race you have to take your suitcase with you for this challenge. That final Don Box over there will give you the tip with the instructions that you need for it. That's all I can tell you both now, all I can do is wish you the best of luck. And maybe pay your uber buddy."

"Thanks man, come on DJ let's go!" and so Geoff rushed over to the Don Box and pulled out the tip to their final challenge "It's another All In challenge called Buoys Will Be Buoys, and god it's painful how true that is."

"So what do we have to do?" asked DJ.

"We've got head over to some boat house and rent one of the boats and then use it to search among the buoys in the middle of the pond for the one with the correct combination that will unlock our briefcase." the two of them took off running in the opposite direction of Don and the Chill Zone.

"So there's some kind of boat house, first we've gotta find some kind of map that can point us in the right direction."

"You really think they'd put a map up in a place like this?"

"Absolutely, they always put maps up in huge cities like this. It's just one of the facts of life that my momma taught me."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don watched as two different taxis pulled up simultaneously in front of Central Park "The Best Friends and the Goths "Looks like we've got another close one coming, who is going to move on and face the Bromigos in the final two? It's coming down to the last second and it looks like it's going to be…"

"FOR TRUE LOVE!" Devin dove onto the Carpet of Completion, with Carrie following less than a second afterwards.

"And the Best Friends take second place, which means that they'll be moving onto the finale with the Bromigos!" then he addressed the Goths as they ran up to the Chill Zone "Well well well… Crimson, Ennui and yes even you Loki, you're the last to arrive. I thought I would be saying this on day one though to be honest you guys kind of started to grow on me after Mexico, but here it is. You've been cut from the competition. Do you have anything left to say before you depart?"

Ennui and Crimson shared a look and turned back to Don "We just want to thank you for the opportunity to take part in this race, it was… enjoyable for the most part. And we would like to thank the rest of our fellow competitors, and know that we will be rooting for Carrie and Devin, our fellow survivors, to win this race. They deserve it more than anyone."

"Huh. Well that was actually pretty moving, so uh…"

"Departure monologue, we know." Crimson looked up at the grey and cloudy sky "You know I'm glad we at least got the chance to go to Transylvania."

Ennui nodded "And Finland and Iceland, those were pretty epic. So what do we do from here on out?"

"We could always go back to Vegas I guess, if we need the money."

"At least we got to see the Ice Dancers lose."

"Now if only we get to see Carrie and Devin win, goths or no goths survivors have to stick together."

"Agreed." and then they disappeared down the path.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Now the Goths are out of the picture and the Best Friends are about to move onto the next challenge. But the Bromigos already have such a substantial lead over them, will they be able to catch up in time?"_

Devin and Carrie were actually sitting on a park bench "So this is it, we're really in the final two now."

Carrie nodded "Yeah I know, I just feel bad for the Goths though. They raced so hard and they're such a good team, not to mention they did help us out a couple of times."

"And that right there is why we're going to win this for them, and for Adam and the Fashion Bloggers and pretty much everyone else we already said before."

"...Come on then, we've got a race to win."

"I love it when you get that fire in your eyes, now let's get going."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Geoff and DJ were looking over a map located in Central Park "Okay so we know where the boat house is and we're just waiting to give Carrie and Devin a fair chance to catch up. That sound about right?"

DJ nodded "That's right, and I think I can see them coming right about now so we'd better get moving."

"Right! Bromigos for the win!" and so the two of them charged onwards towards the boat house, with Carrie and Devin not far behind them.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _The Bromigos and the Best Friends are now neck and neck as they finally hit the water and start the search for their respective buoys that feature the combinations to their own specific suitcases. Inside of those suitcases awaits their final golden colored tips containing a map with directions to the final Chill Zone of the race, where I myself and the other 16 teams who were previously eliminated are waiting in anticipation. Whoever gets here first will be the winner of our grand prize: One! Million! DOLLARS!"_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Rock was trying not to lose his shit "Oh man dude this is so heavy it's insane, one of the teams is about to win it all!"

"Woah… this is the finale?" Spud lit up like a Christmas tree "We're in the finale?!" and he started rifting for the wrong reason while hugging Rock to the point where he was unintentionally crushing him.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"The Best Friends and the Bromigos?" Pete let out a scoff, his tone laced with sarcasm "Oh wow what a miracle, what an exciting finale. Yeah right, that'll just put me to sleep."

"So what's the deal with the guy in the cowboy hat, he's a surfer right?" asked Gerry "What kind is he again, the outdoorsy kind or the computer kind?"

"What does it matter, they both suck!" and the two old schmucks burst out laughing.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Gwen leaned back and gave a simple shrug "I'm cool with either team winning, I'm just happy the Ice Dancers are finally out of the race."

Kevin nodded "Tell me about it, bitch had to go down. If only she could've gone down at the hands of a certified psychopath."

"...I'm tempted to high five that but my conscience is telling me not to. With you it could be either really cool or really stupid."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Kelly shot a glance over at Taylor "Oh sweetie are you sad that we weren't able to make it to the finale?"

"What are you kidding?" Taylor let out a scoff "Not a chance in hell, I'm just glad that we got out before we had to do anything super disgusting like eat worms or crap. Oh even worse than that, if we had to share a sauna, that's just wrong."

"Oh that's my girl."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Josee let out a scoff "This finale is just absolutely terrible! Where's the talent? Where's the passion? I'm giving both of these teams a 0 and they know damn well why."

"Ahem." Jacques shot a glare at her.

"Alright fine. I'll give the Bromigos a 4 and the Best Friends a 6 but that's as high as I'm willing to go."

"Well I give the Bromigos a 7 and the Best Friends a 9, and they all know why."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Carrie and Devin continued rowing their way across the lake in search of their designated team buoy, only for them to hear a crunching noise "Hey Devin do you hear something? It sounds like some kind of biting noise."

"Yeah it sounds like Adam on taco night-" Devin let out a yelp of pain when a snapping turtle bit down on his arm "Huh." but he just threw it off "Well I guess it's called Turtle Pond for a reason right?"

"How are you not hurt by that?" Carrie was gawking at him.

"Oh did I forget to mention?" he pulled out something from his sleeves "Metal shin guards that I got from Adam before we left."

"Huh. Nice."

"I know right? Hey I see the buoy over there."

"You see any numbers on it?"

"Hold on let me check." he checked it out "No I don't see any, does that mean that we picked the wrong one or what?"

"I don't know."

"Here's one!" Geoff on the other hand picked up a buou clear out of the water, revealing a snapping turtle hiding on the bottom as well as the combination "3, 4, 1! Give that one a shot dude!"

DJ checked it out, only to end up coming up short "Nope."

"Dammit, well let's check out the next buoy."

"Alright we've gotta check the bottoms of the buoys for the combinations. Let's do this and let's make sure that we get this right." Devin told her.

"Right, got it." and so Carrie picked up a buoy and tried the combination "Nope it's not this one."

"Dammit, well let's keep on looking."

" _The search for the combination to gain access to the final travel tip of the entire race is finally on and with it the gloves come off, at this point it's still anyone's game. That is, until this happens…"_

"1, 1, 7!" Carrie tried out this combination in their suitcase and it snapped open, revealing a golden colored tip inside "Yes it finally worked, hello map to the Chill Zone and hello million dollar prize!"

"Yes!" and then Devin accidentally dropped the buoy he was holding through their boat, causing it to start sinking "Uh… please don't say anything about this."

"No time for that it goes without saying, we've just gotta paddle our way to shore before this thing sinks!" and so the two of them started paddling towards the shore.

Geoff was visibly distressed by this turn of events "Oh man that's it, it's game over! We're so screwed!"

"Hey come on dude, I don't need you quitting on me now." DJ told him "We've still got a shot at catching up, just see for yourself." he picked up a buoy and put in the combination "4, 0, 9. Yes we've got it, now let's get going! Like my momma always said, it ain't over until it's over! Now come on and paddle dude, paddle like the wind!"

"You got it dude, it ain't over till the fat lady sings!" they started paddling towards the shore like the wind.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

" _Despite having a sinking boat the Best Friends Devin and Carrie are able to make it to shore a full minute ahead of Geoff and DJ, but our resident Bromigos clearly have no intention of giving up without a fight."_

"Come on come on, we've gotta move!" Devin and Carrie were running down the path at full speed towards the Chill Zone, and they glanced back to see how far away their opponents were at the moment.

As it turns out, Geoff and DJ weren't very far behind "I can see Devin and Carrie from here, we can do this!"

"Yeah but I can see the Chill Zone too." DJ pointed out "If we're gonna do this then we've gotta pick up the pace."

"I feel you man, we've gotta crank up the turbo boost!"

"...You mean go faster right and not that you're about to fart?"

"No I totally mean we've gotta go faster."

"Okay good because the last thing we need right now is a repeat of burrito night."

"Is your mom still mad about that?"

"I'm not allowed to use your name in the house anymore after that."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Don was still waiting at the location of the final Chill Zone with all of the 16 teams that been previously eliminated "It's the last dash to the final Chill Zone, after racing through 21 different countries and multiple different challenges, it all comes down to this. Devin and Carrie the more than Best Friends, or Geoff and DJ the greatest bromance in reality TV history. Which of these two teams will come out on top and win our grand prize of one million dollars?"

Devin & Carrie and Geoff & DJ were now running towards the Chill Zone neck and neck, now running on fumes with almost all of the teams watching in nail biting anticipation as the two teams closed in on the Carpet of Completion, with one team making it just a few seconds before the other one did.

"And the Best Friends win it, all one million dollars!"

"YES YES YES YES! WE DID IT!" Devin spun Carrie around in a tight huh and pulled her into a heated kiss.

DJ on the other hand just pulled Geoff into a bro hug "I love you man."

"I love you too dude."

"And with that it looks like everyone is happy regardless of the outcome of the race." Don noted.

"We're not, or at least I'm not!" Josee pointed out.

"For the last time, I don't care! No one cares!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

DJ let out a sigh "You know 18 teams started this race and we made it all the way to the final two so that's pretty good right?"

Geoff nodded "Yeah plus we got to face some major adversity and we fought our way through it and we learned a lot."

"Adversity?"

"I know terms. Anyway I learned that sometimes when life throws you a bone and rips it away from you that just means that there's something just as good waiting for you down the road, like my new girlfriend Jen."

"Yeah I'm glad you could finally move on, it's been what two years since you and Bridgette broke up?"

"Yep and you saw my hard drive."

"Oh yeah I did, and I thought John from the Ted movies had it bad."

"Plus I learned that you can be pretty forgiving of me being an idiot and that your pain threshold is way higher than I first figured."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"You know to be honest, I'm a little bit surprised that we actually won the race all things considered." Carrie commented.

Devin blinked "Why would you be surprised by that? You and I make one hell of a great team with out without this completely insane race. Everyone else became partners for this race but we're already an amazing team. Besides winning the money is awesome and we both had a ton of fun along the way. Dodging geysers, doing a magic show on a real Las Vegas style stage, seeing all kinds of amazing things."

"Yeah that's true, but we both won something even more important than all of that. Our undying love for each other."

"That's also true, but still we both had a blast."

"Yeah we did, and now all that's left is to see where the future takes us. I know Adam is gonna be thrilled."

"Oh yeah I've already got an idea of what he's gonna do."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Having lined up all 18 teams for one final group shot as he signed off of the final episode of the race, Don watched as Carrie and Devin started throwing all of their money on the ground, his tone incredibly dry "Yes throw all of your money on the ground, very smart. Anyway that's all for now ladies and gentlemen, we hope all of you enjoyed our incredible 26 part race around the world. Be sure to keep an eye out for more of… the Ridonculous Race!"

 **A/N:**

 **And with this, the race comes to an end. I knew from the beginning that I was going to have the Best Friends win this race since they were always one of my two favorite teams, the other being the Surfers, which is the main reason why I let Geoff get to the finals along with DJ. Besides I figured that both of them deserved to at least get to the finals at least once right?**

 **I mentioned in the prologue to this story that Duncan and Courtney had moved to New York so I figured why not give at least Duncan in order to bring back the ultimate Killer Bass trio (Duncan, DJ and Geoff). I actually got the idea to give Duncan a cameo from this Total Drama World Tour fic Candy For Your Thoughts and while I was trying to devise how to make him appear without it seeming too forced I was watching an episode of Fuller House from season 3, so I figured why not have Duncan be an Uber driver.**

 **Now then, since this is the end of the race, let me just explain a few things regarding my choices for each team and a few other things:**

 **Cameron and Lightning, the Ultimate Duo: I'm just gonna flat out say what I bet many of you agree on, I absolutely despise the Daters. They're the most annoying team out there and I did NOT want to have to write them out, so I decided to substitute them using Cameron and Lightning. Plus I always hated that there weren't any second generation Total Drama contestants in the race when they had three from the first generation (Owen, Noah and Geoff) and even one from the third generation (Leonard), so I thought it was a missed opportunity.**

 **Gwen and Kevin, the Artists: I'm going to level with all of you, I get that the whole good cop bad cop thing made the Police Cadets insanely popular with the fan base but they just got on my nerves after a while so I decided to cut them out and replace them with my second original team. I didn't want to have to put Gwen into All Stars for the sake of not rehashing all of the Gwen style torture porn from that season, so I decided to put her in here with Kevin, my own OC who I had later claimed to be Bridgette's cousin. That's partly because I thought it would be fun and partly because it was a reference to Ben 10.**

 **Bromigos: Don't get me wrong, I don't have anything against Brody from the Surfers, in fact he and Geoff are one of my two favorite teams as I previously stated earlier. But on the other hand I saw a video made by Noahh on YouTube (Top 10 Missed Opportunities in Total Drama) and #9 on the list was to have Geoff and DJ as a Ridonculous Race team. I thought that was really cool but they missed out on that so I decided to add that in this fic, and besides both of these characters are awesome and they deserve to make it to the finals at least once. I loved the three way bromance between these two and Duncan back in season one, hence why I gave Duncan a couple of quick cameo in this chapter.**

 **Goths: I know a lot of people love the Goths, and after looking back on them, I can understand why. They're a strong team, they have a stable and understanding relationship (which is more than can be said for the likes of Heather & Alejandro), and they're pretty funny. I decided to cut them out early for the sake of giving the Rockers more screen time (or page time) in this fic but I think that's one of the things that seriously hurt this fic. Plus cutting out the plot points of the Goths turned it into a major rehash of a Ridonculous Race fic that I found on Deviantart so I wrote them back in and cut the Rockers out earlier than I wanted to.**

 **Geoff x Jen: After breaking up Geoff and Bridgette for the sake of pairing her with Adam in the Rise of an Underdog I had no idea what I was gonna do with Geoff going forward. But after reading a few various fics about the Ridonculous Race (most notably Ridonculous Race Underdogs by Animation Adventures and The Ridonculous Race: Reimagined by Lord of the Sloths), I figured why not have him paired up with Jen from the Fashion Bloggers. Hell that wasn't even my original intention, I originally planned to pair her up with DJ and have Geoff act as the wingman, but in the end I decided that this was a better pairup.**

 **Adam's character arc: Adam is the main focus of my entire Underdog/ Total Drama series and his character arc during and after the events of the race are featured in my other fic The Cosmic Underdog. I know that putting in as many original/ non race chapters as I did might have put off some people so I decided to cut them out and make a whole new story out of them centered around Adam and Alejandro and others that appear later on like Cody, Bridgette and Mike.**

 **Also, I'd like to give a little bit of a shout out to Nicky Haugh for sticking through me with this entire story despite all of the original content, the mistakes and the constant revisions. Thank you for that, truly.**

 **Winners: Best Friends, 1st**

 **Elimination:**

 **Bromigos: 2nd, runners up**

 **Goths: 3rd**

 **Ice Dancers: 4th**

 **Artists: 5th**

 **Fashion Bloggers: 6th**

 **Reality TV Pros: 7th**

 **Sisters: 8th**

 **Rockers: 9th**

 **Father & Son: 10th**

 **Stepbrothers: 11th**

 **Adversity Twins: 12th**

 **Mother & Daughter: 13th**

 **Ultimate Duo: 14th**

 **Vegans: 15th**

 **Geniuses: 16th**

 **Tennis Rivals: 17th**

 **LARPers: 18th**


End file.
